A/n- I know, I am evil. Mwuhahahahaha! Well, I had to make the Americans the bad guys, it was just bothering me. And about Caleb... Hehehehehheehehehe, you'll see :) In due time my friends, in due time.

Disclaimer- I own nothing except my annoyingly diabolical cliffhangers and noncannon characters. o_O

Rating- PG-13 for a very unhappy Remmie-kins.




Seeing Grey - Part LVI - A Hundred-Odd Hells to Face



Panting, soaked in his comrade's blood, Remus pushed his way through the doors of the Muggle hospital. Every spare eye turned to greet him, to welcome him to the last stop before hell.

A little help please? he whispered, exhausted. So many miles, running. So many stares, wayward glances and disapproving eyes. So much blood...

Here sir, take a seat.

One of the emergency room nurses helped lift Caleb onto a wheeled stretcher, connecting him to a tank of oxygen immediately. He was pushed away, Remus taking an unsteady step after him.

Sir, you'll have to wait outside. the nurse informed gently, putting her hand out to stop him. The double-doors swung mockingly as the injured werewolf disappeared from sight, teasing Remus cruelly.

He's allergic to silver. It'll kill him. he said monotonously, his voice cracking in fear.

I'll let the doctor know, now please sir, take a seat.

He was shot six times...

Sir, please. You need to go to the waiting room.

He let himself be directed by the young woman, led to a quiet room devoid of any other occupants. She was saying something, probably encouraging him, assuring him that his friend would be fine. After a long lapse of time, he was handed a clipboard of paperwork.

I don't know any of this...

Fill it out as best you can sir. she said brightly, smiling again. He wanted to tell her to stop smiling, but he couldn't muster the strength.

Is there a phone anywhere? he murmured, eyes devoid of emotion, drained entirely of life force.

Down the hall, on the right.



Remus? Jesus Christ, where are you? I was waiting at the station all afternoon, and Sirius said you'd left early on broom... Rem? Whoa, calm down Remus, what's going on? You're talking nonsense.

They're gonna die. Remus sputtered. The boys, Corey n Jason... And Caleb. They aren't going to make it Rom, they aren't...

Where the hell are you? the voice asked over the receiver.

Some hospital... Maryland. he said pathetically, falling back against the wall.

What are you doing in the States? his brother asked, concerned. In the background he was telling Shelly to be quiet, and start the car. Are you hurt? Remus, what's-

They aren't going to make it. God Rom, I can't believe it... Caleb, I mean...

Remus, stay where you are. I'm going to go to the Underground, alright? I'll find out where you are-

There's no point. he sobbed, face twisted in hatred for the cruelties of life. No chance...

Stay there. the voice snapped. I'll be right over, okay? Just hang on for an hour, I swear I'll get there as fast as I can. Hold on Rem, I'll be right there. he repeated.

The phone line clicked off, and Remus slipped down to the floor. The receiver was swinging absently from its cold metal line, lightly bumping the wall every second or so. After a moment, the incessant buzzing changed to the dead voice of some operator.

A little bead of saltwater dropped down his face, followed by another.

It happens all over again. he muttered, eyes blacked out as if he were dead. It always happens, again... And again...

Some passing boy with a casted arm pointed, tugging at his mother's sleeve. They walked hurriedly by, not acknowledging the bloody man as anything to spare pity for.



Remus! God, what happened?

He was embraced fiercely, protectively pulled in without regard for the mess. Romolus let him go after a moment, trying to ignite some life into his brothers' eyes.

Are they alright? Remus mumbled his insides burning painfully.

Yes, the boys are fine. That doctor fellow, Theodore, he said they'd be perfectly fine. Romolus assured, still firmly gripping at his brother's shoulder. But what the hell happened Rem, why are you so bloody? Are you hurt? he asked urgently, shaking his brother to wake him from the daze. Remus shook his head, and swallowed.

Caleb, he ran into trouble at the Ministry... God dammit Rom, I don't think he's going to make it. He's been in the emergency room for two hours... he whimpered, not looking up to meet his sibling's face. The nurse that keeps coming by just shakes her head every time she passes.

It'll be alright Rem, come on. You know he'll be fine. Romolus said with obvious relief that Remus wasn't injured. You lot never give in, you know that. He pulled him close again, selflessly offering his own strength. Don't worry little brother, he'll be fine.

I hope so Rom, dear God... I promised him, I can't live with it if he-

He's going to be perfectly fine. Romolus interrupted. Trust me, he'll be alright.

Accepting the shoulder ot lean on, Remus closed his eyes, blocking out the dim light of the haunting lamps. He nodded in self-assurance, at long last returning the warm embrace.

Yeah, he'll be okay...




Romolus asked, slipping out from underneath his sleeping brother.

the woman asked, stopping before she went into her neat little office.

There was a young man brought in a few hours ago, gunshot wounds. Caleb Simmers?

Oh, yes... she said, frowning deeply after a moment of recollection.

Is he alright?

The nurse glanced back at Remus, sleeping spread across four of the stiff chairs. She closed her eyes to suppress her shiver, and swallowed.

He is in very serious condition. We're trying all we can, but...

He'll live though, wont he? Romolus asked quickly.

As I said sir, he's beyond what we can guarantee at the time.

Running a hand through his messed hair, Romolus nodded sadly.

Is he your brother? the nurse asked curiously, glancing between the two in comparison.



Are either of you, er, related to the man brought in? she questioned with a hint of disapproval.

He's a friend. Romolus assured. And my little brother will be destroyed if he doesn't pull through. He's lost a lot already, both of us. Our parents, and just about everyone he care's much for. It's hard for him to find anyone that sticks around very long.

So young, too. the nurse reflected with a tutt. We'll do all we can, but at this point, I don't know if that's much.

When can he see him? He isn't going to rest soundly until he can at least see Simmers.

I should expect soon, they're finishing up in the OR. she informed, checking a computer screen on the nearby desk. Yes, a few hours if you'd like.

Romolus nodded,d and turned to go.

Um, sir?



I really hate to bother you with this at the moment, but... There's forms that need to be filled out, if you will. she said, and pursed her lips. And some financial questions...

he mumbled absently, and the nurse went off without pestering him.

Romolus walked back over to the makeshift bed, and lightly tapped his beaten brother.

Remus, wake up. Come on... he said quietly. With a disgruntled yawn, he sat upright, and looked around.

He alright? Remus asked immediately.

Romolus chuckled, and nodded. Yeah, he's doing better. Let's go get some food before the cafeteria closes. he suggested, pulling Remus to his feet.

Not hungry.

Nonsense. The day you're not hungry magic will fail. Romolus laughed, pushing Remus along in the proper direction.




Address? What the hell do I put for address?

Make something up. Romolus suggested.

Occupation, oh, they'd love to know that. Assisting in the escape of wizard-captured werewolves'. Remus snorted sarcastically. With a solemn shrug, he scribbled in a bunch of illegible lies, scowling at the paperwork.

This is a load of dung. he grumbled some time later. I'm neurotic in worry and they make me file some bloody paperwork.

The pen chose a very inconvenient time to quit producing ink, resulting in Remus violently digging it against the paper in an effort to revive it.

he snapped, word by word. Romolus grabbed him, covering his hand and ultimately stopping him from destroying the instrument.

Remus said under his breath, dropping the pen.

You need to relax before you drive yourself completely mental. Romolus said gently. I know you've got a lot on your mind-

You don't know the half of it. Remus murmured, resting his head in his hands. Raking his fingers through his hair, he took in a deep breath, and shut his eyes.

Why the hell does there have to be two different wars in my life?' he mused.

First Elise, then Alex, now Caleb and the twins... How many people do I have to lose before I figure out what the hell everything means?'



I'll wait outside, if you need me. Romolus said, despite the fact that Remus wasn't listening at all. The nurse had at long last allowed him entrance to the room, making anything else completely obsolete.

Fighting the urge to be ill on the clean linoleum floors, he helped himself to chair, pulling it up near the side of the bed.

God, this is one of those requests. he whispered. I could use a little sign of your acknowledgment right about now.

He shut his eyes, clammy hands clasped together in blinded faith.

The hands of the clock whirled by, passing through the minutes in cut time. Remus wasn't sure, but well over two hours later, he opened his dreary eyes to a faint stir.

This isn't hell.

Remus cracked into the widest grin he had produced in months, heartily laughing in delight.

No, it most certainly isn't. he said, eyes wide in awe.

Can't be heaven. Caleb tried to grumble, his voice muffled by whatever device was that was over his face. 'Less you're dead too. Thought I... No, can't be heaven. Elise'd be here. he concluded, shutting his eyes. He took in a strangled sort of breath, his face contoured in extreme pain. Heaven wouldn't hurt like this. So maybe it is hell.

Remus said brightly, his eyes watering for another reason than before.

Suck it up Lupin. he grumbled, trying desperately to move his fingers. You look like your about to cry or something. He smiled very slightly, and nudged his head in indication. A second later he cursed, and decided to stop forcing his damaged muscles to cooperate.

How... How are you? Remus asked, fighting to make his face straight.

Not dead. As far as I can guess, anyway. Caleb said softly, his voice beginning to reflect the strain he felt. Near-death experiences seemed not to damper his spirits though, nor his sarcasm, in the slightest.

Where the hell am I anyway? This place is too blindingly white to be the Underground, and for that fact, I'm not dead. You're quite sure I'm alive, correct?

Remus nodded with a grin, and let out a breath he had been holding for the longest time.

Everything's alright...

With a rattled sigh, Caleb set off an arsenal of beeping devices. He grimaced painfully, and rolled away from Remus. In a typical display of neurotic worry, he called for a nurse and panicked wonderfully.




Sit still for God's sake. Romolus chuckled.

That damn doctor has been in there for hours. What the hell is he doing? Remus grunted impatiently, trying to peer though the fogged glass of the room door.

Making sure he'll live, that's what. Now will you please just sit down? You're acting like you're five years old in a sweets store.

Sorry for being concerned. Remus snapped. Kind of hard to be nice and calm, you know. I just nearly lost three of my closest friends, and then some. It's hard enough being reminded of Elise every waking minute on top of worrying about him. he said, jerking his thumb at the door. Not to mention wondering how the hell the twins are doing. It's very nerve racking. he blurted out very quickly.

Yes, I'd imagine. Romolus interrupted before his brother could continue to rant anymore. Remus, he's going to be here a long time, you heard the doctor. He might not recover for months-

You don't know Caleb. Remus said quickly.

Yes, well I know enough of your kind to figure that much. Safe to assume you're going to try to break him out of here? he asked with the slightest hint of a smirk.

Remus went red, and shrugged.

I know you too well. Romolus sighed, and clamped a hand on his brother's shoulder. There's no fooling me Rem, not after I've been with you so long.

Romolus smiled, and tried to console his depressed sibling.

Come on, let's go back to the Underground. Simmers needs to sleep for a while without you pestering him every five minutes.

Hey, I did-

Come on little brother. Romolus chuckled, puling him away from the door.



I'll get them to Theo, he's the only one who'll understand a word of it. Garade said with a nod, taking the stolen file of Caleb's medical information. He turned to go, but stopped, and looked over his shoulder.

You know, everyone here is going to hail you as a saint. he pointed out under the dim light of a flickering lantern. You saved the savior.

I nearly got him killed. Remus said bitterly. I'm no hero...

Tell that to your lot.

My lot? he asked quietly, not understanding.

The group of three you brought in, what was left of them. Or were they Caleb's-

There were six. he recalled, eyes widening.

There were three. Garade said firmly, sure of himself. Don't bother worrying. It isn't your fault and you sure as hell have better things to stress over.

Shaking his head, Remus let a small sigh escape. You're right. he admitted, looking around for the unfamiliar hut he assumed the twins would be in. I need to find the kids.

He too started to wander off, pausing only after he realised he had no idea which house he was supposed to stay in. With a tiny smirk, Garade pointed down the street, departing in the opposite direction.


Hey Remus. Melhane said softly, greeting him with a very weak smile as he dropped his satchel at the door. Compared to the previous shack, Caleb's new residence was a mansion, furnished with wooden floors and belongings that weren't battered to the point of breaking. The Underground had apparently found a way to repay their debt to the man.

How are they doing? he asked immediately, sitting himself down on a nearby chair.

Jason's staying over at a another house, this side of town is so condensed with the plague it's dangerous to keep partial-recoveries here. the young woman informed, nodding thoughtfully. For whatever reason, Corey's still terrible, but he's putting up one hell of a fight. She pointed over to the corner, to a slightly imperfect door cracked open. He's in there sleeping, if you want to see him. You shouldn't though.

Why's that? Remus asked, closing his eyes and leaning back. His back shifted along the way, and bones creaked into relaxation, a feeling almost forgotten recently.

You've had your share of heartbreak. Melhane said in a near-whisper, her eyes beginning to water. What with Caleb, and everything I've figured about your life...

Funny, everyone always tells me I'm blessed to have the life I live. Remus said with a contradicting sort of chuckle.

She shook her head, frowning seriously. I'd say it's cursed, I mean we all are, but you... You face a lot. Most of us only put up with the pain and hatred for a while, and God be praised for delivering us here, but you're fighting a battle that can't be won. she said, placing her hands on her knees and leaning forward. She stared ito Remus grey eyes, trying to peer into his very soul. All of us are safe and secure in our own little world now, we have each other to rely on and the constant comfort of normality. You're tossed around like some wind-blown debris, thrown between two worlds, neither of which you fit.

You sound like an old friend of mine, Elise. Remus mumbled, beginning to drift asleep. There was only so long the mind could go lasting on worry and concern until human nature took over.

I know who she is. We all know everyone's story. Melhane said, wiping at her eyes discretely. Except yours, Remus. None of us know your story.

I don't have one. he said simply, pushing away the rest of his woes for a few minutes of sleep, a few short seconds of escape.

Everyone has a story, even those who don't realise it. she said gently, laying a blanket down on top of him. Instinctively, he pulled it to his chest, and shifted about to find comfort. Soon enough, he was lost in the sanctuary of darkness and oblivion.

I guess you'll just have to find your own story.




Caleb glared at his visitor with obvious disapproval. He tried to roll to the other side, to face away from Remus, but found it to be horrifically painful.

Remus read his eyes, and understood what was being said non verbally.

Oh yes, it's terribly reassuring to see you on life support. Remus said with a roll of his eyes. Give me a break, I just wanted to make sure you weren't dead.

Caleb choked out through the various tubes running through his system.

You can cut that out, you know. Remus frowned. The doctors said that you'd survive. Part of his mind knew that to be a lie, but the majority was perfectly happy believing otherwise. He heard only what he wished to hear, and there was no denying his mental perception.

Bunch of wankers if you ask me. Caleb grumbled, trying to reach the alert buzzer on his bed table. Remus had moved it a few inches out of arm span a moment earlier. Smiling, Remus picked up the little device.

Trying to get me kicked out again? he laughed.

Caleb snapped. Can't a man die in peace? His voice remained inconsistent, delayed, as he struggled to piece the words together.

You aren't going to die for God's sake! Remus snapped back. Do you even listen to the doctors around here?

With all that damn medication it's a bit hard to pay attention. he said sloppily. After a long pause to accept the supportive artificial lungs assistance, he shut his eyes. Not like they care anyway... I can't pay for this. he said, attempting to indicate all the machinery around his bed, to little success.

It's taken care of. Remus said hastily.

God dammit kid, don't go wasting your money on me.

Why are you so fixated on the idea that you aren't going to live?' Remus questioned, getting rather annoyed.

See that, o'er there?



That's my heart. And that one, it takes care of my lungs. And the one to the left... It controls my blood flow, and that one circulates air for me. This keeps my throat open... And this, this is how I eat', and-

Remus nodded, understanding slightly. But once you get better, you wont need all this, you know...

You said it'd be a few months, right? Caleb asked, finally turning to meet the gaze. The portion of his face that wasn't bandaged was still swelled with bruises and scars that would last forever. Remus looked away.

That's what the doctors told me...

In a few days it's the full moon. Caleb reminded after a pause. He moved his one functional arm, and lightly tapped his chest. This body of mine, it's not going to make it through a transformation.



You don't get it! Caleb interrupted, eyes on the brink of watering. It was a pathetic sight, witnessing a broken man try to be passionate amidst so much pain. You just don't get it kid, there's no chance. None... The bullets were enough, forty microliters of pure silver in my blood... Hell, if it had been a day closer to the moon I'dve been dead on the spot. You went and made sure I suffered for a week more, and now I'm going to waste away here in a Muggle hospital. He smiled weakly, momentarily thinking of their reaction to finding a werewolf in place where a patient had been.

Then I'll take you to Mungos. Remus said bitterly, clenching his teeth together in anger. Or anywhere, it doesn't matter! You are NOT going to die on me, alright? Alright?

Caleb's icy hand grasped at Remus' fingers snapping him back from his second of grief. Forcing a genuine smile and glimmer in his shallow eyes, he shook his head lightly, confirming his own accepted fate.

We went through this before kid, Registration is worse than death. he reminded quietly. Go on and get back to town, I'm sure they'll need a while to take this all in.

I can't, there's no way... You aren't going to die. You're perfectly fine, and... How can you just give up on us? Dammit, we need you there. Remus stammered, sliding to the edge of his chair.

Calm down kid, thing's aren't going to change. Caleb said, smiling in a distant way. It's not a big deal-

You're giving up! Remus interrupted loudly. You just plainly accept the fact that you're going to die, and dammit, I wont do that!

Listen to me for a moment. Caleb said shortly, another assisting apparatus humming its warning. There is no chance for me anymore, I can't have the life I wanted. It's gone, plain and simple. You're still here, and you're damn lucky to be where you are.

I'm lucky that one of my best friends is dying? Remus asked, head bowed low. Lucky that one by one everyone I care for is disappearing from my life while I just sit by? Dammit Caleb, I can't take it, and I wont stand for it. I'm not going to just watch from a safe distance as you give up, I'm tired of losing everything.

You have friends, family that will unconditionally love you, and you have the closest thing to a normal life any werewolf has ever managed. Caleb reminded calmly. So you've lost Elise, and your brother isn't always there, but he still cares for you. And that insane lot of yours... They'd do anything to help you. Open your eyes and maybe you'll realise you have more blessings than I could ever hope for.

It's not a blessing when you lose two people you care for. he mumbled, eyes leaking despite the effort to control it. A little voice reminded it may be more, but it was silenced.

You knew it wouldn't last. Caleb said quietly, his chest rising unsteadily every few seconds. I live my life on the edge of a knife, you damn well knew it wouldn't be long before I slipped up. I let you get too attached, coming along all those times. I suppose I felt a little sorry for you Lupin. he reflected. You're too uptight for your own good, and you blame everything on yourself. Even now, hell, I bet you feel guilty for me! That's it, isn't it?

Faintly, Remus nodded. He could have, should have gone back sooner, maybe Caleb wouldn't have been hurt. He should have stayed, the two of them would have gotten out alright...



Looking up through distorted vision, he found his bedridden companion to be glaring at him angrily, his blackened eyes narrowed.

You shouldn't be talking... Remus mumbled. It's hurting you.

Yeah, well tough. I have some stuff to say while I still can. Caleb snapped.

You're doing it again. he pointed out disapprovingly. It's not your fault, get that in your head. Nothing is your fault, none of this anyway.

He nodded, wiping his eyes on his forearm.

Make it easy for yourself, just walk out that door. Caleb said, pointing as best as he could manage in his condition. Pretend that you'll come back tomorrow. But don't. he said firmly. All you have to do is just keep walking, and not look back.

Getting to his feet, Remus nodded again. He opened his mouth to say something but was instantaneously interrupted.

No goodbyes. Just go.

Remus walked through the doorway, eyes burning red with a fine mixture of grief and anger. Halfway down the eerily white hallway, he turned, and gazed back at the closed doorway, room one-thirteen.

I'm coming back. he promised before running away as fast as his legs would carry, escaping his hell.




A/n- Yeah, I know. Weird chapter full of rubbish... Review though, kay? Pweeeeese?

Iggie


Fic of the Day- The Dark Side of the Moon by Finding Beauty: Remus Lupin finds himself in the sanctuary of a gypsy camp, and gains the infallible understanding of proper grief. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Dunno bout you all, but I simply loved it.

http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1118610

(I'll be adding URL's from now on, by request)