Title: I Could Still See the Postcards
Author: Roguester
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Travis, Lily, Ray, or Bridget. But I think the devil does.
Recommended background music: Bonus Mosh pt. II by Taking Back Sunday

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Chapter 7: Joker's Lament

(Ray)

I seriously feel like throwing up.

And don't even tell me to take Tylenol because it doesn't work, okay? Besides, the situation that I'm in is more of an emotional ailment than an actual physical illness.

I mean, do you ever just feel like you're being royally screwed? Like the whole point of your existence is to be royally screwed by the people you care about. Because that's exactly how I feel right now. It's like, everybody turned into comedians all of a sudden and they're all using ME as a punch line. Of course, if I was a punch line I'd be hilarious as hell – but that's not the point. I'm just... I don't know... I'm sick and tired of being the joker.

The guy who spreads happiness but never gets happiness in return.

And who am I kidding, really? I mean, the class clown never gets the girl. Never. Except that one time when Pacey Witter actually ended up with Joey Potter. But it's not like I watch Dawson's Creek or anything. Because I don't.

My point is that the damsel in distress never falls in love with the sorry sidekick. No, she falls in love with mysterious, good-looking guys with manly last names like 'Strong.' And call me bitter, but I think that's just totally messed up.

And I don't know, man... I guess I just miss Lily a lot. I mean, I haven't spoken to her since we had that episode in the hallway. You know, when I told her that I loved her. In front of everybody. And maybe, just maybe, I humiliated her... but the least she could have done was come up to me and say, "Hey Ray, you freaking humiliated me." That's it. That's all I needed from her. And she couldn't even do that for me.

You know, sometimes I wish I could just repress some of the things that had happened these past several days. I wish I could just erase them from my memory. Completely. Kinda' like what Travis did with Bridget in those ten months that they were apart...

Then again... what idiot actually does that? It's a load of crap, I tell you. Because nobody –and I mean nobody – can just forget about their best friend that easily. Unless, of course, there's some brain damage involved. Which, in Travis' case, might just be true.

The truth is, I can't forget any of the things that had happened these past several days. Everything's just a little too fresh – a little too clear – to completely be ignored. I can actually still see them happening inside my head. I can actually still remember everything...

I remember forgetting my binder at the station after the RFR broadcast.

I remember going back to pick it up.

I remember realizing that it was already past 8pm.

And I remember Lily's bandanna...

It was green and black and outlined with red and I noticed it immediately because... because that's the only thing that I wanted to notice. Because it's the only thing that I wish I had noticed.

Because it's Travis. And Lily. And they were kissing...

And it hurts. It hurts so much I think I've gone numb. But you know what sucks even more? That even if I hadn't seen them kissing that night... I knew that they eventually would. It just happened a little sooner, that's all. And somehow... somehow I knew that Lily would go for that mysterious, good-looking guy with a manly last name like 'Strong.'

So today after the RFR broadcast, I waited. I waited for Robbie and Lily to leave. And then I cornered Travis right outside the station. I cornered him and I grabbed him by the collar and then I pushed him against the wall. I was just so disappointed... I felt so betrayed. I felt so... sad.

"When were you gonna tell me," I asked, "When, Travis?"

And his face was just kind of... blank. Like, there was no expression there whatsoever. Just worry and fatigue and pain.

"Ray –"he started, but I wasn't about to let him talk without giving him a piece of my mind first. I mean, I freaking hate this guy. I freaking hate him. Not because he'll never be enough for Lily, but because he is. He's enough. He's more than enough. And I can't stand it.

"How can you let this happen again? Haven't you learned anything?" I demanded.

"Ray –"he began again. But I was just so frustrated at him that I couldn't stop yelling...

"And what about Bridget? Did you ever think about what this is gonna do to her? You cheated on her, Travis. You're a cheater. You. Are. A. Cheater."

And I'm trying not to cry. Really, I am. But I mean, this guy was my brother, man. He's my friend. He's my partner in crime – the same guy who came up with his own set of "getting Lily" rules so he could put up with my own immaturity. So I just stood there, pinning him against the wall and asking him why in Donkey Kong's name did he do it.

"Because nothing matters anymore, okay?" Travis replied. And what kind of answer was that, anyway? That's not what I wanted to hear and that's not what he needed to say. I just felt so helpless and angry and betrayed at the same time. So I looked him in the eye, reached back my arm and curled my hand into a fist...

"Do it," he said. And I did.

But me punching him in the face didn't really resolve anything because I still felt like crap. Hell, we both felt like crap. And we couldn't really do anything else but sink down to the ground and sit there in silence. Because regardless of everything that had happened, he's still my brother. He's still my friend. And he's still my partner in crime who came up with his own set of "getting Lily" rules just so he could put up with my own immaturity.

And I don't know... we probably sat there for a good twenty minutes before somebody finally spoke up: "My dad's relocating the family again," Travis said, "I'm leaving for Germany in a couple of days."

And I couldn't believe my ears. I seriously felt like throwing up. (And don't even tell me to take Tylenol because it doesn't work, okay?) I mean, this is Travis. And he's leaving. And no matter how much I hate him right now, I really don't want him to go.

Because he gives me a run for my money. Because he keeps me on my toes. Because if I can't give Lily what she wants, he's the only other guy who could.

So what if I'm the punch line? So what if I'm the class clown? So what if I didn't get the girl? The important thing now is to accept what happened, swallow my pride, and screw it all to hell. Because you know what? I'm Ray Brennan. Man of action. I bring happiness to people without expecting anything in return.

"You're not going anywhere, Swami." I said.

And for a while there the joker's back on stage... hogging the spotlight... and tearing the house down.

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A/N: It has come to my attention that a couple of you haven't seen I'm With Cupid yet. Well, all I could say to that is, "Go watch it!!!" I mean, yes it's painful and yes the ending sucked... but my postcard reference would be much more effective if ya'll know what I'm talking about. ((grins))

Also, just a heads up for my next chapter: Originally I planned it to be a Bridget POV but I realized that it would be better if I did another Lily POV instead. So Bridget will be MIA for a while. But I will bring her back, I promise. Maybe I'll even give her the final chapter.