Part 3

Buffy balanced the tray in one hand as she moved to push open the door to Angel's room. He was staying in what had been a spare room when she had lived here as child. She didn't think she'd ever known this house have so many people in it. Sure when she had lived here with her parents, there had been parties, but never this many people living here. Faith and Robin had her parent's old room, Willow had Dawn's room, Xander was in one of the spare rooms and Angel now had the other, she of course was staying in her own room. It was so strange walking in and finding so little changed from when she had moved out. Her father had got the house in the settlement, Buffy wasn't sure why; it had to be worth a fortune and her Mom had come to Sunnydale with very little money wise.

Now this big old house was home to the reunited Scoobies, the bedraggled remains of a force that had stopped apocalypses and kept the streets of Sunnydale safe for humanity for the better part of the last decade. Now combined with a few new faces and some much missed old ones, the Scoobie gang was back on Californian soil, but it wasn't the evil ass-kicking machine it once was. No, Buffy couldn't remember the last vampire she'd staked, it must have been about 8 months before, she was sure. Back in Rome, back when she was finding out who she really was, back before the immortal and all of its repercussions.

Sighing Buffy shook herself out of her thoughts. She was carrying a tray with Angel's breakfast on it and it was going to be spoiled if he didn't get it soon. Knocking quietly she pushed open the door and entered.

She watched from the door way as he stirred. He looked so much healthier than when she first arrived. There was colour in his cheeks, he'd gained a little weight, not much but he didn't look quite so skeletal, and his eyes, god his eyes, they had life in them, that sparkle that lit them from within and softened his whole face. But those eyes never smiled, at least not at her.

She missed him, she'd gone to Italy to find herself and she had in a way. She'd learned a lot about herself in those few months but mostly she learned that she still loved Angel, and she wanted him back. Sadly the Immortal had found her and put her in his thrall. By the time Willow had freed her, stories were coming in thick and fast of Angel's defection to the dark side.

It had all been nonsense of course, but it had prevented her from resolving the issues that lay between them. Now the wounds had festered and she was nervous about the chances of any kind of recovery. Time. That was what everyone kept telling her, but what good would time do if Angel wouldn't even talk to her?

Moving over to the bed she placed the tray on the nightstand and gently reached out a hand to Angel's shoulder. Squeezing lightly she tried to wake the dozing ex-vampire.

"Angel."

"hmmmfrdmmmg" Came his unintelligible reply. Buffy smiled, it seemed Angel really wasn't a morning person, either that or the meds he was on were really strong.

"Angel"

This time Angel opened his eyes a fraction and peered at her from under sleep-laden lashes.

"Buffy"

Buffy swallowed, he said her name like he used to, full of hope and love and wonder, so unlike how he'd said it of late, all cold and distant and almost hateful.

Angel had woken to the sensation of someone squeezing his shoulder and calling his name softly. Opening his eyes a fraction and he'd seen her. Buffy. For a moment he had forgotten, the past, the hurt, the broken promises and shattered dreams. But then it came back and hit him like a freight train. Every once of hurt had collapsed on his already wounded heart and he shuttered.

Noticing his face suddenly turn cold once more, Buffy sighed. It had been too much to hope that things could change to dramatically over night. Whatever she had seen on his face and in his eyes, what ever she had heard in voice just seconds before was just an illusion or maybe a throwback to a past he wanted to forget. Either way, full wakefulness had chased whatever softness there had been from his demeanour and she was once again left in the cold.

Angel struggled to sit upright and winced as his stitches pulled and his body protested at the sudden movement. Buffy quickly helped him sit up, not oblivious to his discomfort from both his operation and her presence. Once he was settled back against the headboard, his pillows piled behind his back, she turned and retrieved the tray she had brought from the nightstand.

"I brought you breakfast, all low fat and low salt, just like the doctor said." She offered with a smile as she placed the tray on his lap.

"Thanks" Angel pursed his lips for a moment; idly fiddling with the food on his plate with his fork. Looking up he gazed at Buffy. "Where's everyone else?"

Buffy swallowed her hurt at the question and plastered on a fake smile.

"Umm, Xander's at work, Robin is also at work, he got a job at Hemery can you believe? ahhh... Willow is looking at UCLA and Faith went to meet Gunn, he wanted her to talk to some of his kids or something" She finished with a shrug.

Angel just nodded and took a bite of his breakfast. Talking to Buffy was hard, he didn't know what to say, he was trying very hard to be civil, she had given him a place to stay after all. Well truth be told she probably hadn't had any choice, Faith had been insistent that they look after him after his surgery and they weren't going to do it the shit hole he called his apartment. What Angel didn't know, was that it had been Buffy who had first raised the idea of him coming to stay after the operation, so to his mind he was only here because Faith had managed to either convince, coerce or blackmail her into agreeing.

He sighed, she was still standing there, he knew she wanted to say something or ask something, but hadn't yet. He wasn't sure what was stopping her, very little had stopped her from saying hurtful and devastating things in the past. It had been obvious she had something to say to him since she had arrived, considering what he knew about their situation, he couldn't foresee any conversation they had being pleasant, at least for him.

"Are you planning to just stand there and watch me eat?"

"What? No... I uh... I wanted to talk to you." Buffy replied awkwardly. This was harder than she thought it would be. Time and maturity had taught her some restraint, back when she and Angel had actually been an item a comment like that would have induced a hissy fit of righteous indignation, usually accompanied by harsh words said in the heat of moment only to be regretted not minutes later. Several conversations sprung to mind, most notably the last time she had actually seen him in Los Angeles before she had come 5 weeks ago, in a police station, where she ruthlessly threw her new relationship in his face. 'Could I have been a bigger bitch?' That had also been probably the first and only time he'd ever stood up to her, it had been a bitter pill to swallow at the time, throughout their relationship Angel never fought back. It was ironic that they had to break up for Angel to find the self-confidence and self worth to stand up for himself.

Now the temptation to scream and bitch was almost overwhelming, but she held her tongue. Getting both of them worked up could have devastating results. Not to mention inducing a heart attack could be counter productive.

Angel placed his fork down on the tray and moved it to lie on the other side of the bed. Running his hands tiredly over his face he motioned for Buffy to take a seat on the end of the bed. He was so tired, the meds made him drowsy but their pain relief only lasted so long, so he was feeling very sore at that moment. Tired and sore didn't make him feel very inclined to keep a civil tongue in his head, so talking was probably not a great idea. On the other hand it was probably better to get this out of the way, then they could both go back to living their separate lives. If it wasn't for Faith and Willow, once he was well again he had no problem disappearing from Buffy's life and never returning, if that was what she wanted, and the last he knew that was exactly what she wanted. Despite his past reputation for having masochistic tendencies, he would derive no pleasure in remaining in the presence of someone who clearly wanted him out of their life.

The sad truth however was that he still loved her. Once the numbness had faded the pain of all that had happened had almost buried him alive. He still loved her, but he was no fool; he most certainly didn't trust her, nor did he particularly like her at this moment in time. Taking a deep breath he faced the woman he had once been willing to give up his life to protect.

"What do you think we have to talk about? I think that we've said everything that needed to be said. Although it would have been nice to not to have heard most of it from your little lap dog."

"Angel, that's exactly the point! I haven't said anything!" Buffy replied with an exasperated plea.

"I think you've said enough, more than enough."

"When was the last time we spoke, you and me, face to face. Properly?"

"When I came to Sunnydale, I suppose." Angel scowled not sure where this was going. That hadn't been the most constructive of conversations.

Buffy bit her lip and nodded. "18 months is a long time. A lot can happen..."

Angel cut her off, he in no way wanted hear want was about to come out of her mouth. "Things change, people change, I know this."

"That's not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean?"

"Things happened..."

"What happened was that you changed, the moment I wasn't prepared to be your pet vampire anymore, and the first opportunity you got you travelled thousands of miles to kill me."

"Is that really what you think of me?"

"Why shouldn't I? It's what happened. All our history aside, the last time I saw you; you made me believe there was a chance and I believed you. But it was a rouse, to get me out of the way, to make me leave. And you know, I'm happy for you, what ever it is you've found, I'm glad. But don't keep lying to me, I'm tired of it."

"Lying to you? I never..." Buffy shook her head in confusion, could he truly believe she was that callous? What had Giles and Andrew said, what had she said, that could make him believe she had been that manipulative?

"Buffy stop it, I'm too old and I've seen to much to keep buying this. You flutter around like you're my 'friend' like you give a damn, when you don't. I can't promise to disappear; we have mutual friends. But as soon as I'm well, I'm gone. So give it a rest coz I don't know who your fooling as it certainly isn't me." Angel panted slightly, he was getting too worked up, and he had to calm down. He'd been out of hospital less than 24 hours and he didn't need this kind of stress.

Despite all her newfound maturity and restraint, Buffy found her control slipping "No you stop it! I DO care! And I never lied to you! And you're not some faultless innocent here! You walked out on me 6 years ago! You're lucky I didn't just kick your ass out of town when you swanned in all self important back in Sunnydale! Instead I told you! I told you I needed to find myself and I have! I NEVER made any promises, and I didn't lie to you, not once!"

"Well congratulations, you found yourself, I happy for you!" Angel sneered, his chest ached and he was beginning to feel dizzy.

Buffy was about to jump in with another retort when she looked at him, really looked at him. He looked like he was in pain; his head was resting back against the headboard, his eyes closed.

"Angel, god, I'm sorry, this was too soon. Damn it, Angel, where're your meds?"

"Nightstand" Came his grunted response.

Pouring a glass of water and passing him two tablets she helped him drink and then settled back on the bed.

"Better?"

Angel nodded; his jaw clenched tight, his lips pursed in a thin line. Despite this the fight had left both of them, replaced with soul deep sadness. They hadn't resolved anything here today, just managed to give each other the wrong impression and open old wounds.

"Buffy, I'm tired, can you just... just go."

Buffy nodded and stood from the bed, he wasn't looking at her so he didn't see the tears shining unshed in her green-grey eyes.

Angel kept his eyes shut until he heard the door click shut behind her. Opening his eyes again he stared up at the ceiling. He shouldn't have lost his temper; he should have remained cool and collected. Now she knew he still cared, another weapon in her arsenal should she chose to use it. He brought his arm up and threw it over his face in a vain attempt to hide the tears, which leaked unbidden from his eyes.

Buffy walked from Angel's room to her own and threw herself on the bed. She was nearly 24 years old; she wasn't going to cry. But she couldn't help it. Once gain they'd managed to hurt each other without even trying. Why was she trying? When they only seemed to be able to strike blow after blow?

She had to remind herself that it wasn't his fault. That he had believed the lies that Giles and Andrew had fed him. But that was enough for her to want to slap him; if she had believed everything she had heard about him from other people, he would be nothing but dust by now.

Hugging Mr Gordo to her chest as the tears spilled over her cheeks she recited the mantra that had kept her sane over the last five weeks.

"Give him time, give him time, give him time..."

When Faith and Gunn returned they found Buffy in the kitchen making lunch. During the last month they'd made the old Summer's house more wheelchair friendly so Gunn could come and go as he pleased. Meeting at Angel's old apartment was less than appealing and he didn't feel comfortable having the Scoobie gang descend on his aunt's house. He and Angel had come over a lot since the girls, Xander and Robin had moved in, and with Angel now living here, Gunn was more than happy to make the taxi ride to the other side of LA to hang out with people he now saw as friends. To his mind they were good people, Faith, Robin and Willow especially. He found he had a lot in common with the elder black man and also with Faith. Willow reminded him of Fred at times, Xander he could tolerate, but found his derisive comment towards Angel tiring. Buffy, he was reserving judgement on, Angel was one his, first and foremost, whatever happened with the blonde slayer, his loyalties lay with Angel, its what family was like.

"Hey girl, made enough for two hungry warriors?"

Buffy turned and offered the pair a tired smile. "Sure, I didn't know when you'd be back but I made enough for everyone."

"Whats up B? You look wiped!" Faith said dropping herself in chair at the kitchen table. Wiped didn't describe what the elder slayer looked like. Her face was slightly puffy, her shoulders drooped and her hair was less than its usual, immaculate self.

"I'm ok, just..."

"Just..." Faith prodded.

"I spoke to Angel this morning." Buffy said putting a plate of sandwiches on the table and taking a seat.

"OK why am I sensing this conversation didn't go as planned?" Gunn put in as leaned over and grabbed a sandwich.

"Well we didn't really talk, more like yelled." Buffy said sheepishly, knowing all too well how faith and Gunn would react to that; their over protectiveness towards Angel was almost funny, if you didn't know that Faith could quite easily 'kill whoever so much as makes him fidget'.

"B! The man's just come out of hospital!"

"Are you trying to kill him?"

"He yelled first!" She defended herself, looking between the two now slightly pissed people at the table.

"Not the point girl, my boy doesn't need this kind of stress!"

"Easy charley," Faith placated, "Knowing these two we're lucky it didn't come to blows, but that doesn't mean you should have pushed it, B."

"He wouldn't let me explain, he just kept saying I'd lied to him and..."

"And what? Haven't you? Look at it from his point of view, you know if you'd piled that shit about cookie dough on me then run off with some Italian mystery man, who just happened to have fucked both Darla and Dru six ways from Sunday back in the day. I think I'd be pissed as hell too. Not that I give shit about a couple of vapid vampire whores or ..." Faith frowned realising she was rambling. "look, you know what I mean."

"Yeah girl, what was that shit about cookie dough all about? Sounds like some shit out of one of Cordy's magazines, nothing a guy's gonna understand."

"It makes perfect sense!!" Buffy found herself defending herself once again.

"Whatever, the point is, B, you going in expecting Angel to be like he was back in Sunnydale, where he thought the sun shone outta your ass isn't gonna get you anywhere."

"He said people change,"

"And he's right. I'm gonna go talk to him, take him lunch. It'll work out, B, he's loved since he saw you, and that won't ever change."