Joy and Sorrow
Chapter Four
Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't make any money off them, but I would most definitely take George off of their hands.
Pairing: N/S, with slight G/S. The G/S is for conflict purposes only.
AN: Again, please see authors notes from the first chapter concerning this story.
Sorry to have left you hanging last chapter. (Insert evil laugh). No not really.
You know I love y'all.
"So do you" Hannah finished
Nick shook his head, "I'm sorry Hannah, what was the question?"
Hannah smiled, "do you know my daddy?"
Nick took a deep breath and looked over at Sara, unsure of how to respond to such an important question. In his heart he knew that Hannah had every right to know who he was her father, but he wasn't sure that this was the appropriate time or place to tell her; for God's sake she had just met him.
Sara walked over to Hannah's door and shut it. She had lied to Hannah and Nick for five years it was time for her to face the music and tell them the truth.
Hannah watched her mother close the door and suddenly became concerned, "mommy what's wrong?"
"Nothing Hannah, I just thought we should have some privacy is all, why don't you try eating your cheeseburger"
"But I want to know if Nick knows my daddy?" Hannah whined
"Hannah" Sara sighed "I'll answer the question for you if you would just take a bite of your cheeseburger; you barely touched your lunch"
"Fine" Hannah replied dejectedly. She slowly began eating her cheeseburger, as did Nick. Sara sat back down and watched the two of them. Hannah looked so much like Nick that it was uncanny. They both put the ketchup on the top bun, then removed the bottom bun and put the mayonnaise on. She couldn't help but laugh.
Nick looked over to her with a question on his face, "What?"
"Sorry nothing" she replied with a smirk still evident on her face.
She continued watching them in silence trying to figure out exactly how she should phrase the upcoming conversation with Hannah. How should she tell Hannah that her 'friend' Nick was actually her father?
"Mommy, why aren't you eating?" Hannah asked worried about her mother
"I'm sorry baby, I've got my mind on other things" Sara began cutting up her spaghetti and put a small portion on her fork and into her mouth.
"Is your spaghetti good mommy?"
"Yeah, just a little cold but its good"
The three of them continued to eat in silence for about another five minutes when Hannah suddenly pronounced that she was full.
"Okay, I've ate mommy, now can Nick answer my question"
Sara sighed and moved her plate back to the table beside her, Nick did the same.
"Hannah, Nick isn't going to answer your question, I am"
"Okay, does Nick know my daddy?" Hannah asked again
"Yes he does"
Hannah's face lit up, "really, do you work with him? What does he look like?" then her face fell "why doesn't he want to see me?"
Sara ran her hand through her hair "Hannah baby" she said, stood and walked over to her bed sitting on the edge of it and facing her daughter.
"Hannah, I need to you to listen to what mommy says very carefully, and if you want to yell at mommy once I'm done you can, okay?"
Hannah raised her eyebrows confused "okay"
Sara took a deep breath, "Hannah the reason Nick knows your daddy is because" she paused and looked at Nick then back at Hannah "is because Nick is your daddy"
Hannah's face grew even more confused, she looked past her mother to the man she now knew as her father and whispered "Did you not love me? Was I a bad girl?"
"Oh god baby, no, you're not a bad girl. This is all mommy's fault. It's not your fault, it's not daddy's fault, it's my fault." Sara pulled Hannah into her arms "it's not your fault baby, it's my fault"
Sara held her daughter for a moment before pulling back and continuing, "baby when I got pregnant with you, daddy and I had a fight, a really, really bad fight. This fight was my fault. I...I...then...I then decided to leave Las Vegas. I couldn't face your daddy anymore. I found out I was pregnant with you after I left. I was so ashamed with the fight I had with your daddy that I didn't tell him about you. I was stupid and I will forever be sorry that I didn't tell your daddy. I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry."
By this time tears were running down Sara's face. The guilt and the memories from five years before came crashing back into her head. She stood up from the bed, turned and faced Nick and mouthed "I'm sorry" then ran out of the room, leaving father and daughter alone for the first time in five years.
Sara ran out of Hannah's room at full speed. She loved her daughter, but she needed to get out of there. Everything was crashing back into her memory. She didn't want to remember, she had worked so hard at pushing those memories back and not reliving them. Now she had too.
March 2004
After working an incredibly hard case with Grissom, Sara was ready to call it a day. She began searching around the lab for Nick and found him in the DNA lab talking to Greg.
"Nick" Sara called out to him
"Hey Sara"
"You almost done?"
"No, I'm sorry. A call came in on a 419; Warrick and I were assigned to it. Sorry"
"Its okay" Sara replied, she walked over to him and gave him a light peck on the lips. The night shift team knew about their blossoming relationship, but they kept themselves in check at work, "I'll see you later"
"Bye hon" Nick replied turning back to Greg
Sara walked out of the room and headed towards the locker room to grab her stuff. She quickly stowed her jacket away and grabbed her keys. As she was leaving, she ran into Grissom, he looked as tired and devastated as she did.
"Hey Griss"
"Sara"
She stopped him, "hey why don't you come over. I mean we're still friends, plus you assigned Nick to pull a double" Sara replied with some humor in her voice.
"Sure why not, better than going home to an empty apartment"
"Okay, I'll meet you at my place and we can talk about the case and stuff"
They walked out to their respective Denali's in silence, each hopping in and starting the engines. Grissom ended up following Sara to her place, to which they arrived in about fifteen minutes.
Grissom followed Sara into her apartment and shut the door behind her.
"Do you want something to drink? I know that I seriously need alcohol right now, you want?" Sara asked
"Uh sure, whatever you're having"
Sara nodded, "Make yourself comfortable" and walked to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and grabbed two beers and brought them out to the living room where Grissom had sat down on the couch.
"Here you go" Sara stated, handing him a beer
"Thanks"
The two sat their in silence, drinking their beers. Within minutes they had each finished the one and Sara went and grabbed them another. This went on for some time. They continued to talk and drink. Eventually they had gone through 4 beers a piece and an entire bottle of wine. They were each wasted beyond belief.
"I bethur go" Grissom's slurred speech stated
"No, you can hath my bedth" Sara said standing and taking his hand leading him to her bedroom. "Lay down" she commanded.
Sara turned to leave the room when Grissom took her arm. He pulled her around and kissed her soundly on the lips. He then led their alcohol induced bodies back to the bed.
Sara awoke hours later, with the sound of her cell phone ringing. Her head was pounding and she felt like she was going to throw up. She felt a weight on her body and reached down and removed what she assumed to be Nick's arm, although she didn't remember when he got home. It was then that she realized that she was naked.
'When did Nick get home and when did I have sex with him' Sara thought.
She heard a groan come from the other side of the bed and turned her body only to receive the shock of her life. Grissom was lying next to her, naked. She screamed bloody murder which caused him to bolt upright. Sara grabbed the sheet and pulled it up over her body.
"What the hell is going on?" Sara screamed
Grissom shook his head, and then he realized he too was naked, "I have no idea, but I better get dressed"
"Yeah, I think that would be a good idea" Sara sighed "I can't believe I did this."
Grissom turned to face her after putting his pants on "did what?"
"You've got to be kidding me. Did what? I had sex with you. We were drunk and I had sex with you. I'm in love with Nick. I'm dating Nick. I love him, I'm sleeping with him. What the hell was I thinking?" Sara finished her tirade, got up from her bed and grabbed her robe, putting it over her body.
"You need to leave and we never discuss what happened ever again. No one, I repeat NO ONE is to know what happened. This was all a mistake, a very bad mistake. You need to leave" Sara stated.
Grissom followed Sara out of the bedroom, grabbing his keys on the way out.
Sara, with just a robe around her, escorted Grissom out of her apartment. He had his shirt on, but unbuttoned and was carrying his shoes. Sara opened the door and they received the shock of their lives. Nick. His hand raised ready to knock when the door was thrown wide open.
Sara began crying even harder. She had caused so much pain to Nick; she will never be able to forgive herself. She walked over to the miniscule waiting room the unit had and sat down in one of the uncomfortable chairs, allowing the tears to continue streaming down her face.
Hannah stared at her father for a few moments after Sara ran out before speaking, "is mommy gonna be okay?"
Nick got up and walked over to his daughter, "she will be, but mommy is really upset right now"
Hannah bit her lower lip, "why did you and mommy have a fight"
Nick sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed, she was too young to know the truth and as far as he was concerned she should never know the truth, "Hannah, grown ups fight and your mommy and I did. We both said some mean things to each other. That was why mommy left town. I want you understand though, that this is not your fault. It never was."
"Okay" Hannah whispered
"Hannah you need to understand that adults, we make really bad choices sometimes. I wish mommy had told me about you sooner, because I would have been on the first flight out, like I was today"
They sat in silence for a few more moments before Hannah whispered "can I call you daddy?"
Nick reached over and pulled his daughter into a hug, "of course you can baby"
They held each other for a while before Hannah pulled away.
"Daddy"
"Yeah baby" Nick replied, his heart breaking at hearing his daughter call him daddy
"Why did you come now?"
"Well mommy called me and told me you were sick, so I got on the first plane and got here as fast as I could"
"Okay" she paused "Daddy"
"Yeah"
"Can you go make sure mommy's okay I'm worried about her"
"Are you sure you want to be alone baby?"
"Yeah, go check on mommy"
Nick leaned down and gave his daughter a kiss on the cheek, "I know I just met you baby, but I do love you. I just wanted you to know that"
"I love you too daddy" Hannah whispered
"I'll be right back"
"Okay"
Nick got up from the bed and walked towards the door; he turned and smiled at his daughter before leaving the room. Everything was happening so fast. He was so confused.
Nick walked down the hall and found Sara in the waiting room. Her hands covering her eyes, crying.
Nick walked over to her and sat down directly in front of her
"Sara"
She looked up, and was surprised to see compassion in his face
"Nick, I don't deserve the compassion that's written all over your face, everything that I did, and everything that happened..."
"It's in the past, Sara"
"But Nick, it's not a past that we have discussed."
"You're right Sara we haven't discussed what happened"
"I ran away Nick. I couldn't face you. I couldn't face your anger or hurt. I couldn't even face Grissom and we were drunk when we had sex. I have never run away from anything in my life and I did. I ran away from you because I was so ashamed of myself. I destroyed the one person that I loved more than life itself. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I ran, I'm sorry that you never got a chance to scream at me or yell at me. But if it makes you feel any better Catherine, Warrick and Greg did it for you"
"What!" Nick replied surprised
"Nick, I know you told Warrick what happened. You left out that it was Grissom you caught me with. Warrick told Catherine. I'm not sure how Greg found out. The day I left, we got into a huge argument. I deserved everything they said. I hurt you. They love you and they wanted to protect you." Sara paused before continuing, "Somehow Catherine found out that I was living in Chicago. I'm not quite sure how though. She called me five months ago wanting to apologize."
"Five months ago you say?" Nick asked
"Yeah why?"
"Well I still talk to Warrick occasionally, he and Catherine are engaged now."
"What? When did that happened?"
"They began dating about two years ago and just got engaged about nine months ago, they are planning on getting married in February. Anyways, Warrick told me that Catherine had to go to a conference here in Chicago five months ago."
"Oh yeah" Sara said "I remember, it was a forensic science conference. The newest gadgets and whatnot. Some seminars. I had to go for work too."
"Catherine must have seen you then."
"I wonder why she didn't say anything?" Sara asked outloud
"She probably didn't want to upset you. Hell, Warrick never told me that Catherine saw you. I don't think Catherine was sure herself. She probably saw you, did a double take and asked around."
"But why wouldn't Warrick tell you that Catherine thought she saw me in Chicago?"
Nick brought his hands to his face and sighed, "Sara, you really hurt me. Honestly, there were times that I didn't think I would care at all if I ever saw you again. But then there were the other times."
Sara smiled, "I know. The times when a song comes on or you see something on the TV and think "I remember doing that with Nick". I get those a lot."
"So" Nick said wanting to change the subject back, "did you accept Catherine's apology?"
"Yeah I did."
They sat in silence for a couple of minutes just digesting what they had just spoken about. Thinking silently to themselves. Nick finally spoke up after five minutes of silence.
"Sara why didn't you tell you were pregnant?"
Sara took a deep breath, "because I wasn't sure who was the father, you or Grissom"
Nick leaned back in his chair and was about to say something when Sara interrupted, "she is yours. There is no question about that."
Nick nodded
"It was May when I found out I was pregnant" Sara started
May 2004
Sara sat in her Chicago apartment. She was sitting on her bed waiting for the timer on the phone to go off. Five minutes later it did. She slowly got up and walked to the bathroom. On the sink were perched two pregnancy tests. Sara picked up both tests, each indicating what she already knew, she was pregnant. She threw the tests in the garbage and walked back to her bed and flopped down on it. She had no idea what to do. She never expected to get pregnant, let alone be in a position where she wasn't sure who the father was. Nick or Grissom, one or the other was the father of her baby. Nick and her weren't on speaking terms, in fact she had just found out from Jacqui that he moved back to Dallas, Texas. 'Needed a fresh start' was what he expressed to the team.
Sara sighed, reached over and picked up her phone, dialing a number that she had memorized. She waited while the phone connected and the ringing began. The person on the other end picked up on the second ring.
"Gil Grissom" the voice replied
"Grissom, its Sara. We need to talk. Is now a good time?"
"Um, sure. Hold on, let me just close my office door really quick"
"Okay"
She heard Grissom set the phone down and he came back moments later.
"What's going on? Are you okay? Where are you?"
"Well something is going on, I'm not okay and I'm sorry but I don't want anyone to know where I am."
"Okay" Grissom stated "Then what's going on?"
"I'm pregnant and I don't know who the father of my baby is. I don't know if it's you or if it's Nick" Sara said forcefully
"Well, I can make this easier on you. It's Nick's baby."
"Excuse me; how the hell do you know this?"
"Look Sara, it's not like I publicly announce this, but I had a vasectomy 5 years ago. So my chances of getting you pregnant are slim to none, but if it makes you feel any better as soon as you become further along in your pregnancy to the point where a paternity test can be done, I will give you a DNA sample"
"Are you sure?" Sara asked pensively.
"Yes, I'm sure Sara." Grissom paused "Get a pen and paper"
"What" Sara questioned, confused
"Get a pen and paper" Grissom repeated
"Okay, hold on" Sara got up from her bed and walked into the other bedroom of her apartment that she had set up as an office. She grabbed a pen and a scratch piece of paper, "Okay, I've got a pen and paper"
"Okay write this down. 972-555-9900"
Sara scribbled the number down, "Okay, why do I need this phone number?"
"It's Nick's number"
Sara sighed. Grissom heard the hesitation in the sigh, "You need to tell him Sara"
"I know, but he won't talk to me know. I'll have to tell him later. I don't want anyone, ANYONE, to know. Promise me you won't say anything, it's none of their concern or business."
It was Grissom's turn to sigh, "I promise"
"As soon as I find out when I can do a paternity test I'll call you"
"Okay"
"Bye" with that Sara hung up the phone
"So, when I was seven months pregnant I contacted Grissom and he got a vial of blood to my doctor here in Chicago. A paternity test was done and it came back 99.9 that he was not the father."
"But it doesn't explain why you didn't tell me Sara, why now?"
"Nick, I did try calling. Once. Your brother, Tom, answered. I tried to leave a message, as soon as I said my name; he chewed me out and told me to never call again because he wasn't even going to give you the message. I was pregnant and hormonal and emotional and I just did what he said"
"Tom should have never said that"
"It doesn't matter Nick, like you said earlier, it's in the past. I can't change it, you can't change it, and all we can do is go on from it. Learn from it."
Nick sighed, "Sara this is going to take some time. Dealing with the fact that I have a daughter that I didn't know about for five years, finding out that she is sick, you. It's just going to take some time."
"Nick I understand. I can't expect anything from you. I broke your trust a long time ago and I know that I have to earn it back. I also know that it won't happen overnight. It is going to take time." Sara took a breath, "we should get back to Hannah, we've been gone for awhile now. Plus, her doctor should be dropping by soon and I want you to be able to talk to him."
Nick nodded. The two of them got up from their chairs and headed back to Hannah's room. Unsure of where to go, but glad that they had spoken, even just a little.