Title: I Could Still See the Postcards
Author: Roguester
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Travis, Lily, Ray, or Bridget. But I think the devil does.
Recommended background music: I Love You... Too by Tokyo Rose

Chapter 9: Parting Words In Permanent Ink

(Travis)

I'm not much for goodbyes. I never was.

I just hate the finality of it all: that empty feeling you get when you lose everything, and that nagging thought of 'this is it... this is the end.' You realize that you have to start your life all over again but you don't even know where to begin. It's almost apocalyptic in a sense... immense, conclusive, and scary.

Now the only question is, "Will I survive this Armageddon?"

They say that once you say goodbye you can finally move on, but that's not really the case. When you say goodbye a part of you dies. And you just end up feeling trapped and alone... like you have nowhere else to go but here. Wherever 'here' is.

It used to be so easy before all of this happened. Before Roscoe. Everything used to be so simple: I just pack up and leave without saying a word and that's it. No tears, no goodbyes. It's the same painful experience minus the melodramatic lines. Lines like 'I love you,' or 'I'll see you,' or 'I'll call you soon'... even though you know you won't. Or at least you don't intend to because it's just too painful to pick up the phone.

But I'm in a different place now. Somewhere between home and hell, I'm sure, but unfamiliar nonetheless. Somewhere that's supposed to be Germany, as my father so graciously informed me, but I'm too depressed to even care. It doesn't matter anymore anyway. I've moved far too many times in my life that the places I've visited have lost all their significance. This is why I must do this. This is why I must say goodbye – so that everything will start to matter again, regardless of where I'm living.

And I have to make it painful. I have to make it painful enough so that I won't forget anything that had happened in the past. So that I won't forget how much it really hurts. Because I won't go down that road again. Because I won't be a coward this time...

Because I can't say goodbye if I had forgotten who I'm saying goodbye to.

And it has to be permanent. It has to be a clean break. I'm not much for goodbyes and I hate the finality of it all, but it has to be done. I just can't hold on to the false hope that I'm going to see her again when I know that I'm not. I just can't hold on to the false hope that it's going to last forever when I know that it won't. Our relationship was doomed before it even began, no matter how much I wanted it to work. No matter how much I wanted it to happen.

I turned on my laptop and logged on the Internet, but decided against the informality of sending an email. It's efficient, yes, but it lacks a sort of sentimental value. Yet I question if I should even be sentimental at all. Would that be too sappy? Should I be more direct? Should I start with an anecdote then segway into the heartbreaking farewell? How do I even start? Where do I even begin?

To My One and Only Love?

To My Best Buddy?

To (your name here)?

I grabbed my bag from the floor and took out a piece of lined paper. With a heavy sigh and a tinge of sarcasm, I labeled it 'rough draft.'

To Whom It May Concern – I regret to inform you that all communication lines will heretofore be terminated. It has been a pleasure being your friend.

To My Heart, My Soul, My Love – You are my sun... you are my air. You are my one and only sustenance and I'd die without you. But I must now cut the life line that connects us ever so. I must now learn how to survive apart from you. I will treasure our love forever and ever and ever, Amen.

Greetings, Earthling – I have now usurped all of your natural resources and therefore I no longer have any use for you. If for some reason you should come looking for me again, I'll be at a neighboring planet. And remember... the truth is out there. I just... ate it all up, so there's really nothing left.

Hey you – Listen, I know that we've grown closer in our very short time together but I just wanted to let you know that... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

They're just words. A maze of empty, unnecessary words leading up to the same dreadful goodbye. I could definitely do a lot better – starting with the truth. With a new resolve, I took a blank postcard from my binder and drew a deep breath. This is it. The love letter that would break her heart. My parting words in permanent ink.

To My Dearest Friend – You are beautiful. I am a far better person now than I was before simply because you exist. You are true... you are pure. Our journey as individuals shall continue to thrive. But I'm afraid that our journey as a single soul shall end here. A thousand goodbyes shall never be enough. Love, Travis.

I let out a sigh of relief as I waited for the ink to dry. Without any second thoughts, I read the postcard one more time... and addressed it to Bridget.

P.S. I kissed Lily. I'm in love with her. But you already knew that, didn't you?

And finally... closure.

(to be continued...)

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A/N: I believe that Caalan asked for some Skittles, so here it is. Taste the bittersweet rainbow.

This chapter was intended to resemble Chapter 4 – if you noticed, both Travis and Bridget are writing to each other and they're both saying goodbye in a way. Also, I wanted Travis to be the one to officially break it off. I wanted him to actually step up to what he's done (i.e. kissing Lily) and be truthful about it. And finally, I didn't want him to be the same Travis in Season 2 who wouldn't break up with Audrey because he was such an idiot. History repeats itself, but that doesn't mean we can't alter it ;)

Two more chapters to go, I think.