The Misadventures of Ky Kiske
By: Invader-Zam4
Disclaimer: All of the Guilty Gear characters portrayed here do not belong to me. They are property of Sammy. Please don't sue me. I don't have any money.
***
Chapter 3: Raiders of the Lost Magical-Expensive-Thingy
Ky was busy in his room calculating his...eheh...earnings. The sake sold pretty quickly and so did the China. Of course, there was the extra money the girls * ehem * "earned" from the sailors.
"Okay, finally, there's the money Saint and Olivia donated. Ugh, to think this money came from filthy, dirty seamen! I will have to make a raid on that place to show those stupid, salty bastards on what happens if you take advantage of little girls on Officer Ky's watch! But first I have to focus on getting that 1,000,000 World Dollars and getting Jam back. * Sigh * Okay, add that up with the saving I already have, and that amounts to..."
Ky pulled the lever on his magical adding machine. Ky took off his miniscule calculating glasses in disbelief. There was no way.
"400,000 world dollars?!"
Ky was understandably surprised. The amount he was expecting was less than half of that. Ky redid his calculation. There was no mistake. He currently had 400k world dollars. Ky was perplexed. How did he get that much money. Then Ky noticed the length of his parchment paper. It reached the floor already. Apparently, in addition to the expected money from his two missions, all the petty thieving the girls did added up. Hence, they got more money. But, that didn't explain everything. There was around 150,000 world dollars unaccounted for.
Then, the clock hit two.
"Oh, they must be at the ruins by now..."
***
Flashback to yesterday.
"Okay April, why don't we investigate that ruins Jam was exploring for the next mission?"
"I'm sorry Mr. Klyde, but someone beat us to it."
"WHAT?!"
"Yes, other people have already explored the entire ruins. Every nook and cranny has been mapped out and everything of value has been taken. A shame too. There was around 250,000 worth of valuables too."
Small spirit fires started appearing on Klyde's cap.
"But, there is another ruins we can explore!"
"Really? Where?"
"Here, 500km west of the city once known as "New York."
"But that place has already appeared on the news. Its probably crawling with explorers by now!"
"True, but no one has gotten to the lowest levels yet! All the traps and monsters scare, if not kill, them."
"Monsters? Traps? I don't know..."
"Don't worry Klyde! If we can strip in front of horny seamen AND not get raped, we can easily avoid a few traps!"
"...Alright. Just as long as you all promise NEVER to do something like that ever again!"
***
Meeting Room
Ky entered the meeting room. The eleven girls were already there, chatting, drinking lattes, looking at the Ky catalogue and giggling, even playing Tetris on an X-Cube.
"Okay! Lets get this pre-mission meeting started!"
OBJECTIVES
"Okay, our aim is to get to the lowest level and grab whatever's down there! We don't know what's down there so be careful. All we know is that there are numerous people already down there and there are a lot of traps and monsters too, so stay close."
"Um Klyde, may we make a request?"
"What is it May?"
"You see, people will be less suspicious if little girls talk to them. They could think that they are just playing archeologist or bringing food to their fathers. So they would probably impart information much more easier so..."
"You want me to stay behind? Is that it?"
"Um, yes..."
"Unfortunately, I can't do that. I know how absent-minded you girls can be! Remember our fight with Bridget? June almost died because she thought Roger was cute and tried to play with him!"
"Don't worry Klyde! I invented something that could help you keep an eye on us!"
"Is that so August?"
MAP
"The ruins is 500kms off the rubles of New York City. We will go around the city. We don't want to accidentally be around when I-NO gets her period."
"Yeah. Remember what happened to Zepp?"
"Man, I heard they are STILL trying to repair the west wing."
"Was that the same time Potemkin went into a concussion?"
"Oh yeah."
"While the ship hovers 250kms off the ruins, the main party will take one of the ships and enter the ruins."
CREW
"Mr. Klyde, for this mission, you can choose three of us to make the main party. Choose who you think will be most beneficial to the mission."
"Hm... August is the driller ready?"
"Uh, yes sir."
"Good, we might need it to break through hard walls."
"But I can just blow them up! Limestone only needs 3 pounds of plastic explosive to...*"
"No July, you might end up causing a cave-in."
"Hmph..."
"Okay, the first member is Jan. She is the only one who knows how to pilot the driller. Next one is Steph, in case we encounter some monsters. Finally, March, I noticed she has good people-skills. She can probably do the talking with the other ruin explorers."
MECHA
"Mr Klyde, you will be controlling this from the cockpit. The Chibi-Zepp!"
The Chibi-Zepp was a small zeppelin. A small box that had small helicopter blades for flight. There was a small hole, probably where the camera looks. So you can look only forward. You will have to turn the unit in order to see other things. It was relatively easy enough to control with remote control.
"Plus, we will be using this as well, the Driller!"
The driller was something of a construction tool. It was an open, mechanical box, toughly two meters. It was enough to fit a human person inside. Plus there was a drill on top. It travels via tank wheels so it moves rather slowly.
MISSION START
***
Klyde waltzed into the cockpit.
"Status report."
"They main party has reached the main entrance and is descending into the ruins."
"Will we be able to maintain a signal on the Chibi-Zepp?"
"Yes sir, we are using a strong 1-Terra Watt Signal tower so there is no danger of no signal."
"Very good. Oh by the way?"
"Yes Mr. Klyde?"
"I calculated all our earnings, it seems that we have 150,000 world dollars unaccounted for. Anyone have an idea how it got there?"
"May! You didn't tell him?"
"Um no..."
"Tell me what?"
"While you were sleeping, we got your money and...eheh...went to a casino."
Anime Physics at work! The following happen in the same order. Awkward silence followed by more awkward breeze Klyde turning stone and crumbling to dust Klyde reforming and and screaming his head off to the girls Girls going 'eheh' and 'oro'
"Lighten up Klyde!" replied the first mate and main reason of the gambling. "I mean, we did get you 150gran. So what are you whining about?"
"WHAT IF YOU LOST...?"
"Then you would have to stay with us a little longer. That's the worst case scenario."
"That would be so much work wasted!"
"Quit your whining Ky! Everything worked out for the best anyway!"
"...FINE. But from now on, all the money is deposited to MY bank account!"
"EH?!"
"That's right! Now on with the mission!"
"Hmph..."
***
At the ruins...
"Okay everyone, can you hear me?"
"Yeah!"
"Loud and clear!"
"August, couldn't you have put a Lay-Z Boy on this Driller? It's so uncomfortable!"
"Never mind that for now. I'll use the built in taser target to show you who to talk to alright?"
"ROGER"
"All right. Lets go!"
***
At the cockpit, Ky was watching the whole thing with the monitors. Of course, he could only see what the Chibi-Zepp could see. Luckily enough, the Chibi-Zepp was mobile enough to move around. Equally lucky enough was that no one suspected a weird mechanical thing that was moving around with three girls.
Ky pushed his controller forward. Pretty soon, he saw a relatively young miner down the tunnel.
"Hey, there's a guy!"
Ky used the taser target and shot it at the guy. The three girls rushed to the man.
"Huh? Are you girls digging too?" He spoke in a young, brash voice.
"Yes we are! We're explorers!" replied March
"Haha! Isn't that cute! Just be careful okay? There are a lot of traps around here so don't wander off too much alright?"
"Yes sir!"
"I have an idea, why don't we go together? The more the merrier is what I say!"
"um...what do you think Klyde?"
Klyde thought for a moment. "No, I don't trust him. Tell him that we aren't sharing any treasure."
"I'm sorry, we aren't sharing any treasure."
"You really believe that's there is treasure around here?"
"Um yes... Isn't that the reason you came down here?"
"Aw heck no! I already got my share of booty. I just want to know what's at the lower levels!"
Klyde thought once more. "Well, if that's the case, I guess we can let him join us."
"Okay, come along!"
"Cool! You'd better take this then..."
"What is it?"
"It's a map! I've mapped out all the know locations on the first two floors"
Klyde smiled. "That's nice of him. Be sure to thank him!"
"Thanks you sir!"
"Hey, call me Dipp. I'm sure we'll see each other soon! Well, good luck young explorers!"
"Thanks! Mr. Dipp!"
Acquired Map Dipp joined the party, for now...
***
So the four went off deeper in to the cavern. Klyde's sixth sense began tingling.
"Wait. The three of you stop..."
"Whats the matter Klyde?"
"There is something not right about this..."
"What are you three waiting for?" asked Dipp as he went forward.
Just then, Vahn tripped a laser trip wire. This caused a pendulum to fall perpendicular to the hallway and SMACK. Hit Dipp.
Dipp is now knocked out and cannot continue adventuring
Klyde hit his head. "Man he's so useless! Well go on without him!"
"B-bb-bb-but sir..."
"What is it?"
"The pendulum is still swinging!"
"Oh yeah, it is... There should be a switch somewhere... THERE! By the wall! It's so big only an idiot wouldn't see it."
"Huh?"
"..." Klyde taser targeted it.
"Oh! Over there." The girls proceeded to push it and the pendulum stopped.
"Okay! Lets go!"
***
They continued down the ruins, using Dipp's map to guide them. Eventually, they reached the stairway down to the third floor. There, they met a man in an advanced, complex armor. Although the wrinkles in his face clearly says that he has gone through many winters already, he was still very muscular.
"It looks he's a veteran. Let's talk to him."
"Yes sir!" Klyde taser targeted him
"Hm? Are you girls exploring too?" he spoke in a deep man's voice
"Yes sir! We're very good explorers! We disarmed a trap already!"
"Haha! That's good. But don't tell me you intend to go down here?"
"Umm...Why not?"
"There are a dozen traps down there! Plus, even if you get through all of them it will all be for naught! There is an unbreakable door down there. You'll need the key to open it."
"Oh. Okay. Thank you Mr..."
"Call me Ripp. If you girls were wise, you'd get out of here soon."
"What do we do now Klyde?"
"I'm sure that that key is somewhere around here. Lets go look for it!"
"Roger!"
*** "Wait a minute..." Ky thought as a particular wall caught his eye. He had the girls investigate it.
"It's a small cave-in sir! I can easily break through it! Should I?"
"Alright Jan, do it?"
Jan smiled, waved, then charged head on to the wall.
BONK!"
"Um Jan, try charging with the drill first..."
"Oh, okay!"
Jan was able to drill through the wall. They were in a small cavern. They was a woman of semi-dark skin and white hair inside. Klyde ordered the girls to investigate.
"Hello! What are you doing here?"
"I was trapped..." she is very soft-spoken. Her voice is very sultry though
"Oh! So we helped you?"
"Yes. Thanks..."
"Not exactly the talkative type is she?" observed Klyde
"Here, take this..."
"What is it?"
"Ohhh! It's an ancient artifact!"
"You can sell it for some money."
"Wow! Thanks!"
"I'm Tripp. Pleased to meet you."
"What could she be doing here?" Klyde wondered. Then he saw on the monitor some writing, that he taser targeted.
"What are these?"
"Those are Gypp's notes." Replied Tripp
"Gypp's notes?"
"Yes. Gypp is a famous explorer. He writes tips and hints to help newbie explorers."
"Wow! He's nice!"
"March, what does it say?" asked Klyde
"Lets see, it says..." Shift to Gypp's low, raspy voice.
I have been long investigating the mysterious fountain of bliss. It has been said that the fountain of bliss is magical water that if you drink it, all your troubles seem to go away, hence its name. It seems that the key to finding the fountain of bliss is to gather three special stones together. One of which is in this room.
"Sugoi! Should we get one? Huh? Jan? Steph? What are you doing?"
Jan and Steph were hiding behind Tripp.
"March...Why did your voice change while you were reading that?"
"Eh?!"
"Never mind that!" bellowed Klyde. "Just get a stone already!"
Acquired Mysterious Yellow Stone
***
And so the girls went on exploring. They disarmed a few traps, fought a robot or two. Nothing they could not handle. Until they got to a corner. According to Dipp's map, that led to a dead end. But there was a strange smoke that was coming from the corner.
"Oh no..." Klyde said as he realized what the smoke could be. "Poison gas! Jan! Steph! March! Get out of there!"
Too late...
"Aw man, are we like on the May ship again?"
"Yeah man, we are like...so high up."
"Dude, do you see a horse?"
"Yeah..."
"Is it pink?"
"Yeah..."
"Dude! You're wasted!'
"No. You're wasted..."
"No you."
"No you."
Everyone onboard was dumbfounded. "What are they talking about?"
"I don't know..."
"April, can you get an atmosphere analysis of the place?"
"Sure Klyde. First, I need a sample of the smoke, the Chibi-Zepp can get one. The vacuum is complete. Here it goes... Computer, begin analyzing atmosphere."
Beginning Analysis. Determining Properties. Cross Referencing Properties. Defining Parts. Whoa, I see dead people. Dude, where's my ram? Dude, where's my Ram? Man, I feel like I've attained cyber-buddha-ness. Or something.
"..." April began hitting the monitor
BAM! BAM! BAM! "Piece of junk..."
Analysis Complete. There are four major components in the atmosphere.25% Oxygen. 15% Carbon Dioxide. 10% Nitrogen. The last part is a huge saturation of carbon monoxide. The type of carbon monoxide that can cause intoxication, delusion, hallucination, manic-depression. Common name for product that can produce mentioned carbon dioxide is...*
"..."
"..."
"Marijuana. Oh boy, Klyde what do we do? Those girls are already high."
"* sigh * Okay. You three listen up. March, did you bring that thermos you were packing?"
"Um, I really don't know, but you know. Maybe I kinda did."
"Dude, its here!"
"Oh man, I must have some kind of, you know will of the word or something..."
"Anyway... All of you take a drink."
"Um...yeah sure."
"O-kinda-kay"
"Whatever."
The three did so. They all took one good long gulp. Five. Four. Three. Two. One...
"Oh my GOD! EEEEEEEEHHHHKKKKKKKK! Oh My **** God! *****, **** argh that doesn't taste ***** good! River dancing *****!"
"BLEEEEAAAAAAAA. **** Oh my **** ****! Argh yuck! Dog **** taco!"
"YUUUUUUUUUCK! **** **** ***** ***** **** ******* ******* ****** Barbara Streisand! "
The three were spitting like hell. The marijuana's effect was too weak for the over-powering liquid.
"Klyde, what was that?"
"Liquefied pizza with chocolate ice cream. I had a feeling they would need it."
***
After a few hours for cursing, the three girls got they're act together.
"Alright, lets find the joker responsible for this."
"Yeah!"
The three rushed into the corner to find.
"MR. ZANUFF?!"
"Chipp?! What's he doing here?" Asked Klyde furiously.
Indeed it was the ninja. He was on another pot session. He was smoking a huge marijuana cigar and making ship smokes ala Gandalf. He probably decided to do it here so that no one could see him.
"hey little sea goddesses what's up?" asked the high ninja.
Klyde, furious, put on the speakerphone on the Chibi-Zepp.
"Chipp what are you doing?! I thought you gave up drugs in order to be a ninja better?!"
"Whoa, Is that you Ky? Man, you lost weight or something dude. DUDE! You can, y' know, fly! That's great man. I wish I could fly. Or at least run fast like those ninjas."
"... Well talking to him is pointless. Lets go."
"Wait a minute man..."
"What?"
"I wanna make an offering to the sea goddesses. Y'know, so that we have waves and pot always. Here, like, take this."
"What is it?"
"Sir! It's the key! The key to the room at the bottom level!"
"March, how do you know that?"
"Um... would you believe plot device?"
"...No."
"Then... how about the Internet?"
"Well, that does make sense. Anyway, lets go."
"Fare thee well, little sea goddesses dudettes."
***
The main party descended down to the very last level. There was only a straight hallway that separated them from the door.
"Okay, you girls ready?"
"Um, Sir Klyde, I'm not so sure about this..."
"LETS GO!"
And so the three charged ahead. A variety of traps sprung that they only managed to dodge by a hair. Apparently, they're luck rolls all passed. The variety of traps included were... Arrows firing from the walls Magnets trying to attract them to the wall Iron balls chasing them Pendulums swinging around Fire firing everywhere Boxing gloves springing out of the ground Disco music Teletubbies in dominatrix outfits with strap-on dildos Barneys with guns Floors that open up, having spike at the bottom Wrestlers in Tutus Proton canons (they seem to be on the market now a days) TVs that have Sadako crawling out of (One actually had Zappa crawling out of it) Poisons Strings Hands that shoot out knives Lions and other animals Electricity Evil Eyes And a bunch of other stuff
Eventually, they reached the door
"Is everyone alright?"
The three were shivering beyond vibrational measurement.
"Teletubbies. So many TELETUBBIES!"
"I wuv you, you wuv me..."
"SADA..."
"I'll take that as a yes... Forward!"
"Y-y-y-yes s-s-s-s-sir..."
The three climbed on top of each other and the one on top shoved the key in and the door opened.
"Here we go!"
***
As the three entered, there was a swarm of Robo-Kliffs?
"Oh my god! This place must be connected top the old mine laboratory of the Shussen Kanryu Kyoku that collapsed a few years ago! I heard they made a Robo-Kliff before they made a Robo-Ky. But I didn't think that they would take the OLD Kliff. I thought they would use the young Kliff."
Indeed they were robotic duplicates of the old Sheiksidan leader. With one exception. They had big mallets instead of big kitchen knives.
"Klyde! They look strong!"
"Nonsense, we aren't going back now! Attack!"
"Owwwkaaay. Lets go girls."
"AAAAAAHHHH!" SMACK "OWWWWW!!!"
The girls were out numbered and out gunned. All they had was a Driller, their fist and a frying pan. They had mallets. Their first charge got them smacked back to the wall.
"Klyde! What do we do?"
"Knowing the sick humor of the post management bureau," Klyde thought to himself. "Girls! Throw rocks at them!"
"What?!"
"Just do it!"
The girls grabbed every rock and threw them. The Robo-Kliffs just leaned back and avoided them.
"Klyde! It's not working!"
"Just keep doing it! Anytime now..."
CRRRRRRAAAAAAACKKKKKKK
"OOOOOOOOOOO"
All the Robo-Kliff's back broke and they all collapsed momentarily. Except one.
"There! He is probably the leader! If we beat him, all of the Robo-Kliffs will deactivate!"
"How do you know Klyde?"
"Umm... Internet?"
"Okay! Lets go girls!"
Steph charged as the other two set up. The Robo-Kliff swung his mallet. Steph effortlessly dodged, showing her interpretive dance background. Then she did her Dynasty Warriors Combo. Jab, shin-kick, 45 kick, charge then a hay maker. This sent the robotic old man flying, into March! March was ready with her frying pan. Hey batter batter, hey batter, batter SWING BATTER, BATTER! Hit! Now Robo-Kliff was flying to wards Jan! Jan full charged the Driller. By the time the combo reached 25, the Robo-Kliff exploded. And so did the rest of the Robo-Kliffs. They had won.
Now a chest in the room opened up. A HUGE black crystal levitated upwards then towards the girls caught it.
"LOOK KLYDE! It's a giant dark matter!"
Dark matter is a special black crystal that powers most magical items in the world. Needless to say, they are worth a lot of money.
"Wow! Black matter! That's worth a lot! Especially since there is a dark matter shortage! Great job you guys!"
Everyone in the mine was there. Conveniently after the battle was done.
"Congratualtions! Don't you worry, I'll get the next one!" said Dipp
"Haha! You young girls have potential!" said Ripp
"Congratulations. You earned It." said Tripp
"You did it little sea goddesses dudettes." Replied Chipp
"Yay! We did it!"
"Lets go home!"
"Alright! Head on back now so that we can start the victory party!"
"Roger!"
"Hmm?"
"What is it April?"
"I got an anonymous email. It's a map of the ruins that Jam was going to explore."
"Strange, but why did s/he send it? We can download one anytime. The whole place has been explored anyway."
"No sir! According to this, there is a secret wall that leads to another part of the ruins! It hasn't been explored yet. He says that there is a great treasure there! What do you think sir?"
"Well, we don't have anymore missions, so lets do it! Bur for now, LETS PARTY!"
***
Meanwhile, elsewhere...
"AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!"
Zam screamed in blind fury as a raging pain flooded his body. He fell from his computer chair. Luckily, Millia didn't show up, since he was doing the title of her BGM, writhing in pain. It was like every muscle cramped up in his body. Like Kenshin getting slashed by Shishio's fire blade. Like enduring Kensiro's North Star Hundred-Crack Fist.
The pain lasted for around a minute. But it did eventually subside. But something else lingered on. Fear. Zam knew that there was only one thing that could have caused his immense pain.
To Zam, his reality is like a part of his body. It exists as he breathes. If something goes wrong, Zam will feel it. He has a mysterious psychic link to the universe he has created. To him, he is just not the God of his world, he is the life force of it as well. If something goes against his will, it will cause a fluctuation in the waves of reality, which translates to pain for him.
Zam now realizes that something, or someone, is messing with his world. He had his suspicion, as well as his doubts. But the pain was all too real. As the pain subsides, he stands up and faces the moon. The moon of his design, he could easily will it to be anything he desires. He sighs and lights up another cigarette. As he takes one long puff, the moon's light gleams in his blue/brown eyes. He faces the dark blue sky with a sense of anxiety.
"So, you are here... MIR!"
"Sir!" replied the red-eyed bot
"Call Helena. We're going to the PORNO STORE."
"WHHEEEE! ERO! ERO! ERO!" needless to say, his red eyes returned to their natural blue.
***
Preview of the next chapter: Konichiwa mina-san. This is Invader-Zam4 speaking. The pain still seems to grow. At this rate, I wont be able to continue my story. I might actually die! I have to get out of my universe for a while. I have to consult with someone first. I guess its high time everyone learned the true story of Sho Tsuzuku. Yes, I know he is in my world and I should deal with him before he becomes too much of a problem that he becomes a threat, but I wont. I have my reasons. Next time on The Misadventure of Ky Kiske, Sub Chapter: Zam's Creed. Its not stupid, its ADVANCED.
Disclaimer: All of the Guilty Gear characters portrayed here do not belong to me. They are property of Sammy. Please don't sue me. I don't have any money.
***
Chapter 3: Raiders of the Lost Magical-Expensive-Thingy
Ky was busy in his room calculating his...eheh...earnings. The sake sold pretty quickly and so did the China. Of course, there was the extra money the girls * ehem * "earned" from the sailors.
"Okay, finally, there's the money Saint and Olivia donated. Ugh, to think this money came from filthy, dirty seamen! I will have to make a raid on that place to show those stupid, salty bastards on what happens if you take advantage of little girls on Officer Ky's watch! But first I have to focus on getting that 1,000,000 World Dollars and getting Jam back. * Sigh * Okay, add that up with the saving I already have, and that amounts to..."
Ky pulled the lever on his magical adding machine. Ky took off his miniscule calculating glasses in disbelief. There was no way.
"400,000 world dollars?!"
Ky was understandably surprised. The amount he was expecting was less than half of that. Ky redid his calculation. There was no mistake. He currently had 400k world dollars. Ky was perplexed. How did he get that much money. Then Ky noticed the length of his parchment paper. It reached the floor already. Apparently, in addition to the expected money from his two missions, all the petty thieving the girls did added up. Hence, they got more money. But, that didn't explain everything. There was around 150,000 world dollars unaccounted for.
Then, the clock hit two.
"Oh, they must be at the ruins by now..."
***
Flashback to yesterday.
"Okay April, why don't we investigate that ruins Jam was exploring for the next mission?"
"I'm sorry Mr. Klyde, but someone beat us to it."
"WHAT?!"
"Yes, other people have already explored the entire ruins. Every nook and cranny has been mapped out and everything of value has been taken. A shame too. There was around 250,000 worth of valuables too."
Small spirit fires started appearing on Klyde's cap.
"But, there is another ruins we can explore!"
"Really? Where?"
"Here, 500km west of the city once known as "New York."
"But that place has already appeared on the news. Its probably crawling with explorers by now!"
"True, but no one has gotten to the lowest levels yet! All the traps and monsters scare, if not kill, them."
"Monsters? Traps? I don't know..."
"Don't worry Klyde! If we can strip in front of horny seamen AND not get raped, we can easily avoid a few traps!"
"...Alright. Just as long as you all promise NEVER to do something like that ever again!"
***
Meeting Room
Ky entered the meeting room. The eleven girls were already there, chatting, drinking lattes, looking at the Ky catalogue and giggling, even playing Tetris on an X-Cube.
"Okay! Lets get this pre-mission meeting started!"
OBJECTIVES
"Okay, our aim is to get to the lowest level and grab whatever's down there! We don't know what's down there so be careful. All we know is that there are numerous people already down there and there are a lot of traps and monsters too, so stay close."
"Um Klyde, may we make a request?"
"What is it May?"
"You see, people will be less suspicious if little girls talk to them. They could think that they are just playing archeologist or bringing food to their fathers. So they would probably impart information much more easier so..."
"You want me to stay behind? Is that it?"
"Um, yes..."
"Unfortunately, I can't do that. I know how absent-minded you girls can be! Remember our fight with Bridget? June almost died because she thought Roger was cute and tried to play with him!"
"Don't worry Klyde! I invented something that could help you keep an eye on us!"
"Is that so August?"
MAP
"The ruins is 500kms off the rubles of New York City. We will go around the city. We don't want to accidentally be around when I-NO gets her period."
"Yeah. Remember what happened to Zepp?"
"Man, I heard they are STILL trying to repair the west wing."
"Was that the same time Potemkin went into a concussion?"
"Oh yeah."
"While the ship hovers 250kms off the ruins, the main party will take one of the ships and enter the ruins."
CREW
"Mr. Klyde, for this mission, you can choose three of us to make the main party. Choose who you think will be most beneficial to the mission."
"Hm... August is the driller ready?"
"Uh, yes sir."
"Good, we might need it to break through hard walls."
"But I can just blow them up! Limestone only needs 3 pounds of plastic explosive to...*"
"No July, you might end up causing a cave-in."
"Hmph..."
"Okay, the first member is Jan. She is the only one who knows how to pilot the driller. Next one is Steph, in case we encounter some monsters. Finally, March, I noticed she has good people-skills. She can probably do the talking with the other ruin explorers."
MECHA
"Mr Klyde, you will be controlling this from the cockpit. The Chibi-Zepp!"
The Chibi-Zepp was a small zeppelin. A small box that had small helicopter blades for flight. There was a small hole, probably where the camera looks. So you can look only forward. You will have to turn the unit in order to see other things. It was relatively easy enough to control with remote control.
"Plus, we will be using this as well, the Driller!"
The driller was something of a construction tool. It was an open, mechanical box, toughly two meters. It was enough to fit a human person inside. Plus there was a drill on top. It travels via tank wheels so it moves rather slowly.
MISSION START
***
Klyde waltzed into the cockpit.
"Status report."
"They main party has reached the main entrance and is descending into the ruins."
"Will we be able to maintain a signal on the Chibi-Zepp?"
"Yes sir, we are using a strong 1-Terra Watt Signal tower so there is no danger of no signal."
"Very good. Oh by the way?"
"Yes Mr. Klyde?"
"I calculated all our earnings, it seems that we have 150,000 world dollars unaccounted for. Anyone have an idea how it got there?"
"May! You didn't tell him?"
"Um no..."
"Tell me what?"
"While you were sleeping, we got your money and...eheh...went to a casino."
Anime Physics at work! The following happen in the same order. Awkward silence followed by more awkward breeze Klyde turning stone and crumbling to dust Klyde reforming and and screaming his head off to the girls Girls going 'eheh' and 'oro'
"Lighten up Klyde!" replied the first mate and main reason of the gambling. "I mean, we did get you 150gran. So what are you whining about?"
"WHAT IF YOU LOST...?"
"Then you would have to stay with us a little longer. That's the worst case scenario."
"That would be so much work wasted!"
"Quit your whining Ky! Everything worked out for the best anyway!"
"...FINE. But from now on, all the money is deposited to MY bank account!"
"EH?!"
"That's right! Now on with the mission!"
"Hmph..."
***
At the ruins...
"Okay everyone, can you hear me?"
"Yeah!"
"Loud and clear!"
"August, couldn't you have put a Lay-Z Boy on this Driller? It's so uncomfortable!"
"Never mind that for now. I'll use the built in taser target to show you who to talk to alright?"
"ROGER"
"All right. Lets go!"
***
At the cockpit, Ky was watching the whole thing with the monitors. Of course, he could only see what the Chibi-Zepp could see. Luckily enough, the Chibi-Zepp was mobile enough to move around. Equally lucky enough was that no one suspected a weird mechanical thing that was moving around with three girls.
Ky pushed his controller forward. Pretty soon, he saw a relatively young miner down the tunnel.
"Hey, there's a guy!"
Ky used the taser target and shot it at the guy. The three girls rushed to the man.
"Huh? Are you girls digging too?" He spoke in a young, brash voice.
"Yes we are! We're explorers!" replied March
"Haha! Isn't that cute! Just be careful okay? There are a lot of traps around here so don't wander off too much alright?"
"Yes sir!"
"I have an idea, why don't we go together? The more the merrier is what I say!"
"um...what do you think Klyde?"
Klyde thought for a moment. "No, I don't trust him. Tell him that we aren't sharing any treasure."
"I'm sorry, we aren't sharing any treasure."
"You really believe that's there is treasure around here?"
"Um yes... Isn't that the reason you came down here?"
"Aw heck no! I already got my share of booty. I just want to know what's at the lower levels!"
Klyde thought once more. "Well, if that's the case, I guess we can let him join us."
"Okay, come along!"
"Cool! You'd better take this then..."
"What is it?"
"It's a map! I've mapped out all the know locations on the first two floors"
Klyde smiled. "That's nice of him. Be sure to thank him!"
"Thanks you sir!"
"Hey, call me Dipp. I'm sure we'll see each other soon! Well, good luck young explorers!"
"Thanks! Mr. Dipp!"
Acquired Map Dipp joined the party, for now...
***
So the four went off deeper in to the cavern. Klyde's sixth sense began tingling.
"Wait. The three of you stop..."
"Whats the matter Klyde?"
"There is something not right about this..."
"What are you three waiting for?" asked Dipp as he went forward.
Just then, Vahn tripped a laser trip wire. This caused a pendulum to fall perpendicular to the hallway and SMACK. Hit Dipp.
Dipp is now knocked out and cannot continue adventuring
Klyde hit his head. "Man he's so useless! Well go on without him!"
"B-bb-bb-but sir..."
"What is it?"
"The pendulum is still swinging!"
"Oh yeah, it is... There should be a switch somewhere... THERE! By the wall! It's so big only an idiot wouldn't see it."
"Huh?"
"..." Klyde taser targeted it.
"Oh! Over there." The girls proceeded to push it and the pendulum stopped.
"Okay! Lets go!"
***
They continued down the ruins, using Dipp's map to guide them. Eventually, they reached the stairway down to the third floor. There, they met a man in an advanced, complex armor. Although the wrinkles in his face clearly says that he has gone through many winters already, he was still very muscular.
"It looks he's a veteran. Let's talk to him."
"Yes sir!" Klyde taser targeted him
"Hm? Are you girls exploring too?" he spoke in a deep man's voice
"Yes sir! We're very good explorers! We disarmed a trap already!"
"Haha! That's good. But don't tell me you intend to go down here?"
"Umm...Why not?"
"There are a dozen traps down there! Plus, even if you get through all of them it will all be for naught! There is an unbreakable door down there. You'll need the key to open it."
"Oh. Okay. Thank you Mr..."
"Call me Ripp. If you girls were wise, you'd get out of here soon."
"What do we do now Klyde?"
"I'm sure that that key is somewhere around here. Lets go look for it!"
"Roger!"
*** "Wait a minute..." Ky thought as a particular wall caught his eye. He had the girls investigate it.
"It's a small cave-in sir! I can easily break through it! Should I?"
"Alright Jan, do it?"
Jan smiled, waved, then charged head on to the wall.
BONK!"
"Um Jan, try charging with the drill first..."
"Oh, okay!"
Jan was able to drill through the wall. They were in a small cavern. They was a woman of semi-dark skin and white hair inside. Klyde ordered the girls to investigate.
"Hello! What are you doing here?"
"I was trapped..." she is very soft-spoken. Her voice is very sultry though
"Oh! So we helped you?"
"Yes. Thanks..."
"Not exactly the talkative type is she?" observed Klyde
"Here, take this..."
"What is it?"
"Ohhh! It's an ancient artifact!"
"You can sell it for some money."
"Wow! Thanks!"
"I'm Tripp. Pleased to meet you."
"What could she be doing here?" Klyde wondered. Then he saw on the monitor some writing, that he taser targeted.
"What are these?"
"Those are Gypp's notes." Replied Tripp
"Gypp's notes?"
"Yes. Gypp is a famous explorer. He writes tips and hints to help newbie explorers."
"Wow! He's nice!"
"March, what does it say?" asked Klyde
"Lets see, it says..." Shift to Gypp's low, raspy voice.
I have been long investigating the mysterious fountain of bliss. It has been said that the fountain of bliss is magical water that if you drink it, all your troubles seem to go away, hence its name. It seems that the key to finding the fountain of bliss is to gather three special stones together. One of which is in this room.
"Sugoi! Should we get one? Huh? Jan? Steph? What are you doing?"
Jan and Steph were hiding behind Tripp.
"March...Why did your voice change while you were reading that?"
"Eh?!"
"Never mind that!" bellowed Klyde. "Just get a stone already!"
Acquired Mysterious Yellow Stone
***
And so the girls went on exploring. They disarmed a few traps, fought a robot or two. Nothing they could not handle. Until they got to a corner. According to Dipp's map, that led to a dead end. But there was a strange smoke that was coming from the corner.
"Oh no..." Klyde said as he realized what the smoke could be. "Poison gas! Jan! Steph! March! Get out of there!"
Too late...
"Aw man, are we like on the May ship again?"
"Yeah man, we are like...so high up."
"Dude, do you see a horse?"
"Yeah..."
"Is it pink?"
"Yeah..."
"Dude! You're wasted!'
"No. You're wasted..."
"No you."
"No you."
Everyone onboard was dumbfounded. "What are they talking about?"
"I don't know..."
"April, can you get an atmosphere analysis of the place?"
"Sure Klyde. First, I need a sample of the smoke, the Chibi-Zepp can get one. The vacuum is complete. Here it goes... Computer, begin analyzing atmosphere."
Beginning Analysis. Determining Properties. Cross Referencing Properties. Defining Parts. Whoa, I see dead people. Dude, where's my ram? Dude, where's my Ram? Man, I feel like I've attained cyber-buddha-ness. Or something.
"..." April began hitting the monitor
BAM! BAM! BAM! "Piece of junk..."
Analysis Complete. There are four major components in the atmosphere.25% Oxygen. 15% Carbon Dioxide. 10% Nitrogen. The last part is a huge saturation of carbon monoxide. The type of carbon monoxide that can cause intoxication, delusion, hallucination, manic-depression. Common name for product that can produce mentioned carbon dioxide is...*
"..."
"..."
"Marijuana. Oh boy, Klyde what do we do? Those girls are already high."
"* sigh * Okay. You three listen up. March, did you bring that thermos you were packing?"
"Um, I really don't know, but you know. Maybe I kinda did."
"Dude, its here!"
"Oh man, I must have some kind of, you know will of the word or something..."
"Anyway... All of you take a drink."
"Um...yeah sure."
"O-kinda-kay"
"Whatever."
The three did so. They all took one good long gulp. Five. Four. Three. Two. One...
"Oh my GOD! EEEEEEEEHHHHKKKKKKKK! Oh My **** God! *****, **** argh that doesn't taste ***** good! River dancing *****!"
"BLEEEEAAAAAAAA. **** Oh my **** ****! Argh yuck! Dog **** taco!"
"YUUUUUUUUUCK! **** **** ***** ***** **** ******* ******* ****** Barbara Streisand! "
The three were spitting like hell. The marijuana's effect was too weak for the over-powering liquid.
"Klyde, what was that?"
"Liquefied pizza with chocolate ice cream. I had a feeling they would need it."
***
After a few hours for cursing, the three girls got they're act together.
"Alright, lets find the joker responsible for this."
"Yeah!"
The three rushed into the corner to find.
"MR. ZANUFF?!"
"Chipp?! What's he doing here?" Asked Klyde furiously.
Indeed it was the ninja. He was on another pot session. He was smoking a huge marijuana cigar and making ship smokes ala Gandalf. He probably decided to do it here so that no one could see him.
"hey little sea goddesses what's up?" asked the high ninja.
Klyde, furious, put on the speakerphone on the Chibi-Zepp.
"Chipp what are you doing?! I thought you gave up drugs in order to be a ninja better?!"
"Whoa, Is that you Ky? Man, you lost weight or something dude. DUDE! You can, y' know, fly! That's great man. I wish I could fly. Or at least run fast like those ninjas."
"... Well talking to him is pointless. Lets go."
"Wait a minute man..."
"What?"
"I wanna make an offering to the sea goddesses. Y'know, so that we have waves and pot always. Here, like, take this."
"What is it?"
"Sir! It's the key! The key to the room at the bottom level!"
"March, how do you know that?"
"Um... would you believe plot device?"
"...No."
"Then... how about the Internet?"
"Well, that does make sense. Anyway, lets go."
"Fare thee well, little sea goddesses dudettes."
***
The main party descended down to the very last level. There was only a straight hallway that separated them from the door.
"Okay, you girls ready?"
"Um, Sir Klyde, I'm not so sure about this..."
"LETS GO!"
And so the three charged ahead. A variety of traps sprung that they only managed to dodge by a hair. Apparently, they're luck rolls all passed. The variety of traps included were... Arrows firing from the walls Magnets trying to attract them to the wall Iron balls chasing them Pendulums swinging around Fire firing everywhere Boxing gloves springing out of the ground Disco music Teletubbies in dominatrix outfits with strap-on dildos Barneys with guns Floors that open up, having spike at the bottom Wrestlers in Tutus Proton canons (they seem to be on the market now a days) TVs that have Sadako crawling out of (One actually had Zappa crawling out of it) Poisons Strings Hands that shoot out knives Lions and other animals Electricity Evil Eyes And a bunch of other stuff
Eventually, they reached the door
"Is everyone alright?"
The three were shivering beyond vibrational measurement.
"Teletubbies. So many TELETUBBIES!"
"I wuv you, you wuv me..."
"SADA..."
"I'll take that as a yes... Forward!"
"Y-y-y-yes s-s-s-s-sir..."
The three climbed on top of each other and the one on top shoved the key in and the door opened.
"Here we go!"
***
As the three entered, there was a swarm of Robo-Kliffs?
"Oh my god! This place must be connected top the old mine laboratory of the Shussen Kanryu Kyoku that collapsed a few years ago! I heard they made a Robo-Kliff before they made a Robo-Ky. But I didn't think that they would take the OLD Kliff. I thought they would use the young Kliff."
Indeed they were robotic duplicates of the old Sheiksidan leader. With one exception. They had big mallets instead of big kitchen knives.
"Klyde! They look strong!"
"Nonsense, we aren't going back now! Attack!"
"Owwwkaaay. Lets go girls."
"AAAAAAHHHH!" SMACK "OWWWWW!!!"
The girls were out numbered and out gunned. All they had was a Driller, their fist and a frying pan. They had mallets. Their first charge got them smacked back to the wall.
"Klyde! What do we do?"
"Knowing the sick humor of the post management bureau," Klyde thought to himself. "Girls! Throw rocks at them!"
"What?!"
"Just do it!"
The girls grabbed every rock and threw them. The Robo-Kliffs just leaned back and avoided them.
"Klyde! It's not working!"
"Just keep doing it! Anytime now..."
CRRRRRRAAAAAAACKKKKKKK
"OOOOOOOOOOO"
All the Robo-Kliff's back broke and they all collapsed momentarily. Except one.
"There! He is probably the leader! If we beat him, all of the Robo-Kliffs will deactivate!"
"How do you know Klyde?"
"Umm... Internet?"
"Okay! Lets go girls!"
Steph charged as the other two set up. The Robo-Kliff swung his mallet. Steph effortlessly dodged, showing her interpretive dance background. Then she did her Dynasty Warriors Combo. Jab, shin-kick, 45 kick, charge then a hay maker. This sent the robotic old man flying, into March! March was ready with her frying pan. Hey batter batter, hey batter, batter SWING BATTER, BATTER! Hit! Now Robo-Kliff was flying to wards Jan! Jan full charged the Driller. By the time the combo reached 25, the Robo-Kliff exploded. And so did the rest of the Robo-Kliffs. They had won.
Now a chest in the room opened up. A HUGE black crystal levitated upwards then towards the girls caught it.
"LOOK KLYDE! It's a giant dark matter!"
Dark matter is a special black crystal that powers most magical items in the world. Needless to say, they are worth a lot of money.
"Wow! Black matter! That's worth a lot! Especially since there is a dark matter shortage! Great job you guys!"
Everyone in the mine was there. Conveniently after the battle was done.
"Congratualtions! Don't you worry, I'll get the next one!" said Dipp
"Haha! You young girls have potential!" said Ripp
"Congratulations. You earned It." said Tripp
"You did it little sea goddesses dudettes." Replied Chipp
"Yay! We did it!"
"Lets go home!"
"Alright! Head on back now so that we can start the victory party!"
"Roger!"
"Hmm?"
"What is it April?"
"I got an anonymous email. It's a map of the ruins that Jam was going to explore."
"Strange, but why did s/he send it? We can download one anytime. The whole place has been explored anyway."
"No sir! According to this, there is a secret wall that leads to another part of the ruins! It hasn't been explored yet. He says that there is a great treasure there! What do you think sir?"
"Well, we don't have anymore missions, so lets do it! Bur for now, LETS PARTY!"
***
Meanwhile, elsewhere...
"AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!"
Zam screamed in blind fury as a raging pain flooded his body. He fell from his computer chair. Luckily, Millia didn't show up, since he was doing the title of her BGM, writhing in pain. It was like every muscle cramped up in his body. Like Kenshin getting slashed by Shishio's fire blade. Like enduring Kensiro's North Star Hundred-Crack Fist.
The pain lasted for around a minute. But it did eventually subside. But something else lingered on. Fear. Zam knew that there was only one thing that could have caused his immense pain.
To Zam, his reality is like a part of his body. It exists as he breathes. If something goes wrong, Zam will feel it. He has a mysterious psychic link to the universe he has created. To him, he is just not the God of his world, he is the life force of it as well. If something goes against his will, it will cause a fluctuation in the waves of reality, which translates to pain for him.
Zam now realizes that something, or someone, is messing with his world. He had his suspicion, as well as his doubts. But the pain was all too real. As the pain subsides, he stands up and faces the moon. The moon of his design, he could easily will it to be anything he desires. He sighs and lights up another cigarette. As he takes one long puff, the moon's light gleams in his blue/brown eyes. He faces the dark blue sky with a sense of anxiety.
"So, you are here... MIR!"
"Sir!" replied the red-eyed bot
"Call Helena. We're going to the PORNO STORE."
"WHHEEEE! ERO! ERO! ERO!" needless to say, his red eyes returned to their natural blue.
***
Preview of the next chapter: Konichiwa mina-san. This is Invader-Zam4 speaking. The pain still seems to grow. At this rate, I wont be able to continue my story. I might actually die! I have to get out of my universe for a while. I have to consult with someone first. I guess its high time everyone learned the true story of Sho Tsuzuku. Yes, I know he is in my world and I should deal with him before he becomes too much of a problem that he becomes a threat, but I wont. I have my reasons. Next time on The Misadventure of Ky Kiske, Sub Chapter: Zam's Creed. Its not stupid, its ADVANCED.