A/n- Alright, I had THREE versions for this chapter. It would not cooperate... I dunno, it wouldn't cooperate. I think the 620 hours of Anime my friend sent me for my upcoming birthday has been interfering with my writing. XP

Rating- PG-13 for general not-nice-ness.

Disclaimer- Not mine. Simple, hai?





Seeing Grey - Part LXVII - Chocolate Werewolves and Misery





What's up Moony, you look a little down. James noticed, thoughtfully tapping his fork on his plate. At least ti was resumed he was being thoughtful; Sirius figured he may have just wanted more food and was too lazy to go get it.

Remus asked, blinking suddenly as he snapped out of a daze.

I said, are you alright?

Just a little distracted... he mumbled, poking at his uneaten portion of meat and vegetables.

No, we hadn't noticed. Sirius said sarcastically. Seriously, you've been acting pretty suspicious since you arrived.

And if Sirius has noticed, God only knows it must be obvious.

Sirius chimed, and then furrowed his eyebrows. Wait, what? Hey!

So what's been bothering you? James asked calmly, ignoring Sirius' malicious glares and frequent grumbling death threats.

I need to start back with the Underground again, you know, helping people get to Caleb. Since he's still out of commission, I'm really the only one to do it, but... I really don't want to. Every summer has been a load of dung, all I want to do is sit back and watch television or something. he said lightly.

Then why don't you? No one is forcing you to-

It's my responsibility. Remus interrupted, frowning.

You didn't ask for it. James reminded, setting down his mug. Come on Moony, don't be so hard on yourself. None of the people at the Underground expect you to help every single werewolf in distress.

Take a vacation, it is the holidays after all. Sirius suggested.

Remus said. Rather suddenly he stood up, and looked around the room as if startled.

What's wrong? James questioned.

Where are the twins?

James and Sirius shared a glance, and bit their lips.



Somewhere... Not here? Sirius suggested, grinning guiltily.

Lord help me. I just lost two boys.

They couldn't have gone very far, I mean, they were just here. James pointed out.

Yes, past tense. They were here, in this bloody mansion! It could quite literally take weeks to find them! Remus shouted, his mind going into a panic-overdrive. Caleb would just love to hear that he lost two small boys while visiting at a friend's house.

Well, that's enough excuse for a vacation, isn't it? Sirius muttered, face twisted slightly. Er... Remus, c'mon, don't glare at me like that. Really, it's scary. Moony- back off, c'mon, you'll- James, GET HIM OFF ME! Sirius pleaded.

Pardon? I seem to have mysteriously gone deaf and blind. James said with a content grin, watching as Remus ground his good friend into the floor angrily.

PRONGS! PLEEEEEEASE!

James watched with a whimsical smile as Remus reprimanded Sirius in a very unconventional manner.



Maybe they went-

Remus snapped, glaring back at his friends momentarily.

He looked ahead, staring down one of the many hallways in James' infinite residence.

He's kinda scary when he does the wolf thing, don't you think? James whispered.

Remus' ear twitched backwards, and released a short growl. With a stiff face, James nodded, silencing himself.

Eh, sorry.

This way. Remus declared at long last, facing the way his nose lead.

The trio followed a long, winding hallway, later descending a spiral staircase that James casually informed them he had never seen before. After a short walk, they arrived at the door of a dark basement.

Hi Daddy. Jason said happily, waving under the light of his floating wand.

Remus was more surprised to see that he had completed a spell than to see that both boys were completely covered in chocolate.

Want some? Corey offered, producing one of many bars he had stuffed in his robe pockets.

Where did you get those? James asked curiously, accepting the gift with a grin.

Sirrie had em in his room.

You were in my room? Sirius asked, wondering when they had sneaked in unnoticed.

You were holding out on me? James questioned, thoroughly hurt.

Hey, I'm entitled to keep a little chocolate to myself Prongs, I shouldn't have to share everything with you!

It's chocolate! How could you not give me some?

James, I have s'more if you want a bit. Jason said happily, hoping to end the argument with the offering of another bar. Sirius snatched it, and stuffed it in his own pocket.

That's my candy! he snapped.

Hey James, what is this place? Remus asked slowly, illuminating his own wand. The additional light exposed a very large, circular room that appeared to be an old office of some sort. Dusty cabinets and file racks littered a far wall, old bookshelves another, and two identical desks lay piled with rotting paper directly in front of him.

No clue. James said idly, stealing a candy bar from Sirius when he was staring about the room in awe. I really haven't been in about half of the rooms here, especially down in this wing. Didn't know it existed until, oh, ten minutes ago.

And you live here? Sirius muttered.

I wonder what all this stuff is. Remus pondered out loud, running his hand over a filthy notebook on one of the desks.

Probably just a bunch of old papers the housekeepers shoved down here. They do that sometimes. James suggested.

They've been down here the better of a twenty years judging by the... Dust. Remus mumbled, flicking away the body of a dead fly. Curiously, he wiped the blanket of cobweb from a portfolio and held it up.

Mind if I look?

I couldn't care at all. James said, sitting down on a fancy rug in the center of the room with the twins.

Remus shrugged, and opened the folder. After a brief encounter with a dust storm that threatened to choke him, his face paled considerably at the discovery of what was inside.

Padfoot, how about you take them upstairs. James said very seriously, handing Jason and Corey over to his friend. They might get sick, down here in the bad air.

Alright... If this is a ploy to get my chocolate-

Really, take them up.

Sirius departed with two chocolate-covered werewolves, slightly confused but not in the mood to question his friend's intentions.

So, exactly what kind of Aurors were your parents? Remus asked, wishing the folder was lying to him.

I don't know, to be honest. James started quietly, looking at the floor. He was showing such a lost look, one Remus had never seen before on the troublemaker. But I do know they weren't revered as saints by everyone. They made most of their money, my money, by doing the dirty work no one else wanted to touch. Taking dark assignments, associating with shady people. I only know what the housekeepers will tell me.

You might want to look this over. Remus said, his voice caught in a monotone. He tossed over the file, and turned back to the desk. Maybe you should camp here for the night...

I've never known them. James said even quieter, his head hung low, hands clutching the unopened document. All I have are pictures and stories, lies even. I know they lie, make me believe mum and dad were two great vanquishers of evil. I...

Remus blinked, surprised his friend was breaking down so suddenly.

Don't want to know the truth? Remus finished, shaking his head in disgust as he read another file from the desk. Maybe you don't. Personally-

You should go take Corey and Jason home, take Sirius while you're at it. James interrupted, swallowing hard. I need some time to myself.

Remus nodded, walking silently out of the room. Behind, through a crack in the office door, he watched James slowly sink his way to the ground, undecided on his course of action.

To live in a lie is to be content.' Remus quoted, forgetting that they were the words of his brother.

Rather, he wasn't letting himself remember.



Jesus... I-I...

Come on James, let's go get something to eat. You've been down here for hours. Remus interrupted, stepping into the room.

James turned away, furiously rubbing at his eyes.

I thought you left. he said weakly.

I did, I also came back. Remus answered, leaning against the edge of the door. So, are you alright?

These are all their old projects, their assignments. James explained with a weary expression, his eyes red and watery, vivid without the glasses to hide behind. He had moved them elsewhere.

I suppose you found some things you didn't want to find.

Yeah... But I needed it. James muttered, trying to force a smile. You have memories of your parents Remus, you don't know what it's like to grow up on just words and pictures. It isn't right...

Most of the memories I have I would prefer not to. Remus admitted. Every single good memory I have is ruined by the rest, tainted.

But they're still memories! James exclaimed, his eyes threatening to leak once more. I would trade anything I have, this whole damn fortune of mine, just so I could recall a face, a smile. Hell Moony, I'd like to remember anything at all, bad or otherwise. It's still a memory.

You should really go get something to eat, you're going to pass out down here.

I'm not leaving. he said stubbornly, determined to read every scrap of a paper before he would depart from the office. I need to know this-

No you don't. Remus said sharply, snapping James from a daze. You're better off believing what you want to believe, not this. No good will come of this Prongs, it's just going to hurt you.

It would become a dangerous addiction. One he needed, but one that would hurt him more.

You don't understand... I need to know the truth about them. This is all I have.

I do understand. I know all about wanting the truth. he replied, nodding solemnly. I've wanted the truth about my family, I've fought to find the truth about the Ministry, and I know it now. It only hurts. The holy, greater truth is that we're unwanted pests to be used as cruelly as they find possible. The truth? Our disease is a byproduct of their hatred. Even the truth about the cure, that's what I want and despise right now. I need to know the truth, but I fear the answer. There may not be a cure. Cor could've been a waste, and the same with all my efforts.

If you're afraid of the truth, why do you keep searching? James asked quietly, clutching a file tightly to his chest as if finding comfort in it's dull embrace.

The same reason as you. Remus answered, his face caught in the moment. They shared a single look, a common thread of understanding that was becoming painfully obvious to both.

James nodded, setting his precious folder down on one of his parent's desks, grabbing his wet glasses.

Let's go, then.

As he left, he shut the door, not intending to go back in again.



Remus sighed, thoughtfully watching as one of his only close friends, one of the few people he trusted, sat at the table remorsefully. For the past half hour all he had done was shove his pancakes around in a circle, swirling the syrup into nonsensical shapes.

And all he had been able to do was stare.

Are you sure you're alright? he finally asked, breaking the silence that had plagued the pair since they had left the mansion.

It's kind of funny, don't you think? Everyone always told me my parents were these wonderful people... They did some horrible things Moony, things you wouldn't want to tell the twins.

Such as? he asked. He knew from experience that finding someone to talk to was possibly the only remedy to certain kinds of inner-turmoil.

This seemed to be one of them.

There was a Dark movement about twenty years ago that the Ministry kept under cover. My father was a mercenary, kind of an assignment-assassin. Brought in thirty Dark mages, all on his own. James said, still swirling his meal about its plate absently.

That's a good thing, though.

The torture wasn't. See, there was a Ministry girl he went to training with. She was captured by a Dark mage... I guess dad felt it necessary to get revenge or something. He tortured the hell out of the men he captured.

James, he could have just been trying to find out where she was. Remus said softly. Don't assume the worst of your father. The whole of our society wouldn't respect your surname if your father was a bad man.

Oh, I don't think he's bad. James muttered. Just... I don't know, it seemed like he abused his power. Our bloodline is one of the strongest, you know. From the reports I found, hell, they said the Potter line is the purest and most saturated magical line in Great Britain.

Who's the first?

My mum. he answered distantly. We're, rather I am, the strongest wizard. Blood-wise.

Remus said, not knowing how to respond. The only thing he knew of his lineage was that the only magical blood in his veins had sprouted from Muggle-borns and horribly mingled families. There wasn't an ounce of purity in him.

He rolled his eyes at the thought, noticing how true it was in another sense.

he started, waiting for him to look up to meet his gaze. Are you bothered by all this because you think you have too much to live up to?

He shrugged once more, and let his sight fall to the jumble of food on the table.

Well, you shouldn't feel that way.

I'm the last surviving Potter, the son of two of the best Aurors the Ministry has seen in a long time. he scoffed. There's a war outside, and apparently I was only born to uphold the tradition of being an Auror, to fight in it.



I found a letter. James explained, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes for a moment. I'm only here because my parents wanted a son to carry on their path. They knew they were going to die Moony, and they had me anyway. To fight in the war they knew would come.

That isn't tr-

Left me to be raised on my own, by housekeepers who only care that they get paid every month. That's why I'm bitter.

Remus bit his lip, wishing the problem would go away.

I would give anything to be you Remus, anything in the world. I've been jealous of you and Sirius, even Peter, for years. He stopped, and smiled slightly. Who would've thought that the little rich boy would envy a lot such as you? Sirius, his parents are never home, and overprotective because of his sister's passing. Peter's parents are divorced, and he's stuck between their quarrels. And you, Remus...

Raised by a brother barely elder. Shunned by my mother, for killing my father, growing up in filthy streets and witnessing nothing short of hell. he concluded.

You had your brother, he cared for you. I would give up anything to have known what it's like! James exclaimed.

You have a family that cares for you.

No I d-

You have us. Remus pointed out, smiling as best he could, fighting to keep Romolus from his thoughts. So your parents weren't the best in the world, it's no matter. You still have us! Didn't it occur to you Prongs, not once? Families don't have to come in the form of a loving mother and proud father, I sure as hell know that much. he said loudly. All it takes is someone to care for you unconditionally...

So, we're each other's family.

Remus said, smiling tearfully. That's all that counts, what you have now.

Thanks Moony...

Remus nodded once, and offered the best smile he could manage.

As long as we have each other Remus, we'll be fine.

Promise you'll always be there?

Romolus smiled wide, and placed his younger brother on his shoulders.

Sure thing.

You lied. Remus muttered, looking out the window. In the dim light, he watched the sunrise over a grey horizon.

You lied Rom, you were supposed to always be there.






A/n- Sorry for the delay. I'm depressed again... Yeah. This was just a blah' chapter that sprouted from me listening to depressing music and watching unhappy anime. Sorry if it blew.

Iggie