A/n- Well, here goes another...


Disclaimer- Boy am I sick of these. By now I think you know who ones what.

Rating- PG-13 for swearing, but you knew that, didn't you?

Chapter Keywords- Temper temper Mr. Lupin...




Seeing Grey - Part XXIX - Bellator


Remus stood up and started to bolt out of the nook, but a hand on his robes stopped him.

You'll be expelled, I won't let you. Lily said after a moment, attempting to collect herself. Despite this, she began to shake, and it wasn't from being cold. Remus pulled her closer, her back to his chest, and wrapped his arms around her.

Lily, please tell me... he said very quietly. After a second, his ears twitched, and he almost sat up straight. Shh, Sirius is walking by. he whispered, remaining silent. Once he had passed completely, he let out a long sigh. Lily rested her head on him, looking up.

I'm sorry.

For what? he questioned.

For being a complete bitch. she said simply, almost smiling. The werewolf thing, I was wrong. You're more caring than everyone else I know despite...



Yeah, I guess so... she trailed off, and closed her swollen eyes. Remus gazed at the red mark from where she had been hit, and a gash of some sort on the edge bleeding slightly. Reaching up a hand, he ran his finger along the cut, and it healed slowly.

How'd... How'd you do that?

I've been hurting myself since I was nine, some thing's you just have to learn. he replied. Now are you going to tell me who did that to you?

She opened her mouth, and for a moment, he thought she was going to relent.

I... I can't. she stammered, eyes threatening to water. No, I can't, really... You'll just get in trouble, or expelled or something. Or the Ministry would get dragged in, or someone would find out... And he'd come back and... All over again, she broke down in a pathetic heap, crying her eyes out. Remus, what am I going to do? she squeaked.

If you aren't going to tell me I can't help much. he mused.

They're going come after me again. I know it. she whispered, rolling over and crying into his robes. Please don't leave.

Even if he wanted to, there was no defying her pleading emerald eyes. With a slight nod of his head, he laced his fingers to hers, smiling down comfortingly.

Don't worry. We'll wait for a professor to come by. he smirked, and tried to cheer her up. I can smell them you know.



God, was I this bad when Elise was trying to make me happy?' he thought with a pang of sadness. Since he knew little of how to comfort people, he decided to follow her actions as example.


Even when people die, they're still alive in your mind and soul. Every time a memory influences you, that's a little part of them being alive again. Romolus said quietly, changing the bandage on his brothers head. So you'll live a few decades longer than me. I'll still be with you. As long as you can remember me, I'm not really gone.


The two miserable supposed enemies sat for a while, Remus peeking out every now and then, until Lily fell asleep on his shoulder.

She's not Elise.' his thoughts constantly tried to remind him, though it felt too similar to be different... It just seemed right.

Leaning against her, he too drifted into a half-sleep.



Alright, what's with you two? This is the third time you've been caught in a secluded closet-like alley with her. Sirius said with a smirk a few hours later, having finally tuned his canine abilities to some extent. I've been trying to find you for hours Moony. Prongs was in the showers, someone spilled one of those Slug-Juice prank soda's all over him... Er, now's a bad time, isn't it? he asked with a raise of his eyebrows, seeing the wet streaks down Lily's cheeks. He leaned in closer, peering, and stood back again.

You hit her?

Remus said sharply, helping her to stand up. She pulled her hair from behind her ears, using it to cover the marks and bruises.

Bludger accident?

Already tried that.

Then who did hit her? I know what it looks like, Pete gets smacked around fairly often. Sirius said with a shrug, waiting for them to finish stretching their legs out. So anyway, why were you two in a boarded up tunnel?

I was just keeping her company.

Has anyone been around here? Lily asked suddenly, eyes going wide. Remus put his arm around her again, ignoring the sniggers from Sirius, and sniffed a few times.

Snape has quite a bit, we got bored and tinkered with... Remus knew he was going to say the Map, so he needn't finish the sentence.

Anyone else? he asked. Lily couldn't respond to anything positive towards who hit her, so narrowing the field would be his only choice.

Er... A few Ravenclaw's went to the library at three, Quidditch Beater and a Chaser. Carlison was roaming around in circles, I think he got drunk from our Butterbeer. he said offhand, eliciting a small laugh from Remus. There was a pack of Slytherins roaming all night too. Met with Snape a few times actually, I think... he said, trying to rack his brain. I don't really remember, hell, most of the House just went to bed. One hell of a party, you should have been there Lil. James kept trying to think of a foolproof way to smuggle you in.

I'd have liked very much to have been there. she said quietly. By now Sirius had completely forgotten about the bruises, and was busy rambling on about something with Peter and the seventh years.

I can find out who the group was, alright? I'll figure out on my own who did it and turn them in. That way you can honestly say do didn't tell me. he told her as Sirius departed to get an early breakfast from the house elves. But is there anything at all you can tell me that will help? The only ones we can really rule out are the Gryffindors.

I can't... Remus, just forget about it, please? I don't want you getting in a lot of trouble over me. she said with mild strain.

Do you want to go back to your dorm? Or... Yeah, not safe. he mumbled, pausing at a large staircase intersection. Well, we could go to the Gryffindor Common Room, everyone but James and them are probably asleep.

If McGonnagal finds me there I have to go back. I don't want to be alone. she said, almost to herself.

Alright then. How about we go play some Quidditch? No, scratch that, I'm almost dead as it is... Care to just flop out by the lake?





As it turned out, it was raining outside. Neither seemed to mind, and were content to just lay on the damp banks and watch the rippling water for a few hours. Lily, slightly back to herself, had curled up next to Remus, who was too busy thinking to really notice her presence. Somewhere, in the shadowy banks of his memory, he knew about concealment curses and one particular hex, but he just couldn't think of the incantation. Or reversal.

Lily, we need to tell a Professor about this pretty soon. he said, giving up on the mental recall.

Who? Er... Not Bane, he'll go to the Slytherins and make it all worse. No one else would believe-

Remus said instantly. I know he's not your favourite person, mine either, but hell, he's an ex-Auror. You saw yesterday how nuts he gets about violence, even in Quidditch... He can keep his good eye on you, watch a little. And he can tell me so I can kill that little- Remus stopped himself, took a deep breath, and apologized non-verbally to the frightened Slytherin.

What about Dumbledore?

He can't help, he's not an in-class teacher. This way we have some extra help-I'm not in Defense with you, unfortunately... Good thing we have four other subjects together.

I feel like such a fool. Lily confessed, head on his thigh. It's horrible, being defenseless. I want to stop this but there isn't anything I can do... And no I'm not going to tell you. So stop giving me that look.

You shouldn't have to face fear at school, let alone Hogwarts. This is the last place you should be insecure.

How do you know so much about the world? I mean, you're barely older than I, and for fact, you're a guy. By all standards you should be some stuck-up egotistical idiot obsessing over the pretty girls and newest broom models. she said, looking up at him and the foggy rain clouds high above their outpost under a willow tree.

My childhood was denied entirely. I lived on the streets, stealing meals and becoming little more than a common thief. he said. Having to raise yourself, constantly on the run from authorities, it does a lot to change your mentality I guess. A friend of mine always used to say I was thrice my biological age, and now I'm beginning to believe her.

Must've been awful. she mused, shuddering slightly.

I don't think about it anymore. What's gone is gone, things past cannot bother me now. My brother, his philosophy was to live for the day and next, to never dwell on what can't be changed. I have a better life now. I've got Sirius and James, and you.

She smiled a little, and closed her swirling green eyes for a second, reflecting on his words.

Thanks for being there.

Let's get up to the castle and track down Carlison, before someone tracks you down first.



Well I'll be damned to hell. Carlison muttered, shaking his head in an almost amused fashion. He let go of Lily's wrist, tisking to himself, pocketing his wand. Damned ot hell...

What is it, sir? Remus asked, for Lily was shaking again.

She took a nasty curse I believe, without realizing it. Real old Dark magic, something fairly common from my initial training. They don't teach it anymore, new methods were devised that could be more reliable than this... It'll make you're injuries impossible to fix magically, to some extent. he said after a long pause.

Can it be lifted?

Only by the one who cast the spell.

Remus put a hand on Lily's shoulder, snapping her back from her own little world.

Any way we can find out who did it? She made a personal vow not to tell anyone... Too scared.

And for a good reason, hell, I'd be frightened myself at that age if some bastard came after me. You watch out for yourself. he sid to Lily. The only way to find out really, I'd say, is wait and ambush them, Mr. Lupin. the young Professor said with a crooked grin.

Set a trap, and use her as bait? Sir, with all due respect, that's not wise, nor safe. She was beaten badly, though it doesn't show as much. I've been a Healer since I could hold a wand.

In your...

She knows.

he continued without changing his gaze. I would assume such. And knowing of your little boost, I'd say you're more than capable of handling anything that comes your way.

Remus, you don't have to help-

Yes I do. Sir, can you keep this between the three of us?

he interrupted.



Potter, Black, and that little twit Pettigrew. Undoubtedly you're going to tell them. It's inevitable and predictable. You four are determined to just outright tear up what is left of this castle and its persons.

Remus cracked a smile, and nodded at the professor with whom he was slowly starting to respect.

Maybe not. Some things don't need to be told.

And yes, Mr. Lupin, this will stay between us. If they entire staff was on guard it would put Ms. Evans at a higher risk... he trailed off, and pulled Remus aside for a minute.

Look, you being a Gryffindor makes this difficult. You have to stay by her as much as possible, but without attracting unwanted attention. Scare the people who did it and they'll be more careful about striking. Judging from your record, I'd say you have enough wits about you to figure something out.

Yes sir.

And both of you, he said as they were leaving. Study for the O.W.L.'s. Now more than ever.

Remus knew what he meant, and dreaded the prospect. War seemed so distant, an absurd idea... Now it was hitting him, and Lily, full in the face.



We've narrowed it, for who could have been there. A list of six Slytherins and four Hufflepuffs that were roaming around that night-

James, Remus... Guys, it's alright. He hasn't come after me by now, I think it's safe enough. she said with a forced smile. We have our O.W.L.'s in two weeks, I think you should all be diverting your studies elsewhere.

The two looked at each other, shrugged, and smiled at Lily.

Not gonna happen. they both agreed.

In my opinion it's either Snape or another Slytherin. None of the Hufflepuffs would have any reason to do anything to you. James remarked, idly stirring a potion Bane had assigned them to make, though the Marauders had done something much similar for Animagism process.

What I want to know is why the Hufflepuffs are even socializing with that crowd, no offense to you Lily, but not many of the Snakes can be considered mild-mannered loyalists. Remus said.

Lupin, come here for a minute.

He looked up from his list, and found Snape peering at him, already done with the project. After a look back to a puzzled James, he went over the lone cauldron.

Look, you don't want to meddle in their business, it isn't safe. he said quietly, looking around rapidly to make sure none of his House mates were watching.

You know something about Lily? Remus questioned, using every ounce of his self control to keep the wolf at bay.

Lily and Potter will get themselves involved in a situation they don't want to be in if you keep this up. he replied, ignoring the previous. Nothing's as it appears anymore, not with the war going on-

There's no war.

Dumbledore boards you up inside, plaguing you will false illusions of his perfect little world. the boy sad solemnly. You of all people should know the world is never as righteous as it appears. Outside these walls, in the shadowed alleys, there's a war.

And why should I trust you?

I'm part of it. he said very quietly. Look, I don't know why, but I'm trying to save your ass here. Take my advice and just stay out of our business.




Lily, can you tell me what he was saying before?

He'll find out, I'm not going to say anything... I just have this sick feeling that he'd find out. she said, hanging her head again.

Well, he wasn't alone. Tell me what the others were saying. Remus added after a moment of thought. Lily smiled, and nodded her head.

A lot about the war, and a lot about taking sides and staying true to my blood... I told them I was a Muggle-born and they laughed. He hit me once then... she stopped, closing her eyes for a moment. I tried to leave and they threw me back to the ground. There were maybe six of them, so I couldn't do anything to help myself. After that there was more talk about loyalties and one kept mentioning a master or something, then I blacked out.

When did you wake up?

Three of them were still there, one was kicking me in the side. Then someone shouted down the hallway, and they bolted. You came right after I crawled into the passage. she said. Shaking his head, Remus leaned back on the grass, looking up at the night sky.

I'll never understand the world Lily. Everything is just so messed up...

Stuff like this is normal for you, isn't it? she asked. There was no stopping her talent for reading people's eyes and knowing what was wrong.

Yeah, a bit... I'm sick of it. To borrow the words of an old friend, it's hard to wake up every morning. With shit like this, hell, sometimes I wish I weren't alive. There'd be no more pain then.

Being able to hurt is what makes us human. Lily said philisophically, laying down next to him. They watched the rippling reflection of the sliver moon on the lake, until the giant squid surfaced.

Life's only worth living if you still have something that can be grieved over. If you were so alone, and so lost that you couldn't cry, that's when it's over. she mused. I still have a lot to go for, and you too, no matter what's happened before. I won't try to probe your mind, but I'll try to understand it. I can only imagine what's happened... It sort of makes me feel better.

How so?

You've gone through so much, I can tell by how you act, and yet you're still strong. So a few psychotic bullies got pissed after a Quidditch loss, and I happened to be there.

Lily, they could have done a lot worse.

But you came along, and I'm all right now. I don't want you to get all worked up over something that isn't a problem anymore.

I care about you, he said, surprised the words were passing his lips. I'm supposed to worry.

As long as you're around there's no need to worry. I don't.

With a smile, she curled up on him, eyes shut, mind at ease. A little voice in the back of Remus' mind was trying to yell, but it was lost in a swirl of thoughts.

You know, James will kill me if he sees us out here. he pointed out. And we do have a very bad reputation of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Closets, for example.

Who said this is the wrong place, or the wrong time?

Oh God.'




Any news on her? Carlison asked quietly, not looking up from the papers he was grading. Remus was serving his detention for a Marauders prank, and unfortunately, it had been his turn to take the blame. They had developed a system, a cycle, of who would serve the punishment in shift.

No point in all of us being locked up somewhere. We need to study for once. James had wisely said. So now he was scrubbing the splattered floors and gum-covered desks of the Defense room, as requested by Carlison.

She said no ones been bothering her, and I know she's honest. I can tell when she lies.

A good skill to have there. the ex-Auror murmured to himself. Setting down his toothbrush and bottle of cleaning solution, Remus sat himself atop a desk, and cleared his throat.



What's the situation outside?



The progressing war, sir.

Carlison's face fell grim, and he nodded his head shortly.

Dumbledore's a fool if he thinks he can keep it hidden for so long. he admitted. It's not looking good, the Dark forces are expanding at an alarming rate. I'd say, in a well-calculated estimate, that we'll be in full-scale battle by the time you hit eighteen.

Remus pursed his lips, face blank of any emotion.

Don't look so sorry, there isn't anything you can do about it. It's already in the school.



Their parents get involved, and so the children are forced to take up the same ideals.

Yes, well try living in a household wherein flying Unforgivable's are a regularity.

See, you know it yourself. Carlison said with a slight smirk, reading Remus' face like a book.

Why is everything in this world so messed up?

The human species is imperfect. One makes the wrong choice, others follow, and soon, thousands are dying each day. Until we can really learn off of our mistakes, we'll have to stand strong and fight for what we believe.

No matter what the price. Remus said to himself.




A/n- Alright, notice time. Wow. I didn't think you guys would get very angry about the fic-dropping topic, but well... I stand corrected. I must repeat, I MIGHT NOT drop it. There's a high possibility I may continue as planned. But if not, well, chapter 33 will be posted, and that's IT. Yes, that means no proper ending at all. I hate to resort to that but life has been shit lately and I'm loosing my mind, I can't write anymore. I'm really sorry...

But really, don't get all mad just yet. As said, I may continue. So, keep your fingers crossed...

Iggie