A/n- Again, I should be studying... You know, I can blame you guys when I fail my exams. It's a terrible excuse, but I'm desperate!!




Seeing Grey - Part LXXVII - Flightless




This isn't fair! I'm not going to let him-

Rhint, come on, I doubt he really meant it. Remus lied, trying to calm her down.

Furiously, she swung back around, and glared at him with the viciousness of a dragon that had just been violated.

HE CAN'T JUST KICK YOU OUT! she roared, her face swollen with rage. And how could YOU let him?

Letting out a very long sigh, Remus hung his head down in an attempt to collect his thoughts.

I was ridden to that bed for three days, so I've had more than enough free time to think this over. he started, taking a seat on the beaten sofa-chair. He's right in the sense that I'm hurting myself by coming here any longer, both physically and mentally. It's really hard for me to keep switching roles... One day I'm the Hogwarts student, and the next I have to play savior.



I can't do it any more Rhint, it's killing me. He looked up briefly, and frowned inwardly at her watery eyes. I don't want to leave, Rhint, you know that. Leaving you and the boys behind is the last thing I want to do-

Then why are you? she snapped, turning away. You aren't even trying to stay, just going to abandon me... And...

You know it's not true. Remus said gently. I don't want to leave, but I have to.

Her voice was quiet, almost harsh now.

I promised myself a long time ago that I would make something of myself, and I can't do that here.

You've been our leader, isn't... Isn't that enough for you? she asked bitterly, looking over shoulder for a moment. He didn't allow himself to meet the accusing glare.

I need to see what's out there for me, once and for all. I might fail, and end up coming home. Caleb will let me back then, but only then. Unless there's no choice left for me, I'm going to find my own way, my own life. What we have here is a very shallow existence and it just isn't enough for me.

With a sort of swiftness and light of foot only those of the curse could achieve, he stepped behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

I'm sorry, Rhint, but I need to try. he whispered sadly. She didn't flinch at his touch, he noticed, and it tore his heart to understand that he had finally gained her trust at the worst possible moment.

You're going to come back. she said to herself, forcing her mind to accept it. It just isn't right...

I have to get back to school. Remus said after a pause, resting his head on her shoulder. It would only tear him apart, and the pain would never go away.

I can't come back.'



I'm sorry.

He held her in silence for some time, until at last the small clock rang out the hour.

Remus, please don't go. she asked, the last time.

Shaking his head, he kissed her on the forehead, and swallowed his nerve.

I'll write, promise.

This isn't fair.

I know. he responded deftly, unable to think of the proper thing to say, to make the hurt vanish. Maybe there wasn't anything to say, he mused, for once there were no right words to end the distress. But I have to try, at least, I owe it to myself.

Come on Rhint, don't cry. he asked, forcing a smile that did nothing to ease her tears. We'll still see each other, I can come in to visit.

I'm gonna kill him. she said softly, and idle threat in anger.

Caleb didn't do anything, he just showed me the true reality. Remus muttered. Don't hold it against him, this is my own doing. I need to leave before I risk everything.

Nodding, not finding the strength to do anything but, she clung to him for a few seconds.

Just... Just come back. I'm tired of being abandoned, I can't...

Remus returned the embrace, and slowly pushed her away.

I have to go. he repeated, smiling, too sad to even frown.

Never say good-bye.

Chuckling in dismay, Remus forced himself out the door. He held it open for a moment, to hear one faint sob, and then sealed his own fate.

he said to God, cursing his own misfortune. This is too damn hard.



Where have you been? Snape hissed with his slimy scowl in place. You've missed so much fun, with the last attack twenty-three became orphans. It was a joyous occasion.

Remus disregarded the sarcastic comments, and busied himself with the assigned potion.

Too scared to speak, beast?

Eyes flashing dangerously, he issued an unspoken threat.

The Ministry will find you. Snape countered. If I could, I would turn you in myself. But don't despair, beast, they'll find you.

Casually, he reached into his bag under the impression of retrieving an ingredient, slipping the latest Daily Prophet onto the floor.

See that Lupin? They're going to find you. he hissed in delight. Sending out an investigation team, from the Defense Department. They'll track you and your friends down, with or without my help.

You're a filthy bastard. Remus said under his breath, smiling sweetly at Professor Dewsbin. Do you know what they do to us?

His smug grin faltered, and he merely shook his head. I can only hope it's as unpleasant as-

They give us an experience far worse than death. Remus said in the coldest voice he could muster. Every thing you could ever possibly imagine to torture me with, my friend, they find far worse.

Idly, he held out his hands, and rolled back the sleeves.

Snape cringed at the sight. Entire layers had burned away from the silver, leaving flaked peels to hold his flesh together. Creases were filled with pus, crackling lacerations lining where the cuffs had rested. The skin itself had shriveled from the silver, leaving it to look that of a corpse's.

Drop them a little note, Severus, and I assure you, this will be nothing compared to the sights you would cause. he whispered, smiling in an almost satisfied way at how openly repulsed the Slytherin was. Now, next time you have the desire to send the Ministry an anonymous owl, remember that.

Severus, is there a problem? the fumbling professor asked, eyes squinted. You look rather pale...

It's just the newt, sir, it always turns his stomach. Remus answered.

As Dewsbin left, Remus scratched his seared neck, flicking a scab of skin off at the Slytherin.

Remember that.



They're really out to get him. Remus said to himself, watching the emerald blurs maneuver and single out their prey. In mesmerizing formations, they would fall in, and pull back just before impact, keeping the team leader too distracted to help his comrades.

Yeah, they must still be mad about Felspan. Peter concluded, taking a bite out of his pastry. When you were out, Ivorson turned one of their sixth years in, he caught him with a Dark magic book and some charmed thing.

You're kidding...

Nope, he went straight to Dumbledore with it. Sirius said, shifting uneasily as the Hufflepuff Chaser and Head Boy was rammed from both sides. The whole lot of Slytherin has been after him for some time.

Except Lily. James defended quickly, smiling as his girlfriend flew by expertly.

True, Remus noted, she seemed unaffected by the Slytherin hatred. She was the only person on the team playing fair, the only one in classes not to snigger when a Gryffindor was wrong.

She should watch her back. he muttered to himself.

If they even try to lay a finger on her, they'll regret it. James snapped, overhearing the comment. They all know that damn-well.

Just look out for her Prongs, alright? Keep an eye on her, I'd hate to see something foul happen.



What do you mean you took a wrong turn? We've taken this route thousands of times! James chastised.

Well maybe if Pete wasn't stepping on me every two seconds I could pay attention.

Hey, it isn't my fault we don't fit under this anymore.

Then go out with Remus! None of the professors ever stop him, he can do whatever he wants around here. Sirius hissed.

Remus said quietly, prodding the invisible mass he knew to be his friends. They silenced themselves, namely James and Peter covered Sirius' mouth.

Lupin, what are you doing out at this hour? I know damn well Madame Pomfrey would throw a fit if she knew you weren't sleeping.

I needed a snack. he said with a shrug, pulling one of the sandwiches from his pocket and offering half. Ms. Horder readily bit into it.

House elves don't like me, I'm afraid. They never give me anything... I tried once to convince them they should be paid for working, and they always shove me out of the kitchens now.

So why are you roaming Hogwarts at this hour? he questioned, walking on. behind his back, he motioned for James and the others to follow.

she said, pointing to the envelope protruding from her breast pocket.

That's a Ministry seal. he observed with a frown. Have they called you back to duty?

She smiled grimly, and nodded. You're pretty quick, for a Gryffindor. I always figured you more of the Ravenclaw material... Except they can't fight.

A trait born from my curse. he said to himself. It's one of the very advantages, I suppose, being able to defend myself.

You're pretty indestructible, too, assuming that's related.

He nodded a yes, and shrugged slightly. I can speak to dogs, and I have their sensitivity of scent and sound.

Well, I doubt the Anderson team intended for those. Ms. Horder said off hand licking her fingers clean of bread crumbs.



She titled her face away, trying to hide the obvious truth. More had been said than she was allowed, and Remus knew it.



I can't tell you, kid, so forget I mentioned it. she said hurriedly, trying to walk quicker, though he matched her stride with ease. Don't even try to get a word out of me, Lupin. I've risked more than my fair share of hide for you.

And don't think me ungrateful, Remus said with a very serious frown across his placid face. but with all respect due, this is... You've seen what they do.

Kid, I want there to be a perfect cure just as much as you do. she interrupted, grabbing him by the shoulder. But you need to listen to one thing I say, if not for the rest of the year. Don't pry into this any longer.

Shaking his head, Remus backed out of her grasp. I understand what Caleb meant, and I respect the fact that he cares for me enough to force my life along a different path. I can't, however, let this go. You know something about the origin of our scourge, and any little detail might couple with what I know. Do you really expect me to sit by and disregard a chance, even a slim chance, to help everyone?

Eyes displaying a confused array of thoughts, the Defense professor swallowed to calm herself.

I don't expect you to, but there's no alternative. She paused, trying to think of a way to break the uneasy silence. Get back to your dorm before I have you in detention.

Turning, she stopped in her tracks, the trip almost colliding into her.

That goes for you three as well.

Smiling sheepishly under the cloak, Sirius bowed low and made a rude gesture.

You'll find that hand broken if you do that again, Black. she hissed as she walked off, grinning inwardly.



Remus cursed repeatedly as rummaged through the contents of his beaten trunk. He had broken the lock off with the greatest of ease, not having the patience to search for the key.

God damn it, where is it? he yelled out, throwing his few spare robes across the dormitory floor.

Are you looking for the journal? James asked from the door. Hesitantly, he took a step in, questioning his own judgment. It was close to the full moon, and he knew better than to violate Remus' space at times like this.

Eyes burning, Remus faced him, and dropped the trunk to the floor.

After what Ms. Horder said, I just wanted to check through it again... I should have asked, but you weren't around.

Remus mumbled, standing up. A downpour of dust and debris flowed off of him, broken remains from his trunk.

There wasn't any mention in it, I read through more than once. James informed.

Disregarding the forewarning, Remus took the mangled journal and started to read through the stained pages.

God dammit, she should just tell me!

Why? So you'll just have something else to worry about?

Dammit James, she could know something important! I might be able to-

If there was an easy way that you could find a cure, Sirius said, stepping into the room from his lingering position around the door. she would have told you.

There's something dangerous involved in this, Moony. James continued, leaning against the open door. With the war going on, and everything with you struggling here, there's no room for you to worry about this again.

As soon as any of us are bitten, Remus began, looking down to the scars across his hands. it's like a new mission is embedded in our minds, something we can't help. I need to find a way to end this curse, you guys, I have to.

Don't put the weight of the world on your shoulders. Sirius mused, his chest rising from a silent sigh. It isn't your burden to bear.

I have to make it my burden... I have to try.

He lowered his eyes as he left the dorm, the journal clutched tightly between his hands.

I have to try. he repeated to himself.

As he left, James and Sirius stayed back in slight disbelief.

I don't think he's ever going to learn that he can't save the world by himself.

Maybe we should just give up and help him. Sirius suggested with a quirky smile. It could be fun... Besides, some of those werewolves back at the Underground are unnaturally good-looking.

James raised an eyebrow, and chuckled momentarily. Padfoot, my friend, I think you've developed an attraction to canine-like women.

Oh, so why aren't you off chasing white-tailed girls? Hm? Lily doesn't have any hooves that I don't know about, right?

James smacked him with a pillow, and after only a few counter strikes, there was another war waging in the wizarding world.



Remmie,

Dad said you arnt alowed to come back any more. He said that your happyer staying at Hogwarts and your friends, but that you still love us. I dont know why you left Remmie, but I hope you come back. I miss you. Jason does to, and so does Mellie and Rhint. She gets red when we talk about you. Daddy says its because she likes you. I dont like girls, there gross. But I hope you come back for Christmas anyway. Were going to get you a really nice presant.

We miss you.

Corey and Jason


Smiling, Remus tucked the letter into his robe pocket.

I think you're the only one here that looks forward to mail. Peter said idly, watching out of the corner of his eye for his own owl, wishing it not to arrive with any unpleasant news.

I don't have a legal family outside of my brother, so I don't have to worry about the Ministry ever sending me any death notices. Remus explained with a shrug. Rom is more than capable of taking care of himself, so I really don't need to worry.

What if someone from Jericho gets caught in an attack? James asked inbetween flicking food at Sirius down the table. He had been going after one of the sixth-years again, and James wanted to ruin his chances, as any true friend would.

The Ministry wouldn't tell me. Remus said. And someone else would, it wouldn't be a Black Write... I guess I'm always going to be the exception. For the most part, I'm on a different plane than everyone else in this school.

That isn't necessarily a bad thing. Peter gulped, a trio of mail carriers flying in through the window, all carrying letters marked by the dreaded black seals.





A/n- Yeah, I know these chapters keep getting shorter and shorter... As I'm sure some of you have realised, this story is nearing it's absolute end, meaning, well, I have begun to think about a conclusion. Yes, yes, I know, such a sad thought! Heh... Frankly I'll be relieved to end this, as it has been overrunning my life for the past year and so.

Expect the final chapter by the end of the summer, prepare yourselves in advance for the shock. o_O

Iggie



Reader Responses:

Only Human: Again, I'll single you out. Heh, off of the Biblical note, and back to your it's confusing comment'. Don't worry, it's supposed to be confusing. With confusion, I can build depth in later chapters. Till then, I get to leave you all guessing. Now come on, it's more fun this way! :P