Author's Note: There is no time passing between chapters. Chapter 4 begins right where chapter 3 left off, except from a different point of view.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. End of story.
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~ ~ Chapter 4 ~ ~
~ ~ I wanna hold you high and steal your pain ~ ~
[Kagome's mom's point of view]
When Mrs. Higurashi had first laid eyes on her daughter after her return from Feudal Japan, she had literally been stunned into silence. She washed the dinner dishes slowly, remembering every minute of the day of Kagome's return.
~ ~ Flashback ~ ~
Kagome stumbled out of the well-house and wandered dazedly into the house. Mrs. Higurashi, pleased by her daughter's unexpected return after so many weeks gone, ran up to greet her. She stopped short, though, when she caught sight of the look on Kagome's face. Mrs. Higurashi drew back in horror, instinctively recoiling from the anguished aura surrounding Kagome; the pain and tension was a palpable presence in the air. She tried to gather her daughter into her arms for an embrace, but Kagome just stared blankly at her. Kagome was lost in a world consisting of her own inner pain, and she had yet to find her way back to the world of the three-dimensional people.
~ ~ End Flashback ~ ~
From that day on, Kagome had refused all physical contact; she wouldn't even hug her beloved younger brother Souta.
She looked like she was dead: her skin was pale and she had lost a lot of weight, but the worst part was her eyes. I'll never forget that haunted look in her eyes. It's a look that mothers never want to see, especially not when it's in their child's eyes. No mother should ever have to see their baby reduced to the state Kagome was… is in.
Mrs. Higurashi had wanted to ask Kagome what had happened in the Feudal Era to make her so sad, but she had hesitated. "It must be something to do with that boy Inuyasha," she had thought to herself. "Kagome will tell me all about it when she's ready, but right now the pain is still too fresh. We'll talk about it in a few days when she's feeling better again." Unfortunately, Kagome hadn't been better after a few days. Hell, Kagome wasn't better after a few months. And Mrs. Higurashi felt that it was long past time she did something about the state her daughter was in. Kagome obviously couldn't cope on her own, and Mrs. Higurashi felt compelled to re-involve herself in her daughter's life. I can only force her to eat for so long. She'll have to learn to live again on her own, but I don't know if she can do that. She has to want to live again, and I don't know how to re-teach her that.
Mrs. Higurashi finished washing the dishes and then tucked Souta into bed. But she was still preoccupied with Kagome and the complicated dilemma she found herself faced with. I want to help but I don't know how. She tried to go to sleep, but found it difficult to sink into that blissful oblivion; her mind was still too active. So instead she decided to go downstairs to make herself a cup of tea. Maybe tea will help me think of a way to help Kagome.
Mrs. Higurashi walked into the kitchen, but instead of going to the stove she sank into a chair and buried her head in her arms. She began sobbing uncontrollably. Kagome, I wish that I could take your pain into myself and suffer in your place. It's so hard for a mother to see her baby this way and not be able to do anything about it. I would do anything to not have to see that agonized look in my child's eyes.
[Kagome's pov]
A sleepless Kagome wandered into the kitchen in the middle of the night to make herself a cup of tea. She was expecting a dark and empty room, but was instead confronted by a disturbing sight. She held herself back so that the sobbing person at the table wouldn't catch sight of her. Mom is… crying?! Why is she crying? But then her mother whispered a word that brought the young girl understanding: "Kagome," Mrs. Higurashi whispered in a trembling, sorrowful voice.
Kagome snuck back up the stairs and slipped quietly back to the safe shadows of her bedroom. Mom's crying over me? Why? What did I do? Kagome knew what had made her mother cry, but she had misunderstood the reason behind the tears; her assumed knowledge didn't comfort her. Mom, sometimes I think that if I just went away it would be better for you all. Maybe you guys would be happier without me… just like Inuyasha.
Kagome drew the knife out of its hiding place under the mattress of her bed. She stared intently at it, its razor-sharp blade glittering in the moonlight. Maybe you would be better off without me. I promise, Mom, one day soon you won't have to worry anymore… I won't cause you any more pain.
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Author's Note: Some of you have expressed… displeasure at the cutting scene of last chapter. Well, all I can say is this: if you have ever had any experience, personal or otherwise, with self-mutilation, then you will understand how perfectly it fits. As someone who has been in the exact position Kagome is in, the only thing I can tell you is that when you're in that much pain you don't care about anything other than relieving yourself of some of the suffering. Physical pain is much easier to cope with than emotional pain, and for a brief moment they cancel each other out. I feel that self-inflicted wounds are as addictive as any pain-reliever, because that is essentially the purpose they serve. (Keep in mind that I speak from my own experience. Other people may have different things to say. I'm just trying to rationalize it for you. It wasn't some tear-jerker nonsense I put in to depress you all.)
Responses: (yay!)
Jammies2000: I think that Inuyasha hurt her too much for them to ever go back to the way things were between them. But who knows. Maybe they will end up getting back together. And yes, Kagome either has to go back or Inuyasha has to come get the shard. *wink* It's a way for me not to have to fully end things between them indefinitely. P.s. Somehow I think you're right about things not lasting with the clay doll!! Thanks for reviewing!
WinterBlossom/YukiSakura: Yup, Kagome is a cutter. Do you think that's too hard to believe?? Just curious… And OOC Sess-chan will probably be showing up here in the next couple of chapters!! YAY!! Thank you for reviewing!
Madin-of-tv: *stares wide-eyed* Eep?! Here's an update, so please don't kill me!!! Lol Glad you liked the story, thanks for the review!
Swimchick1614: Yea, Kagome can still go back. But who knows if that will make any difference to that baka hanyou?! Thank you for the review!
Pinayazngrl: *nods head* Inuyasha is certainly a moron, for sure. He might realize his mistake, but who knows. Maybe someone else will enter the picture and heal Kagome's wounds (both physical and emotional.) I'm so glad you luv the story!! Here's an update, just for you!
DraGonMistress704: Hell yea, when you beat up Kikyou I totally got your back!! I agree, she needs to die. I'm thinking of all the wonderful ways I can kill her off… LilacRose23 thought up some awesome ones!! Thanks for reviewing!!
Moonlight-angel2003: Yup, Kikyou is a stupid clay pot. But don't worry about Kagome, I promise to make it all up to her by the end. She shall have her revenge!!! Muah ha ha ha!!
Animekidd1: *blushes* Of course you can use it in your future stories!! I don't think your story was pathetic, I liked it a lot. I think you did a great job on it. Thank you so much for the review!!
ShortPoet: You are my hero cause you always seem to understand how and why I put things in my stories. A lot of people have complained about the cutting scene and how it doesn't fit and how it's just dumb, but you understand!!! Yes, I plan to use it later in the story with you-know-who!! Advice is always welcome and appreciated, especially when it's as good as yours always is. Thanks for understanding my writing!!
Tessie-fanfic: Yup. It is sad, isn't it? It happens far too often in real life too, in my opinion. Thanks for reviewing!
LilacRose23: I myself have also been in Kagome's situation, so the feelings I write for her have actually been mine at one point in my life. Thank you so much for understanding it (a lot of people don't, and have been complaining about it). As for killing off Kikyou: OMG I loved your ideas!! Especially the acid rain one… my roommate and I cracked up for days after reading that! Thank you for reviewing, the fact that you and ShortPoet understood this chapter really made me feel better. You guys are awesome!!