A/n- Yup, there is more. There is ALWAYS more.

Rating- PG-13 for some depressive stuff, as per the norm with this damn fic.

Disclaimer- Alright, if you don't know, then what in bloody hell are you doing even reading fanfiction? HONESTLY!




Seeing Grey - Part LXXI - In-A-Sense








Rolling his eyes and cursing his inability to sneak away, Remus stopped.

he sighed.

Trying to run off before anyone Caleb asked, the telltale click of cane indicating he was coming after the boy.

Er... No.

You've gone weak, my friend. Lying is supposed to be a commonplace skill among most of us. he said with a catty smile, meeting Remus at the door.

Personal favour, please? Remus groaned, wanting to walk away without inhibition.

Stop running away. Caleb said, dropping his humour and donning an unusually earnest expression. You've run away from everything, too many times for me to tolerate.

It's just what I do. Remus said, frowning slightly.

Well stop! he interrupted. Break a habit, for the love of God... You're not going to find life to ease up, so you might as well stop running from your problems. Conflicts are only resolved with confrontation.

It's easier to run, Caleb. Remus said, eyes locked onto the floor. There's too much going on right now, I don't have the nerve to do anything but run.

No matter how fast you run, you'll never be swift enough to break away. Caleb informed him, briefly looking to the side.

I can't find the heart to stand up to anything...

Well find it soon. he said very shortly, hobbling off unsteadily just before Rhint slummed her way down the stairs.

Remus, I can't find my other shoe, do you... she asked, pausing at the rail's end. Her startling grey eyes narrowed in confusion, her face mirroring the thought. Are you going somewhere?

Remus took in a long breath, and decided to end one of the lies he lived.

I have to go to Hogwarts, the train leaves in three days and it's a long trip without Apparating.

Her face fell, and the rare smile she had upon seeing him diminished.



You knew I was going, I told you before. he offered in his own defense. I have to go, this is my last year. I can't drop out after working so long just to graduate.

But, that Caleb fellow, he said that you're supposed to run the Underground! Rhint squeaked, her face scrunched up. Remus turned away, ashamed of the betrayed look.

Because he can't heal properly without proper medical treatment, and that you need to take his place... You're supposed to stay here.

His face set sadly, Remus shook his head. I'm going where I belong-

You don't belong out there! she interrupted angrily. None of us belong outside, everyone... Everyone...

Not everyone hates us, Rhint. Remus answered, his voice shallow. There are people at Hogwarts that I care about, that treat me like I'm perfectly normal. Most of the time, hell, I can just be a normal student! he exclaimed, biting his lip in thought. I'm the Quidditch Captain for my House, and I do well in all my classes. All I want... All I want to do is graduate, like everyone else.

Why? You want to graduate, just so you can realise you can never get a job like everyone else, because of the curse? Never fit in anywhere, always be looked down upon? she muttered.

I dreamed for years about what it would be like to go to Hogwarts. Never would I have once believed that I'd actually go... It was my only answered prayer Rhint, I have to finish this off. I owe it to myself.

Resentfully, she turned away, her face scrunched up in emotion. My one prayer was answered, and now it's abandoning me again. she snapped.

I'm not going to stay. he said firmly, trying to convince himself of it. I have to go, Rhint, I need to make it to the Port station... There are some things I need to take care of as well.

Then leave. she snapped again, not turning to bid him farewell as he left the house.

Goodbye, Rhint.

She answered with silence and a hateful glare, a look seldom shared between those of the Curse.




Remus muttered, staring at the scrappy door before him. The three of the flat number hung loosely on a broken screw, swinging when Remus finally found the courage to knock.

Go way... Pay next week. came a very slurred response from inside.

Disappointed, Remus closed his eyes. Rom, it's me.

Almost immediately, the door flew open.

Oh God Remus, I'm so sorry. he sobbed pathetically, clinging to his younger brother, fearing the illusion would vanish. He let out a startled mutter, realizing the real Remus was before his reddened eyes.

I didn't... I swear I didn't... he grumbled, face buried in Remus' shoulder.

Remus knew he was drunk; he had smelled the liquor before the door had even open. Now, it was more apparent than ever. his eyes were bloodshot, and he seemed very unsteady on his feet.

You've been drinking, Rom. he pointed out absently.

His brother, once the strongest and greatest man Remus knew, simply nodded.

Remus, I'm so sorry. he repeated.

Go home to your wife. She's worried.

Romolus sobbed again at this remark, still hanging onto Remus' shirt, his eyes always diverted in shame.

I can't Remus, I can't go back... I let her down, I let him...

Her parents already contacted the Ministry's Missing Persons.

You have to forgive me Remus! he said very suddenly, gripping onto Remus' sleeve desperately. Please, Moony, you have to, I didn't... I didn't...

Remus met his eyes, watered red stones pleading into his own grey.

I can't do that. he said simply, neither frowning nor displaying any emotion at all. You would have killed me, Romolus, and my kind. I cannot forgive that.

Remus, no!

Grief and drunkenness are no excuses for what you did. he went on, his heart aching at the words he spoke. I'm sorry, brother, but I cannot forgive you.

I can't forgive myself.' he thought.

Romolus, sobbing again like a frightened child, let his hands slip from Remus' arm. His grasp once so fevered and compelling, died away.

Remus... I swear Remus, I didn't...

I have to go. came the monotonous reply. Goodbye, Romolus.

You have to! he interrupted, his voce cracking. Remus, please!

I can't forgive you just yet. Remus repeated, turning away from his only family.

Goodbye, Romolus.

He left him kneeling at the broken door, left him to waste away inside his filthy little flat with the broken door number.

Most of all, he left his brother, his savior and saint, alone.

I'm sorry, Romolus, but I just can't. he said through gritted teeth, not looking back once.





What do you think's wrong with him? Sirius asked quietly, leaning in towards his two friends.

Peter said. He's been like that since we boarded.

Do you think someone died? People die fairly often around him, you know.

No, this is more of the inner-turmoil look. James concluded, scratching his head thoughtfully. I'm guessing something with the Underground.

What about that girl? Sirius suggested.

He's too intelligent to get petty over a girl. Peter interrupted.

She was good-looking, though. Sirius recalled, smiling dimly.


Remus looked over, perfectly capable of hearing their conversation. How soon they forgot that he could hear things beyond human range.

Beyond human.

With a solemn sigh, he returned to looking out the window, contemplating why God would allow such beasts to exist.




Mr. Lupin, I'd like a word with you in my office, if you wouldn't mind.

Sirius and James smirked, Peter joining in a moment later. The three of them were jealous, yes, but glad that at least one of them had the joy of being in closed quarters with the beautiful professor.

Potter, Black... Stare like that again and you'll be serving Filch in detention. she snapped, turning briefly to face the lot. Not wanting to waste any more time, she grabbed Remus by the forearm and marched him off.


What'd you want? he asked, his voice dull, gaze inattentive.

You look about ready to murder yourself. she said simply, sitting on top of her desk as she normally would during class.

Remus looked at her, startling her with his vacant eyes.

Christ boy, what happened now? Surly it couldn't have gotten worse than before.

With all due respect, Ms. Horder, you couldn't possibly understand.

Oh, try me, please. I've had one hell of a summer, so try your best to beat it. she laughed sarcastically.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Remus responded very simply. For some reason, I've just realised that I don't know why I'm here.

In school, or alive in general?



Join the ranks, my friend. she said with a long sigh unbefitting her age completely. The War is going to blossom soon, and this school is going to become a hellhole. I know you feel like dung most of the time, but kid, you need to liven up a little.



Ms. Horder interrupted, peering at him. Yeah, it is difficult to be happy all the time, but you owe it to everyone else to try. People look up to you Lupin. You're on of the smartest and most clever students I've met, and you have quite a knack for fighting. she added with a respecting smile. As soon as the strikes start hitting the home front, I'm placing you in lead of the student body.

Why me? Remus asked, his eyes affixed on the floor again.

You're a leader.

No I'm not...

In your city, the Underground or whatnot, everyone there respected you. Can't you see that, Lupin? Even the elders spoke of you with the greatest of praise. They count on you to support them, and to protect them. Your friends look up to you for support, and to make their petty little pranks a success. Whether or not you see it yourself, you're a leader.

He didn't respond, simply choosing to ponder what was being said.

Well, you'd better get back to the Welcoming Feast. she said after a long silence. I'll call you down later on about your duties.

before he reached the door, Ms. Horder stopped him again.

You were elected as the Head Boy, Lupin. I figured you wouldn't want the hassle, so I told Dumbledore to pick someone else. I thought you would like to know.

Thank you. he said, shutting the door behind him.

That boy... I don't know how the hell he manages.




Remus, are you alright? You've been acting strange today. Peter asked quietly, tapping Remus on the side to make sure he was paying attention.

I'm fine Peter.

Sirius picked up on the whispered conversation, and interjected with his imperfect canine.

C'mon Moony, what happened? We'll find out soon enough, you know.

I'm fine. Remus insisted, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. His gaze was locked upon the Slytherins, Snape in particular. Something was amiss.

Just spit it out.

Later. Now be quiet, someone might notice us.

Sirius muttered something nonsensical, and went back to watching the end of the Sorting Ceremony.

He noticed, with a saddened heart, that the Slytherin House had grown quite a bit in comparison to the rest.

The War's about to come... he mumbled.

You've WHAT?

Look, don't try to back me out of this. Padfoot and Lil and I all went down and enlisted together, Peter even signed up for work with the Ministry. We need Aurors if we're going to win the fight Moony, you should know how badly we need them.

But... You just got married, and-

Are you going to join?

You know I can't. Not with the Curse, they'll think me with the Dark. I couldn't anyway. But you guys-

We'll be alright Moony, stop worrying! Nothing is ever going to break the Marauders apart, you know that.


Darkly, Remus waited for Dumbledore to gain the attention of the anxious crowd.

Welcome newcomers, returning faces. I am pleased to see that everyone is in good health. he began, clearing his throat once or twice. He was uneasy, his brilliant blue eyes fighting to hide the tiresome worry they so felt.

Before you all begin the Feast, I would like to say a few words. he went on, his bright green wizard hat falling over his eyes momentarily. As some of you may have noticed in the newspaper or otherwise, Here he paused, and Remus felt his gaze fall upon him. there is the beginnings of a war brewing outside these castle walls. I am not saying this to cause fright, simply to inform you that we may find ourselves in a troubled time soon enough. You, all of you dear students, are the future of our world. The decisions you are about to make will alter the very course of history, whether they be wise or not.

The Great Hall, having expected one of the crazy old man's nonsensical greetings, was caught off-guard at his solemn statements. Every table stared, their attention in full.

Hogwarts will always be open to challenge your minds. and to protect you from whatever dangers may arise. You, on the other hand, are responsible for your own fate. I ask that you chose it wisely. And with a bemusing smile and a wink, he walked away from the stage, the Sorting Hat under arm.

Was he serious? a second year girl whispered, one of the first to break the awful silence hanging in the Hall.

Don't doubt him. James said quickly, offended by her to some level. If we doubt Dumbledore... Then the world really is on path for war.



Remus sighed, walking quietly through the dark halls. For several hours he had been absently pacing the winding paths of the school, not particularly caring where his feet led him on the cold night.

Fire lights hung on the wall, casting flickering shadows all around. For a moment, he thought his eyes were just playing tricks on him, until he caught the scent of another roaming person.

Albus, can we honestly let this go on?

If Hogwarts is unsafe, then there is no good left in the world. I have to remain here, and the school must remain here, despite what the Ministry claims. Those who have acknowledged the conflict are going to e like this for quite some time, if all is correct. Do not let it startle you, Celia.

Remus caught a sarcastic laugh, and he followed the echo closely.

They've given me the one-over before. Hell, they've done it to the whole world.

Ah, our young friend Remus, I take?

His feet moved a little quicker, finally bringing him to rest behind a concealing tapestry near the open door.

Do you know what he's been doing, Albus?

I'm afraid I haven't the slightest clue, my dear. I try to leave the child alone for the most part, his affairs are his own.

Yes, well... You know I was enlisted to a new Squad over the holiday?

Of course.

Well, I was assigned to take care of the little werewolf problem the Worldwide Ministry has been having.

Ah, yes... Quite a troubling matter for the officials in charge, I've heard.

Quite a troubling matter for me. Ms. Horder scoffed.

Remus dared himself a look into the conversation, and found her angrily crossing her arms in the doorway of some office. From what he could see of her shadowed face, her eyes were thoroughly enraged by the memory.

The things they subject those poor souls to! Are you even aware of how they treat-

Celia, don't be rash. Dumbledore said gently, folding his hands together behind his desk. Since the curse was made known all those years ago, my dear, both our kind and the Muggles have feared werewolves.

Bastards.'

For what reason? she spat, snarling slightly. I'm guilty of fearing them myself, I was even uneasy about Lupin at first. But hell, sir, I had no idea that they were executed and tortured so...

So, Mr. Lupin is involved in this ordeal? Dumbledore questioned, his voice showing more than a hint of curiosity.

Suddenly, as he hadn't noticed at all, Remus felt his heart racing frantically. All the times he had feared being expelled if discovered by the students, or from Sirius' misadventures... Not from criminal charges such as this.

No, please! Please don't...' he heard himself say mentally. Sweaty, clammy hands clung to the tapestry, and he couldn't keep himself from peering into the room again.

I just ran into him, that's all. Ms. Horder said with perfect level. But what I did find... It's disgusting, what all the escaped have to put up with. Even Lupin, sir. He may be blessed by God himself to have found haven here, but...

Dumbledore nodded, his smile fading for a pensive moment. Almost as if he knew Remus was there, he looked straight out the door to where he would have seen the boy.

But he had run, as he had so many times before.

Mr. Lupin may be blessed, Celia, but you and I both know there is much more to him than he would like us to think.

What troubled grounds we roam...

Chuckling, the old man smiled. Quite a poetic woman, when not subjecting young witches and wizards to Auror training.

It is not Auror training. she interrupted, loosing her thoughtful look in an instant.

You're preparing them for the war, are you not?

Ms. Horder said, turning back to look through the door as well. She figured correctly that her conversation had been overheard, by whom she couldn't guess.

I'm teaching them that life will never be fair, no matter what they try to make out of it. Their innocence is being torn away, I merely want them to win it back.





A/n- Yay for Iggie, for she is BACK! After sustaining multiple mental and physical injuries (down with team sports!) I managed to throw this thing together. Yea, return of Ms. Horder, school, and Marauder-esque mayhem (well, soon anyway).

Thank for reading, enjoy all further updates too.

Iggie



Fic of the Day--- Cheers - by Earth: A good ol' short fling-fic about angst and Harry being dead and such. I really don't do this fic justice with such a lame summary, so all I can say is go read. It's quick and wicked :)




WAI! This chapter is dedicated to mis amigos Zloca and PMSingChipmunk. SMILE, GOD DAMMIT! BE HAPPY AND REJOICE! I COMMAND IT UNTO THEEEEEEEEEEEE!

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