A/n- Iggie's back. Yup, my muse is officially done surfing the vast expanse of porn sites (for those with raised eyebrows, it was a review joke from Mala Zloca). So, here's another one for you.

NOTE- Okay, no one got it. Snape hit Remus at Three Broomsticks. Hence, Boyd was confused, and Remus was as well. Think about the conversation afterwards... Snape was muttering that Remus should stay out of his business, no? Guess I need to be less subtle.




Seeing Grey - Part LXI - Rousing Bout of Headaches





Remus-

Only a while longer, I can't believe it. Six months more and I'll be a father... Officially. We were always more on a father-son thing on some level, no? Shelly was worried-is worried-about everything. I got a job with the English Ministry to calm her financial fears, and unfortunatly I start this morning. Creatures Division. Isn't it fitting? Maybe I'll stumble across a werewolf in distress... I'll know where to refer him.

Besides the expected disorderly whirlwind of my life, everything's relatively normal. I hope your school finishes off nicely, and you're coming to stay. No excuses, I need to see my kid brother every now and then.

Cheers and love,

Romolus

Remus folded the letter with a dull smile, and tucked it into his front pocket.

Looks like life is reaching the point of normality for the both of us. he told himself as he hopped into his slighty-gnawed shoes. The Gryffindor dorms were all vacant, the occupants having long since made it to breakfast. Tired from the full moon the night before, Remus had advised his friends to give him an extra hour to count his sheep.

Hey, is something wrong? he asked, sliding down the stair rail childishly. There was a first year on a pouf, engulfed in her woes. With a short wail, she ran up to her own room.

Shrugging at the young girl, Remus let his stomach guide him away from concern.




I missed something, didn't I? Remus asked wearily, rubbing his eyes free of morning debris. He stumbled into a chair at the Gryffindor table, idly noting that the whole Great Hall seemed abnormally quiet.

Too quiet.

Without speaking a word, Peter handed him a copy of the morning's Daily Prophet with shaking hands.

Oh my God... Remus said, eyes flaring out to their fullest dilation. Oh my God!

He threw the paper down, not wanting to believe a word of it. Before he could stand from his seat, Sirius, pale and tearstained, grabbed his sleeve.

My sister worked in that department, you know. he said slowly, not caring that he was crying. No one would patronize; his tears were shared of the entire residence. She just turned twenty, I... Her birthday card. I just, I just mailed it... Yesterday...

James pulled Sirius away, nodding. Come on Padfoot, he started, intending to leave the Great Hall. Let's get out of here, go walk around.

With a pathetic shake of his head, Sirius stood his ground. They need help. he explained, selflessly waving to show the younger students unable to grasp what was going on, unable to comprehend their beloved mothers and fathers were now lost in a pile of rubble.

I'm going to go find Lily then. James decided.

She's going to be too distraught to handle your presence. Remus muttered, feeling the letter in his pocket. It felt like a bar of lead now, a burden not to be removed.

Something in the pit of his stomach made a horrible lurch.

James said, snapping a few surrounding people back to reality. I'll stay here with Sirius, help out the younger ones. Could you-

I need to take a walk.





The black-clad and shadowy Slytherin stopped in his tracks, and took a moment to think as to who the voice belonged to.

he acknowledged, continuing on down the dark hall. At the corner he turned, and Remus could briefly see that he was carrying some distraught first-year girl.

Need some help? he offered, not really knowing why. After a long moment of exchange, he had the sleeping girl on his back.

Rough morning. he said quietly, waiting for a reply that didn't come. Curiously, Remus dared to ask what he was theorizing. Did someone in your f-

Snape answered sharply, taking a crooked path to the side. For some time Remus watched him scurry about ahead, directing to the dorm, in a very obscure manner.

So how the hell did you get that hit? he asked with a short frown of understanding.

None of your damn business. I think we went through this before.

No, I rather think you avoided telling me something important. Remus snapped. The little girl stirred, and he waited for her to cry herself to sleep again.

You're hiding something, you and about half the Slytherins. Even the Hufflepuffs, something's going on.

Observant, for a Gryffindor-

Run all the circles you want, but I know you're involved. he blurted out, angry. That bastard lot of yours was gone last night, and they didn't come back until morning. he remembered. The Marauders Map was a wonderful way to waste time during sleepless nights before the moon's waking. Noting some couple hiding away, unaware they were being watched. And a pack of Slytherins disappearing from the grounds in the late hours was particularly intriguing.

And if you utter such a word to anyone, I can spit it right back. Snape hissed, grinning as wide as he could manage. He stepped into the candle light, exposing a massive bruise that his hood could not conceal, illuminating a conniving smirk.

You are a filthy bastard. Remus muttered, eyes narrowed. It was you, wasn't it? At the Ministry! You all went, you did that! HOW COULD YOU? he roared, waking the child. Snape grabbed at her, but Remus pulled her back, yelling aside for her to go to her dorm.

There are thing's you'll never understand, Lupin, so don't pretend that-

Don't you dare say a word to me. Remus spat. Your involved in this Dark movement-

And you can't tell a soul, can you? Snape asked bravely, stepping right up against Remus, glaring up forcefully. I know your secret, and I've a pretty accurate deduction that you've been the Ministry's little Werewolf Crisis.

For a while, even after the billowed cloak had disappeared around the corner, Remus wondered how he had managed to restrain himself. Every nerve in his body was screaming for strangle, to break something, but apparently he was too shocked to notice.

Damn him. he whispered to no one.



You know, we don't have to study. They canceled our exams. Remus said softly. It had been several days since the entire North Wing of the Ministry had undergone an attack, but little of the shock, if any, had left the halls of Hogwarts.

There's nothing else to do. Sirius mumbled, flipping a page in his thick book. Remus was quite positive he wasn't even aware that he was reading a book on Advanced Potions, nor was he absorbing a single word of the text.

Canceled Quidditch, canceled classes...

We can still go play, if you'd like. I could go wrap up a team, some-

Moony, leave him be. James said quietly, pulling him by the shoulder. It's not easy for him.

You think it's easy for me? Remus asked, eyes slit in remembrance. I've dealt with complete dung my entire life, I don't need to add impending war to the list of things gone awry since the bite.

I didn't mean it like that. said James rather hastily. You're just a lot calmer than us during a crisis.

Me? Calm? You really have been hit with too many Bludgers, Lily was right. he laughed. The last, oh, five or six times something has gone wrong I've developed a neurotic psyche that overrides any logical thought. I'm rash, blunt, and quick to conclusions.

There's a difference though, you have something else Moony.

That would be? Really, I'd like to know, it'd be reassuring for me to hear that I'm not a complete mess.

You're determined to make it better. James said honestly, falling back onto a pouf. A little cloud of dust fluttered in his face, making him appear even more ghastly for a second. Your hope is unwavering, most of the time. I mean, when we break down... he trailed off, and shut his eyes in pensive silence. In explanation, he gestured at the crowd of Gryffindors, piles of friends trying to comfort each other, none finding any solace.

You know how the real world is Moony. James mused, head hung low. We only get small glimpses of it, times like this. But you...

I live in hell. Remus concluded, nodding his head.

It isn't how you react my friend, it's what you understand.

They looked out in unison at the mass of shaken youngsters, and agreed without words that they had a new mission to fulfill.



POTTER! BLACK, LUPIN! OFFICE, NOW! Professor Forson screamed, face almost reaching the same shade of pink as his hair. With shameless grins, the three Marauders marched to detention with their arms linked together, a sign of their fellowship.

Sparatic bouts of laughter plagued the Great Hall, a handful of students finding the strength to forget their lost kin for only a moment's worth of a smile.

James grinned widest of them all.

This could work, you know. he whispered as Forson began to bark and threaten their very lives in his tiny room. The school could use a little lifted spirit.

I have a feeling we're the very lot to do just that. Sirius muttered with a sad sigh. And if not us, then no one.



There was another attack, Muggles this time. Peter mumbled idly. He set down the toothbrush he was using to clean McGonnagal's floors, and sort ot grimaced. Two children died at a shopping center. A Ravenclaw girl was related to one of them, I heard.

How about Charming their statue mascot into doing the chicken dance?

What's that?

Some ridiculous dance I saw a bunch of Muggles doing on television. James explained. It'd be rather entertaining, I mean, that statue is a good five meters high.

I bet I could manage to do that. Remus offered, squirting the rest of his bottle of Whiz-O-Zap Mold Remover into a bucket. It'd only take a really strong Mobility Charm.

You could always Transfigure it into a real eagle. Sirius suggested, now intrigued with the thought. If this chicken dance' is as amusing as it sounds, a real bird would seem more appropriate.

What year was the girl? James asked.

Er, third I believe.

So... Tuesday would be best. The lot of them are usually buried in the library any other night. Remus suggested.

I'm going to go find a few Transfiguration books. We'd best do this right, you know. Sirius said with a short smirk. Dragging his worries with him, he trudged along to the library, not caring to finish his detention.

He's pretty damn tough. James commented with an admiring smile.

No, he's stupid. Remus muttered. Sirius'll just keep pushing it away until there's nowhere left for it to go. His own troubles are going to landslide soon enough... Denying the pain never makes it go away.

James trailed off, and shrugged. Let's go blow something up. It's getting far too depressing around here.

Remus said with a sudden grin.



I wonder how your kind will survive if they continue to destroy themselves so. There has never been another that wishes to kill itself, not like man.

Personally, I'm amazed we've lasted this long. Remus said distantly, staring up at the dull May moon. As long as we've been alive... There's always a war. I'm beginning to think it's in our nature.

Not all of men behave so. You, little wolf, you are kind and gentle. You would not hurt another.

Would I? he asked himself. Shebea stiffened at notice of his malice, and she tried to send it off.

For a man, for any creature of Earth, you are the kindest I know of.

But I wouldn't be able to restrain myself, not always. I've done it in the past Shebea, and I fear I will hurt another yet again.

There is more to the heart than protective actions. It is the wolf's nature that forces you to do such, it cannot be controlled. Your heart, that is where it counts. I would not believe you to hurt another truthfully.

The ingenuity of man is a fragile thing, my friend. he mused, laying back in the damp grass. The songs of night played on around him, minstrels dancing to their own rhythms as he pondered existence. We turn on each other and produce hate, ultimately slaying our own brothers. There is no pure heart in that.

You are not all the same. Even among your pack you are unalike. There are some of your kind that does not wish for violence...

The hate overweighs the good of this world. Remus snapped bitterly.

There is always hope little wolf, do not give up so quickly. Man has surprised me before, and I do hope it continues such. Perhaps this war can end itself before there is great suffering. she mused wisely, resting her muzzle on his leg.

I doubt it my friend, I really do.



Romolus,

I hope everything is going well with you, and the baby. How many months are there, now? I've lost track between worrying about other things. Be sure to keep that wife of yours calm, you know. It's bound to be stressful, what with the attacks and all... I don't know what the hell I'm saying, so I'll just stop there.

Anyway, I'll be done with school in about a week. We don't have exams or classes, so they're letting us out early. If it wouldn't be an inconvenience, I'd like to stay with you for a few days. The Underground is going to throw me on duty as soon as I head home, and I'd rather have some time to enjoy a normal summer. That's a laugh, isn't it? Me having a normal vacation! Unheard of!

Write back soon, I need someone sane to talk to.

Remus


He folded the letter up, and handed it to James' owl before it flew off with the Potter estate financial records that James had to sign again.

Seems like everyone's trying to get in touch with their family. he noticed with a half-frown, watching as countless students sent home letters, praying that there would still be a reply.

They're making sure their family is still around... Remus mumbled. No one really understood, that their parents might not be around anymore. Not until they could've lost them did they appreciate a warm welcome to come home to.

And the rest of us... James trailed off, eyeing scattered orphans that wouldn't speak a word to anyone. The rest of us learn the hard way that family's all you really need.

The pair of Marauders let out identical sighs, wishing for what they couldn't have, what they didn't have, and truly hoping the world would try to appreciate what was still alive.



Moony, you look like someone just landed a kick to your groin. Sirius said. In the background, every male within distance cringed slightly at the comment before heading back to their own tasks of packing.

That's... That's not a Ministry letter, is it? Peter asked quietly, his face going white. Remus shook his head, but frowned at the parchment nonetheless.

From my brother. he explained.

That's good news, though... Right?

I can't stay with him, so he says. Remus said, tapping the letter. Too busy or whatnot.

I thought he wanted you to come stay with him. Peter recalled, sitting down on a vacant pouf.

Sirius grabbed the letter, and sat down opposite of Remus by the fireplace. After a long silence and a few intense stares, he shrugged, and handed it back.

His wife is having the baby in a while, wouldn't be uncommon for him to be a bit preoccupied. he said lightly.

Shelly... Wait, no. She wouldn't... Remus told himself, eyebrows furrowed. Without explanation, he dug out of wand and muttered some spell, tapping the letter seriously.

Ah Jesus... he grumbled, shaking his head sadly. He dropped the letter, falling back to the comfort of the seat with his eyes shut in mild anger.

What? What's wrong? Peter asked impatiently, trying to snatch the parchment free form Sirius.

Bug off a second. he snapped, skimming over the paper. He frowned, and put on a look of confusion.

The handwriting's different. he noticed.

It's Shelly's, my brother's wife. She wrote the damn letter. Remus muttered.

That doesn't make any sense.

It makes perfect sense. Remus snapped bitterly. She doesn't want me around. She wrote the damn thing pretending to be Rom, even Charmed her handwriting. Shelly doesn't want me around. he repeated.

I thought you two were alright with each other, though. Sirius said, still bewildered.

Her motherly instincts are kicking in. he said, face devoid of any clear emotion now. Peter, still trying to comprehend what was going on, picked up the letter.

I don't understand. he declared.

You're a dumb prat, alright? Sirius said sharply.

I can't believe her. Remus muttered to himself, waiting for Sirius to clear Peter out of his space. With a disgruntled sort of scowl, he Summoned parchment and a quill, and began a furious reply.

Romolus',

Wonderful, sister dear. I've become accustomed to people fearing me for what I am, but this is a low blow by all standards. Pretending to be sincere and lying like such hurts more than being spat at. Next time, just say it, alright? Don't make yourself feel better about hating me by justifying your actions. I appreciate that you recognize that I have feelings too, but just shut the hell up. If you don't want me around just say so for God's sake.

Tell Rom I'll be gone for the holidays. Happy?

-That beast you're related to.

P.S.- You're the shameful creature now, Shelly. I feel sorry that Rom had to go and fall in love with you.





A/n- Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry about the delay!! Between exams, hurting myself snow boarding and just my normal chaotic life, finding time to write is nearly impossible. I PROMISE things will get better. I'm not going to abandon this either, so fear not. Sorry again! XP

Iggie