Authors Note: ahh, you crave the romance, yes? For the reviewers that are getting cranky from the lack of hot monkey sex, I'm here to tell you---that there won't be any!!!! Mwahahhaahahahahahahaha! Nah, actually, I was just getting you guys used to the characters. I hate rushing into a fic and then the characters are suddenly in love and they keep changing so that I'm all confused and blinking at the screen and saying 'but..but...but...but'. So I took my time with the first few chapters. And I'll never admit that I didn't know what was going to happen next as my reason for taking so long with introducing our handsome heros. ... Never fear, trusting readers, you'll get your hot monkey sex. SOON. Alright, enough of that. On to my blather.
WARNING: This story is sometimes base. It's not meant to be perfect or elegant, as I am merely expelling emotion. Hence the weirdness....Damn my urge to write. Anyways, just thought you should know.
Disclaimer: **scowls** rubbing in the fact that I don't own inu-yasha is NOT gonna get you on my good side, so piss off!
OUR HOUSE
Chapter 6: attack of the killer nuns
Sessho-maru's first impression of his client was that the man looked very drained. His face was pale and drawn, eyes bruised and shadowed. His skin was covered in rose-bruises, a network of intimate evidences. To top it off, his nose looked oddly...broken. And beneath all the hollowness was a truly terrified man.
."Priest! Priest, don't go away! It's Sister Carolines turn!! PRIEST! We NEED you!"
A woman was calling him from inside the bus. Miroku's bruised eyes widened, and Sessho-maru heard him gasp painfully before he stumbled away from the bus and collapsed against a waiting Sessho-maru. He caught the smaller man and gazed down at him."Miroku, what's going on?"
Miroku stared up at him, mouth gaping like a fishes, terror splashed plain on his face."Sessho, don't let them get me. PLEASE. They're DEMON WOMEN! They all want to be impregnated!!! ALL OF THEM!" his voice had risen to a keening wail. He grasped Sessho-maru's collar and clutched it in claw-like hands."I can't perform like that! I need time to recover! They're RAVENOUS BEASTS just waiting to DEVOUR ME!!!" he ranted desperately. Sessho-maru's eyeborws shot up, and he fought to contain his expression.
."Miroku," he said calmly."What are you talking about? And who is this priest?"
."The NUNS!" He cried."They want to drain me dry! And they think I'M their legendary Priest, the only man in the history of time that they can have sex with! Even the MOTHER SUPERIOR had a go!"
He tried. He really did. He spent all his willpower on it, but in the end, resistence was futile. Sessho-maru giggled. And once he started, he couldn't stop.
With a sickly Miroku in his arms shivering and gasping and sobbing about 'demonic nuns', Sessho-maru, owner of half of the Shikon City and Western Lands Inc., burst into helpless giggles.
And Miroku, the poor man, was reduced to helpless mutterings.
When Sessho-maru had gotten ahold of himself, two more figures emerged from the hideous green bus. First was a tall, dark haired woman in black jeans and a black sweater. She was dressed casually, but judging by her stance and quiet way of moving, she was much more dangerous than she appeared. She somehow commanded respect, and he found himself straightening in her presence. They assesed each other for several drawn moments, before she nodded and turned her attention to the whimpering mass of man in his arms. She smirked ,then, and all the tension was suddenly gone, leaving him slightly disoriented.
The second figure was another woman, slightly younger and smaller, with a wilder, more natural look. Where the other was sleek and toned, this one was edgy and tussled. Her hair was in a wild, dark mane that shimmied down her shoulders in random waves, curls, and streams. Most of it was flopped on to the side and covered half her face so that only one bright blue eye was visible. She was dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a black tee-shirt with a penquin on the front and the words 'I wish I could fly' scrawled beneath the creature. She yawned hugely, stretching her arms above her head in abandon, and trooped out of the bus and onto the dirt road. Shoulders slumped, she trudged up beside Sango and pushed her hair out of her face, revealing a lovely collection of features. She saw Miroku and grinned even as she yawned again. She noticed Sessho-maru and remembered to cover her mouth for the yawn. But that was the only recognition he got. It amused him.
The first woman walked up to him and gazed down at Miroku, her eyes dancing."I think we should bring him inside and feed him something. He looks half-dead."
The second woman came up beside the first and grinned, white teeth flashing with her wolfish, and surprisingly sweet, smile."Poor cousin. Guess he wasn't as up to the task as he thought."
The first woman grinned."Kagome, that is an awful thing to say. He really didn't know what he was up against. It was actually kind of impressive. He got through half of them."
The one called Kagome shuddered."God, I can just imagine. Little Miroku-spawn running around in nine months. I bet all those women are fertile, too." She shook her head."Ick, a busful of willing, impregnable, VIRGINS. All ripe and now..."she gagged."Nevermind. I don't want to think about it."
The first woman chuckled, and Kagome scowled. The first woman turned her gaze to Sessho-maru. She smiled."You must be Sessho-maru. I'm Sango, formally known as Holy Bodygaurd Sister Mary Sango. Sango will do, if you like. Here, let me take him."
She reached over and disentangled Miroku from Sessho-maru's shirt. With a surprising strength she lifted the man as delicately as she would a baby and carried him up the path towards the house."Is the door open?" she called over one shoulder.
Sessho-maru laughed."Yes, just go right in and leave him on the couch for now."
."Thanks." was her reply. Which left him alone with the other woman, Kagome.
She looked up at him, hands in her pockets, and smirked good-naturedly."You work with my cousin?" she asked.
."Who, Miroku? Yeah, from time to time. He's letting me stay here while I take my vacation. He told me you were coming." So this was the pretty cousin that he was to keep an eye on. She didn't look like she needed much keeping. Or that she'd accept it.
."He told me you'd be here."She replied, and then sighed."You won't need to baby-sit me or anything. I doubt we'll get into each others way much. I just need to know where everything is, and then I'll be fine."
He smiled at her, and turned, motioning for her to follow."I don't doubt that." He said teasingly, and a slight smile blossomed on her lips.
((a/n:: alright, enough of this fluff. I'm tired of writing about them gazing deeply into each others eyes. Fuck that. I need some mayhem. Prepare yourselves.))
."Where did he GOOO!!!????" a woman wailed. Kagome jumped and leapt behind Sessho-maru. He turned around to face the bus and stared.
."Oh, God. Not again. They can't possibly want him AGAIN, can they??" Kagome shuddered and peeked over his shoulder, her hair tickling his nose when he tried to look at her.
."What, whats going on? Why are you hiding behind me? Who is that?"
She buried her face into his back, catching him off guard so that he nearly lost his balance. Good christ, what was going on??"It's a NUN." She whispered."They all want hot Miroku sex. Its horrible."
He blanched."You're kidding? You ARE kidding, right?"
."Noo." she wailed, and cringed at the sound of something being thrown around inside and gasping when the whole bus shook and wove."OH, crap, they're going to get out!"
Sessho-maru was confused."Wha-wha...hey! Where are you going?? Kagome!" The girl had taken off toward the bus and slammed the door shut, bolting it and then jamming rocks and grass into the seams. Completely confused, he jogged up to her and began to help. No sooner had they sealed it did the pounding start. The bus shook.
."Priest!" came a plaintive wail from inside."Darling Priest! We are ready again for your blessed organ! Priest, come back! We NEED you!"
."Blessed WHAT??" Sessho-maru asked, mortified.
Kagome grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the bus, horror etched across her face."Come on! We need to get Miroku to a safe place! That won't hold them for long!"
They ran up the path and into the house, pulled by a frantic feeling that they were being hunted by something very evil and not at all sane."Kagome---hey.."he began anxiously.
She cut him off."Where can we hide him? There has to be a place where we can keep him safe until Sango takes care of THEM." She shuddered at the word. Sessho-maru could only stare at her, mouth open. She shook him helplessly before deeming him hopeless and shrieked for Sango. The woman instantly appeared at the kitchen door.
."What is it?" she asked, concerned at the panic on the younger girls' face.
."It's the nuns, Sango. They're after him."
Sango's face contorted as she struggled not to grin."Kagome, they're not going to---what the HELL??"
The sound of glass shattering and the pounding of feet and feminine shrieking filled the air."PRIEST! I need to be CLEANSED!!!!!"
."Make me good for God, Priest!"
."We NEED you!"
The rest were just a feminine chorus of his name, and the sound of pushing and shoving in their eagerness.
Kagome gave a little shriek of her own and bolted for the living room. Sango and Sessho-maru stared at each other for a moment.
."Lock the door."She ordered.
He nodded, and complied. And just in time. About twenty nuns slammed up against it the instant he had it locked. He leapt back, eyes wide and heart beating frantically."Oh my God..."
Sango nodded grimly."Indeed."
."WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!!!!!!" the both turned at the frantic voice and saw Kagome running in crazed circles around the living room with an unconcious Miroku thrown over one shoulder, his head bobbing against her back. The weirdness and hilarity of this did not escape them, but in the next instant the front door burst open and a stream of eager (and, frighteningly enough, HORNY) nuns, erupted in, knocking man and bodyguard aside as they charged toward their assumed savior. Kagome actually screamed in fright and bolted out the (conviently placed) back door. She was sprinting toward the woods now with a hoard of nuns at her heels clawing at each other and the air in front of them as they fought for their beloved 'vessel'.
."STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY COUSIN!" Kagome commanded, running as fast as she could and outmanuvering them as they attempted to corner her."HE'S TIRED, DAMMIT! LET HIM TAKE A BREAK BETWEEN HUMPINGS!!!"
She dodged behind a lone tree and was scrambling away when someone caught hold of a part of Miroku and yanked, sending her sprawling backwards. She scrambled for her cousin as the nuns swooped in and began to tear at his clothes. Kagome lunged, knocking them aside, and saved him just in time to be dogpiled by the whole lot, buried beneath a squirming mass of panting women.
((a/n:: O____O ))
A gunshot rang out in the clear morning air. Everyone froze.
One tussled, and half naked, nun, glanced up dazedly to see a VERY. ANGRY. SANGO, and shrank back. The bodygaurd was standing, feet apart, with an enormous rifle held in one hand pointed skywards.
."That's ENOUGH!" she roared. The nuns quivered and began to slide off the pile and onto the grass. Sango's eyes flashed lightening and her rage was awesome to behold."YOU LITTLE FUCKERS HAVE HAD YOUR FILL FOR ONE DAY! The idea is to PURIFY YOUR SOULS, not drain one poor man dry! It is a GIFT and an HONOR to be purified by such a one! You have NO RIGHT to demand your salvation of him! So GET THE FUCK AWAY YOU UNGREATFUL LITTLE SLUTS! I WILL NOT have you indulging your HORMONAL URGES upon that poor man! I mean it! GET YOUR ASSES BACK TO THE BUS!! NOW!!!!"
Skulking and pouting, some guiltily, some resentfully, they trooped back to the bus in two straight lines. Sango swatted some of them as they went, and was yelling curses at their backs as they disapeared over the hill.
The problem solved, Sango turned to check on the victims, and rolled her eyes in exasperation. The pair were lying unconcious in a heap in the field. Kagome was sprawled protectively over her cousin, flopped ackwardly like a doll. It was quite a sight.
She felt someone come up behind her. Sango turned and saw that it was Sessho-maru. The handsome, silver-haired man looked rather tramautized, caught between rolling on the floor laughing his ass off and running screaming for the hills. He glanced at her with slightly glazed eyes.
."Come on," she said quietly, sighing."Lets get them inside."
________________________________
authors note:: hmmm. Once again I am left not knowing where the hell that came from. I'm only partially happy that I thought of it at all. I wonder if its possible that little alien creatures are living in my brain directing my fingers towards the very STRANGE direction this piece is taking. I mean, come on, KILLER NUN???? What the hell are killer nuns??? **shakes head** anyway, thanks to all those who reviewed for me. I'm ecstatic that I have nearly 80 reviews for only five chapters!! And for those who don't believe me when I say that I sit at my computer and gloat and preen over these much-appreciated reviews, well, you can just shove it up your ass because I DO gloat and preen and bounce and grin evilly over the fact that I'm getting reviews just for being silly. So there. Bah. Teehee.
WARNING: This story is sometimes base. It's not meant to be perfect or elegant, as I am merely expelling emotion. Hence the weirdness....Damn my urge to write. Anyways, just thought you should know.
Disclaimer: **scowls** rubbing in the fact that I don't own inu-yasha is NOT gonna get you on my good side, so piss off!
OUR HOUSE
Chapter 6: attack of the killer nuns
Sessho-maru's first impression of his client was that the man looked very drained. His face was pale and drawn, eyes bruised and shadowed. His skin was covered in rose-bruises, a network of intimate evidences. To top it off, his nose looked oddly...broken. And beneath all the hollowness was a truly terrified man.
."Priest! Priest, don't go away! It's Sister Carolines turn!! PRIEST! We NEED you!"
A woman was calling him from inside the bus. Miroku's bruised eyes widened, and Sessho-maru heard him gasp painfully before he stumbled away from the bus and collapsed against a waiting Sessho-maru. He caught the smaller man and gazed down at him."Miroku, what's going on?"
Miroku stared up at him, mouth gaping like a fishes, terror splashed plain on his face."Sessho, don't let them get me. PLEASE. They're DEMON WOMEN! They all want to be impregnated!!! ALL OF THEM!" his voice had risen to a keening wail. He grasped Sessho-maru's collar and clutched it in claw-like hands."I can't perform like that! I need time to recover! They're RAVENOUS BEASTS just waiting to DEVOUR ME!!!" he ranted desperately. Sessho-maru's eyeborws shot up, and he fought to contain his expression.
."Miroku," he said calmly."What are you talking about? And who is this priest?"
."The NUNS!" He cried."They want to drain me dry! And they think I'M their legendary Priest, the only man in the history of time that they can have sex with! Even the MOTHER SUPERIOR had a go!"
He tried. He really did. He spent all his willpower on it, but in the end, resistence was futile. Sessho-maru giggled. And once he started, he couldn't stop.
With a sickly Miroku in his arms shivering and gasping and sobbing about 'demonic nuns', Sessho-maru, owner of half of the Shikon City and Western Lands Inc., burst into helpless giggles.
And Miroku, the poor man, was reduced to helpless mutterings.
When Sessho-maru had gotten ahold of himself, two more figures emerged from the hideous green bus. First was a tall, dark haired woman in black jeans and a black sweater. She was dressed casually, but judging by her stance and quiet way of moving, she was much more dangerous than she appeared. She somehow commanded respect, and he found himself straightening in her presence. They assesed each other for several drawn moments, before she nodded and turned her attention to the whimpering mass of man in his arms. She smirked ,then, and all the tension was suddenly gone, leaving him slightly disoriented.
The second figure was another woman, slightly younger and smaller, with a wilder, more natural look. Where the other was sleek and toned, this one was edgy and tussled. Her hair was in a wild, dark mane that shimmied down her shoulders in random waves, curls, and streams. Most of it was flopped on to the side and covered half her face so that only one bright blue eye was visible. She was dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a black tee-shirt with a penquin on the front and the words 'I wish I could fly' scrawled beneath the creature. She yawned hugely, stretching her arms above her head in abandon, and trooped out of the bus and onto the dirt road. Shoulders slumped, she trudged up beside Sango and pushed her hair out of her face, revealing a lovely collection of features. She saw Miroku and grinned even as she yawned again. She noticed Sessho-maru and remembered to cover her mouth for the yawn. But that was the only recognition he got. It amused him.
The first woman walked up to him and gazed down at Miroku, her eyes dancing."I think we should bring him inside and feed him something. He looks half-dead."
The second woman came up beside the first and grinned, white teeth flashing with her wolfish, and surprisingly sweet, smile."Poor cousin. Guess he wasn't as up to the task as he thought."
The first woman grinned."Kagome, that is an awful thing to say. He really didn't know what he was up against. It was actually kind of impressive. He got through half of them."
The one called Kagome shuddered."God, I can just imagine. Little Miroku-spawn running around in nine months. I bet all those women are fertile, too." She shook her head."Ick, a busful of willing, impregnable, VIRGINS. All ripe and now..."she gagged."Nevermind. I don't want to think about it."
The first woman chuckled, and Kagome scowled. The first woman turned her gaze to Sessho-maru. She smiled."You must be Sessho-maru. I'm Sango, formally known as Holy Bodygaurd Sister Mary Sango. Sango will do, if you like. Here, let me take him."
She reached over and disentangled Miroku from Sessho-maru's shirt. With a surprising strength she lifted the man as delicately as she would a baby and carried him up the path towards the house."Is the door open?" she called over one shoulder.
Sessho-maru laughed."Yes, just go right in and leave him on the couch for now."
."Thanks." was her reply. Which left him alone with the other woman, Kagome.
She looked up at him, hands in her pockets, and smirked good-naturedly."You work with my cousin?" she asked.
."Who, Miroku? Yeah, from time to time. He's letting me stay here while I take my vacation. He told me you were coming." So this was the pretty cousin that he was to keep an eye on. She didn't look like she needed much keeping. Or that she'd accept it.
."He told me you'd be here."She replied, and then sighed."You won't need to baby-sit me or anything. I doubt we'll get into each others way much. I just need to know where everything is, and then I'll be fine."
He smiled at her, and turned, motioning for her to follow."I don't doubt that." He said teasingly, and a slight smile blossomed on her lips.
((a/n:: alright, enough of this fluff. I'm tired of writing about them gazing deeply into each others eyes. Fuck that. I need some mayhem. Prepare yourselves.))
."Where did he GOOO!!!????" a woman wailed. Kagome jumped and leapt behind Sessho-maru. He turned around to face the bus and stared.
."Oh, God. Not again. They can't possibly want him AGAIN, can they??" Kagome shuddered and peeked over his shoulder, her hair tickling his nose when he tried to look at her.
."What, whats going on? Why are you hiding behind me? Who is that?"
She buried her face into his back, catching him off guard so that he nearly lost his balance. Good christ, what was going on??"It's a NUN." She whispered."They all want hot Miroku sex. Its horrible."
He blanched."You're kidding? You ARE kidding, right?"
."Noo." she wailed, and cringed at the sound of something being thrown around inside and gasping when the whole bus shook and wove."OH, crap, they're going to get out!"
Sessho-maru was confused."Wha-wha...hey! Where are you going?? Kagome!" The girl had taken off toward the bus and slammed the door shut, bolting it and then jamming rocks and grass into the seams. Completely confused, he jogged up to her and began to help. No sooner had they sealed it did the pounding start. The bus shook.
."Priest!" came a plaintive wail from inside."Darling Priest! We are ready again for your blessed organ! Priest, come back! We NEED you!"
."Blessed WHAT??" Sessho-maru asked, mortified.
Kagome grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the bus, horror etched across her face."Come on! We need to get Miroku to a safe place! That won't hold them for long!"
They ran up the path and into the house, pulled by a frantic feeling that they were being hunted by something very evil and not at all sane."Kagome---hey.."he began anxiously.
She cut him off."Where can we hide him? There has to be a place where we can keep him safe until Sango takes care of THEM." She shuddered at the word. Sessho-maru could only stare at her, mouth open. She shook him helplessly before deeming him hopeless and shrieked for Sango. The woman instantly appeared at the kitchen door.
."What is it?" she asked, concerned at the panic on the younger girls' face.
."It's the nuns, Sango. They're after him."
Sango's face contorted as she struggled not to grin."Kagome, they're not going to---what the HELL??"
The sound of glass shattering and the pounding of feet and feminine shrieking filled the air."PRIEST! I need to be CLEANSED!!!!!"
."Make me good for God, Priest!"
."We NEED you!"
The rest were just a feminine chorus of his name, and the sound of pushing and shoving in their eagerness.
Kagome gave a little shriek of her own and bolted for the living room. Sango and Sessho-maru stared at each other for a moment.
."Lock the door."She ordered.
He nodded, and complied. And just in time. About twenty nuns slammed up against it the instant he had it locked. He leapt back, eyes wide and heart beating frantically."Oh my God..."
Sango nodded grimly."Indeed."
."WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!!!!!!" the both turned at the frantic voice and saw Kagome running in crazed circles around the living room with an unconcious Miroku thrown over one shoulder, his head bobbing against her back. The weirdness and hilarity of this did not escape them, but in the next instant the front door burst open and a stream of eager (and, frighteningly enough, HORNY) nuns, erupted in, knocking man and bodyguard aside as they charged toward their assumed savior. Kagome actually screamed in fright and bolted out the (conviently placed) back door. She was sprinting toward the woods now with a hoard of nuns at her heels clawing at each other and the air in front of them as they fought for their beloved 'vessel'.
."STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY COUSIN!" Kagome commanded, running as fast as she could and outmanuvering them as they attempted to corner her."HE'S TIRED, DAMMIT! LET HIM TAKE A BREAK BETWEEN HUMPINGS!!!"
She dodged behind a lone tree and was scrambling away when someone caught hold of a part of Miroku and yanked, sending her sprawling backwards. She scrambled for her cousin as the nuns swooped in and began to tear at his clothes. Kagome lunged, knocking them aside, and saved him just in time to be dogpiled by the whole lot, buried beneath a squirming mass of panting women.
((a/n:: O____O ))
A gunshot rang out in the clear morning air. Everyone froze.
One tussled, and half naked, nun, glanced up dazedly to see a VERY. ANGRY. SANGO, and shrank back. The bodygaurd was standing, feet apart, with an enormous rifle held in one hand pointed skywards.
."That's ENOUGH!" she roared. The nuns quivered and began to slide off the pile and onto the grass. Sango's eyes flashed lightening and her rage was awesome to behold."YOU LITTLE FUCKERS HAVE HAD YOUR FILL FOR ONE DAY! The idea is to PURIFY YOUR SOULS, not drain one poor man dry! It is a GIFT and an HONOR to be purified by such a one! You have NO RIGHT to demand your salvation of him! So GET THE FUCK AWAY YOU UNGREATFUL LITTLE SLUTS! I WILL NOT have you indulging your HORMONAL URGES upon that poor man! I mean it! GET YOUR ASSES BACK TO THE BUS!! NOW!!!!"
Skulking and pouting, some guiltily, some resentfully, they trooped back to the bus in two straight lines. Sango swatted some of them as they went, and was yelling curses at their backs as they disapeared over the hill.
The problem solved, Sango turned to check on the victims, and rolled her eyes in exasperation. The pair were lying unconcious in a heap in the field. Kagome was sprawled protectively over her cousin, flopped ackwardly like a doll. It was quite a sight.
She felt someone come up behind her. Sango turned and saw that it was Sessho-maru. The handsome, silver-haired man looked rather tramautized, caught between rolling on the floor laughing his ass off and running screaming for the hills. He glanced at her with slightly glazed eyes.
."Come on," she said quietly, sighing."Lets get them inside."
________________________________
authors note:: hmmm. Once again I am left not knowing where the hell that came from. I'm only partially happy that I thought of it at all. I wonder if its possible that little alien creatures are living in my brain directing my fingers towards the very STRANGE direction this piece is taking. I mean, come on, KILLER NUN???? What the hell are killer nuns??? **shakes head** anyway, thanks to all those who reviewed for me. I'm ecstatic that I have nearly 80 reviews for only five chapters!! And for those who don't believe me when I say that I sit at my computer and gloat and preen over these much-appreciated reviews, well, you can just shove it up your ass because I DO gloat and preen and bounce and grin evilly over the fact that I'm getting reviews just for being silly. So there. Bah. Teehee.