Windmills

Maybe it was all a lie, all a game or a pretend fantasy.

But it seemed so starkly real, wrapped up in his bed and his arms. It was the only time when it did seem real, to tell the truth. Moving through the halls, seeing the bags under the eyes of my friends, wondering if I looked like that, worrying and fretting and worst of all, waiting…it seemed so false.

In the day he could call me Mudblood, insult my appearance or my actions or my intelligence, and I would feel, in some way, like a kitchen slave, like a whore. But it wouldn't matter if I felt a slut or if I saw him as mad and delusional, if night only came.

Then he would be my knight and I his Dulcinea, and we would loose ourselves in passion and murmured words and half-lidded eyes.

Blood, names, families, houses, all would seem like windmills at night when they were giants in the day. Here, with the feeling of silk sheets on my body and his hot breath against my neck, we saw reality not as it was, but how it should be.

Of course it had to end.

It always had to end. The sky was too high to reach, after all, especially when we could only crawl on our hands and knees in the dust.

So one muggy night, with our passion spent and as we lay entangled on the mess of sheets and blankets, my mad knight whispered into my ear.

"Marry me."

And I froze. Suddenly all this reality, all this truth that we found in each others arms and embraces was simply gossamer, cobwebs and fairytales.

"It can't work. It won't work. You know that." I rolled away from him and pulled back to search his steel eyes.

"Hermione…" he reached his hand to brush my hair from my shoulders and I flinched. He had never called me by my name before. And it was too fanciful, not as solid as 'Granger'.

"You're afraid."

I turned away and got off the bed, pulling on the clothes which had been discarded haphazardly all over the floor. "Maybe I am. Or maybe I just see the truth."

He sat up, his usually perfect hair a mess, the black silk falling away from his torso a stark contrast to the pale white of his skin. "Truth is what you make of it. And reality is how you perceive it. You of all people should know that."

I choked back a sob as I walked over to the mirror, gazing in it to pull my hair back into its usual bun. I halted halfway in shock, seeing the tiredness in my expression and the pain in my eyes. My mask had fallen off and I couldn't pretend that everything would be alright anymore, not when I knew that it could never end as we wanted it to.

But what did we want?

I snapped myself back and finished pulling my hair up. Clothed in my robes, I turned back to face my lover. He was still sitting there, watching me, his eyes unreadable.

"You know you didn't mean it when you asked me to marry you." My chin quivered and tears hung on my eyelashes. I tossed my head to get rid of the burning sensation in my throat and eyes. "You only wanted to rebel."

"Then maybe you don't know me at all." He lay back down, his arms crossed beneath his head, his enigmatic grey eyes fixated on the ceiling.

I pulled open the door and ran away.

OOOOOOOOOO

Next day we had Potions together. I couldn't look in his direction, but I was acutely aware of his presence in the room. It was as if I felt every movement he made, every time he shifted, every time he whispered something to his companions. Harry and Ron looked at me worriedly. I knew I looked exhausted and pale.

I didn't hear anything said to me, but I answered anyway, knowing that some part of me was aware of what was happening because they didn't seem confused by my answers. I dimly noticed that Snape was talking, until I heard words that snapped me out of my reverie and felt my stomach drop out.

"…Malfoy and Granger. Those are the pairings. Instructions are on the board. You have one hour."

I scooped up my things with trembling fingers and went over to the desk where he was waiting. I still couldn't look at him, but it hurt to be so near. Once, while chopping some root that I barely registered even existed, my hand brushed his and I pulled back quickly. My skin felt like it was burned and I knew that his felt like that as well.

I followed the instructions mechanically, knowing that I would get it right and that we would receive a perfect score. Of course. That's what happened in real life.

I added the last ingredient, seeing the potion turn steel silver. Like his eyes. "I think it's done." I said, breaking the silence between us.

Something in him must have snapped. Or maybe he had been waiting for this.

"You think. You think. Well, things may be different then what you think." He casually poured a beaker of some unidentifiable substance into the potion, causing it to fizzle and turn magenta. It was completely ruined. "Never assume you know what exists in reality."

I stared horrified at the potion, hurt almost as much as the loss of a perfect score as by his actions. Furious, I turned to him. "What the hell did you do that for?!" My voice was louder than I meant it to be. Heads turned and Snape started to walk over, frowning.

"Because, Granger, you think you know what is and isn't. They're always windmills aren't they? Can't they be something else for once?!" His eyes flashed and he turned full to face me.

"Stop being such a fool! I can't help it if your views of life don't hold up in the real world! You're acting like a hypocrite!"

"Am I, or are you? The chaste, virginal Gryffindor, the perfect student! Who would guess at the double life she leads!"

Everyone was watching us in complete shock, putting two and two together. Even Snape seemed at a loss for words. But Draco and I were only focused upon each other.

"Why does everything have to be a fight with you?!! Can't you stop focusing on winning for once?!"

He threw his hands in the air and gazed at me disbelievingly. In all of our years at Hogwarts, I had never once seen him loose his composure. "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, just that you fought!! When will you realize that?!"

I lunged and with my right hand I grabbed his left forearm. "You know as well as I what's going to be here, Draco. Do you call that fighting?!!! Do you?!!!!"

Draco pulled me closer to him, jostling the table and spilling potion ingredients every which way. "I told you last night, don't assume you know me! You're just scared. You're scared to admit that you want to be with me! You're scared to hear that I love you!"

Time seemed to stop, and it was only us, chests heaving, staring at each other. The room was completely silent except for our labored breathing.

"…What?" I finally whispered.

He pulled me into his embrace completely, his arms wrapping around me. "I love you, Hermione. I love you, I love you, I love you." Draco's lips were moving over my hair and my face, kissing away tears I hadn't even been aware of. His flesh seared mine, and I clung to him.

"Oh, Merlin…" I was swaying, carried away by a tide of reality. "I love you too. I love you so much it hurts…" Then his lips found mine and I melted into him as we devoured each other.

Belatedly, we remembered that we were standing in the middle of a classroom full of very stunned students. Snape's face was incredulous. I glanced over to Harry and Ron, who looked like they didn't know whether to cry or yell.

I hiccupped through my tears, breaking the somber mood. Draco smiled at me.

"Well, I guess know they all know, you might as well marry me."

"Marry…?" Someone squeaked. As one, Pansy and Ron sunk into nearby chairs as if their legs would no longer hold them. Now Harry looked torn between anger and amusement.

"Mione?" He said, looked up at me.

"Harry?"

"Is this what you want? To be with…him?"

I gazed back at my lover, who was waiting for my answer just as expectantly as Harry. I nodded.

"Yes. It is."

"Well…" Snape coughed politely in the background. "I think class will be dismissed early today. Draco, can I see you in my office?"

Draco nodded as people began to gather up their belongings, whispering, and glancing furtively at us.

"Hermione…" His hand brushed my cheek. "I'll find you afterwards, alright?"

I smiled my assent and began to put my things in my book bag. I felt drained, but in some way, a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Draco followed Snape out of the room as slowly the classroom began to empty. I sensed two presences behind me, and turned around to look at my best friends.

There was silence as we looked at each other. Then, without saying a word, they enveloped me into a hug. I burst into tears again, and I could feel them looking at each other nervously.

We left together, our arms around each other, laughing a little. When we started to approach the Great Hall, Ron turned his head towards me.

"Mione, can I ask you something?"

I nodded. "Anything."

"Why did you…why are you…alright, just basically why?"

I paused as they waited, considering my answer. Then, in a flash, it came to me.

I grinned up at them. "I guess it's better to fight windmills then not to fight at all."

A/N: Hoped you liked it. All the references were from "The Man of La Mancha". Drill's the same, review if you liked it or if you hated it. It's always appreciated.