The Misadventures of Ky Kiske
By: Invader-Zam4
Disclaimer: Ky Kiske and all related trade marks are property of Sammy. Most of the characters portrayed here are property of Tecmo, Enix, SNK, Namco etc. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.
I would personally like to thank Sho Tsuzuku and Sheo Darren for helping me in this chapter
Chapter 5: Meet Mister Jerk
A martyred author floated endlessly in limbo. After he sacrificed himself to save his own creations and his world, he had "killed" himself. He now floats endlessly in a damned plane. Something known as "Tar-author-us." It is a place where the consciousness of an author failed him/her. It was like floating endlessly in deep space, except you didn't die. You would have no feeling of time, space or reality. He didn't know what was happening to him. Is he alive? Is he dead? Does he even exist?
Even if he were alive, he would never know. All he saw...was black. Oh, how he longed for some of his earthly senses and pleasure once more. If this continued, his mind would degrade. Pretty soon, his memory would fail. He would just be an empty shell of a man. As he stared farther into the endless darkness that enveloped him, he saw something.
Saw? Yes. Sight is a mortal sense. This proved that he still existed. What he saw was...his memory was starting to fail. It was...blue. It was a blue light.
Little blue balls of light swirled in front of him. Soon, more appeared and swirled. Then, they all converged to form a shape. His mind was starting to remember. They formed the shape of a being with wings. Then, a huge burst of light shined with great intensity.
When his sight restored, after so long, he saw another person. But this was no ordinary person. She was a beautiful maiden, with long, lustrous, blue hair. Her blue armor was so stunning and majestic and intimidating despite it being very ornamental. Even though it was battle armor, it was very feminine. The blue, flare on her back that resembled wings made her look like an angel. This...woman could have killed with just her beauty.
Then she fell to the ground, landing lightly on her feet. She opened her eyes and stared at him.
"Sheo Darren."
His mind jolted. Yes he exited. He was well. He shook his head to get out of the trance like state he was in.
"Oro? Who are you?"
"Greetings noble one. I am Lenneth Valkyrie."
"Valkyrie... Lenneth Valkyrie. A Chooser of the Slain."
"I have been sent by a friend. A friend who is holding you to your oath."
"Friend? Oath? I know of none in particular... and why are you here, anyway? You can't be here..."
"I am an avatar of souls. I recruit the souls of great fallen warriors to fight for the side of my master. That is actually my purpose of being here. A friend says that he will need of your... assistance in a matter. I can take you back, provided you fight for me."
"Fight?" He sighed. "I am no fighter; I am just a dreamer lost in my own piece of the darkness. I am nothing here, nothing at all."
Sheo closed his eyes again, the sadness evident in his voice. "I am nothing without her..."
Valkyrie smiled. "HE knew that you would say something like that. That's why He asked Sho to send something here with me."
Now that particular name got him out of his angst-laden funk.
"Did you say...'Sho'?"
"Yes."
"As...in...SHO TSUZUKU?"
"As a matter of fact, yes."
"I should have known. The bastard haunts me even here and now. So, what diabolical horror did Sho send to 'persuade' me?"
"Him." Valkyrie pointed to a man approaching them. He was a handsome bugger, dressed very stylishly. He had a dignified face and long, flowing hair. When Sheo saw him, the author breathed a sigh of relief.
"A man. What a relief. I was expecting worse out of Sho." He raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "Who is he anyway?"
"He is the vampire known as Lestat. He is the epitome of vampire sexuality. He has made love to over 200 partners over his undead life."
"Right. Now, how is this supposed to scare me to going back to Sho's world?"
"Did I mention that he is bisexual?"
Sheo slowly turned a very suspicious and infidel (unbeliever) gaze back to Lenneth.
"He is?"
Lenneth nodded.
Sheo turned back to Lestat.
Lestat smiled.
Sheo breathed a curse beneath his breath. "Get me out of here."
With a swirl of light, the two were gone.
When Sheo awoke, he found himself lying on a bed. Sullia was seated next to him (but thankfully for the newly-returned author, she was dressed).
"Ah! Sheo-san! You're alive!"
"Like I was ever dead." Sheo felt the superficial sensations of the living once more. To one who was a being that was without name, to return to your previous life was ecstasy. The first sensation: ANNOYANCE.
"Sho, you bastard, I don't know how I will do it, but I swear that somehow and sometime in the near future, I will bring about the Ragnarok and silence your evil for good! And this time, it won't be business of saving the world as usual; it will be very personal."
Sullia giggled.
"Heehee. Oh Sheo, you're so silly. Sho didn't ask Valkyrie-san to bring you back from the.. um... dead. He just helped!"
"It wasn't him?! Then who?!"
Sullia made a small smile on her face.
"Zam did."
Just then, Sho entered the room.
"Good to see you alive Darren. Well not really..."
"I won't say the same for you--"
"But you should."
--and certainly not for myself."
Sheo took a look at himself. He was in some ethereal state. It was like he was a ghost or something.
"Curious... I'm really too tired to ask, but: What's this?"
"You have become an Einjerejar." In a majestic manner, Valkyrie teleported into the room Sheo was in. "You have become a warrior of the Gods. Your existence is similar to the undead. You are dead, yet you feel physical pain. You are no longer living but you have not yet passed on to the next life. You have earthly consciousness but is in a different level of existence."
Sheo glared at Sho. "What oath are you holding me to?"
Sho made a smug smirk. He knew what he really meant by that.
"I am not the one holding you captive Sheo. Zam is. As to the oath, it is your sworn alliance to the hexagon."
"What alliance?"
"This one." A stone tablet fell on Sheo's crotch.
"Ow." Really, it was worse than he could say out loud. Nevertheless, he read it out loud.
"I, Sheo Darren, swear to protect, defend and meddle in all universes that are facing imminent destruction, devastation and boredom along with the other members of the hexagon. I will... DESTROY ALL ADVERSARIES? ... CREATE HENTAI STORIES IN THE UNIVERSES I MEDDLE IN?! ... EXPAND THE SHO TSUZUKU EMPIRE?! ... ENTITLED TO FIVE CUPS OF CAPPUCINO EVERY WEEK?! SHO! I NEVER AGREED TO ANY OF THIS!"
"Of course you didn't. I forged your signature."
"It seems that the sole purpose of your existence is to make my life more miserable..."
"Among other things. I do have a life outside of you, Sheo. It's just I enjoy playing with you."
"And among other things, the perennial question: Doshite? Why?"
"I am a lawyer and a businessman, Sheo. Your assistance will be...convenient and beneficial to, not just me, but everyone. Besides, what is the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker stops screwing with you after you're dead. Just because you're were dead doesn't grant you immunity to being of use to me."
"I'm not dead," the youth quietly said under his breath.
"Don't worry Sheo. Zam only intends to use you as a last resort."
"And may I ask why so, once more?"
Sho's face grew to dark and cold. More than usual. It was like he drank three times his usual dosage of "Cold Heartless Bastard Ice Tea."
"I wish I knew . But even he doesn't know."
"Oh?" That was a surprise to Sheo, considering how seemingly omnipotent his foe was. "Now that's new."
"I will resist the urge to create a witty retort for that. There are more pressing engagements. Zam's universe in experiencing some outside interference. He suspects that someone is destroying the universe that he made. Since he fused himself with his universe that has a direct toll on his body. He only asks that we be on standby, in case he can't deal with it alone."
"Zam-san..." muttered Sullia feebly.
Lenneth was speechless, hearing the fate of his employer/comrade-in-arms.
Sheo was, to put it in two words, 'quite curious'.
"That's why he called me back from the dead?"
"Yes. Well, I have to get going. Sullia, mind taking care of him."
"Hai, Onichan!"
"I will be going as well," said Valkyrie
Sheo and Sullia were left alone.
"Well, I can't help my being here now." Sheo turned to the girl who was the 'kind third of Sho Tsuzuku'. "Where are we, anyway?"
"Your in the town far east of South Town. People usually call it East Town. Its real name though, is Mugenjo or Infinity City."
"Kowaii..." Scary...
"Sho-onichan owns this place!"
Sheo could not help but mutter a few expletives
Ky ventured into a huge hallway. The size of the room rivaled that of a cathedral. He was dressed in his old Holy Orders uniform. He firmly clutched an attaché case. He was a bit intimidated by the size of the place. At the end of the hallway was a table and a rotating chair that was turned backwards. Ky's blue eyes flared anger.
"Jerk..."
After being in awe for a while, Ky remembered his being here. In his last mission, he had earned the total amount that he needed to rescue Jam: 1,000,000 world dollars. Now he had wished he took that mission first. He just needed to repay Jerk the amount that Jam owed him and she would be free and back in his arms.
Ky grit his teeth as he approached the table. Oh how he wanted to strangle this Mr. Jerk. How he longed to see his bloody, half-dead body lying in his feet as he cuffs him. But not right now. That day will come, Ky told himself, but for now, he has the upper hand. Ky climbed up the elevated platform that the desk rested upon.
"Excuse me..."
The chair turned. At last, he would see the face of evil. He would see the fat, perverted businessman that he imagined was he. At last, he would see...
"Hello! Pretty little French boy!"
"What in the name of Jesus Christ's bicycle..."
Mr. Jerk? The person behind the chair was a beautiful, well-endowed, blonde woman in a skanky business suit.
"My name is Wendy Weber! What can I do for you, pretty French little boy?"
"Uh...ehe...There must have been a mistake. I am looking for Mr. Jerk. The people outside must have pointed me to the wrong direction."
"Oh, so you want to see Mr. Jerk eh? What business do you have with him? Pretty French little boy?"
"Well, he abducted my wife and I am here to buy back her freedom."
"Hmmmm...so you are taken pretty French small boy. What a shame. Tell me, how do you know...Mister Jerk? He is a very shadowy person and is only known to a few people."
"Well, um...I heard my wife saying his name as se fought a lackey of his."
"What is the name of your wife pretty petite French boy?"
"Jam... Kiske-Kuradoberi Jam."
"Oh yes... She is the Chinese chef is she not?"
"Um...yes"
"What was the name of her abductor?"
"I believe it was...Grant." No point in keeping secrets here. Everyone here must know who they were, probably.
"I see. Tell me pretty puny French boy, did you only hear their voices? Not their faces as they fought?
"Um...yes..."
"I see. Tell me, did you notice something...peculiar about Grant's voice?"
"What...nothing I guess. Well, there was some kind of oriental accent in his English."
"You are most perceptive pretty French-ling boy. Grant is Korean. Now tell me, how exactly did they say Mr. Jerk's name?"
"What? Why do you want to know?"
"Mr. Jerk likes his name pronounced in a particular manner. I would like to know if Grant has been following it."
"Well, they both just said Jerk. Mister Jerk. That's it."
"I see. Don't you thing it is strange? Two oriental people, calling someone Mister. Shouldn't they have said 'Jerk-san' instead of 'Mister Jerk'?"
"Huh?" Ky was getting agitated. "Is any of this relevant?"
"As a matter of fact, pretty loli-French stupid boy, it is."
Wendy pushed a button. Her name flashed in her desk. Ky read the flashing name.
"Wendy Weber Misterjerk..."
In one brief moment, Ky's belt buckle title changed from "Hope" to "Free"
"What the (expletive)..."
Then it changed back...
Misterjerk grinned.
"So you are here to free your wife eh, pretty anal French boy? How nice of you."
"I'm beginning to resent that."
She began hitting the keys on her computer.
"Oh my, she owes quite a bit..."
Ky snapped out of his trance-like state, after saying WTF in his mind over and over again.
"Yes, I know. Here is the money." Ky opened the attaché case. "Now give her back to me!"
"Hmm...One, two, ...seven...hmmmm... you seem a bit short pretty French undersized boy."
"What are you talking about?! There is a million world dollars in there!"
"Oh, you silly, silly, pretty, French jailbait boy. There is a little thing we like to call 'interest'. I wouldn't lent her that exuberant sum without expecting something in return now would I?"
"No...no way..."
"Let us see...This amount, times my usual rate...times the time...You still owe me... 2,000,000 world dollars."
Note: He's hyperventilating in the next line.
"TW...TW...TWO MILLION WORLD DOLLARS?! WHERE AM I GOING TO GET THAT KIND OF MONEY?!"
"That is not my problem, pretty French 'echa mein schiesse' boy. Grant! We are done. See him out."
Note: Misterjerk made a reference to the South Park movie in the past line
Grant stepped out of the shadows. The mammoth-build man dressed in a trench coat was far from the fagoty Grant that Ky had imagined.
"Yes ma'am
"Oh no!" Ky drew out his Thunder Seal Sword. "We are not done here Jerk! I mean, Misterjerk!"
"I believe we are, by the way it's pronounced 'Mishtierjurk'. Good bye."
Wendy pushed a button and a trap door opened under Ky, bringing him outside the building.
"What a nuisance..."
"Indeed he is Grant. So tell me, what is the good news that you bring?"
"We have found a dark matter that can power it!"
"Glorious. Now all we have to do is finish digging THAT."
"A shame that we have to sell it. A dark matter that size would have bought us a small country."
"Why settle for a small country when I can have...THE WORLD?"
"If I may, Misterjerk-san, you have made such a brilliant ploy. Lending huge sums of money to unsuspecting people, then shanghaiing them to work as slaves in the mines."
"Yes. It is brilliant, isn't it Grant. Soon, this brilliant mind will be taking over the world! BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"
"Kwehehehehehehe!"
"Grant, must you laugh like a Forbidden Beast?"
"I can't help it ma'am."
Klyde was back on the May Ship, in his pirate uniform.
"DAMN IT! DAMN THAT WOMAN! I PRAY FOR THE DAY THAT I CAN SEE HER BEHIND BARS!"
May approached the agitated Ky
"So...what are you going to do now Ky?"
"What else can I do? I have to continue buccaneering until I get 2 million world dollars. (sigh) April, how much is in my account anyway?"
"Around 850,000 world dollars."
"Well, at least I'm almost halfway there. Crap, I'm still helpless. So April, you researched on new money making ploys?"
"Yes sir! Do you remember that bank we were supposed to rob?"
"You mean the one where you dropped us off in the wrong island? What about it?"
"I heard that some new gold bars have made it to that bank!"
"GREAT! I don't care if we have to face that cross-dressing yahoo. We are going back there!"
"Um...Klyde, there is one problem..."
"What?"
"The bars wont get there until the SEASON is over."
"What?! So we CANT DO ANYTHING?!"
"Yes sir."
"Damn it."
"Um sir, since we don't have anything to do...why don't we pass the time in the mountains."
The veins in Klyde's head vanished. He breathed one long sigh
"Alright. If we cant do anything, lets go to the mountais."
"YAY!"
Sol, former Gear Hunter, stood on top of a mountain...
The sun rose behind him...
Sol's silhouette stood steadfastly as wind blew past him...
He stared intently as he surveyed the area that would be his...
Then he raised his Fire Seal Sword...
And threw it to the ground...
Instead of getting imbedded to the ground...
It just lied flat on the ground...
Sol put one foot on the weapon he created...
He smugged.
"GUNFLAME"
The fuenken burst a shot of fire, propelling Sol in to the air. Sol landed, shredding his Jinki into the snow.
Snowboarding season was in.
"Welcome, everyone, to the annual GGSSXX tournament! Where snowboarders all around the world drop whatever the hell they are doing to compete in this exciting tourney! I'm Zell Dincht!"
"And I Eikichi Onizuka, 22 years old, yoroshkun!"
"And we will be..."
"your GREAT COMMENTATORS for this tournament!"
"You know Eikichi, it sure is amazing on how popular snowboarding has become."
"You're right Zell. It has become so popular, it has actually replaced basketball and football as the planet's favorite past time!"
"Lets take a look at our contestant!"
"First up, we have our all time champion: Sol Bad-Guy! He is charging in his patented square fireboard. He is really tearing up the tracks with his impressive speed. But he always did have a rough landing.
"Lets hope that doesn't affect his chances. Now here is former holy knight Ky Kiske! His air moves always smooth and flowing. Will his finesse and cross snowboard help him to win?"
"Here is Millia Rage. This sultry snow boarder is always popular with the men! Many say that her moves always has a subliminal implication in them. Her snowboard is her hair in the skateboard mode. Will her sex appeal help her to win this exciting tourney?"
"Now is the controversial forbidden beast who is also a successful ventriloquist, Eddie! His shape shifting moves are always showy...is that his dummy he's using as a snowboard?"
"Apparently so. Now is another assassin, Venom! He is a new player. He seems to have a suitcase, the type that contains pool sticks. Wait, a snowboard is in that suitcase! He's attaching the two pieces...and off he goes! Lets see how this new comer fares!"
"Another new guy is this old dude called Slayer. His cape BECAME A SNOWBOARD? Man, he's so rigid? How can this Methuselah win the tourney? WAIT! He's doing tricks WHILE he is rigid! His board is spinning in the air WHILE he is still rigid! Man, this guy is good!"
"Now we have a ninja, Chipp Zanuff. He doesn't have a board. OH MY GOD HE IS JUST RUNNING! Man, is he fast. I hope he can keep control..."
"Now is the great doctor Faust! He's just swimming? Well, Faust always did have great control, he just always finishes last."
"Here is the representative of Zepp, Potemkin. I wonder what is his board. He crawled up into a ball, and he is rolling like a giant snow ball? Well, that is giving him a lot of advantages in speed and obstacle control..."
"Now here is Axle-Low! He is using a traditional snowboard! Wow, he is pretty good. It's like he lived in the time when this sport was invented!"
"Here is hitokiri Baiken...Is that a tatami she's using as a board? Whoa, she's got great balance and control...for someone who has one eye and one arm..."
"Wow! Its one of the cute girls of the competition, May! She's using a dolphin as a board! She always has flashy moves, like jumping up high with three dolphins. How will she fare?"
"We got the natural playboy Johnny! Even though he's hjust using an ordinary board, he is really stylish. Break dancing in mid-air, teleporting when he is in a batoujutsu stance...man he can give Sol a run for his money!"
"Here is Anji Mito. His snowboard is a very ornately decorated one. Its impressive on how he can incorporate Kabuki dancing in snowboarding. Lets see if he can dance his way to victory!"
"Now we have the sexy guitarist I-no! Even though she is using her guitar 'Marlene' as her board, she can still play her! Man she is one hot mama!"
"Next up is Zappa! Whoa...just looking at him makes my back hurt dude. But its incredible on how he just rides that sword he uses as a board. Quick fact: ever since Zappa joined, ghosts have appeared in the slope."
"Finally, we have Bridget. He is only using his yoyos. He can actually ride his yoyos! Lets see if he can win the tournament."
As everyone shredded on, the theme music of Chocobo Racing played. While they were racing each other, Robokys with feet of skis pursued them.
It's going to be a fun season...
END
Preview of next chapter: Hello everyone. My name is Sho Tsuzuku. With the snowboarding season still up, I guess Zam's story cant continue. I guess you should all probably know what happened to Infinity City? Why I am now its owner? Well you will all find out soon enough. Next time, on the Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Subchapter 2: Welcome to Shou Town. I hope you enjoy your stay...
Zam's blood pressure: 102 bps
Disclaimer: Ky Kiske and all related trade marks are property of Sammy. Most of the characters portrayed here are property of Tecmo, Enix, SNK, Namco etc. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.
I would personally like to thank Sho Tsuzuku and Sheo Darren for helping me in this chapter
Chapter 5: Meet Mister Jerk
A martyred author floated endlessly in limbo. After he sacrificed himself to save his own creations and his world, he had "killed" himself. He now floats endlessly in a damned plane. Something known as "Tar-author-us." It is a place where the consciousness of an author failed him/her. It was like floating endlessly in deep space, except you didn't die. You would have no feeling of time, space or reality. He didn't know what was happening to him. Is he alive? Is he dead? Does he even exist?
Even if he were alive, he would never know. All he saw...was black. Oh, how he longed for some of his earthly senses and pleasure once more. If this continued, his mind would degrade. Pretty soon, his memory would fail. He would just be an empty shell of a man. As he stared farther into the endless darkness that enveloped him, he saw something.
Saw? Yes. Sight is a mortal sense. This proved that he still existed. What he saw was...his memory was starting to fail. It was...blue. It was a blue light.
Little blue balls of light swirled in front of him. Soon, more appeared and swirled. Then, they all converged to form a shape. His mind was starting to remember. They formed the shape of a being with wings. Then, a huge burst of light shined with great intensity.
When his sight restored, after so long, he saw another person. But this was no ordinary person. She was a beautiful maiden, with long, lustrous, blue hair. Her blue armor was so stunning and majestic and intimidating despite it being very ornamental. Even though it was battle armor, it was very feminine. The blue, flare on her back that resembled wings made her look like an angel. This...woman could have killed with just her beauty.
Then she fell to the ground, landing lightly on her feet. She opened her eyes and stared at him.
"Sheo Darren."
His mind jolted. Yes he exited. He was well. He shook his head to get out of the trance like state he was in.
"Oro? Who are you?"
"Greetings noble one. I am Lenneth Valkyrie."
"Valkyrie... Lenneth Valkyrie. A Chooser of the Slain."
"I have been sent by a friend. A friend who is holding you to your oath."
"Friend? Oath? I know of none in particular... and why are you here, anyway? You can't be here..."
"I am an avatar of souls. I recruit the souls of great fallen warriors to fight for the side of my master. That is actually my purpose of being here. A friend says that he will need of your... assistance in a matter. I can take you back, provided you fight for me."
"Fight?" He sighed. "I am no fighter; I am just a dreamer lost in my own piece of the darkness. I am nothing here, nothing at all."
Sheo closed his eyes again, the sadness evident in his voice. "I am nothing without her..."
Valkyrie smiled. "HE knew that you would say something like that. That's why He asked Sho to send something here with me."
Now that particular name got him out of his angst-laden funk.
"Did you say...'Sho'?"
"Yes."
"As...in...SHO TSUZUKU?"
"As a matter of fact, yes."
"I should have known. The bastard haunts me even here and now. So, what diabolical horror did Sho send to 'persuade' me?"
"Him." Valkyrie pointed to a man approaching them. He was a handsome bugger, dressed very stylishly. He had a dignified face and long, flowing hair. When Sheo saw him, the author breathed a sigh of relief.
"A man. What a relief. I was expecting worse out of Sho." He raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "Who is he anyway?"
"He is the vampire known as Lestat. He is the epitome of vampire sexuality. He has made love to over 200 partners over his undead life."
"Right. Now, how is this supposed to scare me to going back to Sho's world?"
"Did I mention that he is bisexual?"
Sheo slowly turned a very suspicious and infidel (unbeliever) gaze back to Lenneth.
"He is?"
Lenneth nodded.
Sheo turned back to Lestat.
Lestat smiled.
Sheo breathed a curse beneath his breath. "Get me out of here."
With a swirl of light, the two were gone.
When Sheo awoke, he found himself lying on a bed. Sullia was seated next to him (but thankfully for the newly-returned author, she was dressed).
"Ah! Sheo-san! You're alive!"
"Like I was ever dead." Sheo felt the superficial sensations of the living once more. To one who was a being that was without name, to return to your previous life was ecstasy. The first sensation: ANNOYANCE.
"Sho, you bastard, I don't know how I will do it, but I swear that somehow and sometime in the near future, I will bring about the Ragnarok and silence your evil for good! And this time, it won't be business of saving the world as usual; it will be very personal."
Sullia giggled.
"Heehee. Oh Sheo, you're so silly. Sho didn't ask Valkyrie-san to bring you back from the.. um... dead. He just helped!"
"It wasn't him?! Then who?!"
Sullia made a small smile on her face.
"Zam did."
Just then, Sho entered the room.
"Good to see you alive Darren. Well not really..."
"I won't say the same for you--"
"But you should."
--and certainly not for myself."
Sheo took a look at himself. He was in some ethereal state. It was like he was a ghost or something.
"Curious... I'm really too tired to ask, but: What's this?"
"You have become an Einjerejar." In a majestic manner, Valkyrie teleported into the room Sheo was in. "You have become a warrior of the Gods. Your existence is similar to the undead. You are dead, yet you feel physical pain. You are no longer living but you have not yet passed on to the next life. You have earthly consciousness but is in a different level of existence."
Sheo glared at Sho. "What oath are you holding me to?"
Sho made a smug smirk. He knew what he really meant by that.
"I am not the one holding you captive Sheo. Zam is. As to the oath, it is your sworn alliance to the hexagon."
"What alliance?"
"This one." A stone tablet fell on Sheo's crotch.
"Ow." Really, it was worse than he could say out loud. Nevertheless, he read it out loud.
"I, Sheo Darren, swear to protect, defend and meddle in all universes that are facing imminent destruction, devastation and boredom along with the other members of the hexagon. I will... DESTROY ALL ADVERSARIES? ... CREATE HENTAI STORIES IN THE UNIVERSES I MEDDLE IN?! ... EXPAND THE SHO TSUZUKU EMPIRE?! ... ENTITLED TO FIVE CUPS OF CAPPUCINO EVERY WEEK?! SHO! I NEVER AGREED TO ANY OF THIS!"
"Of course you didn't. I forged your signature."
"It seems that the sole purpose of your existence is to make my life more miserable..."
"Among other things. I do have a life outside of you, Sheo. It's just I enjoy playing with you."
"And among other things, the perennial question: Doshite? Why?"
"I am a lawyer and a businessman, Sheo. Your assistance will be...convenient and beneficial to, not just me, but everyone. Besides, what is the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker stops screwing with you after you're dead. Just because you're were dead doesn't grant you immunity to being of use to me."
"I'm not dead," the youth quietly said under his breath.
"Don't worry Sheo. Zam only intends to use you as a last resort."
"And may I ask why so, once more?"
Sho's face grew to dark and cold. More than usual. It was like he drank three times his usual dosage of "Cold Heartless Bastard Ice Tea."
"I wish I knew . But even he doesn't know."
"Oh?" That was a surprise to Sheo, considering how seemingly omnipotent his foe was. "Now that's new."
"I will resist the urge to create a witty retort for that. There are more pressing engagements. Zam's universe in experiencing some outside interference. He suspects that someone is destroying the universe that he made. Since he fused himself with his universe that has a direct toll on his body. He only asks that we be on standby, in case he can't deal with it alone."
"Zam-san..." muttered Sullia feebly.
Lenneth was speechless, hearing the fate of his employer/comrade-in-arms.
Sheo was, to put it in two words, 'quite curious'.
"That's why he called me back from the dead?"
"Yes. Well, I have to get going. Sullia, mind taking care of him."
"Hai, Onichan!"
"I will be going as well," said Valkyrie
Sheo and Sullia were left alone.
"Well, I can't help my being here now." Sheo turned to the girl who was the 'kind third of Sho Tsuzuku'. "Where are we, anyway?"
"Your in the town far east of South Town. People usually call it East Town. Its real name though, is Mugenjo or Infinity City."
"Kowaii..." Scary...
"Sho-onichan owns this place!"
Sheo could not help but mutter a few expletives
Ky ventured into a huge hallway. The size of the room rivaled that of a cathedral. He was dressed in his old Holy Orders uniform. He firmly clutched an attaché case. He was a bit intimidated by the size of the place. At the end of the hallway was a table and a rotating chair that was turned backwards. Ky's blue eyes flared anger.
"Jerk..."
After being in awe for a while, Ky remembered his being here. In his last mission, he had earned the total amount that he needed to rescue Jam: 1,000,000 world dollars. Now he had wished he took that mission first. He just needed to repay Jerk the amount that Jam owed him and she would be free and back in his arms.
Ky grit his teeth as he approached the table. Oh how he wanted to strangle this Mr. Jerk. How he longed to see his bloody, half-dead body lying in his feet as he cuffs him. But not right now. That day will come, Ky told himself, but for now, he has the upper hand. Ky climbed up the elevated platform that the desk rested upon.
"Excuse me..."
The chair turned. At last, he would see the face of evil. He would see the fat, perverted businessman that he imagined was he. At last, he would see...
"Hello! Pretty little French boy!"
"What in the name of Jesus Christ's bicycle..."
Mr. Jerk? The person behind the chair was a beautiful, well-endowed, blonde woman in a skanky business suit.
"My name is Wendy Weber! What can I do for you, pretty French little boy?"
"Uh...ehe...There must have been a mistake. I am looking for Mr. Jerk. The people outside must have pointed me to the wrong direction."
"Oh, so you want to see Mr. Jerk eh? What business do you have with him? Pretty French little boy?"
"Well, he abducted my wife and I am here to buy back her freedom."
"Hmmmm...so you are taken pretty French small boy. What a shame. Tell me, how do you know...Mister Jerk? He is a very shadowy person and is only known to a few people."
"Well, um...I heard my wife saying his name as se fought a lackey of his."
"What is the name of your wife pretty petite French boy?"
"Jam... Kiske-Kuradoberi Jam."
"Oh yes... She is the Chinese chef is she not?"
"Um...yes"
"What was the name of her abductor?"
"I believe it was...Grant." No point in keeping secrets here. Everyone here must know who they were, probably.
"I see. Tell me pretty puny French boy, did you only hear their voices? Not their faces as they fought?
"Um...yes..."
"I see. Tell me, did you notice something...peculiar about Grant's voice?"
"What...nothing I guess. Well, there was some kind of oriental accent in his English."
"You are most perceptive pretty French-ling boy. Grant is Korean. Now tell me, how exactly did they say Mr. Jerk's name?"
"What? Why do you want to know?"
"Mr. Jerk likes his name pronounced in a particular manner. I would like to know if Grant has been following it."
"Well, they both just said Jerk. Mister Jerk. That's it."
"I see. Don't you thing it is strange? Two oriental people, calling someone Mister. Shouldn't they have said 'Jerk-san' instead of 'Mister Jerk'?"
"Huh?" Ky was getting agitated. "Is any of this relevant?"
"As a matter of fact, pretty loli-French stupid boy, it is."
Wendy pushed a button. Her name flashed in her desk. Ky read the flashing name.
"Wendy Weber Misterjerk..."
In one brief moment, Ky's belt buckle title changed from "Hope" to "Free"
"What the (expletive)..."
Then it changed back...
Misterjerk grinned.
"So you are here to free your wife eh, pretty anal French boy? How nice of you."
"I'm beginning to resent that."
She began hitting the keys on her computer.
"Oh my, she owes quite a bit..."
Ky snapped out of his trance-like state, after saying WTF in his mind over and over again.
"Yes, I know. Here is the money." Ky opened the attaché case. "Now give her back to me!"
"Hmm...One, two, ...seven...hmmmm... you seem a bit short pretty French undersized boy."
"What are you talking about?! There is a million world dollars in there!"
"Oh, you silly, silly, pretty, French jailbait boy. There is a little thing we like to call 'interest'. I wouldn't lent her that exuberant sum without expecting something in return now would I?"
"No...no way..."
"Let us see...This amount, times my usual rate...times the time...You still owe me... 2,000,000 world dollars."
Note: He's hyperventilating in the next line.
"TW...TW...TWO MILLION WORLD DOLLARS?! WHERE AM I GOING TO GET THAT KIND OF MONEY?!"
"That is not my problem, pretty French 'echa mein schiesse' boy. Grant! We are done. See him out."
Note: Misterjerk made a reference to the South Park movie in the past line
Grant stepped out of the shadows. The mammoth-build man dressed in a trench coat was far from the fagoty Grant that Ky had imagined.
"Yes ma'am
"Oh no!" Ky drew out his Thunder Seal Sword. "We are not done here Jerk! I mean, Misterjerk!"
"I believe we are, by the way it's pronounced 'Mishtierjurk'. Good bye."
Wendy pushed a button and a trap door opened under Ky, bringing him outside the building.
"What a nuisance..."
"Indeed he is Grant. So tell me, what is the good news that you bring?"
"We have found a dark matter that can power it!"
"Glorious. Now all we have to do is finish digging THAT."
"A shame that we have to sell it. A dark matter that size would have bought us a small country."
"Why settle for a small country when I can have...THE WORLD?"
"If I may, Misterjerk-san, you have made such a brilliant ploy. Lending huge sums of money to unsuspecting people, then shanghaiing them to work as slaves in the mines."
"Yes. It is brilliant, isn't it Grant. Soon, this brilliant mind will be taking over the world! BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"
"Kwehehehehehehe!"
"Grant, must you laugh like a Forbidden Beast?"
"I can't help it ma'am."
Klyde was back on the May Ship, in his pirate uniform.
"DAMN IT! DAMN THAT WOMAN! I PRAY FOR THE DAY THAT I CAN SEE HER BEHIND BARS!"
May approached the agitated Ky
"So...what are you going to do now Ky?"
"What else can I do? I have to continue buccaneering until I get 2 million world dollars. (sigh) April, how much is in my account anyway?"
"Around 850,000 world dollars."
"Well, at least I'm almost halfway there. Crap, I'm still helpless. So April, you researched on new money making ploys?"
"Yes sir! Do you remember that bank we were supposed to rob?"
"You mean the one where you dropped us off in the wrong island? What about it?"
"I heard that some new gold bars have made it to that bank!"
"GREAT! I don't care if we have to face that cross-dressing yahoo. We are going back there!"
"Um...Klyde, there is one problem..."
"What?"
"The bars wont get there until the SEASON is over."
"What?! So we CANT DO ANYTHING?!"
"Yes sir."
"Damn it."
"Um sir, since we don't have anything to do...why don't we pass the time in the mountains."
The veins in Klyde's head vanished. He breathed one long sigh
"Alright. If we cant do anything, lets go to the mountais."
"YAY!"
Sol, former Gear Hunter, stood on top of a mountain...
The sun rose behind him...
Sol's silhouette stood steadfastly as wind blew past him...
He stared intently as he surveyed the area that would be his...
Then he raised his Fire Seal Sword...
And threw it to the ground...
Instead of getting imbedded to the ground...
It just lied flat on the ground...
Sol put one foot on the weapon he created...
He smugged.
"GUNFLAME"
The fuenken burst a shot of fire, propelling Sol in to the air. Sol landed, shredding his Jinki into the snow.
Snowboarding season was in.
"Welcome, everyone, to the annual GGSSXX tournament! Where snowboarders all around the world drop whatever the hell they are doing to compete in this exciting tourney! I'm Zell Dincht!"
"And I Eikichi Onizuka, 22 years old, yoroshkun!"
"And we will be..."
"your GREAT COMMENTATORS for this tournament!"
"You know Eikichi, it sure is amazing on how popular snowboarding has become."
"You're right Zell. It has become so popular, it has actually replaced basketball and football as the planet's favorite past time!"
"Lets take a look at our contestant!"
"First up, we have our all time champion: Sol Bad-Guy! He is charging in his patented square fireboard. He is really tearing up the tracks with his impressive speed. But he always did have a rough landing.
"Lets hope that doesn't affect his chances. Now here is former holy knight Ky Kiske! His air moves always smooth and flowing. Will his finesse and cross snowboard help him to win?"
"Here is Millia Rage. This sultry snow boarder is always popular with the men! Many say that her moves always has a subliminal implication in them. Her snowboard is her hair in the skateboard mode. Will her sex appeal help her to win this exciting tourney?"
"Now is the controversial forbidden beast who is also a successful ventriloquist, Eddie! His shape shifting moves are always showy...is that his dummy he's using as a snowboard?"
"Apparently so. Now is another assassin, Venom! He is a new player. He seems to have a suitcase, the type that contains pool sticks. Wait, a snowboard is in that suitcase! He's attaching the two pieces...and off he goes! Lets see how this new comer fares!"
"Another new guy is this old dude called Slayer. His cape BECAME A SNOWBOARD? Man, he's so rigid? How can this Methuselah win the tourney? WAIT! He's doing tricks WHILE he is rigid! His board is spinning in the air WHILE he is still rigid! Man, this guy is good!"
"Now we have a ninja, Chipp Zanuff. He doesn't have a board. OH MY GOD HE IS JUST RUNNING! Man, is he fast. I hope he can keep control..."
"Now is the great doctor Faust! He's just swimming? Well, Faust always did have great control, he just always finishes last."
"Here is the representative of Zepp, Potemkin. I wonder what is his board. He crawled up into a ball, and he is rolling like a giant snow ball? Well, that is giving him a lot of advantages in speed and obstacle control..."
"Now here is Axle-Low! He is using a traditional snowboard! Wow, he is pretty good. It's like he lived in the time when this sport was invented!"
"Here is hitokiri Baiken...Is that a tatami she's using as a board? Whoa, she's got great balance and control...for someone who has one eye and one arm..."
"Wow! Its one of the cute girls of the competition, May! She's using a dolphin as a board! She always has flashy moves, like jumping up high with three dolphins. How will she fare?"
"We got the natural playboy Johnny! Even though he's hjust using an ordinary board, he is really stylish. Break dancing in mid-air, teleporting when he is in a batoujutsu stance...man he can give Sol a run for his money!"
"Here is Anji Mito. His snowboard is a very ornately decorated one. Its impressive on how he can incorporate Kabuki dancing in snowboarding. Lets see if he can dance his way to victory!"
"Now we have the sexy guitarist I-no! Even though she is using her guitar 'Marlene' as her board, she can still play her! Man she is one hot mama!"
"Next up is Zappa! Whoa...just looking at him makes my back hurt dude. But its incredible on how he just rides that sword he uses as a board. Quick fact: ever since Zappa joined, ghosts have appeared in the slope."
"Finally, we have Bridget. He is only using his yoyos. He can actually ride his yoyos! Lets see if he can win the tournament."
As everyone shredded on, the theme music of Chocobo Racing played. While they were racing each other, Robokys with feet of skis pursued them.
It's going to be a fun season...
END
Preview of next chapter: Hello everyone. My name is Sho Tsuzuku. With the snowboarding season still up, I guess Zam's story cant continue. I guess you should all probably know what happened to Infinity City? Why I am now its owner? Well you will all find out soon enough. Next time, on the Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Subchapter 2: Welcome to Shou Town. I hope you enjoy your stay...
Zam's blood pressure: 102 bps