Seeing Grey - Part XC - Social Entropy




Remus' quill scratched away, the unsteady black scrawl blurring into the parchment in a sea of disorderly curves. His eyes wouldn't focus right, and half of his mind seemed to be far from the classroom and the test before him. Mechanically, he spilled out an essay, though his thoughts were too distant to take note of what exactly his hand was scribbling down.

Are you sure you're going to be alright, Moony? You look like crap, and the full moon isn't all that far away...

Thanks Pete, but I'm fine.

What happened, anyway? If you were caught-

I was.

Then how are you, you know, not in Azkaban or something?

The Killing Curse can't take my life. Because of my blood, I have a partial immunity to it... They though I was dead and kicked me around while I was only passed out.



Good thing my blood's soiled with Dark magic.' he mused to himself. He barely noticed in time that he had written that into his essay on the Salem trials and their affects on Britain in time to erase it.

Stop letting your guard down.' his conscience conveyed. You have a month and some left to go, don't blow it now... There's still a chance.'



You're still willing to betray your own House, and take back your promised loyalty?

He received a cold stare, black eyes that drifted past his security. It was a haunting feeling.

It was not by choice I joined with them. he muttered laconically.

Then leave.

Remus set down his set of scales, and the drigwood root as well. Brushing off the clay-like secretion from the plant, he wiped his forehead of perspiration.

There's no sense in you staying with them any longer. It's going to get out of control.

You speak of it as if you know. Snape shot out, his voice lashing through the misty smoke of the potions. It's entropy, Lupin, nothing short of threats to end my life if I utter a word against the Dark Master.

So you're going to support it? All the killings, the slaughter... You're just going to help it continue? Until what? His eyes fell to the ground, unable to meet the blank look.

Until one side falls, Lupin. This is a war, and I won't be backing down.

Letting out an inaudible sigh, Remus nodded his head and went back to work.



Remus,

Watch yourself carefully. We've been trying to keep tabs on Ministry activity, and so far, things aren't looking in our favour. They're on to you, and I wont stand to see you caught. Be prepared to flee Hogwarts if need be, alright?

Keep your eyes open, and tail up. We're worried about you here.

Caleb

He's right, Remus, you need to watch yourself. Lily said quietly as she tried to finish her breakfast. Nobody in the Great Hall seemed to have much an appetite any longer.

Everyone, expect for Sirius.

Lighten up Lily, will you? he said breathlessly. He was racing to shovel food down his throat so quickly that he was forget to take in air at equal intervals. Moony's more'n cap'le of han'lin'

Try chewing, it tends to help. Peter said with a roll of his eyes as flecks of egg shot from his friend's mouth to his general direction, and every other one at that.

Sirius shrugged, took half a second to chew, and then repeated his messy process,

Why are you in such a rush, anyway? We don't have classes today. Remus point out as he tucked the letter into his breast pocket. He could feel his heart racing. The uneasy feeling in his chest had returned...

James said, offering his girlfriend a quick kiss as he took his seat across from her and Remus. It's because we don't have classes that we need to hurry!

What are you plotting now? Peter groaned. His workload had piled up already; he didn't need another detention.

Smiling, James pulled out the Marauders Map from his bag and held it under the table. He moved back ever so slightly to allow Sirius a small field of vision.

They're all in place. Remus heard him whisper, Sirius now grinning in delight. He started to take in his breakfast even quicker, to everyone else's disgust.

Who's in place? Remus questioned. James looked up, having forgot his whispers couldn't go unheard. With a moderately rueful sort of sigh, he leaned forward and held the map in the protective territory of his shadow.

What are they doing? Remus blurted out a little too loud.

That's what we're laughing about. Sirius explained, surreptitiously arranging the bowls off ood so the Marauders map would go unseen.

They're initiating another Slytherin boy, a third year it seems.

I fail to see how that's funny! Remus snapped, his eyes narrowed. Snape, along with three of the elder Slytherins, had gathered at the very edge of the map, the small dot of the other boy barely in view.

Are we going to stop this?

Oh, something like that. Sirius smirked.

Deciding it safer to just assume the worse, Remus nodded his head, and slumped back in his seat.

For a moment that seemed frozen in the passing of time, he let his mind drift. The flashes of gold and scents of the morning meal faded away, the quiet laughter of few, and sobbing of more yet all died down. His head filled with a serene, blissful hum that engulfed his being.

The bright simulated sunlight dimmed down before him, and everything turned to a calm grey. A gentle wash of fog seemed to float all around.
Smiling, he took in a long breath.



He opened his eyes and was surprised to find not the Great Hall, but the single steeply sloping, grassy hill of the Underground. The sky was dark, the sun had already set hours before it seemed. A flock of stars glittered overhead, and the full moon, brimmed with silver, illuminated the beautiful sight before him.

Where am I?

This isn't a dream, Remus. she said, her face difficult to read. She was smiling, too, but her eyes seemed far from happiness. They were torn... A reflection of his own.

Flicking his eyes briefly to the moon, he made a silent inquisition.

No, you're not here in person. It's only an illusion. Rhint explained, reaching out. Her hand met his, though all he felt was a cold shiver, a poor replacement for the true flesh which he loved to touch, to hold.

Something's happened, then. he said under his breath, nodding to himself as he eased to the ground. Like Rhint, it was cold to the touch, feeling so fragile under his weight. A crepe paper sculpture of the real city.

She uttered a throaty confirmation, and placed her other hand atop his, claiming it for her own.

I may not see you for a while, Remus. We had to leave last night, all of us.

The Death Eaters? he asked, his voice cracking. In a mere second his eyes had grown so wide, his heart threatening to burst from the speed at which it raced.

No. The Ministry... There were only a handful of them, but they know about the Underground. We had to flee. she said.

The air became thicker, and the stars began to fade overhead.

Where are you going? he asked, surprised at the tone his voice took. He was more surprised, however, at how his heart was flickering so unsteadily.

I don't know. Caleb had us all move so quickly... Melhane and your brother just ran about rounding everyone up, I'm not even sure if we're all together. Right now we're in the woods somewhere north.

Are you leaving soon?

She frowned, closed her dull grey eyes, and nodded once. I'm not supposed to do this. I only learned how the other day, by accident. Romolus took me up as his private student. She snapped her head upwards, and their eyes held for a long instant. That isn't any matter, though. Remus, you must be careful. They're going to come for you.

Then let them. he said. I'm tired of living two lives. If they come, I'm leaving.

Her eyes fell to the ground, as if in guilt. He knew why she felt that way.

I care about you Rhint, but that's not it alone. I can't do this, I don't belong there. I belong with you, and Caleb, and the Underground. I need to be with my own kind for once. Something's going to work out, he continued, smiling dully. there's no chance I'll allow myself to be hurt again.

she said quietly, her voice soft. Remus, how can you have faith in anything after all that's happened?

Taking in a breath, Remus reached out, resting his hand on her imaginary shoulder. There was an old trial, in America. The wizard wouldn't show his powers to prove he was of magic blood, but wouldn't deny them at all. When asked how the court was supposed to believe in it, he answered in a question. He asked if they believed in God. Being Christians, they blurted back of course' without hesitating. Rhint, do you understand? Some things can't be proven. You just believe. Faith is knowing when to turn the other cheek on logic, that's all. Knowing something with all your heart, so strongly, that a lack of proof does nothing to damage it.

As she let her head tilt down, her hair fell to cover her face. Remus knew she had begun to cry by the scent of the salt, the faint sounds of droplets hitting the false ground.

Sometimes, you have to have faith in something no matter how impossible it seems. My life can't get any worse, Rhint. I've been through hell, I know the path. I wont be lost anymore.

She leaned over quite quickly, so that she lost her balance and fumbled as she tried to hug him. There was no warmth to her touch, no actual weight; only a dull tingling sense that gave the illusion that she was there at all.

Her voice echoed through his chest, sending a cold chill through his heart.

He shook his head, dismissing her questions. They could come another time.

You'd better go Rhint, no use in holding up the pack right now. You can't get caught.

I know, but Remus-

You have to go. he said firmly.

Frowning regretfully, Rhint nodded and looked up. Before she could even react to his movement, Remus had lightly kissed her, briefly lacing his fingers to hers.

I'll see you soon. he said, smiling as best he could. He knew their time was over, and no sooner had she nodded once, the world began to rapidly deteriorate. Flecks of gold, whispers, bursts of laughter broke through. It was an uneven mesh of both realities.



A hand on his shoulder once more, though now, there was a definite solidity.

Remus, a minute please?

With a long and tired sigh, Remus pursed his lips and followed the young professor.



Look, I know about the Ministry! he snapped, tired of her interrupting news flashes. She had been going on, ignoring his remarks, for the better of half an hour. Pacing about the room, her hand slipping through her light hair, the young Auror looked far more distressed about the manner than Remus did.

You're going to let them come here and just take you away? she asked, turning quickly to face him. Her eyes drew his into a cold lock, one he wasn't able to break free from.

he said quietly, keeping himself from looking to the floor. I'm leaving. If they come for me, I wont let them take my honour.

She laughed, cold and empty, no substance to the hollow sound at all. Then you'd best be leaving. she chuckled, her eyes nearly closed. Raking back the hair that had fallen to cover her face, she unveiled a very curt sort of expression. It was a confusing blend of sad amusement and worry.

They'll be here tonight, Remus. she said, shaking her head once more. Go, just go.

He stood up, ready to leave. After a moment, he stopped and waited for the rest of her words.

You know, you have a lot of potential Lupin. We're going to need that, alright? Once the war comes a step closer to the Ministry, they're going to stop this foolish hunt. We'll need you. We'll need people of honour, and of a sound word and heart.

I have my own battles to fight, Ms. Horder. he declared. This is my life, and I can control it now. I'll chose what needs to be fought.

He turned around, hands in his pockets, his face set without the smallest trace of fear.

behind him, Ms. Horder let out another empty chortle of laughter.

That damn boy's going to change the world someday...



Despite his short budget on time, Remus took great care when he entered his dorm to gather all his possessions and pack them carefully into his old, battered satchel. For years he had promised to buy himself a new one, though he'd never had the heart to part with such an old companion.

He idly wrapped the decreped journal of Cor in leftover tissue paper he had saved from his birthday, and placed it in the single front pouch of his bag for safekeeping. Other letters from the twins and Caleb, and small trinkets he had collected over the years, made way into the compartment as well. To the main housing he folded his few robes, now battered and too short, and the rest of his worn clothing. Healing Magic for the Advanced Student and A Collective History of Lycanthropy: An Insider's Explorative were the only textbooks he chose to bring with him on his pilgrimage for a final freedom.
Everything else he left in his trunk, neatly sorted so the Headmaster or his friends would have no trouble dealing with it later.

I suppose I should leave them a note, at least... Ehm, I'll just leave a message from myself personally. he grumbled, a sinking feeling in his stomach lurching to life. Though his mind was made up, part of him had no desire to leave the comfort the Marauders had provided for the few years.

Rather nervously, he ran a hand across his hair to flatten it out, and pulled his robes as straight as they would get. With a tap of his wand, he began a shadow recording that would capture the ghosty figure of himself and his voice to be played back.

I guess this is rather short notice, but you all knew it was coming. I can't live like this any longer, you guys... His voice choked up for a moment, and he felt a slight sting in his eyes. The last farewell to his friends would not come easy, though he had been running it over in his mind since the very beginning.

The Underground's gone, and they aren't going to last very long without help. I'm going to join my brother and Caleb, try and find somewhere else to settle down for a while away from the Ministry. I'm sure they'll be giving you all a hassle over me, and for that I'm sorry. I suppose you all knew it would happen eventually. He managed a weak smile, and wiped a tear before it fell down his pale face. James, Sirius, Peter... Thank you. You've given me a lot to live for, and that's not something the Ministry can ever take away for me. There aren't words I could say that would come close to showing how much you've done for me. You gave me my life back. Just... Thank you, all of you.

With a final nod of his head and another attempt at a parting smile, he ended the spell. The quill he had Charmed to act as the replaying device hovered lightly in the air, emitting a delicate glow periodically.

Gathering up his satchel, broom and cloak, Remus Lupin turned away from what had been his home, and what he never wished to see again.

Goodbye, everyone. he whispered quietly.





A/n- Sorry it's been so long... I wish I had a good excuse, but I don't. Life happens, I suppose.

More will come when it's written, that much I can promise.

And I apologize for this one being shorter than normal, but I felt it would be best to get something out. :)

Iggie