The Misadventures of Ky Kiske
By: Invader-Zam4
Disclaimer: All of the characters mentioned here are not my property. Ky Kiske and all related Guilty Gear trademarks are property of Sammy. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.
Chapter 4: The Shadow Puppets From Hell!
Samael Tsuzuku, evil side of Sho Tsuzuku, parasite of worlds, stared out into the window of his hotel room. He was somewhere in Switzerland. He stared out into the scenery. The mountains were majestic. The trees swayed with the wind. Dragons competed for the dominance of the sky against the clouds. People walking peacefully by, until a random monster appears and they all draw weapons or start casting spells. As he burned the beautiful scenery in his mind, he made a smug smirk.
"So this is the insanity that Zam has created eh? Its not too bad, I guess. Could use a little work."
In the back of his mind, Samael knew that Zam was weakening. If he could be seen openly in public and nothing bad happening to him, he must be too weak to do anything about it. If what his assistant told him is true, it is already a challenge for Zam to maintain this world and his life. Just then, his manservant came in.
"Sir."
"Ah, Mancervantes, you return with news, I trust?"
"Indeed I have sir. I have the information you were seeking."
"About the hexagon?"
"Indeed"
"Well, lets have it then!"
With the sole purpose of protecting author universes from spiteful antagonists or created characters that have gone out of control, the hexagon is the final line of defense of all realities. It is a council of self-insert writers who have well developed their characters and created them with justifiable and equal strengths. They have purposely forsaken God- moding, in the realization that this will not give an interesting story. The secondary purpose of the hexagon is to add excitement to a fanfiction. By their sheer presence at a story, they add their own brew of angst, comedy and weirdness to a story. The hexagon only intervenes if the ordinary protagonists, characters and author-inserts fail to stop a threat. They are dedicated to keeping an author of a universe the God of it. The other exception is if an author experiences writer's block of writer's boredom. Those are the only times the hexagon intervenes as a group. As individuals, however, they intervene whenever it is convenient for them. Despite the benevolence of their mission, each member seems to have their own agenda when not doing their duties. Whether it is gaining new powers, spreading their influence or developing their self-insert, the members have been known to freely intrude with the many anime and fancfiction universes.
"..." Mancervantes paused
Samael blinked repeatedly.
"Well, its like a League of Extraordinary Self-Inserts. So if a universe or reality is in trouble, they mess with it..."
"If it isn't, they mess with it anyway..." Mancervantes completed.
"How strange. So who are the members of this 'council'?"
"I was only able to get four of them sir."
File 001
Name: Sho Tsuzuku
Current Location: East Town/Porno shop
Abilities: Power of Convenience, Negotiation skills.
Other notes: He has an ability similar to Kenshiro's pressure point where you point your gun at yourself, except he needs not touch you. He is not lucky, everything that happens is just convenient for him. Example, when he was at the roulette table, he bet half of his billions on 00 green. While the ball was spinning, a man chewing gum tripped. He spit the gum unto the green slot. The ball stayed at the green slot. Sho now owns that casino.
File 002
Name: The Shady Guy
Current Location: Unknown. Doing several errands for the porno shop he jointly own with Sho.
Abilities: Power of Porno, Technical Skill, Artistic Vision, Multiple personas
Other notes: He seems to be the group's mechanic, he knows how to fix a lot of things, provided he has the tools. He also produces and directs most of the porno films at his shop, with the help of a porno director known only as PD. He knowledge of porno seems unrivaled. His main mode of defense seems to be throwing porn CDs with the accuracy, speed and lethality of a Predator's disk. It is more dangerous since he can throw several at one time. Though he may be more artistic than fighter, his other personas seem to complement him. There are only two known right now. Plaplavengance is a Metal rocker with abilities similar to I-No. Plaplaman is a heavily muscular man who knows Hokto-Shinken and wears a fish mask.
File 003
Name: Tyr De Luna
Current Location: East Town
Abilities: Expert Marksman, Professional Assasin
Other Notes: He is Sho's personal assassin. He seems to be puppy-dog loyal to him. He is a dangerous man. He only carries three weapons with him. The first is his main weapon, a WW2 Mauser Rifle. Despite the obsoleteness of this model, he handles it perfectly. He is known to take out large groups of snipers, armed with Artics, from a distance using only that. There is also an account of him taking out the Metal Gear Ray using only that obsolete rifle. The second one is a spherical metal ball that he calls his 'cool thing.' His only description of it is that 'its this thing...and its cool!' Details of this weapon are unknown. Finally is a heavily wrapped object. No one has gotten a close look at it yet. It is suspected that it might be Wolfwood's cross-gun.
File 004
Name: Invader-Zam4
Current Location: Own Universe
Abilities: Unsurpassed Magic Power, Alien Technology
Other notes: An eccentric writer who has unsurpassed magic power. It has never been seen the full extent of his power. He has only given a few clues to the magnitude of his magical prowess. One is that stopping time is the least of his skills. Another one is that he claims that he once fought Leena Inverse and Bastard at full power. He didn't say if he won or lost, he just said 'I survived.' Though he can do the occasional fireball easily, to do his more potent magic, he seems to require the need of a poem before he casts it. He never says why. He also has access to alien technology. Which specifically is unknown. He has been known to create the Juraian light sabers, travel in the Saiyan base balls, give orders to an Irkan Invader robot unit, use the Green Lantern Corp rings, use heat rays and x- ray vision and turn his eyes green as he fire energy blasts just to name a few. Though he seldom uses all his alien technology, having a slight preference to his magic.
"So you have no idea who the other two members are?"
"No sir, I am sorry. I do not even know if there ARE any more members. I am surmising that you are assuming that there are six of them because of the name 'hexagon'?"
Then the two glared at the curtains. Mancervantes fires a green optic blast at the curtains.
"Come out" ordered Samael
A ninja came out of the shadows, his eyes green, like Mancervantes'.
"He must be Zam's spy, I shall interrogate him sir."
"Please do so Mancervantes."
As the manservant left the room, a shocking and disturbing thought crept up to Samael. If Zam was the God of this universe, why did he need a spy?
Jan dropped off Klyde, April, Steph and Ollivia at the drop point. Klyde took a look around in his FRB. Not too long ago, his wife was running around in danger here. Now he was here. Had he come 4 weeks earlier he could have saved hi wife. Or at least be at her side. Now its time to see: What was she looking for?
"Okay, lets go."
"Yokhai!"
The sand storm blocked off all the sensors. They were completely blind, with the exception of the small ranged radar that is. They were still able to dispatch them easily. What made Klyde freak out was that whenever he blew one of them up, world dollar BILLS came out of their explosions. The girls were more than eager to pick them up. Several times, Klyde found himself walking in circles for no reason at all. As if someone is controlling him...
There were several nuisances as they made their way to the ruins. One of many were these cube-like, talkative robots that were so full of themselves.
"We are the borscht. You will be assimilated into our uni-mind. Resistance is futile."
The borscht would have been a worthy adversary. Klyde's shock bullets, July's grenades and Olivia's magic rods blew them open. But they quickly regenerated and, like an old record, repeatedly said "The data from your attack has been analyzed and assimilated. Immunity is now at 100%"
Indeed, they did gain immunity to the attack. Their attacks didn't even dent them anymore. "You will be assimilated." Klyde began to wonder what sick science fiction fiend could create such things.
"Will you stop saying that!"
"You will be assimilated."
"Oh screw this! Girls, lets go!"
"You will be assimilated."
The thing about the borscht was that they moved as slow as zombies. They just ignored them and moved on. The borscht tried feebly to catch up, at their .5km per hour speed, to no avail.
"Come back. You will be assimilated."
"Oh that is it!" Klyde was angry now. He picked up a boulder and threw it.
"Oh fck..."
KABOOM!
Apparently you can never get immunity to a physical attack. Just stronger armor.
Eventually, they got to the site where Jam and Grant fought. Oh how Klyde longed to get a whack at Grant. He could never forgive him for hurting Jam. Though he kept imagining him as some faggot that went 'Ohohohohohohoh.'
The problem was, they couldn't find it. The entrance of the ruin eluded their vision. They looked everywhere, well almost. There was sand, sand, sand, sand, rock, rock, rock formation, sand, sand, quick sand, sand storm, sandman, red stonehenge, a terracotta statue, sand, sand, charred earth, a piece of Jam's clothes (this made Klyde very angry) and sand. That and Faust molesting another little boy.
"..." Klyde taser targeted Faust
"Go get him girls."
The four charged with rage.
"Bridget's exploding teddy bear!"
"Baiken's proton canon!"
"Robo-Kliff's big knife!"
"WHATTA SAYAKO?!" Faust saw new girls to play with, despite the fact that they tried to blow him up, disintegrate him and make sushi out of him, which he evaded, with a teleport. The three just blew up the boy, sending him high up into the air and falling down far, far away, safe from Faust.
"Hello little girls! Lets play!" He did his swimming overdrive. The three jumped out of the way.
"April! Don't just stand there!"
April did not budge. Faust hit her and the four treasure boxes came out. Then April calculated at an alarming, super-computer-ish, speed.
"Accordingtothedatacollatedbymanyfansitesallaroundtheworldaswellastheexperie nceofmostplayersthereisatreasureboxthatseemstohavethehighestrateofgettingana ngel,despitethefactthatthatisgoingagainstthelawsofchance,itseemstohavetohave thehighestsuccessrateandifmyreverseengineeringofthegameaswellasmyresearchisc orrectitis...THE THIRD!"
Cherub came. Horn played. She was right. KABOOOM!
"AIYA!"
"April-chan! Sugoi!"
"Glad that's over with, lets get back to finding the entrance."
The five continued to search in vain. An eerie wind blew in.
"looooooooooooook behiiiiiiiiind yoooooooooooouuuuuuuu."
"April did you here something?"
"No, Klyde-san, how about you July?"
"looooooooooook behiiiiiiiind youuuuuuuuuuuuuu."
"Nope. Steph?"
"Sorry, Olivia?"
"foooooooooooooor goooooooooodsssssssssss saaaaaaaaaaaaake! Looooooooooook behiiiiiiiiiiinnd yoooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu!"
"No nothing."
"I must have been hearing things. Better have Saint take a look at me when we gat back."
"oh river dancing christ on a bicycle..."
A meteor crashed behind them.
"What the- Hey! There it is!"
The four entered the cavern.
It was one of the many ruins of the old world. Before the gears. Who knows what these large ruins were then? A smoldering pile of concrete and wood. But the biggest mystery is the one word that appears at every ruin ever have explored. It is the word that has the greatest archeologists baffled. It even appears twice in some ruins. Some claim it to be a sanctuary, since so many people have been seen clustered around the name. Some say that it is the name of a god of Love, one who offered the greatest aphrodisiacs in exsistence, hence s/he was worshipped everywhere. The most logical theory is that it is a hypnotic station for some evil man who desired the control of the world before it went to hell. It is the source of great and heated debates. What is the significance of the name "Starbucks?"
Guided by April, Klyde and the three other girls ventured into the dark ruins, seeing an occasional 'Starbucks' every now and then, nothing that they hadn't known already. The ruins were stripped of anything important and many of the monsters have met their demise already. Finally, April led them down a long hallway.
"The secret entrance that the anonymous e-mailer sent is straight down this hallway. We have to cross this part of the ruins called a 'department store.' It's a 200m walk so don't get too excited. Man, the ancestors must have had great stamina if they could traverse such long distances."
As they ventured down the seemingly endless hallway, each step seemed to be colder for Klyde. The darkness of the ruins had a vague similarity to a dark forest. At the thought of that, Klyde subconsciously placed one of his arms on his shoulder. This made him pause for a while.
"Huh? Klyde, what's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing. Sorry, lets hurry."
Klyde hastened their pace. As they descended deeper into the cavern, Klyde realized the origin of his actions. Whenever he felt a bit chilly, Jam would lovingly place her arms around him. That gave him a sense of security, warmth and happiness. But now, the cold seemed to be flowing through his body. As if they were taking their revenge after being denied by Jam for so long. The frigid wind seemed to enjoy the fact that Ky had no one to protect him now, just some cold steel.
At a mine somewhere unknown, Jam felt a sudden chill. She couldn't explain it. But she knew it was an omen all too well. Something was happening, but she didn't now what. Well, maybe she did. In her weakening voice, she slowly muttered:
"Ky-san..."
At last, they reached the end. The wall was massive. They bore a mysterious sign "Bingo Bonanza." Who knows what these symbols could mean.
"Okay, this is it. We need to blast though this wall in order to get to the secret chambers, if our informant is true." said April
"Alright. July?" ordered Ky
"Okay, two pounds of plastic explosives should clear the path!"
"But, July-san, wont that make the whole ruin crumble?" April asked
"What?! Ow, alright, how about this condensed fire magic, this should just generate enough heat for a 20m radius, incinerating anything in its path!"
"Including us?" remarked Steph
And so, the four went through all of July's explosives. Each one stronger than the last. They went through C4s, gasoline tanks, Chinese fireworks, disintegrators, evaporators, nitroglycerine, two chemicals that if mixed together could create a chain reaction that would destroy mankind, atomic bomber men, time bombs, incinerators, and something called the 'cremator 2000.'
"Grrrrrrrrrrr. What do you all want?! All I have left is this stick of dynamite."
"That'll work!" remarked Olivia
"What!? But its so...plain. Just a big boom! No lights, no ashes, no magic dragons, no rune symbols, no blue flame, no after smell, nothing!"
"July, just plant and light it."
"Awwww"
A disappointed July complied. Unenthusiastically sticking the dynamite into the hole, she lit it sluggishly and walked lazily to cover.
KABOOM.
There was a new hallway beyond the wall. From the distance, they heard an inhuman noise. It was like the grunting of beasts. It kind of sounded like Donald Duck laughing. There would always be a drumbeat and a cymbal crash before those creepy noises came again. There was something sick in the air the five of them knew it.
They advanced cautiously. There heard where the noises were coming from, it was in a room at the end of the hallway. They suspected that the treasure might be there, I mean, who wouldn't right?
When they reached the door, Klyde looked at the girls to see if they were ready. Each one took a deep breath. July got her mini-flash bombs ready in her fingers. Olivia armed her fire rod. Steph got into a fighter pose. April stopped herself from hyper-venerating. Klyde signaled. 1...2...3! The Klyde opened the door.
"Aw common Zato, you shouldn't be putting yourself down so much!" "But its true Eddie! We humans are so inferior, we have to DIGEST our food!"
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Each one of the five member party stared in disbelief. They looked like they were in a restaurant, with the exception of the bar and the stage. It was a cheap restaurant though. Plastic chairs for seats, cheap tablecloths, ashtrays made out of ash, and beer flowing like water. The sheer fact that there is a restaurant in a ruin was freaky enough, what made it freakier was that all the patrons and the employees were forbidden beasts.
Yes all the dark forbidden beasts that roamed the earth were here. Some were dark beasts through the six forbidden magic. Others were infamous beasts that roamed around the world. Klyde could recognize most of them. What caught his eye was what was the sign that bore: 'Today's act: The ventriloquist performance of Eddie and his puppet Zato. Yes, Eddie was on stage doing a stand up comedy using Zato as his puppet. How ironic, the puppeteer has become the puppet. This must have been pay back for Eddie. Who knows what kind of abuse Zato did to him?
Flashback, a few months ago. Zato is lying on a psychiatrist couch made out of shadow. He was in the fetal position cuddling a little plushie Eddie. Eddie is seated near him in an easy chair. He is wearing little glasses and writing down notes on a shadow board like a psychiatrist.
"And then, a few weeks ago, I LOST MY SIGHT! Now all I can see is DARK! AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"
If Eddie had round pupils, you would have seen him roll them.
"S...s...s...so what do you think I should do doctor?"
"For the last TIME ZATO! I am a tool of destruction. I cannot give advice on life and love! I can only destroy!"
"But...d...does...doesn't your name come w...w...with a PD? I even s...s...saw your diploma!"
"Yes, I did graduate from Undead U, but for the Eighty-EIGTH TIME...I completed a course in DENTISTRY! NOT PSYCHIATRY!"
"Oh, and there was this other time, I had a dream that involved Millia and a bowl of tuna. She was EATING the bowl of tuna! What could that mean?!"
Eddie slapped his forehead
"OI..."
"So tell me Zato, what does it feel like being a lifeless undead dummy?"
"You should know."
"What?! Why you little..."
Eddie started choking his lifeless partner ala Homer and Bart Simpson. The audience burst into laughter. Their laughter did sound like Donald Duck's laugh. That's probably why they never laugh in public... Klyde thought that it was time to do something.
"um...Excuse me..."
Every eye glared at the five humans
Eddie spoke "Yes, can we help you?"
"Uh, ehe, Is there any real valuable treasure around here?"
"Last door on the next corridor. You cant miss it."
"Oh, thank you. We'll be on our way."
The five exited the room, somewhat relieved to escape that creepy scene. As they left, Zato hit Eddie with his fist.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"You forgot to tell them about Raynard!"
"Oh, I did..."
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The five continued down to the last door. They opened it to great anticipation. As they rushed it, the door closed behind them. They were a bit startled. But they reluctantly turned around. There was a big Gear Dragon in front of them.
"ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!"
"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
They all scrambled. Klyde tried his taser bullets, but the dragon just absorbed them. Same thing with Olivia's fire rounds. Steph knew her moves wouldn't work on dragon scale. And July's explosives wouldn't do shit on him.
Raynard just breathed fire on them and swiped them with his tail and claws. Everyone barely evaded his attacks. Everyone was getting pretty beat up. There was more bad news. Klyde's Furaiken was starting to run out of juice! He had enough power for one last shot then it would go offline for 5 minutes, and that's 5 minutes too much of being vulnerable.
So Klyde charged up. But he was in quite a dilemma. He didn't know where to shoot. Rayrad was flying above them, probably getting ready to roast them all in one last breath, one that would probably cover the whole room.
"C'mon! Where to shoot, where to shoot...Eh?"
The Furaibot tripped on some ruble. It fired the last charged shot straight into Raynards...
KZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
"ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!"
um... underbelly. Raynard hit notes higher that most Sopranos can do in their lives. He fell, defeated, and impotent on the floor.
CRAAAAAAASHHHHHHHHH!
"Yatta! Klyde-san you did it!"
"Whew! That was a close one!"
"Yahoo!"
"Wow, we were almost cooked back there!"
"Great! Now lets get the treasure."
The treasure box came out of nowhere, opened up by itself, and a f huge dark matter came out of it. It took the combined might of all four girls just to lift it.
"Oh my god! Its enormous! April, estimate on how much this is worth."
April took out a small calculator. "Lets see, if its this size, and it seems to be 48-karat, plus the shortage of dark matter, it should be...WHOA!"
"How much, April-chan?"
"ONE MILLION WORLD DOLLARS FLAT!"
"Are you serious?!"
"YES!"
Ky was in a moment of ecstasy. He had done it. Jam will be safe in his arms again. His life as a pirate has come to an end. Now he could go back to desk job. He couldn't wait. Now was the time to give "Mr. Jerk" a piece of his mind. The Furaiken responded to Ky's energy and powered up the FRB.
As Ky took the long march back home, each step seemed to get warmer...
Preview of next chapter: "Bonjour mina-san! Its me Ky! That's right! Ky! Not Klyde! Jam, baby, you will be safe soon! Just hang on a little longer. I'll slap that Mister Jerk with a wad full of bills! EH?! Your Mister Jerk?! No way! Next time on the Misadventures Of Ky Kiske: Meet Mister Jerk! Wait for me Jam..."
Zam's Blood Pressure: 110 bps
Disclaimer: All of the characters mentioned here are not my property. Ky Kiske and all related Guilty Gear trademarks are property of Sammy. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.
Chapter 4: The Shadow Puppets From Hell!
Samael Tsuzuku, evil side of Sho Tsuzuku, parasite of worlds, stared out into the window of his hotel room. He was somewhere in Switzerland. He stared out into the scenery. The mountains were majestic. The trees swayed with the wind. Dragons competed for the dominance of the sky against the clouds. People walking peacefully by, until a random monster appears and they all draw weapons or start casting spells. As he burned the beautiful scenery in his mind, he made a smug smirk.
"So this is the insanity that Zam has created eh? Its not too bad, I guess. Could use a little work."
In the back of his mind, Samael knew that Zam was weakening. If he could be seen openly in public and nothing bad happening to him, he must be too weak to do anything about it. If what his assistant told him is true, it is already a challenge for Zam to maintain this world and his life. Just then, his manservant came in.
"Sir."
"Ah, Mancervantes, you return with news, I trust?"
"Indeed I have sir. I have the information you were seeking."
"About the hexagon?"
"Indeed"
"Well, lets have it then!"
With the sole purpose of protecting author universes from spiteful antagonists or created characters that have gone out of control, the hexagon is the final line of defense of all realities. It is a council of self-insert writers who have well developed their characters and created them with justifiable and equal strengths. They have purposely forsaken God- moding, in the realization that this will not give an interesting story. The secondary purpose of the hexagon is to add excitement to a fanfiction. By their sheer presence at a story, they add their own brew of angst, comedy and weirdness to a story. The hexagon only intervenes if the ordinary protagonists, characters and author-inserts fail to stop a threat. They are dedicated to keeping an author of a universe the God of it. The other exception is if an author experiences writer's block of writer's boredom. Those are the only times the hexagon intervenes as a group. As individuals, however, they intervene whenever it is convenient for them. Despite the benevolence of their mission, each member seems to have their own agenda when not doing their duties. Whether it is gaining new powers, spreading their influence or developing their self-insert, the members have been known to freely intrude with the many anime and fancfiction universes.
"..." Mancervantes paused
Samael blinked repeatedly.
"Well, its like a League of Extraordinary Self-Inserts. So if a universe or reality is in trouble, they mess with it..."
"If it isn't, they mess with it anyway..." Mancervantes completed.
"How strange. So who are the members of this 'council'?"
"I was only able to get four of them sir."
File 001
Name: Sho Tsuzuku
Current Location: East Town/Porno shop
Abilities: Power of Convenience, Negotiation skills.
Other notes: He has an ability similar to Kenshiro's pressure point where you point your gun at yourself, except he needs not touch you. He is not lucky, everything that happens is just convenient for him. Example, when he was at the roulette table, he bet half of his billions on 00 green. While the ball was spinning, a man chewing gum tripped. He spit the gum unto the green slot. The ball stayed at the green slot. Sho now owns that casino.
File 002
Name: The Shady Guy
Current Location: Unknown. Doing several errands for the porno shop he jointly own with Sho.
Abilities: Power of Porno, Technical Skill, Artistic Vision, Multiple personas
Other notes: He seems to be the group's mechanic, he knows how to fix a lot of things, provided he has the tools. He also produces and directs most of the porno films at his shop, with the help of a porno director known only as PD. He knowledge of porno seems unrivaled. His main mode of defense seems to be throwing porn CDs with the accuracy, speed and lethality of a Predator's disk. It is more dangerous since he can throw several at one time. Though he may be more artistic than fighter, his other personas seem to complement him. There are only two known right now. Plaplavengance is a Metal rocker with abilities similar to I-No. Plaplaman is a heavily muscular man who knows Hokto-Shinken and wears a fish mask.
File 003
Name: Tyr De Luna
Current Location: East Town
Abilities: Expert Marksman, Professional Assasin
Other Notes: He is Sho's personal assassin. He seems to be puppy-dog loyal to him. He is a dangerous man. He only carries three weapons with him. The first is his main weapon, a WW2 Mauser Rifle. Despite the obsoleteness of this model, he handles it perfectly. He is known to take out large groups of snipers, armed with Artics, from a distance using only that. There is also an account of him taking out the Metal Gear Ray using only that obsolete rifle. The second one is a spherical metal ball that he calls his 'cool thing.' His only description of it is that 'its this thing...and its cool!' Details of this weapon are unknown. Finally is a heavily wrapped object. No one has gotten a close look at it yet. It is suspected that it might be Wolfwood's cross-gun.
File 004
Name: Invader-Zam4
Current Location: Own Universe
Abilities: Unsurpassed Magic Power, Alien Technology
Other notes: An eccentric writer who has unsurpassed magic power. It has never been seen the full extent of his power. He has only given a few clues to the magnitude of his magical prowess. One is that stopping time is the least of his skills. Another one is that he claims that he once fought Leena Inverse and Bastard at full power. He didn't say if he won or lost, he just said 'I survived.' Though he can do the occasional fireball easily, to do his more potent magic, he seems to require the need of a poem before he casts it. He never says why. He also has access to alien technology. Which specifically is unknown. He has been known to create the Juraian light sabers, travel in the Saiyan base balls, give orders to an Irkan Invader robot unit, use the Green Lantern Corp rings, use heat rays and x- ray vision and turn his eyes green as he fire energy blasts just to name a few. Though he seldom uses all his alien technology, having a slight preference to his magic.
"So you have no idea who the other two members are?"
"No sir, I am sorry. I do not even know if there ARE any more members. I am surmising that you are assuming that there are six of them because of the name 'hexagon'?"
Then the two glared at the curtains. Mancervantes fires a green optic blast at the curtains.
"Come out" ordered Samael
A ninja came out of the shadows, his eyes green, like Mancervantes'.
"He must be Zam's spy, I shall interrogate him sir."
"Please do so Mancervantes."
As the manservant left the room, a shocking and disturbing thought crept up to Samael. If Zam was the God of this universe, why did he need a spy?
Jan dropped off Klyde, April, Steph and Ollivia at the drop point. Klyde took a look around in his FRB. Not too long ago, his wife was running around in danger here. Now he was here. Had he come 4 weeks earlier he could have saved hi wife. Or at least be at her side. Now its time to see: What was she looking for?
"Okay, lets go."
"Yokhai!"
The sand storm blocked off all the sensors. They were completely blind, with the exception of the small ranged radar that is. They were still able to dispatch them easily. What made Klyde freak out was that whenever he blew one of them up, world dollar BILLS came out of their explosions. The girls were more than eager to pick them up. Several times, Klyde found himself walking in circles for no reason at all. As if someone is controlling him...
There were several nuisances as they made their way to the ruins. One of many were these cube-like, talkative robots that were so full of themselves.
"We are the borscht. You will be assimilated into our uni-mind. Resistance is futile."
The borscht would have been a worthy adversary. Klyde's shock bullets, July's grenades and Olivia's magic rods blew them open. But they quickly regenerated and, like an old record, repeatedly said "The data from your attack has been analyzed and assimilated. Immunity is now at 100%"
Indeed, they did gain immunity to the attack. Their attacks didn't even dent them anymore. "You will be assimilated." Klyde began to wonder what sick science fiction fiend could create such things.
"Will you stop saying that!"
"You will be assimilated."
"Oh screw this! Girls, lets go!"
"You will be assimilated."
The thing about the borscht was that they moved as slow as zombies. They just ignored them and moved on. The borscht tried feebly to catch up, at their .5km per hour speed, to no avail.
"Come back. You will be assimilated."
"Oh that is it!" Klyde was angry now. He picked up a boulder and threw it.
"Oh fck..."
KABOOM!
Apparently you can never get immunity to a physical attack. Just stronger armor.
Eventually, they got to the site where Jam and Grant fought. Oh how Klyde longed to get a whack at Grant. He could never forgive him for hurting Jam. Though he kept imagining him as some faggot that went 'Ohohohohohohoh.'
The problem was, they couldn't find it. The entrance of the ruin eluded their vision. They looked everywhere, well almost. There was sand, sand, sand, sand, rock, rock, rock formation, sand, sand, quick sand, sand storm, sandman, red stonehenge, a terracotta statue, sand, sand, charred earth, a piece of Jam's clothes (this made Klyde very angry) and sand. That and Faust molesting another little boy.
"..." Klyde taser targeted Faust
"Go get him girls."
The four charged with rage.
"Bridget's exploding teddy bear!"
"Baiken's proton canon!"
"Robo-Kliff's big knife!"
"WHATTA SAYAKO?!" Faust saw new girls to play with, despite the fact that they tried to blow him up, disintegrate him and make sushi out of him, which he evaded, with a teleport. The three just blew up the boy, sending him high up into the air and falling down far, far away, safe from Faust.
"Hello little girls! Lets play!" He did his swimming overdrive. The three jumped out of the way.
"April! Don't just stand there!"
April did not budge. Faust hit her and the four treasure boxes came out. Then April calculated at an alarming, super-computer-ish, speed.
"Accordingtothedatacollatedbymanyfansitesallaroundtheworldaswellastheexperie nceofmostplayersthereisatreasureboxthatseemstohavethehighestrateofgettingana ngel,despitethefactthatthatisgoingagainstthelawsofchance,itseemstohavetohave thehighestsuccessrateandifmyreverseengineeringofthegameaswellasmyresearchisc orrectitis...THE THIRD!"
Cherub came. Horn played. She was right. KABOOOM!
"AIYA!"
"April-chan! Sugoi!"
"Glad that's over with, lets get back to finding the entrance."
The five continued to search in vain. An eerie wind blew in.
"looooooooooooook behiiiiiiiiind yoooooooooooouuuuuuuu."
"April did you here something?"
"No, Klyde-san, how about you July?"
"looooooooooook behiiiiiiiind youuuuuuuuuuuuuu."
"Nope. Steph?"
"Sorry, Olivia?"
"foooooooooooooor goooooooooodsssssssssss saaaaaaaaaaaaake! Looooooooooook behiiiiiiiiiiinnd yoooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu!"
"No nothing."
"I must have been hearing things. Better have Saint take a look at me when we gat back."
"oh river dancing christ on a bicycle..."
A meteor crashed behind them.
"What the- Hey! There it is!"
The four entered the cavern.
It was one of the many ruins of the old world. Before the gears. Who knows what these large ruins were then? A smoldering pile of concrete and wood. But the biggest mystery is the one word that appears at every ruin ever have explored. It is the word that has the greatest archeologists baffled. It even appears twice in some ruins. Some claim it to be a sanctuary, since so many people have been seen clustered around the name. Some say that it is the name of a god of Love, one who offered the greatest aphrodisiacs in exsistence, hence s/he was worshipped everywhere. The most logical theory is that it is a hypnotic station for some evil man who desired the control of the world before it went to hell. It is the source of great and heated debates. What is the significance of the name "Starbucks?"
Guided by April, Klyde and the three other girls ventured into the dark ruins, seeing an occasional 'Starbucks' every now and then, nothing that they hadn't known already. The ruins were stripped of anything important and many of the monsters have met their demise already. Finally, April led them down a long hallway.
"The secret entrance that the anonymous e-mailer sent is straight down this hallway. We have to cross this part of the ruins called a 'department store.' It's a 200m walk so don't get too excited. Man, the ancestors must have had great stamina if they could traverse such long distances."
As they ventured down the seemingly endless hallway, each step seemed to be colder for Klyde. The darkness of the ruins had a vague similarity to a dark forest. At the thought of that, Klyde subconsciously placed one of his arms on his shoulder. This made him pause for a while.
"Huh? Klyde, what's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing. Sorry, lets hurry."
Klyde hastened their pace. As they descended deeper into the cavern, Klyde realized the origin of his actions. Whenever he felt a bit chilly, Jam would lovingly place her arms around him. That gave him a sense of security, warmth and happiness. But now, the cold seemed to be flowing through his body. As if they were taking their revenge after being denied by Jam for so long. The frigid wind seemed to enjoy the fact that Ky had no one to protect him now, just some cold steel.
At a mine somewhere unknown, Jam felt a sudden chill. She couldn't explain it. But she knew it was an omen all too well. Something was happening, but she didn't now what. Well, maybe she did. In her weakening voice, she slowly muttered:
"Ky-san..."
At last, they reached the end. The wall was massive. They bore a mysterious sign "Bingo Bonanza." Who knows what these symbols could mean.
"Okay, this is it. We need to blast though this wall in order to get to the secret chambers, if our informant is true." said April
"Alright. July?" ordered Ky
"Okay, two pounds of plastic explosives should clear the path!"
"But, July-san, wont that make the whole ruin crumble?" April asked
"What?! Ow, alright, how about this condensed fire magic, this should just generate enough heat for a 20m radius, incinerating anything in its path!"
"Including us?" remarked Steph
And so, the four went through all of July's explosives. Each one stronger than the last. They went through C4s, gasoline tanks, Chinese fireworks, disintegrators, evaporators, nitroglycerine, two chemicals that if mixed together could create a chain reaction that would destroy mankind, atomic bomber men, time bombs, incinerators, and something called the 'cremator 2000.'
"Grrrrrrrrrrr. What do you all want?! All I have left is this stick of dynamite."
"That'll work!" remarked Olivia
"What!? But its so...plain. Just a big boom! No lights, no ashes, no magic dragons, no rune symbols, no blue flame, no after smell, nothing!"
"July, just plant and light it."
"Awwww"
A disappointed July complied. Unenthusiastically sticking the dynamite into the hole, she lit it sluggishly and walked lazily to cover.
KABOOM.
There was a new hallway beyond the wall. From the distance, they heard an inhuman noise. It was like the grunting of beasts. It kind of sounded like Donald Duck laughing. There would always be a drumbeat and a cymbal crash before those creepy noises came again. There was something sick in the air the five of them knew it.
They advanced cautiously. There heard where the noises were coming from, it was in a room at the end of the hallway. They suspected that the treasure might be there, I mean, who wouldn't right?
When they reached the door, Klyde looked at the girls to see if they were ready. Each one took a deep breath. July got her mini-flash bombs ready in her fingers. Olivia armed her fire rod. Steph got into a fighter pose. April stopped herself from hyper-venerating. Klyde signaled. 1...2...3! The Klyde opened the door.
"Aw common Zato, you shouldn't be putting yourself down so much!" "But its true Eddie! We humans are so inferior, we have to DIGEST our food!"
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Each one of the five member party stared in disbelief. They looked like they were in a restaurant, with the exception of the bar and the stage. It was a cheap restaurant though. Plastic chairs for seats, cheap tablecloths, ashtrays made out of ash, and beer flowing like water. The sheer fact that there is a restaurant in a ruin was freaky enough, what made it freakier was that all the patrons and the employees were forbidden beasts.
Yes all the dark forbidden beasts that roamed the earth were here. Some were dark beasts through the six forbidden magic. Others were infamous beasts that roamed around the world. Klyde could recognize most of them. What caught his eye was what was the sign that bore: 'Today's act: The ventriloquist performance of Eddie and his puppet Zato. Yes, Eddie was on stage doing a stand up comedy using Zato as his puppet. How ironic, the puppeteer has become the puppet. This must have been pay back for Eddie. Who knows what kind of abuse Zato did to him?
Flashback, a few months ago. Zato is lying on a psychiatrist couch made out of shadow. He was in the fetal position cuddling a little plushie Eddie. Eddie is seated near him in an easy chair. He is wearing little glasses and writing down notes on a shadow board like a psychiatrist.
"And then, a few weeks ago, I LOST MY SIGHT! Now all I can see is DARK! AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"
If Eddie had round pupils, you would have seen him roll them.
"S...s...s...so what do you think I should do doctor?"
"For the last TIME ZATO! I am a tool of destruction. I cannot give advice on life and love! I can only destroy!"
"But...d...does...doesn't your name come w...w...with a PD? I even s...s...saw your diploma!"
"Yes, I did graduate from Undead U, but for the Eighty-EIGTH TIME...I completed a course in DENTISTRY! NOT PSYCHIATRY!"
"Oh, and there was this other time, I had a dream that involved Millia and a bowl of tuna. She was EATING the bowl of tuna! What could that mean?!"
Eddie slapped his forehead
"OI..."
"So tell me Zato, what does it feel like being a lifeless undead dummy?"
"You should know."
"What?! Why you little..."
Eddie started choking his lifeless partner ala Homer and Bart Simpson. The audience burst into laughter. Their laughter did sound like Donald Duck's laugh. That's probably why they never laugh in public... Klyde thought that it was time to do something.
"um...Excuse me..."
Every eye glared at the five humans
Eddie spoke "Yes, can we help you?"
"Uh, ehe, Is there any real valuable treasure around here?"
"Last door on the next corridor. You cant miss it."
"Oh, thank you. We'll be on our way."
The five exited the room, somewhat relieved to escape that creepy scene. As they left, Zato hit Eddie with his fist.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"You forgot to tell them about Raynard!"
"Oh, I did..."
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The five continued down to the last door. They opened it to great anticipation. As they rushed it, the door closed behind them. They were a bit startled. But they reluctantly turned around. There was a big Gear Dragon in front of them.
"ROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!"
"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
They all scrambled. Klyde tried his taser bullets, but the dragon just absorbed them. Same thing with Olivia's fire rounds. Steph knew her moves wouldn't work on dragon scale. And July's explosives wouldn't do shit on him.
Raynard just breathed fire on them and swiped them with his tail and claws. Everyone barely evaded his attacks. Everyone was getting pretty beat up. There was more bad news. Klyde's Furaiken was starting to run out of juice! He had enough power for one last shot then it would go offline for 5 minutes, and that's 5 minutes too much of being vulnerable.
So Klyde charged up. But he was in quite a dilemma. He didn't know where to shoot. Rayrad was flying above them, probably getting ready to roast them all in one last breath, one that would probably cover the whole room.
"C'mon! Where to shoot, where to shoot...Eh?"
The Furaibot tripped on some ruble. It fired the last charged shot straight into Raynards...
KZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
"ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!"
um... underbelly. Raynard hit notes higher that most Sopranos can do in their lives. He fell, defeated, and impotent on the floor.
CRAAAAAAASHHHHHHHHH!
"Yatta! Klyde-san you did it!"
"Whew! That was a close one!"
"Yahoo!"
"Wow, we were almost cooked back there!"
"Great! Now lets get the treasure."
The treasure box came out of nowhere, opened up by itself, and a f huge dark matter came out of it. It took the combined might of all four girls just to lift it.
"Oh my god! Its enormous! April, estimate on how much this is worth."
April took out a small calculator. "Lets see, if its this size, and it seems to be 48-karat, plus the shortage of dark matter, it should be...WHOA!"
"How much, April-chan?"
"ONE MILLION WORLD DOLLARS FLAT!"
"Are you serious?!"
"YES!"
Ky was in a moment of ecstasy. He had done it. Jam will be safe in his arms again. His life as a pirate has come to an end. Now he could go back to desk job. He couldn't wait. Now was the time to give "Mr. Jerk" a piece of his mind. The Furaiken responded to Ky's energy and powered up the FRB.
As Ky took the long march back home, each step seemed to get warmer...
Preview of next chapter: "Bonjour mina-san! Its me Ky! That's right! Ky! Not Klyde! Jam, baby, you will be safe soon! Just hang on a little longer. I'll slap that Mister Jerk with a wad full of bills! EH?! Your Mister Jerk?! No way! Next time on the Misadventures Of Ky Kiske: Meet Mister Jerk! Wait for me Jam..."
Zam's Blood Pressure: 110 bps