A/n- Well, round forty three (!) for you. Trust me, it will end at some point... Maybe. I've been told this is the Fic That Never Ends... Now sing with me.

::This is the fic that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends... Someday she started writing, not knowing where to go... And she'll continue writing now forever just because this is the fic that never ends....::

Disclaimer- I'll give you a hint. It isn't me. o_O

Rating- A very stressed PG-13 for language and very dark depressing and otherwise not child-friendly-like themes.

Chapter Keys- This contains much Sirius Black, seeing as I'm depressed, and now I feel like writing him. So... Yeah.

Note- This is an experimental chapter. I didn't like it at all, and it may be changed to a newer version once I can produce a logical thought. Just a warning that this wont be my best of work yet.



Seeing Grey - Part XLIII - Rags and Turmoil




Moony! Moony, come on, where are you? Mooooooo-neeeeey!

With an exhausted sigh, Sirius leaned against a broad oak tree, eyes glaring at the heavens.

Why the hell does everything have to happen to him? he questioned God, frowning deeply. He deserves riches and peace, not rags and turmoil.

With a shake of his head, he looked away from the grey clouds. Don't even make it rain, or I swear on my life... he warned no one in particular, setting off once again.

Find anything? a voice bellowed in the distance, belonging to none other than James Potter.

Sirius shouted back, cupping his hands for extra volume.

Sniff him out or something! James suggested from afar.



Smell him out! he shouted again.

Already tried that, didn't work!



Never mind! Sirius bellowed, rubbing at his throat. It was not easy to shout over the commotion of the Forbidden Forest, especially when the conversation was at such a distance.

Come on Moony, where'd you go? he grumbled.

--

Have you seen Remus?

Run off, has he? Snape asked in amusement, smiling sardonically.

God dammit, this is all your fault anyway. Sirius grumbled, starting off.

Correct me if my memory fails, but were you not the one who tried to send me to my death? Snape asked.

Do you even know what they do to registered werewolves? Sirius spat, turning around. For the first time, Snape offered no snide quip or sarcastic insult. He merely shook his head.

They kill them. he said simply, running off again.

I never said- Snape started, but Sirius had already rounded the corner.

--

Alex, have you seen Remus anywhere? James asked, popping his head into the Common Room for the fifth time in a half hour.

Not since the game, why?

If you see him, put your wand to his head and make sure he stays put. he said calmly, rushing out of the room again. Blinking to himself, Alex nodded, eyebrow raised high.

Uh... Yeah...

--

Dammit James, he's been gone for two hours! Sirius whined, poking at his lunch irritably. And he's missing a meal. This is serious.

Well we've checked everywhere, I don't know what else to do. He could be out of the country for all I know- he said, and trailed off.

You don't think-

He wouldn't-

the both said, jumping up from their chairs and scrambling back to the dorms.


So how fast can you get it there?

Fifteen minutes or so...

That fast?

Personal couriers have their advantage. James said without a hint of vanity. He tapped out a sequence on a special blue sheet of parchment he kept in his drawer, and quickly began to write a letter. When he signed with a flourish, the paper vanished in a small Thwip!'.

Now we wait...


James announced grimly, crumpling up the returned parchment in a fit of anger.

And I thought for sure he'd go straight to the Underground.

They could've lied, you know, protect him or something.

No, Caleb would tell us.

What about his brother? James suggested.

Not a chance, he's always so determined to not bother the kid. Sirius muttered, slamming his fist down on the night table. We have to find him, I swear to God Prongs, he's gonna do something he'll regret. I don't know, it's some... Gut feeling, or something.

I'll go check and see if Peter found him in the dungeons. James said, heading out the door. He paused after a few steps, and looked back.

Hey Padfoot... What was Remus wearing?

His Quidditch robes and a black sweatshirt, I believe. Why?

James pointed to the foot of Remus' bed, where a muddy red robe and a battered black sweatshirt lay, along with filthy shoes.

Oh bloody hell. Sirius grumbled to himself, turning the bathroom doorknob after three quick strides.

Remus, are you in here? he asked, James creeping inside behind him. Mentally he left a note that he would have to include bathrooms on the Marauders Map sometime in the near future.

Finding the golden-handle shower stall, he jumped up, and peered over the sides of the walls apprehensively. Immediately he fell backwards, James catching him before he bashed his head against a sink.

Not there? James asked, standing him up.

He... He's there... Sirius said, eyes glazing over as he swallowed. Or at least...



Good thing he kept his pants on. James said, and was scowled at.

How can even you joke?

What, I was just stating my delight that he decided to mope about in the shower with most of his clothes on. James snapped back, twisting the dial on the wall and cutting the water flow. I can't believe this...

I can. Sirius said in a half voice, propping Remus up against the wet walls. Leaning in, he lightly hit the sides of his face until two bloodshot and otherwise moist eyes slowly opened.

God dammit. he muttered, trying to shove his friends away. Leave me alone.

Not likely. James said. Not unless some of those Death Eater fellows bust in here am I even going to move. he declared, pulling out his wand and Summoning a few fluffy white towels from across the room. Padfoot, would you mind waking up? he added, rolling up Remus' sleeves. He cringed for a moment, and quickly covered the gashes with a towel.

How could you? Sirius finally blurted out.

How could I what. Remus mumbled, voice barely audible. It wasn't a question, more a silent repetition, telling himself the very same thing.

Hold still for a minute. James interrupted, tightly pulling a conjured bandage at the top of Remus' forearm. He shut his eyes, not wincing at the pain, but in a sudden shock of reality.

I just don't understand...

Sirius, leave him be for a while. James said as gently as he could, though still stern. I doubt he needs to be badgered...

Shouldn't we go get McGonnagal or something? Sirius asked after a moment.

And have her flip out on us more? That isn't going to help him any. he said, for a while acting as though Remus weren't even there. He carried on, inexpertly trying to clean everything up.

We have to tell someone-

Sirius, for once in your life, just shut up.



Mr. Lupin, you need to come out of there at some point.

Sirius let out a long sigh, watching as his friend made no reaction to the insistent poundings of Professor McGonnagal. With a soft mutter, the professor left again. Remus lay on his bed still, as he had been doing so for the better of the day. Fearful that he'd go off and hurt himself again, James and Sirius stayed with him in shifts, neither successful in drawing out any words. For all Remus cared, he was dead in his own right.

Remus, come on... Come down to Hogsmeade, we'll get some butterbeers. Sirius suggested as the Transfiguration teacher went off finally. With no answer, he shook his head, and pulled the bed curtains open.

Please, just come out for a little while... he pleaded, face white again. We can go raid Zonko's, or Honeydukes...

Just leave me alone.

God dammit, when are you going to realize I will not, under any circumstances, leave you alone? Last time you were left alone you tried to bloody kill yourself!

Such a pity that failed. he grumbled. Sirius sat down on the bed, and with a small frown, flicked Remus on the forehead. He snapped his eyes open, and scowled.

What'd you do that for you you stupid git?

Sirius declared triumphantly, smiling. See, Moony's still down there somewhere. he said, offering a grin that was, to his amazement, returned.

Now come on, we'll go down to the Three Broomsticks... I can distract Rosie and get you something strong if you like. he said, pulling Remus unwillingly to his feet. And besides, Dumbledore and McGonnagal have been going nuts trying to find you. Best you get drunk first, eh?

Depressed werewolves and alcohol don't mix. Caleb taught me this well. Remus grumbled.



So really, Sirius, why do look like you just got plowed in the head with a Bludger? Not that you always don't, but... James asked, ordering another round of drinks.

If the Ministry gets involved with Remus, it'll be my fault. Sirius said quietly, glancing a table over where Lily was attempting to cheer up the silent werewolf.

You've heard him... They kill werewolves in Britain, either that or he'll be registered and sent off to a secure living area'. he grumbled, draining his third tankard. If I hadn't gone and opened my bloody mouth-

Sirius, listen to me for a minute. James interrupted, donning hi very rare solemn face. You can't blame yourself for this, at least not around him. he said, jerking his thumb at Remus, who sat with his chin in his hand, twirling a straw in his drink. He just tried to take his own life because he thinks he's messing ours around.

Sirius blinked, never having thought such.

Every time that someone inadvertently gets hurt because of him, he gets depressed as hell. If this was just a matter of him facing the Ministry, he wouldn't care at all. Christ, he worked for the Ministry in the very department that deals with werewolves... He's clearly not afraid of that. James pointed out. He's been different since the summer, he doesn't worry as much.

He just tried to kill himself. Sirius snapped.

Because he figures we're going to be dragged down with him! James muttered. He could have bitten Snape, that's probably a big part of it to. He talks in his sleep all the time, he's more afraid of biting someone than he is of dying himself.

Why should he care about us being taken down? If we did something to put ourselves in the position... Namely me, we'd deserve it, which I do. Sirius said, frowning thoughtfully as the drinks were placed on the table.

I guess he's never had friends like us, he always says that.

If you ask me, he thinks too much for his own good.

Well we certainly know your philosophy. James snorted.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, nothing.... Nothing at all.



No you don't. James snapped, grabbing the knife away from Remus. He blinked, and for a moment, wondered why he was forbidden to butter his biscuit.

Not while I'm around. he warned, setting the utensil out of reach. Rolling his eyes, Remus made to take Alex's, but Sirius got to it before him.

Good ham, isn't it? he said casually, again prohibiting the werewolf from taking another knife. James offered him a pre-buttered roll with a grin.

Care for a scone Moony?

You guys are impossible. he muttered, snatching the bread before they decided it was too sharp for him.

Well, I have to be off. James announced. Me and Peter have a few Dungbombs to set.

Peter looked up at mention of his name, and was dragged off by his robes.

Sometimes I feel sorry for the little rat. Sirius mused.

I envy him. Remus said softy, stabbing his ham violently with his spoon, which was a thing only Remus could accomplish without looking foolish.



One eye open, Remus waited a few minutes after the snoring began. Silently, he slipped one foot out of bed, then the other. Before he made it two steps to the door, a hand reached out from James' bed, pulling him back.

Not gonna happen. he said coyly, smiling under the sheets. Letting a sigh escape his lips, Remus rolled his eyes.

Can't I go to the bathroom without supervision? he asked, thoroughly annoyed.

Sirius said, sitting up in his bed. Peter, across, did likewise.

Come to think of it, I have to go too. he said with a smile.

Shaking his head, Remus flopped back into his bed.

What, don't have to go anymore? Peter asked with a quiet laugh. The three smiled, and flicked off their lights after a unanimous goodnight.

I hate my life. Remus grumbled, putting a pillow over his head.



Are you going to try and act normal? Sirius asked in the early morning, stretching his arms and yawning as he sat up. For several hours Remus had been awake, reading over Cor's journal again, comparing notes from James' translations. It was a very comforting thought to know someone else had gone through such a miserable time at one point in their life. Cor, the old fool, had a very fine with with expressing his satirical opinions about life while still writing out information.

Sorry about yesterday...

Like you need to apologize. Sirius snorted, sitting down on the floor as he attempted to pull on his boots. And anyway, I read that the Luna Bonae Indolis is known to cause temporary and drastic changes in character.

Remus smiled to himself, not believing that. Society over-exaggerates the mental changes during full moons, he mused.

How's the arm?

Not getting a reply, he took matters in his own hands, and wrestled it free, stripping the improvised bandages away.

Oh, lovely. Infected. he mused. Maybe you should check Pomfrey on that, I doubt that particular shade of green indicates anything good.

Tearing his arm back, Remus rubbed at the wounds, trying to pick the scabs. Sirius flicked him on the forehead again.

Blood. Is. Bad. Concept, learn it. he said with a grin. I'll have James follow you down to the library, you can probably find some advanced Healing books with all your O.W.L. privileges. he said.

For a while Remus spaced out, mind a blur. Much as wanted different, he knew his friends treating him like a child was for the better.

God, I need to straighten my life out... he said to himself, falling back on the bed. The swirling pattern of the ceiling- dancing, he thought in amusement- helped to ease his troubled mind.

Maybe I should write Rom. God, its been so long. he said out loud, a moment later scrapping up a piece of paper and a loose quill.

Hey there,

What's it been, a month or two? Jesus, we really need to spend some time over the holiday's, you've missed... A lot. More than a lot. I was compelled to write you, seeing as my friends have me under prison watch for various reasons. How is everything? On my side of the table, well, thing's couldn't really be much worse. I'd rather explain later, so... Write me back, alright? We need to catch up on each other.

Rem

Hey Padfoot, can you go get an owl or something?

Will you last one minute twenty-three seconds without trying to kill yourself? he asked, and despite the sarcastic laughter, he was being dead serious.

Be quick. Remus said with a small smile. No sooner had he said that, Sirius burst out through one of his hidden passages.



Are you going to be alright, I mean, well...

Remus said, walking in stride with his friends. Lily hadn't been told what had happened, though she knew Snape was involved in something. They had come back from playing a short scrimmage of Quidditch canceled by James taking a Bludger to his jaw. He now walked ahead a few paces with his girlfriend, who was making a very big fuss about the hit.

You sure?

Yes Padfoot, stop badgering me. he snapped, though all meant in good humor. I figured even if I am Registered there's no chance at all that you and James would let me leave.

Damn right. James said from up ahead, cursing as he threw his jaw out of alignment again. Lily scoffed him on the head, and to Sirius and Remus' amusement, ended up dragging him off to the Infirmary through passages even they didn't know existed.

Really, you're okay with everything?

Rolling his eyes, Remus nodded his head. Were you dropped on the head as a child or what? I said I was fine.

Considering your past vows of that I can't take it in full heart.

Remus went ahead a few paces to hide the fact that he was grinning in a teary manner.

They actually cared...


Mr. Lupin, may I speak with you for a moment? Dumbledore asked, tapping him on the shoulder as the pair walked by. They stopped, turned around as one, staring up dreadfully.

Anything you have to say to him concerns me. Sirius piped, trying to suppress the sinking feeling in his stomach. Dumbledore nodded, and ushered them into his office. When the Headmaster had his back turned, Sirius yanked down on Remus' sleeves, making sure to cover the poorly-dressed wounds.

Remus, I have quite a bit to explain, but-

As soon as he began, Remus shut hs eyes, hands gripping at the sides of the chair. He felt Sirius nudge him once, smiling softly.

Don't worry. Me and James'll beat them over the head with French bread before they ever lay a hand on you. he mumbled under his breath.

Comforting thought. Remus snapped. My friends will to such great lengths for me as to defend my life with bread.

You deserve only the best.

Clearing his throat, Dumbledore smiled for a moment, and went on.



A/n- Sorry, couldn't help myself. :-D I'm having another one of my evil Slyth days. Well, you all are used to it by now, eh? Next one will be out shortly.

Review please!

Iggie

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