The Misadventures of Ky Kiske
A Guilty Gear Fan fiction by: Invader-Zam4
Disclaimer: Guilty Gear, Ky Kiske and all related trademarks are property of Sammy. Many of the characters mentioned in this story are property of Enix, SNK, Tecmo, etc. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.
Chapter 6: Try and Try Until you Finally Rob a Bank!
...
...
How are things progressing?
Quite well sir. The plan is at 68% completion
We have almost drained Zam's godlike, arcane powers.
It is only a matter of time until he has been completely depleted.
Then he will be no more to us than canon fodder.
Well, well, isn't that ironic?
Indeed. We noticed it as well.
What of those people by his side? He seems to be calling up quite a cast. Does he suspect us in anyway?
They are of no threat. He seems to be collecting a harem.
It would seem so. There are only around four non-females in his headquarters.
If he really knew of our intent, he would have stopped his story and concentrating on opposing us.
But he is aware of our presence, this we can be sure. His metaphysical link to his world has left him physically bound to it.
For everything that goes awry in his universe that was not his doing, he feels as pain. He has been convulsing quite a lot lately.
Yet he does nothing.
Quite puzzling.
He must probably think the "threat" is a mere anomaly in his system.
Nonetheless, it is working to our advantage.
Yes. No distractions. We are able to focus all of our energies on the operation.
Why don't we kill him now? While he is preoccupied?
No, this is his universe and his rules. We have to make sure that our success rate is over 90%.
Speaking of which, how is our "insurance"?
We have almost unsealed all of the C.F. seals.
Who would have thought that Zam's story would work to our advantage? If Ky had never defeated that gear dragon, we never would have been able to unseal the third.
Or if Bridget didn't destroy the whole town, we would have never discovered about the CF units.
It is so convenient. It would seem that Zam sealed them for us to use. Did you have a hand in this, perchance?
No. I did not. It would seem that we are just extremely lucky.
Lucky? How is that possible?
There are forces that are above us. It would seem that they favor us.
Well, as long as the do not pose a threat.
Don't worry, they DON'T.
Wait, didn't we manipulate Zam's story so that his characters would play to our advantage?
Why, yes we did.
So we weren't lucky. You were playing us.
Yes I was.
You fucker.
What will we do after we get a foothold on this universe?
We will use it as a base of operations for the rest of the author universes.
The success of this operation will herald the outcome of the rest of our campaigns.
So. All goes according to plan. Finally, after all this time, the HEXAGON will fall.
...
...
Meanwhile...
There is some event at a certain English castle. The Black Cadillac has just returned and stopped in front of it. Four figures came out of it and started up at the majestic castle.
This castle is Zam's base of operations. It was once known as "Chillingham Castle", one of the most haunted places in the world. It has borne witness to some of the most horrible tragedies ever known to mankind. These tragedies have left a permanent mark on the house. The victims and cruel men now wander their halls eternally.
Now, Zam and his agents live happily in it. How did he exorcise all those ghosts, where as even the insane priest Alexander Anderson fears to tread? Simple, he made a pact with Jedah, dark lord of the demon world. He brought the WHOLE castle to Makai and let Jedah extract all the poor, tormented souls in it for his own use. Both happy, they both went on their way.
Anyway, it seems that Zam has completed all of his "agents". The last four were the last people Zam would gather to his little...base of operations. Ivy was up at the castle doors to greet them. The two in the front seat got out first.
"Hey Ivy! Good to see you again! I think..." The blonde man with the face prints exclaimed with a mixed sense of joy and fear as he glared at Ivy's conniving stare once more.
"Indeed, despite our...scuffles, we still fought by this man's side. It would seem that we are all here to honor the blood pact we made with him." The other blonde said in his dignified voice.
"Good to see you again. Zell. Raphael."
The impatient martial-arts fanatic and the rapier-using tango dancer got up to shake Ivy's hand.
It would seem that Zam has a thing for blondes. The third member had a bleachy blonde hair. She was of some obvious youth. But the grime and muck on her face made her older beyond her years. You could say by the blank expression on her façade that she has been through a lot.
She approached Ivy. The two looked intently at each other. Then they did the secret "we have issues with our father hand shake." Afterwards the two laughed and embraced each other.
"Ivy!"
"Heather! How have you been! Been anywhere fun lately? Amusement parks? Lake sides?"
"Hey! That's not funny!"
"It is to me girlfriend!"
"You have a sick sense of humor!"
"So do you!"
The two laughed hysterically. Raphael's and Zell's knowledge of women went down the drain with this display of affection.
"Fuck. I never thought that I would ever have to see you again bitch."
The last person came out of the black Cadillac. The woman in green with glasses glared at the woman in the bondage armor. The two white haired femme fatales stared at each other so intently you could start a forest fire with the sparks that flew.
"Isabella Valentine"
"Lobelia Carlini."
"What happened? I thought you were off getting raped by demons in some dimension."
"Please. You are just jealous. No matter how sexy you danced in your little harem performance, I was still the one who snagged him."
"And got dumped by him!"
What?! Why you..."
Ivy released her whip. Lobelia let her chain flow out of her arm. The two engaged in a furious whip battle. It would have been a dominatrix fetishes' dream come true. Their intensity was similar to Kurama when he fought the fisherman. But these two had more tricks up their sleeves. Their weapons were locked with each other. They continued staring each other down. With a smirk, Ivy let her blades fly. They cut the air as they chased down Lobelia. After Lobelia got angry, she turned back, faced the blades and did a flame barrier, making the blades fall limp on the floor. Seizing this opportunity, she rushed to Ivy and let out a haymaker. Ivy blocked in time, but the force cracked her bracers and her armor and sent her flying a few paces.
The two were ready to strangle each other, when something came crashing down in them. The explosion made it looks like a missile hit. When the smoked cleared, the two saw the center of impact. The thing that caused all that rampant destruction was...a muffin?
"Stop it you two!"
The two looked up. It was Hibya, leaning from one of the windows. He was carrying MIR, whose head was opened up, like a canon.
"I GOT MUFFINS IN MY HEAD!"
"Something has happened to Zam! Come quick!"
With that, the five forgot everything and rushed in the castle.
...
...
Ky did not have a good nights rest. How could he? He was still in his snow boarding outfit. But he didn't mind. After all, he did win the tourney and se Sol get so angry that he melted half of the snow on the slopes. His trophy shined majestically on the shelf, while his snowboard lay on the ground.
Stripping his outfit, he got into his pirate's uniform and headed to the bridge.
"Well, back to work!"
...
Along a familiar island, a familiar aircraft carrying a familiar robot approached.
"Okay! This time, no foul ups! We get in, grab the gold and get out, like we ORIGINALLY PLANED!"
"Yes sir, Klyde sir!"
The aircraft swooped down and the FRB let go of the ship. It laded with a great thud in front of the...
"Huh?"
The building in front of them had a logo of a dog in a doctor's cap.
"Isn't this the animal hospital?"
"Whoops! Sorry..."
"Grr. Not again!" Ky said with an uncharacteristic impatience. "Forget it! We are walking to the bank!"
The five began walking to the next island. Of course, they still raided a couple of houses, people, dogs and police cars for some pocket money. Along the way, several police cars and policemen came to stop them. This resulted in them losing their wheels, mirrors, motor, siren, riot shields, helmets, magic rods and radios. Eventually, Klyde blew them all up with his FRB. They even passed by a restaurant. Taser targeting them made the girls turn up some...curry? Well, according to April, curry was still considered a delicacy in India and is quite valuable and could be profited from.
Eventually, the crew got into the next town. Too late. The police had formed semi-circle barrier to stop Klyde from reaching the bank. They had called in a special task force. Klyde recognized them. They were part of another anti-gear faction, different to the Holy Knights. They must have been disbanded and given less exciting roles when Justice's rebirth was stopped. Ky knew that they were in trouble because knew that team's motto.
Chaos Corp. If it is a rampaging gear, shoot it If it isn't a gear, shoot it anyway!
The cops open fired on them. Klyde ducked into the nearest building for shelter. But they were shooting like there was no tomorrow. The small building that they were hiding in would soon crumble. To his great fortune, Klyde found a car. He lifted it and waited. As the building crumbled down, he threw the car, causing some of the cars to blow up. He ordered the girls to go into the bank and start robbing people, so that they would be away from the crossfire. Klyde ran around, shooting people, throwing stuff and caused squad cars to tip over. Eventually, he was able to neutralize the police force. The girls came out with buckets of chicken full of cash.
"Good work. Now lets get that gold."
Just then, a small police scooter came up the way they came. It was Bridget again. It seems he had gotten a scooter now.
"You there! In the robot! Come out with your hands up!"
"Hey! It's you again. I see you made it on time this time. Did you get a new alarm clock?"
"Ooh! Stop making fun of me! I'll show you! I've been practicing with special simulators just for this!"
With that, the battle started. Bridget used his exploding teddy bears again. Remembering the cotton shrapnel that he received from the last time he used that deadly weapon, he dodged them. He was still trying to get the cotton shrapnel off his ass after all. But as he ran around, he was charging up the gun arm. When Bridget took a breather, he unleashed the charged lightning ball at him.
KZAT
AAAH!
Bridget took the direct hit of the shot. Klyde stopped for a while. Man I thought he would be better, he thought. He was expecting Bridget to learn from the first battle and learn new techniques and weapons to use against him. If he didn't learn, it was a good thing he never invited him to the Holy Knights. Unfortunately, Klyde's day dreaming bore a terrible price. Bridget recovered quickly. With veins popping out of his head, he rushed the FRB. He grabbed the gun-arm This surprised everyone. What surprised everyone (and hurt them even more) was that after a few tugs, Bridget was able to FLIP the FRB over! This caused some massive damage to the FRB, Klyde and the May Ship crew members who were hit by it.
"Haha! Told you I got stronger."
"Klyde! What are we going to do?"
"Argh. Don't worry, I have a plan."
While Bridget was still laughing, Klyde taser targeted him.
"GO GIRLS!"
The girls, driven by some mysterious force of the target, rushed to Bridget.
"YAH!"
"What?"
The girls tackled Bridget and proceeded to kick him. After they were done, they returned to Klyde's side.
"Ow owowowoowoowowo owow. Why?"
Bridget got up and rushed the FRB. No doubt planning to flip him again. Before he could, Klyde ran to the nearest, not destroyed buildings and made a jump. The FRB surprisingly made it. As Klyde got up, he stared down at Bridget.
"Haha! Cant get us now can you, little girl?"
"I'M A BOY!"
"I KNOW!"
"GRRRR!"
In a fit of rage, Bridget got the nearest tree, uprooted it, and threw it at Klyde.
"Sweet baby Sirach!"
SMACK
The FRB fell from the building.
CRASH
The circuits were barely working and so was the driver.
"Klyde!"
The four girls rushed to his side.
"Klyde! You alright?"
"Ready to give up yet?"
Bridget asked as he got around the building.
"Girls...we have...to ... use the...special attack..."
Klyde said as he struggled to get the FRB up.
"All right Klyde."
"On my mark..."
"You are all going DOWN...TOWN with me now!"
"Ready..."
Bridget ran towards the FRB to land the killing...well...throw."
"Steady..."
"AAAAAAHHH!"
"Easy..."
"GRRRRR!"
"NOW!"
"The girls leaped into the air and stayed there. Three did a Charlie's Angel pose. The other one did Trinitys."
"May Crew Ougi: Pan dimension Power!"
The four let out a barrage of hammers at Bridget. They fell like RAIN on his poor girl-boy ass.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
SMACK WHACK POW WHAPACK WHAPOW SHEBOGAN CRACK BONE BREAK FORCE IMAGINABLE PAIN POWEE OUCHIE MACARENA (INSERT ONOMATOPOEIA) (CRAPPY '70s BATMAN SOUND EFFECT/ SUNBURST)
While all this was happening, Klyde pulled out a guitar.
"Movin' to Nerima Gonna throw a lot a mallets Movin' to Nerima Gonna throw a lot of mallets
Millions of mallets Mallets for me Millions of mallets Mallets for free
Millions of mallets Mallets for me Millions of mallets Mallets for free"
Bridget had endured more in the past 20 minutes than any anime character should ever be forced to endure. His bones were cracked. His face was wrecked. His teeth had fallen out. His blood had evaporated. His skull was dust. His organs were pillows. His limbs bent in an angel they weren't supposed to. His tendons were ripped. He was barely alive. Barely visible. He was so freakish that the makers of rotten.com would have vomit.
Given the choice, if people would want to see Bridget right now or Hanagata, the gay guy from Saber Marionette, naked, many would have chosen the naked Hanagata.
Meanwhile, the May crew threw bombs with their personal logo on the bank. It exploded, leaving nothing but the safe. One of the girls clutched tightly to the knob and turned clockwise
CLICK
Counter clockwise
CLICK
Clockwise
CLICK
It opened. The lower part of the huge safe kept dozens of precious gold bars.
"Klyde! We did it!"
"Wow! Look at all of those gold bars! Grab em all girls!"
"Roger!"
"This is the Mayship, we are coming to pick you up!"
"Thanks Jan!"
Klyde faced the dead Bridget. All he could do was gurgle at his own blood
Glgllglgllggl ( sniff sniff)
"Jesus Christ our Saviour you're a mess. Are you really an officer? Maybe you should consider a new line of work."
Glgglglgllglgllg (Maybe your right. I try and I try but I can never do things right)
"Man body and spirit, you have quite a problem there. But I have my own problems too. I cant do anything but deal with them. See ya!"
Klyde and the May crew ran off
Glglg (Maybe he's right. I shouldn't give up. If I cant stick to a job, what other chance do I have? But it will take a miracle)
Glglglgllllglgllglglllglggglglggllglgllglgllgllglgllglglgllglgg (not to get me fired now)
...
Konichiwa mina-san! Its me KY! I finally got enough money to get Jam out of prison! Ooooooohhhh! Just you wait Mistierjerk! I am going to lay the divine hammer of intervention on you! Next time on the Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Klyde's career! Jam, wait for me.
...
Easter Egg!
...
Space
The final frontier
Also the crapiest frontier
I mean look at it
There is nothing interesting in it
Except when a star explodes
Taking a few planets with it
Hehe
That's cool
This is our mission
To boldly go where OTHER MEN have gone before
As long as it's clean and there's something to do.
And we aren't forced to do anything goody-goody.
Welcome to the U.P.P Vengance
Star Trekker: Deep Space Jackass, The Next Generation of Idiots
...
...
We join Captain Plave staring out one of the suveilance windows. The science officer Sho Tsuzuku, who seems to be exsasperated, accompanies him.
"Well Captain, I must say. Amongst all of the stupid, hair-brained, near death situations you have gotten us all in, this has got to be the worst yet."
The two stared at one of the windows. They knew they were in some trouble. How? For one, they were no stars.
"Remind me again how you got us into the delta quadrant?"
"Hey, we needed to escape from the Borscht! We didn't have enough steel chairs and fruitcakes! So I warped us out of there!"
"Correction. You max warped us. Look where it got us!"
"Its not like I had a choice!"
"You would if you put some speed control between max warp and ramming speed. But no! If we aren't in hyperspace or running so fast we could destroy the Enterprise, we are in a dead stop!"
"Anyway, lets make the most of out situation here. Lalala."
Sho slapped himself on the forehead. There was only one thought keeping him alive. His unnatural tri-yearly mating season, where he goes into a berserker frenzy. For that, he would go through a black hole in his underpants.
"Captain." Exclaimed one of the bridge officers. "We detect a star ship headed our way. It's the Voyager!"
Captain Plave stared in awe.
"Wow. The Voyager. One of the most advanced ships of our time. Its crew must be the best in the cosmos. Their equipment must ROCK compared to ours. Establish a communication link."
S.O. Sho stared in disbelief. That was probably the first logical thing the captain has done since...well that was the first logical thing he has ever done.
"But first." Capt. Plave said with a conniving look in his eyes. "Arm the crew."
...
"Greetings Captain Plave of the UPP Vengance! I am the captain of the Voyager."
"Greetings and Salutations as well!"
"We are very happy to find another ship out here. Together, we may be able to find a way out of the delta quadrant. Permission to beam aboard!"
"Um, unfortunately, our...teleport thingy is um...sick. Yeah. Sick. Maybe we can just create a bridge between out two ships!"
"A splendid idea captain!"
The UPP Vengance was able to create a manual bridge between the two ships. The crew of the Voyager was eager to welcome the crew of the Vengance, having no human contact whatsoever. They all waited in eager anticipation. When the air lock opened, they saw almost all of the crewmembers. But they seemed to be hiding something behind their back. The one in front was the Security Officer Taka Ichiko. He pulled out a steel chair. Soon, everyone else did.
"Raid the Voyager!"
With that command, the whole crew of the Vengeance charged. They used their steel chairs to knock anyone out of the way. Chaos and rampage ensued in the poor ship. Everyone was smacked down and everything that was of value was stolen. The whole crew was making several trips back to the Vengeance to unload their booty then charged back into the voyager, hitting anyone who was up or down with the chairs.
One of the crew members of the voyager tried a daring move. When most of the crew was back at the Vengance, he made a mad dash for the Air Lock switch. But he didn't make it. Someone did the Vulcan death grip on him. Actually, he would have been lucky if it was just the Vulcan death grip. But he wasn't. It was the death grip done by Sho Tsuzuku.
"We wont be having any of that."
At first, nothing happened. Then his head swelled up to massive proportions and he blew up in a bloody gore.
"Vulcan-Shinken has no equal."
...
Meanwhile, back at the ship, Captain Plave approached Mister Gigabyte, the android officer.
"Officer Gigabyte."
"Yes captain?"
"I would like you to lead the next wave of marauders. Please turn on your personality chip and set it to "angry mob member."
Officer Gigabyte complied. He twitched his head. Soon, he wore a bandana and shades. He then got a 2x2 plywood out of nowhere.
"Power to the people!"
He charged down the bridge along with most of the crew.
The holographic doctor approached Captain Plave.
"Captain! What is the point of this raid? Whatever we want, the computer can provide for us!"
Plave laughed
"Why have everything when we can have...MORE?!"
"Captain, that makes no sense."
"Somebody put another ADV CD at the doctor's motherboard!"
"What! No! Please not that again! Not Twin Angels! No! So much tentacles!"
...
...
The raid was successful. They had taken everything of value on the ship. The only thing they didn't take was the engine. Oh wait; Chief Engineer Zam somehow was able to bring their engine onboard, so they pretty much took everything. Now it was time for them to go on another hair-brained adventure.
Captain Plave turned to the guy at the helm wearing a Barney outfit
"Mister Purple, begin preparations for warp speed max!"
"Preparing for max warp."
"Mister Gigabyte, how are the preliminary warp sequences?"
"Preliminary warp sequences...all green!"
"Mister Sho, is our coordinates set?"
"You mean where ever forward goes? Yeah, I guess."
"Mister Taka, how is the situation at the frontline?"
"The bridge has been retract and the loot has been secured."
"Mister Zam, status report!"
"Its rrrreally crrrrramped in 'ere! And the ennnnnngines are gonna blow cap'n!"
"Mister Sheo, are you still horny?"
"dripping with wetness..."
"Preparations for max warp complete!"
We see the UPP Vengeance in all its crappy glory.
Not wanting to say something that gay captain Picard said, Plave said something else
"Lets GO!"
One of the engines explode.
"Cap'n! She can take nomore! She gonna blow!"
"Oh fine. Engage."
The star ship warped away. On another stupid adventure.
Captain's Log: It is made from the pine trees of Canada. It is 3 feet long and has a radius of 6 cm. It is medium brown with a hint of mocha. There are a lot of rings in the circular parts. According to them the tree is...really old. The bark has already been petrified. The captain uses it as a paperweight for all the paperwork he wants to forget.
"Captain, who are you talking to?"
"You, you miserable Vulcan-like thingy. Aren't you writing this down?"
Sho sighed as he got into one of the workstations.
A Guilty Gear Fan fiction by: Invader-Zam4
Disclaimer: Guilty Gear, Ky Kiske and all related trademarks are property of Sammy. Many of the characters mentioned in this story are property of Enix, SNK, Tecmo, etc. Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.
Chapter 6: Try and Try Until you Finally Rob a Bank!
...
...
How are things progressing?
Quite well sir. The plan is at 68% completion
We have almost drained Zam's godlike, arcane powers.
It is only a matter of time until he has been completely depleted.
Then he will be no more to us than canon fodder.
Well, well, isn't that ironic?
Indeed. We noticed it as well.
What of those people by his side? He seems to be calling up quite a cast. Does he suspect us in anyway?
They are of no threat. He seems to be collecting a harem.
It would seem so. There are only around four non-females in his headquarters.
If he really knew of our intent, he would have stopped his story and concentrating on opposing us.
But he is aware of our presence, this we can be sure. His metaphysical link to his world has left him physically bound to it.
For everything that goes awry in his universe that was not his doing, he feels as pain. He has been convulsing quite a lot lately.
Yet he does nothing.
Quite puzzling.
He must probably think the "threat" is a mere anomaly in his system.
Nonetheless, it is working to our advantage.
Yes. No distractions. We are able to focus all of our energies on the operation.
Why don't we kill him now? While he is preoccupied?
No, this is his universe and his rules. We have to make sure that our success rate is over 90%.
Speaking of which, how is our "insurance"?
We have almost unsealed all of the C.F. seals.
Who would have thought that Zam's story would work to our advantage? If Ky had never defeated that gear dragon, we never would have been able to unseal the third.
Or if Bridget didn't destroy the whole town, we would have never discovered about the CF units.
It is so convenient. It would seem that Zam sealed them for us to use. Did you have a hand in this, perchance?
No. I did not. It would seem that we are just extremely lucky.
Lucky? How is that possible?
There are forces that are above us. It would seem that they favor us.
Well, as long as the do not pose a threat.
Don't worry, they DON'T.
Wait, didn't we manipulate Zam's story so that his characters would play to our advantage?
Why, yes we did.
So we weren't lucky. You were playing us.
Yes I was.
You fucker.
What will we do after we get a foothold on this universe?
We will use it as a base of operations for the rest of the author universes.
The success of this operation will herald the outcome of the rest of our campaigns.
So. All goes according to plan. Finally, after all this time, the HEXAGON will fall.
...
...
Meanwhile...
There is some event at a certain English castle. The Black Cadillac has just returned and stopped in front of it. Four figures came out of it and started up at the majestic castle.
This castle is Zam's base of operations. It was once known as "Chillingham Castle", one of the most haunted places in the world. It has borne witness to some of the most horrible tragedies ever known to mankind. These tragedies have left a permanent mark on the house. The victims and cruel men now wander their halls eternally.
Now, Zam and his agents live happily in it. How did he exorcise all those ghosts, where as even the insane priest Alexander Anderson fears to tread? Simple, he made a pact with Jedah, dark lord of the demon world. He brought the WHOLE castle to Makai and let Jedah extract all the poor, tormented souls in it for his own use. Both happy, they both went on their way.
Anyway, it seems that Zam has completed all of his "agents". The last four were the last people Zam would gather to his little...base of operations. Ivy was up at the castle doors to greet them. The two in the front seat got out first.
"Hey Ivy! Good to see you again! I think..." The blonde man with the face prints exclaimed with a mixed sense of joy and fear as he glared at Ivy's conniving stare once more.
"Indeed, despite our...scuffles, we still fought by this man's side. It would seem that we are all here to honor the blood pact we made with him." The other blonde said in his dignified voice.
"Good to see you again. Zell. Raphael."
The impatient martial-arts fanatic and the rapier-using tango dancer got up to shake Ivy's hand.
It would seem that Zam has a thing for blondes. The third member had a bleachy blonde hair. She was of some obvious youth. But the grime and muck on her face made her older beyond her years. You could say by the blank expression on her façade that she has been through a lot.
She approached Ivy. The two looked intently at each other. Then they did the secret "we have issues with our father hand shake." Afterwards the two laughed and embraced each other.
"Ivy!"
"Heather! How have you been! Been anywhere fun lately? Amusement parks? Lake sides?"
"Hey! That's not funny!"
"It is to me girlfriend!"
"You have a sick sense of humor!"
"So do you!"
The two laughed hysterically. Raphael's and Zell's knowledge of women went down the drain with this display of affection.
"Fuck. I never thought that I would ever have to see you again bitch."
The last person came out of the black Cadillac. The woman in green with glasses glared at the woman in the bondage armor. The two white haired femme fatales stared at each other so intently you could start a forest fire with the sparks that flew.
"Isabella Valentine"
"Lobelia Carlini."
"What happened? I thought you were off getting raped by demons in some dimension."
"Please. You are just jealous. No matter how sexy you danced in your little harem performance, I was still the one who snagged him."
"And got dumped by him!"
What?! Why you..."
Ivy released her whip. Lobelia let her chain flow out of her arm. The two engaged in a furious whip battle. It would have been a dominatrix fetishes' dream come true. Their intensity was similar to Kurama when he fought the fisherman. But these two had more tricks up their sleeves. Their weapons were locked with each other. They continued staring each other down. With a smirk, Ivy let her blades fly. They cut the air as they chased down Lobelia. After Lobelia got angry, she turned back, faced the blades and did a flame barrier, making the blades fall limp on the floor. Seizing this opportunity, she rushed to Ivy and let out a haymaker. Ivy blocked in time, but the force cracked her bracers and her armor and sent her flying a few paces.
The two were ready to strangle each other, when something came crashing down in them. The explosion made it looks like a missile hit. When the smoked cleared, the two saw the center of impact. The thing that caused all that rampant destruction was...a muffin?
"Stop it you two!"
The two looked up. It was Hibya, leaning from one of the windows. He was carrying MIR, whose head was opened up, like a canon.
"I GOT MUFFINS IN MY HEAD!"
"Something has happened to Zam! Come quick!"
With that, the five forgot everything and rushed in the castle.
...
...
Ky did not have a good nights rest. How could he? He was still in his snow boarding outfit. But he didn't mind. After all, he did win the tourney and se Sol get so angry that he melted half of the snow on the slopes. His trophy shined majestically on the shelf, while his snowboard lay on the ground.
Stripping his outfit, he got into his pirate's uniform and headed to the bridge.
"Well, back to work!"
...
Along a familiar island, a familiar aircraft carrying a familiar robot approached.
"Okay! This time, no foul ups! We get in, grab the gold and get out, like we ORIGINALLY PLANED!"
"Yes sir, Klyde sir!"
The aircraft swooped down and the FRB let go of the ship. It laded with a great thud in front of the...
"Huh?"
The building in front of them had a logo of a dog in a doctor's cap.
"Isn't this the animal hospital?"
"Whoops! Sorry..."
"Grr. Not again!" Ky said with an uncharacteristic impatience. "Forget it! We are walking to the bank!"
The five began walking to the next island. Of course, they still raided a couple of houses, people, dogs and police cars for some pocket money. Along the way, several police cars and policemen came to stop them. This resulted in them losing their wheels, mirrors, motor, siren, riot shields, helmets, magic rods and radios. Eventually, Klyde blew them all up with his FRB. They even passed by a restaurant. Taser targeting them made the girls turn up some...curry? Well, according to April, curry was still considered a delicacy in India and is quite valuable and could be profited from.
Eventually, the crew got into the next town. Too late. The police had formed semi-circle barrier to stop Klyde from reaching the bank. They had called in a special task force. Klyde recognized them. They were part of another anti-gear faction, different to the Holy Knights. They must have been disbanded and given less exciting roles when Justice's rebirth was stopped. Ky knew that they were in trouble because knew that team's motto.
Chaos Corp. If it is a rampaging gear, shoot it If it isn't a gear, shoot it anyway!
The cops open fired on them. Klyde ducked into the nearest building for shelter. But they were shooting like there was no tomorrow. The small building that they were hiding in would soon crumble. To his great fortune, Klyde found a car. He lifted it and waited. As the building crumbled down, he threw the car, causing some of the cars to blow up. He ordered the girls to go into the bank and start robbing people, so that they would be away from the crossfire. Klyde ran around, shooting people, throwing stuff and caused squad cars to tip over. Eventually, he was able to neutralize the police force. The girls came out with buckets of chicken full of cash.
"Good work. Now lets get that gold."
Just then, a small police scooter came up the way they came. It was Bridget again. It seems he had gotten a scooter now.
"You there! In the robot! Come out with your hands up!"
"Hey! It's you again. I see you made it on time this time. Did you get a new alarm clock?"
"Ooh! Stop making fun of me! I'll show you! I've been practicing with special simulators just for this!"
With that, the battle started. Bridget used his exploding teddy bears again. Remembering the cotton shrapnel that he received from the last time he used that deadly weapon, he dodged them. He was still trying to get the cotton shrapnel off his ass after all. But as he ran around, he was charging up the gun arm. When Bridget took a breather, he unleashed the charged lightning ball at him.
KZAT
AAAH!
Bridget took the direct hit of the shot. Klyde stopped for a while. Man I thought he would be better, he thought. He was expecting Bridget to learn from the first battle and learn new techniques and weapons to use against him. If he didn't learn, it was a good thing he never invited him to the Holy Knights. Unfortunately, Klyde's day dreaming bore a terrible price. Bridget recovered quickly. With veins popping out of his head, he rushed the FRB. He grabbed the gun-arm This surprised everyone. What surprised everyone (and hurt them even more) was that after a few tugs, Bridget was able to FLIP the FRB over! This caused some massive damage to the FRB, Klyde and the May Ship crew members who were hit by it.
"Haha! Told you I got stronger."
"Klyde! What are we going to do?"
"Argh. Don't worry, I have a plan."
While Bridget was still laughing, Klyde taser targeted him.
"GO GIRLS!"
The girls, driven by some mysterious force of the target, rushed to Bridget.
"YAH!"
"What?"
The girls tackled Bridget and proceeded to kick him. After they were done, they returned to Klyde's side.
"Ow owowowoowoowowo owow. Why?"
Bridget got up and rushed the FRB. No doubt planning to flip him again. Before he could, Klyde ran to the nearest, not destroyed buildings and made a jump. The FRB surprisingly made it. As Klyde got up, he stared down at Bridget.
"Haha! Cant get us now can you, little girl?"
"I'M A BOY!"
"I KNOW!"
"GRRRR!"
In a fit of rage, Bridget got the nearest tree, uprooted it, and threw it at Klyde.
"Sweet baby Sirach!"
SMACK
The FRB fell from the building.
CRASH
The circuits were barely working and so was the driver.
"Klyde!"
The four girls rushed to his side.
"Klyde! You alright?"
"Ready to give up yet?"
Bridget asked as he got around the building.
"Girls...we have...to ... use the...special attack..."
Klyde said as he struggled to get the FRB up.
"All right Klyde."
"On my mark..."
"You are all going DOWN...TOWN with me now!"
"Ready..."
Bridget ran towards the FRB to land the killing...well...throw."
"Steady..."
"AAAAAAHHH!"
"Easy..."
"GRRRRR!"
"NOW!"
"The girls leaped into the air and stayed there. Three did a Charlie's Angel pose. The other one did Trinitys."
"May Crew Ougi: Pan dimension Power!"
The four let out a barrage of hammers at Bridget. They fell like RAIN on his poor girl-boy ass.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
SMACK WHACK POW WHAPACK WHAPOW SHEBOGAN CRACK BONE BREAK FORCE IMAGINABLE PAIN POWEE OUCHIE MACARENA (INSERT ONOMATOPOEIA) (CRAPPY '70s BATMAN SOUND EFFECT/ SUNBURST)
While all this was happening, Klyde pulled out a guitar.
"Movin' to Nerima Gonna throw a lot a mallets Movin' to Nerima Gonna throw a lot of mallets
Millions of mallets Mallets for me Millions of mallets Mallets for free
Millions of mallets Mallets for me Millions of mallets Mallets for free"
Bridget had endured more in the past 20 minutes than any anime character should ever be forced to endure. His bones were cracked. His face was wrecked. His teeth had fallen out. His blood had evaporated. His skull was dust. His organs were pillows. His limbs bent in an angel they weren't supposed to. His tendons were ripped. He was barely alive. Barely visible. He was so freakish that the makers of rotten.com would have vomit.
Given the choice, if people would want to see Bridget right now or Hanagata, the gay guy from Saber Marionette, naked, many would have chosen the naked Hanagata.
Meanwhile, the May crew threw bombs with their personal logo on the bank. It exploded, leaving nothing but the safe. One of the girls clutched tightly to the knob and turned clockwise
CLICK
Counter clockwise
CLICK
Clockwise
CLICK
It opened. The lower part of the huge safe kept dozens of precious gold bars.
"Klyde! We did it!"
"Wow! Look at all of those gold bars! Grab em all girls!"
"Roger!"
"This is the Mayship, we are coming to pick you up!"
"Thanks Jan!"
Klyde faced the dead Bridget. All he could do was gurgle at his own blood
Glgllglgllggl ( sniff sniff)
"Jesus Christ our Saviour you're a mess. Are you really an officer? Maybe you should consider a new line of work."
Glgglglgllglgllg (Maybe your right. I try and I try but I can never do things right)
"Man body and spirit, you have quite a problem there. But I have my own problems too. I cant do anything but deal with them. See ya!"
Klyde and the May crew ran off
Glglg (Maybe he's right. I shouldn't give up. If I cant stick to a job, what other chance do I have? But it will take a miracle)
Glglglgllllglgllglglllglggglglggllglgllglgllgllglgllglglgllglgg (not to get me fired now)
...
Konichiwa mina-san! Its me KY! I finally got enough money to get Jam out of prison! Ooooooohhhh! Just you wait Mistierjerk! I am going to lay the divine hammer of intervention on you! Next time on the Misadventures of Ky Kiske: Klyde's career! Jam, wait for me.
...
Easter Egg!
...
Space
The final frontier
Also the crapiest frontier
I mean look at it
There is nothing interesting in it
Except when a star explodes
Taking a few planets with it
Hehe
That's cool
This is our mission
To boldly go where OTHER MEN have gone before
As long as it's clean and there's something to do.
And we aren't forced to do anything goody-goody.
Welcome to the U.P.P Vengance
Star Trekker: Deep Space Jackass, The Next Generation of Idiots
...
...
We join Captain Plave staring out one of the suveilance windows. The science officer Sho Tsuzuku, who seems to be exsasperated, accompanies him.
"Well Captain, I must say. Amongst all of the stupid, hair-brained, near death situations you have gotten us all in, this has got to be the worst yet."
The two stared at one of the windows. They knew they were in some trouble. How? For one, they were no stars.
"Remind me again how you got us into the delta quadrant?"
"Hey, we needed to escape from the Borscht! We didn't have enough steel chairs and fruitcakes! So I warped us out of there!"
"Correction. You max warped us. Look where it got us!"
"Its not like I had a choice!"
"You would if you put some speed control between max warp and ramming speed. But no! If we aren't in hyperspace or running so fast we could destroy the Enterprise, we are in a dead stop!"
"Anyway, lets make the most of out situation here. Lalala."
Sho slapped himself on the forehead. There was only one thought keeping him alive. His unnatural tri-yearly mating season, where he goes into a berserker frenzy. For that, he would go through a black hole in his underpants.
"Captain." Exclaimed one of the bridge officers. "We detect a star ship headed our way. It's the Voyager!"
Captain Plave stared in awe.
"Wow. The Voyager. One of the most advanced ships of our time. Its crew must be the best in the cosmos. Their equipment must ROCK compared to ours. Establish a communication link."
S.O. Sho stared in disbelief. That was probably the first logical thing the captain has done since...well that was the first logical thing he has ever done.
"But first." Capt. Plave said with a conniving look in his eyes. "Arm the crew."
...
"Greetings Captain Plave of the UPP Vengance! I am the captain of the Voyager."
"Greetings and Salutations as well!"
"We are very happy to find another ship out here. Together, we may be able to find a way out of the delta quadrant. Permission to beam aboard!"
"Um, unfortunately, our...teleport thingy is um...sick. Yeah. Sick. Maybe we can just create a bridge between out two ships!"
"A splendid idea captain!"
The UPP Vengance was able to create a manual bridge between the two ships. The crew of the Voyager was eager to welcome the crew of the Vengance, having no human contact whatsoever. They all waited in eager anticipation. When the air lock opened, they saw almost all of the crewmembers. But they seemed to be hiding something behind their back. The one in front was the Security Officer Taka Ichiko. He pulled out a steel chair. Soon, everyone else did.
"Raid the Voyager!"
With that command, the whole crew of the Vengeance charged. They used their steel chairs to knock anyone out of the way. Chaos and rampage ensued in the poor ship. Everyone was smacked down and everything that was of value was stolen. The whole crew was making several trips back to the Vengeance to unload their booty then charged back into the voyager, hitting anyone who was up or down with the chairs.
One of the crew members of the voyager tried a daring move. When most of the crew was back at the Vengance, he made a mad dash for the Air Lock switch. But he didn't make it. Someone did the Vulcan death grip on him. Actually, he would have been lucky if it was just the Vulcan death grip. But he wasn't. It was the death grip done by Sho Tsuzuku.
"We wont be having any of that."
At first, nothing happened. Then his head swelled up to massive proportions and he blew up in a bloody gore.
"Vulcan-Shinken has no equal."
...
Meanwhile, back at the ship, Captain Plave approached Mister Gigabyte, the android officer.
"Officer Gigabyte."
"Yes captain?"
"I would like you to lead the next wave of marauders. Please turn on your personality chip and set it to "angry mob member."
Officer Gigabyte complied. He twitched his head. Soon, he wore a bandana and shades. He then got a 2x2 plywood out of nowhere.
"Power to the people!"
He charged down the bridge along with most of the crew.
The holographic doctor approached Captain Plave.
"Captain! What is the point of this raid? Whatever we want, the computer can provide for us!"
Plave laughed
"Why have everything when we can have...MORE?!"
"Captain, that makes no sense."
"Somebody put another ADV CD at the doctor's motherboard!"
"What! No! Please not that again! Not Twin Angels! No! So much tentacles!"
...
...
The raid was successful. They had taken everything of value on the ship. The only thing they didn't take was the engine. Oh wait; Chief Engineer Zam somehow was able to bring their engine onboard, so they pretty much took everything. Now it was time for them to go on another hair-brained adventure.
Captain Plave turned to the guy at the helm wearing a Barney outfit
"Mister Purple, begin preparations for warp speed max!"
"Preparing for max warp."
"Mister Gigabyte, how are the preliminary warp sequences?"
"Preliminary warp sequences...all green!"
"Mister Sho, is our coordinates set?"
"You mean where ever forward goes? Yeah, I guess."
"Mister Taka, how is the situation at the frontline?"
"The bridge has been retract and the loot has been secured."
"Mister Zam, status report!"
"Its rrrreally crrrrramped in 'ere! And the ennnnnngines are gonna blow cap'n!"
"Mister Sheo, are you still horny?"
"dripping with wetness..."
"Preparations for max warp complete!"
We see the UPP Vengeance in all its crappy glory.
Not wanting to say something that gay captain Picard said, Plave said something else
"Lets GO!"
One of the engines explode.
"Cap'n! She can take nomore! She gonna blow!"
"Oh fine. Engage."
The star ship warped away. On another stupid adventure.
Captain's Log: It is made from the pine trees of Canada. It is 3 feet long and has a radius of 6 cm. It is medium brown with a hint of mocha. There are a lot of rings in the circular parts. According to them the tree is...really old. The bark has already been petrified. The captain uses it as a paperweight for all the paperwork he wants to forget.
"Captain, who are you talking to?"
"You, you miserable Vulcan-like thingy. Aren't you writing this down?"
Sho sighed as he got into one of the workstations.