AN: Mills and Boon publish trashy romance novels. As a statutory guideline to all authors there is no sex before page 75 in any Mills and Boon novel.

Part 4

It had been a full week since Angel had been released from hospital and Buffy and Angel had not spoken since their talk that first morning. Angel slowly made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen; he'd been for his first weekly appointment the day before and had been cleared for minimal exercise, so he was taking every chance he got to escape the confines of his room.

The kitchen was alive with chatter as he entered. Gunn was there again and he, Faith, Buffy and Willow were sat at the large circular kitchen table eating breakfast and talking loudly. Lowering himself into a chair Angel smiled at the kitchen's occupants.

"Morning."

"Hey Angel, sleep well?" Willow asked as Gunn nodded his greeting, and Faith slid the basket of pastries closer to the ex vampire with a smile. The conversation remained light and pleasant although Buffy and Angel never spoke directly to each other or made eye contact. As Angel reached for the Coffee, Faith slapped his hand away.

"Nice try big guy, but no coffee for you, doctors orders." Angel scowled and let out an impressive (for a human) growl.

"Check it out the man can still growl!" Gunn joked cheerily.

"I wonder if he can still purr too?" Buffy added laughingly.

The table descended into silence and Angel's jaw clenched tight. For some reason a conversation he'd had with Faith the week before sprung up in his mind.

1 Week Earlier

Angel looked up from his place at the window seat in his room as Faith entered. She was carrying a tray much like Buffy had done earlier that morning, he hoped this conversation would be more pleasant than the one he'd had with other slayer.

"Hey Bear, brought you lunch." Faith said as she put the tray down on the bed and sat herself down beside it so she was facing him. Angel closed the book he was reading around his finger to hold his place and shifted so he was looking at the brunette slayer.

"So what ya reading?" Faith asked lightly.

Angel glanced at the cover of the book then showed it to Faith, looking a little embarrassed.

"Mills and BOON? Oh man you're reading Mills and Boon?"

"It was all that was in the bookcase, all my books are still at the apartment." Angel said in his defence. "And you know, its quite interesting seeing what some people's view of romance is"

"Tell me about it" Off Angel's incredulous look she defended herself "They had some in the prison library ok? I swear every copy was dog eared after page 75."

"Why, what happens after page 75?"

Faith cleared her throat and shifted uncomfortably. "So, heard you and B, had an interesting conversation earlier."

"Not how I would describe it, but yes, we talked, briefly."

"Look Angel, I've stayed out of this coz its really not my business, but here's some free advice. Just let her say her piece ok? At least try and clear the air a little... with you and B, under the same roof but not talking... We all feel it." Faith got up from the bed and moved to leave the room.

"Faith..."

"Look I said I was staying out of this and I am, just hear what she has to say, then if its still bad between you two well..." she trailed off with a shrug before leaving the room, and leaving Angel to his thoughts.

Present

Angel cleared his throat stiffly and took swig of his orange juice.

"The doctor recommended I do light exercise, so I was thinking of taking a walk later. Maybe in the park across the street."

"Sounds like plan man, you want some company?" Gunn offered, glad of the change in conversation. Things were always tense when Angel and Buffy were in the same room. This was just the last in a long line of uncomfortable moments between the two. No matter the topic of conversation, someone always managed to stick their foot in it at some point. Gunn knew where his loyalties lay, but he was still rooting for the pair to sort their issues out, he didn't even live with them but the tension was killing him.

"Actually, I was hoping Buffy would come with me." Angel said catching the blonde's eye. Angel wasn't oblivious to the tension nor was he ignorant of how stubborn he was being. Faith was right; they needed to at least clear the air. He could be mature about this; he could deal with whatever she had to say. 'I'm nearly 300 years old for crying out loud, I can face a conversation with a ex-girlfriend, right?' He knew in his heart he had to hear her side, then maybe he could move on with his life, no matter what she told him, it was better than spending the rest of his mortal life wondering.

As Angel caught her eye Buffy saw the truth in this invitation, he was giving her the chance to explain. This would be their opportunity to talk, as adults. She wasn't an idiot, they had more issues than could be solved in one conversation, but this was an opportunity to start that process, to at least start talking again.

Offering him a genuine smile, which he didn't return, she agreed.

"I'd like that."

They walked in silence, their pace slow. If Buffy closed her eyes, they weren't walking through the park opposite her house, in the middle of the day; they were in Restfield, or maybe Sunnyrest, in the early ours of the morning. Things had seemed so complicated back then, but looking back she realised the only thing that made it complicated was them. Issues, insecurities, outside opinions, they all played a part in the huge angst fest that was Buffy & Angel 1999. It hadn't needed to be so confusing, their relationship hadn't been before he'd lost his soul, but afterwards things just went from bad to worse whenever they tried to have a relationship. Angel may have dealt the final blow and called the whole thing off, but they had both played their parts in making each other's lives misery for a year. Hindsight was twenty-twenty and she was sure they both had their regrets, she certainly did.

Was Angel right to leave? She couldn't answer that; if she would have to, she would say yes and no. He'd grown so much as a person since leaving Sunnydale; he had his own friends, his own life. She wasn't blind to the fact that in Sunnydale the only person he had any real contact with was herself. Could he have done that in Sunnydale? No, that she was sure of, necessity had made him reach out to others in Los Angeles, and in the long run it had been much to his own benefit and also to the benefit to those he reached out to. As much as the thought of Angel having any kind of feelings towards Cordelia creeped her out something rotten, she couldn't escape the knowledge of how much the cheerleader had changed before she died. How did she know? Well there was sporadic communication between the two groups, mainly through Willow and Cordelia, but never between Angel and herself after that incident in the police station.

But the separation had hurt, hurt more than she could imagine and more than anyone truly realised. For that reason she could say that he was wrong to leave. At the time his leaving had made her livid with rage, he had made the decision for her, decided what was best for her without her input, but maturity and experience had brought the knowledge that relationships rarely end by mutual agreement, one usually leaves the other, and that was how life was. And maybe she too needed the time apart to grow, to stand on her own two feet without her stalwart knight.

Now things were complicated once again, only now it was Angel who held all the cards, any future they had relied on his acceptance of what she had to tell him. If he could and was prepared to try again then they had a lot of work to do, rebuilding the bond they once shared, relearning trust and forgiving past mistakes on both sides.

And maybe his leaving so long ago wasn't the point any more, it had happened; it was in the past. Where 18 months ago it was the issue that could have prevented her from taking him back, now it was The Immortal that was the issue that could prevent Angel from taking her back. Both things had rational explanations, but both events had hurt the other beyond words. Righteous anger had no place where both were at fault.

That was why Angel's silence was so frustrating.

Glancing over to her silent companion, the differences between him and the man (vampire) she had patrolled Sunnydale with so long ago, were as clear as the daylight that shone down around them.

"So..." Buffy offered, not sure how to start or what to say, she was beginning to think she had misunderstood his invitation.

Angel sighed, it was time; time to hear what he had been avoiding for 7 months, time to learn how the woman he loved, loved another.

"Faith says I should hear you out, I think she's right. So..."

"Where do you want me to start?"

"The Immortal, how did you meet him?"

Running her hand through her hair she kept her eyes front, Angel had the right idea, this was a lot easier if they weren't looking at each other.

"I met him in a club, we danced, he bought me a couple of drinks..." She glanced to see how Angel was taking what she was saying but his face was a neutral mask. That more than anything showed her how far apart they'd grown, she used to be able to read him as easily as any book. "It was like, bam, instant attraction."

Angel nodded but kept quiet, whilst inside he prayed for the strength to hear her out.

"I gave him my number, you know he never gave me his name, I found out he was called The Immortal later, before that I never actually had a name for him. He called me the next day... I knew it was him straight away, I didn't have to ask, it was so weird. So... things went from there."

"Do you love him?"

"What?! No!"

"Andrew told me you did, now don't get me wrong, I'm not some idiot that will believe anything, but Andrew doesn't have the intelligence to make up a lie like that. He'd have to have heard it from some one, or got that impression from somewhere."

"Giles."

"Excuse me?" For the first time Angel's voice betrayed emotion, in this case surprise.

"Giles told him to do what ever he could to make you think I hated you. I know he told you I didn't trust you, you have to know that isn't true."

"I have to huh?"

"Angel, the whole thing with The Immortal, it was a thrall... Willow she figured it out, I had no clue I was under a thrall. She said it was really subtle but really powerful..."

Angel suddenly veered off his path and sat heavily on a nearby bench. His mind was whirling in confusion. She had been under a thrall? Andrew had lied, or had believed what he was saying but it hadn't been true? She hadn't lied or manipulated him? She doesn't love The Immortal... SHE DOESN'T LOVE THE IMMORTAL!

Taking a couple of steadying breaths he tried to calm himself down. Regardless of her not loving The Immortal, it didn't mean she still had any feelings for him. The Immortal had been just one of the many men to pass through her life that had lead Angel to the conclusions he had about her. There had been Riley and Spike too.

Buffy came and sat down beside him, he had yet to show any outward reaction, apart from sitting down, to show that he had even heard what she had been telling him.

"You know how Willow knew there was something wrong?"

Angel shook his head.

"I didn't care... Giles had called us all to London when he heard the rumours about you going bad and I didn't care. Willow told me that clued her in straight away because... No matter what happens or happened when it comes to you I always care."

They sat in silence for a while, Buffy watching Angel and Angel just staring at nothing as he mulled over what he had heard. Swallowing thickly he turned to face her for the first time that afternoon.

"When I went to Sunnydale with the amulet, I never expected anything. I don't mean I didn't hope but, I didn't see it happening, too much had happened." Taking a deep breath he continued. "You gave me hope that there was something still there between us, but then I get one postcard in 8 months then Andrew came... We had a slayer and you sent the most inexperienced and annoying person you had, and I knew, he was looking at it like he was on a rescue mission. You sent someone to rescue someone... from me. You tell me that Andrew lied, but you still sent him... If there was still something between us, why did you send him? Why did you feel that Dana needing rescuing, from me?"

Buffy studied Angel's profile, he was swallowing furiously, like he was swallowing all his hurt and tears so they wouldn't show in his voice, but she caught them. A new wave of fury welled inside her directed at her former watcher; he'd really gone to town to make Angel doubt her.

"I didn't know about Dana until she arrived in England, that's when Giles told me that he'd sent Andrew to LA. He wouldn't have told me at all if I hadn't found out from one of the girls. I don't know exactly what happened with that Angel, but I know, that I trust you, then and now. I don't know what else to tell you to make you believe me."

Angel didn't reply, instead he ran their whole conversation around in his head. When he'd heard what The Immortal had done he'd wanted to reach out and comfort her, instinctively knowing she was more affected by what happened then she let on. But he couldn't do that, not yet. He didn't trust that if he did, she wouldn't just turn her back again, just to return when she needed someone to lean on knowing he would always bend. It was a harsh way to see things but he'd learned a few things in their time apart and that was not to let people treat him like a doormat. As he listened to her talk, to her explanations, he tried to wheedle out any insincerity, but he found none.

"What do you want from me Buffy?"

"I don't... I don't know."

Angel nodded, and decided to lay the cards on the table.

"Neither of us knows what we want, but I do know I can't... so much has happened to me lately, I don't know who I am, who to trust, what to believe, not really, not anymore. I can't just pretend, I don't know what you expect of me, but I have very little to offer right now."

Buffy nodded and bit her lip. This was what she'd been expecting, he was right of course, things had changed and a lot had happened in both their lives.

Angel studied his hands in his lap for moment, bridges were being built here, and Buffy had started her half, it was time he did the same. Maybe things would never go back to what they had been, she'd hadn't said she still had feelings for him, but it didn't mean they couldn't have some kind of civil relationship.

"Are you... How are you coping... with what The Immortal did?"

Buffy was surprised by the question, she hadn't expected him ask it, to be honest no one else really had.

"I'm coping."

"Buffy, what he did... was rape."

"I know, and sometimes it hits me like that, but other times it just feels like a sequence of really dumb one night stands."

"If you need to talk to someone..."

"Are you offering to be my friend, Angel?"

Now Angel smiled and let out a small chuckle. "I guess I am."

Buffy smiled back, it wasn't much, but it was a start.

Xander sat slumped in the sitting room of the old Summer's house flicking through the channels on the TV. He was tired; he'd been at work since the crack of dawn. There wasn't much out there for one-eyed carpenters, but as it turns out his experience in construction in a seismically unstable place like Sunnydale, meant his he was well qualified in consultancy work. During one interview he'd gone to, the foreman had been impressed with his knowledge on building techniques in high-risk areas, and had recommended him to a friend who ran a firm of building consultants. It had all spiralled from there and after just two weeks back in the US; he'd found himself quite the cushy job. Well cushy except for having to be on site very early in the morning.

Now it was mid afternoon, but he was exhausted. He grunted in response when Gunn entered the sitting room, most of their communication was done in Neanderthal noises, never really having anything to talk about.

Flicking through he came across a news channel and after a second flicked on only to be stopped by Gunn.

"Whoa, back it up!"

"Huh?" Xander grunted but did as told only to find his attention riveted to the screen. After a second he sat bolt upright in his chair and shouted. "Hey guys come look at this!"

It didn't take long for the occupants of the house to assemble in the sitting room. Willow had been in the kitchen with Buffy and Faith discussing Buffy's earlier conversation with Angel, and Angel himself had retreated upstairs to his room after returning, exhausted by the his long walk. Robin was still at work.

Angel was the last to enter the sitting room, having had to take his time on the stairs. He entered to see an on site reporter talking to camera at the mouth of what could be any alley inside the city.

"The three bodies were discovered earlier today by a refuse collectors. Only one of the victims has been identified as 11-year-old Juliet Morse who disappeared from her home almost exactly a week ago. The other two were also young girls whose ages have been estimated at between 9 and 13. Eyewitness reports claim that the victim's bodies were found naked and badly mutilated; police have refused to comment on reports that the bodies were in fact completely hollow. Police are however urging the public to come forward with any information."

Xander turned from the screen to look at the others in the room. "Any body else thinking this is something that would be more at home in Sunnydale?"