A/n- There are actually two versions of this, as I didn't like the first one. So hopefully this one is a lot better than the older version. And thanks for the encouraging words during my summer Literature stuff, I swear I'd have gone insane without you all. :)

Disclaimer- Lalala, I just don't feel like putting one. I trust you know this by now.

Rating-PG-13 for language, alcohol and various other things I randomly add.



Seeing Grey - Part XXVIII v2 - Black As The Sun



This is your fault. Remus muttered, hands gripping at his hair in a mad fashion. You... You let her die... You could have done something, taken her to the Ministry...

You really think she'd be happy living registered? She would be placed in a facility, or forced to live in one of those established communities. Death is better than that. Caleb said quietly, kneeling down on the ground and putting a hand on Remus' shoulder. They wouldn't help her anyway. Those Ministry men were dispatched to kill her. Don't even think that they'd help her Remus.

How can you live with this? he snapped, turning around. Caleb looked away from the hateful gaze, eyes shut tight. You let her die.

I saved her Remus, twice. he said. Once from the Ministry. And now I saved her from a fate she doesn't deserve. They don't want us alive, they've been attempting to wipe us out for ages, it's all in Cor's journal. That's why we've been trying to stop you from reading it. No one wants us alive, alright? She'd would have been beaten and smacked around to the point where she wouldn't be able to stand, even if she did live. I am not going to let that happen, and yes, even if it means letting her die. We agreed on it, a long time ago when I first met her in the Canadian Ministry. She let herself die, alright?

Remus took in a few strangled breaths, shaking his head back and forth.

No, that's not true... You're lying! That isn't true-

Caleb barked, grabbing him by his robes and making him look up. The same grey eyes stared back to him, red and dripping, disbelieving.

Wake up kid, this is life for us. You've been huddled up with Dumbledore so long you've forgotten how we live. This, he sid sharply, pointing to where Elise lay silent. This is our life, my life, and your life. When you open your eyes and deal with it, I'll be there to pick you up again. Caleb let go, and Remus fell to the ground, a pathetic little crumple.

After his own eyes had dried up, off in the distance, he could hear faint traces of a scratching quill.



Remus set his shovel down, and wiped his grimy hands clean. Dumbledore had granted him a week of absence, and after a day of confinement, he had finally emerged from the bedroom to find Caleb digging silently. Three hours they spent in quiet, not even gazing at each other while they pursued their solemn task. Now done, they slumped to the ground, filthy as dogs, and just as tired.

You alright? Caleb finally asked, wiping the dirt from his face.

Not really.

At least you're back to yourself. Caleb smiled weakly, and pulled Remus to his feet. Go shower, we're gonna go down to the tavern and get drunk as hell. Keep your hood up and you'll pass for legal. he said simply. Remus questioned nothing, and silently emerged from the bathroom, sodden and dressed properly, a few minutes later. They climbed into the old beaten Muggle pickup truck, and were soon driving along through the drizzling rain.

So what now? Remus finally asked, breaking the constant shriek of the raindrops.

We get drunk.

And after?

Afterwards, we stagger back home, watch TV for a minimum of forty-three minutes, and then fall asleep on the couch.

You have this planned. Remus noted with a small grin.

This is how I live kid. Risking your neck for someone else on a daily basis does a lot to make you a bit odd. To be honest, I'm not doing much good for the people I set free. They end up living on the run or they get caught again later. I'm just there to throw them a second chance. he said quietly, eyes fixed on the foggy road. When I fail, this is what happens. I get drunk, stagger home, fall asleep, and walk around a depressed gob for a few days.

You don't show it. Remus commented, trying to tune something in on the radio.

Doesn't work, don't bother. Caleb said. As for being depressed, hell, I'm always depressed. I have to act responsible and tough for the sake of everyone else. I'm not allowed to care for myself anymore, I gave it up years ago.

That's why you hit me around to stop worrying. Remus realized, biting his lip. You never had the luxury of self-concern.

Bingo. I don't want you ending up like me, you've still got a life left. You're damn lucky to have found friends, it's everything we pray for. he mused thoughtfully. Make sure you hang on to them, no matter what. You loose them, and aye, you'll end up a shabby mess like me.



Seeya kid, and hey, chipper up. God hasn't given up on you yet.

Bye, thanks for everything. Remus waved as he was pulled back to Hogwarts. He materialized in Dumbledore's office, and was shown to a seat.

Everything alright, I hope? You're back quite early. he inquired, offering a lemon drop.

For the most part, I'm alright. I just had to sort some things out.

Dumbledore started, and smiled warmly. He was looking past Remus' shoulder, and out his office window. Remus turned around, and saw the rest of the Marauders trying to pry their way into the room.

I think you'd better go before they break my door down. Dumbledore laughed. Remus nodded his head, and with a sad sigh, went off with the pack.

McGonnagal said you wouldn't be back for three more days, but we saw you on the Map and-

So what happened, I mean, why were-

We thought you got caught or something-

Sirius, Peter, stuff it for a minute. James interrupted, noticing how quiet and unresponsive Remus was being. After a brief reading of his eyes, he nodded his head, and slung an arm around Remus.

Someone died, right? he asked, and shook his head. I know the feeling.

Sirius and Peter went silent, not knowing at all what to do.

Look, I don't mean to sound all shallow or anything, but we've got Quidditch in ten minutes.

Oh bloody hell, not this again. James groaned. I swear to God, if we have to listen to one more of Corey's awful plays I'm going to whack him broadside with your bat Padfoot. He's driving me insane.

Too late.

Go to hell.

Caleb was right, I'm better off here with these morons. Damn it, I hate it when he's right. He's always bloody right.' Remus mused to himself. In the back of his mind, he slowly began the process of pushing Elise away, just as Caleb had done immediately.



Hey, Moony, there's an owl pecking at the window up in the dorm for you. Sirius said, popping his head out the bedroom door. He let the tiny express owl in, and a letter was dropped right on top of Remus' chess game.

Rem,

That guy, Caleb, wrote and said one of your friends died. I'm so sorry I can't be there, dammit, you have no idea. Write back, alright? I don't know what to do...

Romolus


Don't worry, I'm fine now. Life goes on, right? See you around, and don't worry, I'm honestly not that sad about it. Lupin's get over grief quickly you know.

Remus handed the scratch note back to the owl, and it zoomed right back off into the night.

Everything alright?

I guess, my brother was just checking up on me. At least he remembers about me periodically.

Siblings are useless, trust me. Peter grumbled. My sister's twenty-one and a complete pain in the ass.

Peter, your whole family bites.

And mine's a little different than that. My brother's pretty much the closest thing I have to a father...

Hate the break the happy little family, but we have classes tomorrow, and it's O.W.L. practices abound. James pointed out, and soon enough, everyone had disbanded for bed.



Will you just shut the hell up?

Snape rolled his eyes, and went back to preparing the practice O.W.L. potion as told. Bane hadn't been merciful at all upon hearing of what happened over the holidays, and indeed, was beginning to be, if possible, even harder on Remus. And the pairing with Snape had been anything but accidental.

I don't know what your problem is Lupin, I never did anything to you. he mused after a moment. You've been the jerk since we met. I kept your secret, I helped you with that goddamn potion-

You've also purposely spread silver powder on me, and on my books, attempted to blow me up on numerous occasions, and kill me, if you will.

Your point? I didn't start the feud. From day one, you've been the bastard.

I don't likely care. he grumbled, thoroughly wishing he had been with the clumsy Peter instead of going through interrogation.

Well excuse me for attempting to act human, God knows all you Gryff's find it against our nature. Snape said as he dumped the diced roots into the boiling cauldron. Because God just forbid you consider us as persons instead of one collective unit. It's always the Slytherins did this, and the Slytherins are bastards and the Slytherins are a bunch of rotting nutters even though I don't know one of them by name! he humphed, snarling slightly as he continued to rant to himself. I'm flat out sick of Black always referring to us as a whole, and Potter's just as bad! I mean for the love of God, the bloke's in love with a blasted Slytherin, he should have more sense than to piss off her entire House.

You do know I'm not even listening. Remus said dryly a moment after the babble died down.

See what I bloody mean? I'm having a mental breakdown, and I'm telling you of all people, and you won't even bloody listen...

Mr. Snape, could you please keep it down? Bane asked calmly from his station by James and Sirius, determined to keep them from blowing anything up today.

Sorry sir. he grumbled, and tipped another batch of ingredients into the concoction. And sorry for the temporary insanity, he said, addressing Remus. Hectic life lately, what with my father and all... Snape trailed off, and made a solemn face.

At least you weren't shot at. the muttered reply came.

Yes, well try living in a household wherein flying Unforgivable's are a regularity. Snape said bleakly, looking up. I'm surprised I'm still alive after all of it. For a brief second, there was no wall between the rivals, and a flare of understanding passed between them. They would later think, though never admit, that they were equal on some turf.

It erupted a moment later when Peter's potion burst into open flame and it was all-for-one to get out of the dungeon.

Peter, this has to be the best moment of your sad little life. Sirius said with a grin, patting him on the back.

I can't stand Bane. he keeps leaning over my shoulder, making me mess up. I'd be doing decent in that class if he didn't always hover about... Peter grumbled, eyes flared angrily.

Well good job, we're proud of you. James agreed, laughing as Bane started screaming. The flames licked their way out of the dungeon doors, while everyone was told in a screaming tone to get back to their Common Rooms.


God, this is great. No class for the rest of the day due to an unfortunate accident. Sirius grinned after McGonnagal announced to the fifth-years the dungeons were undergoing investigation.

I hope I don't get caught. Peter squeaked, fully done with his vengeful persona.

You will. Sirius assured. Probably have to clean his classroom for the rest of your years here, if he's in a good mood. Which I doubt he is.

Sirius, leave him alone. James snapped a moment later, pitying the fearful boy. I mean honestly, he blows up so many things on accident I doubt they'll ever consider he did this one on purpose.

Remus nodded his head in confirmation, and Peter settled down slightly.

You sure? My father said he's going to kill me if he gets one more notice from the school.

You'll be fine. Remus said shortly. James shook his head, scooting his chair closer.

I know what it's like to loose part of the family, but I don't know what it's like to be you. I'd give you my pity but you don't need it or want it. But seriously, if there's anything I can do-

No... No, I'm fine. Remus said. James raised an eyebrow skeptically, not believing a word of it.

Really, I'll be alright. There isn't anything I could have done about it, and regardless, I can't spend my whole life longing for something I can't have.

Yeah you can. I have. James shrugged. Sometimes I wish I would have been too little to remember them. Better to not know what you lost than be miserable, right?

No, you're wrong. Memories keep them alive.

Alright, too depressing. Sirius snapped, breaking the moment. Let's go bother some Slytherin's.

Can we bother McGonnagal instead? I need some compensation for that hellish O.W.L. practice she dished us last week. James mused.

Alright then. Marauders, we're off!




Gryffindor had better pull something sharp if they want to take this game back! came the blatantly obvious announcement a week later. Gryffindor was far enough behind point wise that even winning the match wouldn't place them in the Finals. James and Sirius' prank spree had deducted so many points from the Gryffindor standings it would be nearly impossible to win the challenge, and now, even Quidditch ws looking grim. It was clear to everyone in the school that Gryffindor was loosing, and would loose both Cups by a large margin. But with the three main Marauders on the team, there was far too much pride and ego to let that happen.

You have to get some plan going, Corey's screwing us over. James hissed, floating nearby as he kept a watchful gaze for the Snitch.

Well, we need another forty points before we can even try to end this game. Otherwise we won't make it to the Finals at all. Remus mused aloud to no one in particular.

James, you work on stopping Lily, she's inflicting the most damage. Take her out, if you have the guts, or just distract her. Should be easy for you. he said after a moment.

What? Does she like me again or- James started hopefully, but was shoved off.



Evans, score a goal God dammit! the silver-haired Slytherin Captain bellowed angrily, flying past in a blur as he went to stalk after James. A while later, a short argument ensued between the Slytherin's, and a deadly play was carried out.

Oh! Potter's going to feel that in the morning! the announcer said, wincing as the Beaters bat collided with his face. Professor Carlison, serving as referee, blew his whistle and looked as though he wanted to whack the Slytherin Beater himself for such an outright display of cheating.

You alright? Sirius asked, repairing James' glasses with his wand.

I got hit in the face with a high-powered bat! Bloody hell I'm not ok! James cursed, cupping his freely bleeding nose in his hand. Dammit, this stings like hell! he shouted.

James, you gotta stay in! Remus called from a while away, waiting for Carlison to stop bellowing like a madman at the guilty Beater. Corey, Kayre, Alex, focus everything you have at stopping their Chasers. Morgan, he snapped, taking complete charge of the team. I need you to weasel one more goal in, I'll take care of their Keeper. James, be ready, the Snitch is going to show up by the far left post about halfway up. Feign to our side, then fly like hell.

No one questioned how he knew where the Snitch would be. No one questioned his plays, or dared to defy his orders.

But no one in the crowd remained silent.

In less than a minute, the entire whole of Hogwarts was in a riot. Remus buzzed out of the scoring area and across the field, nearly dove off his broom, and assisted in a quick goal with help from Sirius Bludger work. With the score far enough in advance, James waited, biting his lip and pinching his nose, until the opposing Seeker was watching him. Diving the wrong way and pulling back, he caught the off-guard Snitch to his own amazement, and was pulled down to the ground by an ecstatic Quidditch team.

WE'RE GOING TO THE FINALS! Kayre shouted, jumping Sirius and smacking him to the ground with the force of her hug. James and Remus sniggered, removing the slightly obsessive girl from atop him only after laughing a few moments.

Lupin, maybe you should be captain! Corey admitted as the crowd poured onto the field, Slytherins sending death-threats, everyone else cheering like mad.



The Gryffindors were an unstoppable force that Friday night, and partied well into the next morning. Even Mcgonnagal dared not try and calm them down. A few of the wandering Lions even said the Hufflepuffs were having their own party, celebrating the elimination of Slytherin. Every Ravenclaw had retired early for a depressing night of knowing that they'd have to face a fully operational team in the Finals.


Remus set down his book of plays, and decided to finally join the party.

Life goes on, that's just the only way to it. Push it away and hope it doesn't come back...


Hey, where's James? Sirius asked around two in the morn, sipping his fourteenth glass of extra-potent, and probably illegal, butterbeer.

Dunno. Want to go wander aimlessly in hopes of finding him, under the falsehood intent of nicking food from the kitchens? Remus suggested with a gitty grin.

Sounds good.

The pair pushed their way out of the bustling and very loud Common Room, cleverly avoiding Peter (who was at the moment being beaten by someone) and into the halls.

Pity we don't know where he put the map. Sirius said in dismay, running out of idea's as to where his friend may be.

Let's split up, we can cover more ground.

He could have found a new passage. he pointed out.

We'll find it. Remus said, smiling. Canine instincts, ever try to home in on them?

Er, how could I-

Padfoot, duh. Remus said, and Sirius smiled wickedly.

So what do I do?

I don't know if it will work for you, but you have some other second-nature traits you don't even notice. Just try and smell him out.

Come again? Smell him out? he blinked.

Never mind... You take the top four floors, I got the bottom three and the dungeons. Meet back at the statue of Melli Aimens in an hour.

Done deal.




For a long while he wandered around, sniffing the air every now and then, until he caught wind of another friend in distress. Jumping a staircase that refused to let him by, he walked slowly about, and found Lily behind a tapestry in a little boarded up tunnel some ways down.

What's wrong? he asked immediately, seeing that she was crying once again. He had an uncanny talent for finding her only when she was distraught and emotionally unstable.

She turned away, covering her head with her hood and trying to ward him off. It reminded him, with a pang of sadness, how Elise used to shy away occasionally during the long hours in the basement surrounded by potions.

Go 'way. she said quietly. Remus leaned in halfway, pulling the tapestry behind him, sitting cross-legged a foot away. He reached out, but she shrank away form his touch. With a sad sigh, he drew back his hand, now fully aware she still did not accept him.

Pissed about Quidditch? he tried.

I'm not so shallow as to cry over a silly game! she barked irritably, not showing her face.

I'm just trying to help. he said defensively, a tone of pain present in his voice.

If you want to help... she started, and then shook her head.



No. Just go away.



Please leave! she said loudly, starting to cry again. He grabbed her wrist, gently so she wouldn't scream, and made her look at him. He saw her shadowed eyes, wet, lost, and bit his lip.

You're too pretty to carry such a hurt look. Now tell me what happened so I can help. he asked softly, letting her go.

Will you just leave? she asked after a long silence.

Down here, I saw her running! a voice echoed out in the halls, soon followed by thundering footsteps. Lily stiffened, and backed up against the tunnel.

Lily, what''s going on?



A/n- ::Insert evil, maniacal laugh here:: Mwuhahaha. Now wasn't that fun? More will be explained in the next installment, coming soon to a fic near you! Ok, sorry bout that, I've gotten absolutely no sleep lately and I'm so delusional on caffeine I can't think right. So pardon the insanity...

I'd like to issue a belated apology for the all the cliffhangers. I know it's evil of me, but... If I didn't then these chap's would get too long. And besides, keeps ya coming back for more, aye?

More soon, but only if you REVIEW!


Iggie