Amor Fictus
Written by Sakki-san
Anything you haven't heard of belongs to me.
Anything you HAVE heard of, doesn't.
Ran let the nurse bandage his arm. Ikari still wasn't here, which was a good thing; Ran didn't know if he could stand being anywhere near the man again. His threats of living hell if Ran joined the track team weren't what bothered Ran; there was no way he would have joined the team anyway. The teacher would be expecting him to come to the office after class.
Ran just wouldn't show up.
What bugged him was how much Ikari knew about his past. Ran shoved back the sudden flow of memories. He knew that if he let them come, he might throw up or pass out. Or maybe freak out and hurt the nurse, who was babbling ceaselessly about boys and fighting. Of course Ran wasn't paying attention, but it was like trying to do homework with a fly caught in the nearby window.
"…you just can't stop, can you! It's on and on and on with the fighting. I'm surprised one of you hasn't been caught with a gun yet!"
She'd be even more surprised if she saw my locker.
"One day one of you will slip, and it'll be the end of the days here! I'll probably have a dead body on my hands." She slapped a particularly sensitive wound on Ran's shoulder. "There! Done! Now, off to your next class. And hurry up. I'm sure the other boy will be here any minute."
That was enough for Ran. He picked up his stuff and headed out the door, having changed his clothes earlier. Back into the crowded halls, with only one class left for the day.
Fortunately, the one class he did *not* want to go to (besides pre-calc) didn't start for a few days. Oh, he had FOND memories of that class. Very fond. So for now he just had to deal with learning Shakespeare and other amazing authors…
Ran usually didn't pay attention in English class.
~~~
The end of the day brought eternal heaven. Ran ripped whatever books he needed from his locker and followed the huge group of students out the doors. He lived within walking distance of home, so what was the point in stepping on a bus? The temperature was crisp but not icy, slightly windy. It was still cloudy, though.
Ran looked up at the gray-brown sky and frowned slightly. This would be a pleasant walk home…
He lived in the city. Check that. INSIDE the city. The school was close to the local park, so it looked like it was in a suburb; truth be told, it was part of a sprawling urban maze. So Ran's walk home was not scenic. He nearly got run down five times while heading home…or, what he could call home.
The huge building was suddenly there, looming over him. He'd been so wrapped up in his inner monologue of how he was going to kill Ikari that he hadn't even noticed it. But there it was: the ten story apartment building.
Ran didn't know how to drive yet. Oh, he knew HOW, but he didn't have a car. Well, not his own, anyway. The red corvette that stood happily in his apartment's single parking space was his roommate's.
Yes…Fujimiya Ran had a roommate.
If he didn't find a place to live, he was told when he arrived, he would be put in a foster home. Almost instantly someone had spoken up. And so Ran was sent to an apartment, surprisingly well kept for its occupants.
Ran stalked up the stairwells and down countless halls. His roommate was, of course, out of school, claiming to be looking through colleges. Ran gave a snort. He knew what that lazy idiot did all day. Drink and watch TV and run through porno magazines.
A key was inserted into the lock, twisted, and the door opened. Ran heard someone singing in a room nearby, but couldn't hear any music.
"HAAAAAAAIIIIIRRR…"
Must have the earphones on.
Ran kicked his backpack into the far corner of the entering hallway, close to the kitchen, and stalked over to the living room door. Actually, there was no door; it was just an open doorway.
Sprawled all over the couch, gangly limbs draped over the abused cushions, a man with light brown hair sang happily to the music only he could hear at the moment. His hair nearly reached his shoulders, and he was wearing jeans with a purple button up shirt. The shirt, of course, was not buttoned.
One eye opened, slightly green-gold in color. A smile crossed the already grinning features. He pulled a tiny earphone out of his ear and waved carelessly.
"Yo, Ran!"
"Good afternoon, Yohji. Have you done any searching today?"
"Aaa, I just forgot." The man shrugged and popped the earphone back in his ear, quickly losing himself in the music. Ran groaned inwardly and headed to his room.
His room was small, but large enough to hold a bed, a desk, and a computer chair while providing free space. This free space was surprisingly clean, for a high school junior. His dirty clothes were piled in a plastic basket near his door instead of thrown mindlessly around the room.
Ran liked his neatness.
Calmly he walked over to his desk and sat down in front of the computer. Ahh, his computer. It was the one thing in the world he treasured deeply. Here was where he wrote his journals, which were safely stored on backup disks. Here was where he vented everything. Paper notebooks were for school; the computer was for his personal use.
He would have flipped it on except that Yohji gave a sharp cry from the living room. Ran sighed.
"What is it now?"
"I'm stuck!"
Figures.
Ran got up and headed back to the living room door. There was Yohji, his entire upper body stuck under the couch. His legs flailed uselessly as he tried to pull himself out.
"…" Ran grabbed the man's feet and jerked. Yohji yelped as he got a severe case of rugburn.
"Mouuuuu…" He sat up, having been dragged out by Ran's vicious attempt, and rubbed his stomach. "That's gonna burn tomorrow…the chicks'll ignore me!"
"Good. Maybe you can find a college to go to, then."
"Aww, gimme some time, kid!"
"Shut up. What time is it?"
"Ai. You just got home. Why are you asking?"
"Because I want to know." Ran glared down at the lanky blonde. "So tell me."
"How should I know? C'mon, chibi, gimme a little time to relax."
Ran bristled. He hated it when Yohji called him chibi. And the man had probably been relaxing all day. He slept until noon, then spent the rest of the day doing nothing. At about ten he got up, got dressed, and headed out to the clubs.
"…"
Ran, however, decided not to argue. No matter how well he did, no matter how quick-witted he was, Yohji always won verbal arguments. It seemed the man always had an excuse.
Now it was time for a snack, then homework. Ran headed to the kitchen and pulled open the fridge. Inside was food. Mostly old food, but still good food. He drew out a bag of bread, a container of mayo, and some turkey. A sandwich was skillfully formed before he cleaned up.
Ran walked back to his room, munching his sandwich and carrying his backpack. He didn't shut his door as he went in; usually he didn't. Yohji might decide to have a spazz attack at any time.
Calmly he sat down at his desk and withdrew his math and English homework. That was all the homework he had for now. His math homework came quickly and easily. It was nothing more than numbers. Numbers had no meaning, unless you were counting bodies. Then numbers were important.
His math book went back into his backpack, along with his math notebook, and he opened his planner to see what his English homework was.
As usual, it was simple. So simple. Hawthorne. Why was he learning about this? It didn't matter.
Write a poem about a house with glass in the walls.
Glass…glass in the walls. Every time you turned you would see yourself. No matter where you went, there you were. There was no escape from yourself, from your past…
Ran blinked furiously. No. He wasn't going to remember his past. He wasn't going to remember the blinding fury and fear, the primal rage and terror, the –
No.
He blinked more, then put his pencil to the paper.
Run
Run as fast as you can
Every side is against you
Every man knows you perfectly
Every move is predicted
Nothing is sacred
Nothing at all. Nothing. Not even the purest innocence, brought through by the most gentle of people.
Ran shook his head. No! He said he wouldn't remember. So he wouldn't. Nothing would bring him back to that eternal hell he'd lived in his whole life.
Nothing except this poem he had to write.
Touch the walls
Touch yourself
Try to be alone
You never are
Always someone to see you
Always someone to know you
Blue hair and blue eyes. Laughter like a breeze in the flowers. A perfect image, a perfect girl.
No.
Alone forever
Meant to be
Forever
You will see yourself
You are in the walls
You can't escape yourself
You can't escape what watches you forever
Ran bit his lip. Shortly he stood up and walked over to the door. Pushing it shut with his entire body weight, listening to it click shut, hearing the screaming in his head. Hearing laughter tainted by pain.
Hearing a voice tell him it would be ok. Telling him not to worry.
The perfect girl, not afraid of anything.
Ran shut his eyes and leaned against the door, feeling tears stream down his face like silent rain.