Queer Eye for the turtle eye
Part 3
Time to Redecorate our lives
Disclaimer: As you probably guessed I don't own the turtles and I don't own the invention of any strange shows like Queer eye for the straight guy. I don't even watch the show (Queer eye) – so this is going to be a very interesting story – I keep meaning to watch the show – but I am never home when it's on. Anyone who wants to give me some insight into the show – let me know. My apologises to those who read the first two chapters months ago – I have been busy with Uni finishing up for the year, so now I have the time to write as many turtle fics as I so desire.
Enjoy! Please read and review!
NB. Sorry there is some colourful language (Raphael does need a new vocabulary) – YOU have been WARNE. If you don't like it – don't read it.
"What is taking those two so long?" Splinter interrupted the meditation session for the third time. His two youngest and easily distracted sons looked up at their master.
"I'll go see", both turtles jumped up.
"No, sit down. I want to know for myself what those two are doing. I will call you if we need your help, otherwise stay in here until I call you." Splinter got up and walked out the room.
"What you think is going on?" Mike asked Raphael.
"How should I know, but I'm going to find out. You coming?" Raphael had jumped up and was heading to the doorway.
"I'm not letting you catch all the action without me!" Mikey ran behind his brother.
Both turtles quietly and quickly like a true ninja managed to get behind a post where they could catch every inch of the action.
"I don't believe it?" Mikey breathed; amazed that it actually was happening.
"What? Who are those poufs taking to Splinter?" Raphael whispered, confused at what on earth was going on.
"Um.. remember when I told you about getting Don back for calling us Gay?"
"Yeah, what Mike, you're not serious? You mean to tell me those people are from that dumb TV show?" Raphael gave his brother a deadly look.
"Yes Raph, I am. They must have really listened to my call." Mikey puzzled and also starting to worry at his being caught by Splinter for making such a phone call. Though was worried at the thought of the beating he'd receive along with Splinter's lecture and dishonouring session.
"Well they haven't freaked out at the sight of two giant turtles and a rat, and that blonde one is hugging Splinter!" Raphael pointed to the large rat and Carl.
"And Splinter ain't ninja kicking him off?! You don't think Splinter likes Queer eye?"
"Mike – the last time Splinter watched TV was during the 2000 Olympic Games! He don't watch any shit like that," Raphael laughed.
"Then how come he's not ninja kicking them and not blowing up Leo and Don for letting them in?"
"How the hell did Don and Leo let them in anyways? I mean both are bloody ninjas – now if I had answered the door, they wouldn't be in here right now – they'd be in the bloody emergency ward!"
"Raph – you would beat up the queer eye team?"
"Yeah I would – who cares – they're just a bunch of pompous tossers with a cork up their butt –we don't need any more Leo's – there's only room for one in this household."
Mike laughed at Raph's comments on the eldest.
"My look what I found! These must be your babies Leo!", Jai cried, from behind Raph and Mike – who both jumped round with weapons out ready to attack through shear fright. Both hearts racing and eyes wide meet the man. Both were speechless for the first time in their lives – as Leo and Don would have stated. Raphael started to growl.
"Oh look at those really big forks – how cool, they would look great in the kitchen," as Ted moved in closer to Raphael, who was about to pounce....
"Raphael, Michelangelo, at ease my sons. I have some good news for you – these men have come to redecorate the lair for us, please make them feel welcome," Came Master Splinter's calm voice.
Both younger turtles looked at each other, "We ain't no babies! We're the same bloody age as those two!" Raph spat into the nearest humans face.
"Raphael!" Master Splinter ordered, "Enough, come sit down."
"I'm sorry Raphaelo you sweet darling turtle," Came Ted, who put his arm around Raphael's shell, as Mike snickered at the notion of Raph being a sweet and darling turtle.
"It's Raphael! And don't touch me! Or I'll stick this where the sun don't shine" Raphael pointed a Sais in the face of the young man.
"Raphael – your choice is to put those away or I will confiscate them for a whole month!" Splinter marched over using a stern voice.
"What!?" Raphael looked doubt founded at Splinter. He has never confiscated their weapons before
"Raph don't let anyone touch his things – he's the possessive one. By the way, I'm Mikey," Mikey said in return, narrowly ducking a punch from Raphael.
"Go sit down on that couch!" Splinter ordered, as he grabbed hold of both Sais.
"But Splinter!" Raphael couldn't believe it – his Sensei had just taken off him is more valued possession – a position Splinter himself had handed to Raphael many years ago telling him to take care of them and to carry them with him always.
He was ready to explode right there, but with those people and their stupid cameras – how could he.
His heart ached as he walked hunched to the couch and plonked himself next to Donnie, who tried to consol him by placing a hand on his arm. "You'll get them back."
"Now gentlemen, please come have a seat on the couch and we shall tell you our plans for the next couple of days," Came the director.
"Couple of days?" Leonardo questioned, as he sat on the couch.
"It takes about a week to film a two hour show."
"I thought it was only an hour long?" Leo replied.
"It's a special, cos they're doing two of us."
"Two? May I put a proposition to you, young man," Splinter looked at the director.
"You have my full attention, Mr Sensei Splinter Sir."
"That is a first, "Splinter shot a look at the four turtles, "May I ask why you wish to do just two of my sons? All five of us share the same living quarters and I feel it would be unfair to the other two to see their brothers get new things and they don't."
"Sensei, it's alright – I promise not to get up-tight if these people don't come near my room," Raphael quickly offered to ease Splinter's worry of any possible fights between the turtles over this. He also though it could be a way to suck up for his Sais return.
"No my son, you perhaps do not see the implications on all of us, if we participate in such a show. I hear these people do the whole house over on their shows, and it would seem rather pointless to me that only Leonardo and Donetello get a new bed and paint in their rooms, when you and Michelangelo will still have the same mess you always have."
The Fab five snickered at this remark "Trust me darling Splinter, we will give you all a make over, including you my dear fellow. I can feel it in my organs that this is going to be an extra special show for our audiences. I mean I am sure that young Raphealo and Mikey would love the ideas we have for their rooms. I have some excellent ideas for the colour orange – it's such a wonderful colour."
"It's Raphael! And you're not touching my room! I like it the way it is, so unless you want to end up in casualty I suggest you stay out of my stuff."
"Raphael, please do not be rude to our guests."
"Master Splinter – it's training time – we're not even suppose to be having any visitors!" Raphael blurted back.
"I have to agree with Raph, Sensei – why are you allowing this to interrupt our training and our life style?" Leonardo asked his Master.
"My son – why all of a sudden do you take your training so seriously? You are all top ninjas, you do not need to train every day,"
All four turtle's eyes grow wide at what Splinter was saying,
"Besides I feel it would do us all good to redecorate the lair and it would give us all time to reflect on our life. For a true ninja must also be in tune with his own surroundings and his inner being. The next few days will give you a chance to seek out yourselves as adults, you are well past the age of teenage hood. You are men, not young boys anymore. It is time to find out what truly means to you. I feel this is a golden opportunity for you to receive who you really are through someone other than me. As your father my eyes are clouded, due to the fact that I raised you and helped you become what you are today."
"But Splinter, what about all that stuff about being not seen?" Donatello asked.
"My son, you are now at an age where you have come to understand who you are and the world has become more of an accepting place. These five men would not have been safe in their coming out of who they are twenty years ago, but today they are an international phenomenon. Much like you having now been accepted by the world due to our appearance on the television screen."
"I thought he didn't know about that?" Mike whispered to Leonardo.
"Michelangelo, there are many things you think I do not know of, yet I do."
"It's called Leo blabbing like a little baby to daddy for his own self fulfilment," Raphael shot back in response.
"Offcourse Splinter knows – don't you think Splinter would have wondered why there's a show on television called "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" and the main characters have the same names as us?"
"If you must know, I found out when I started receiving fan mail. Many young people today are lost, they write to me for advice."
Mike, Don and Raph burst out laughing, "You get fan mail?" Mikey cried with disbelief.
"I think that's cool that people write to you Sensei, now I know why you asked me to teach you to type."
"Yes Donetello, that is correct."
"How come you never told us about your fan mail?"
"Oh Leo – diddums don't you receive any mail at all? Don – think we might have to write a pity letter to Leo – just so he feels loved," Raphael laughed, along with two of his brothers.
"Boys, I think we are forgetting something. I am sorry, we aren't use to visitors on a Monday, I usually forbid it, and due to the training sessions we have. Please tell us what you plan to do."
"Well first off since there are five of you, then each one of the guys can take turns with you all and then swap over. This show is going to fantastic."
"Oh please sweaty, may I have Splinter first, we have already begun swapping shampooing tips," Kyan cried.
"Most certainly. Now my dear turtles, I have watched the cartoon and it's just absolutely gorgeous. Is it true that Michelangelo is the food wiz of the kitchen?"
Don and Raph couldn't help themselves, with Leonardo shortly following them in their roar of laughter, as Michelangelo just blushed.
"Yes, you are correct, Michelangelo is in love with food, he is the one who introduces us to new culinary delights – though mostly they some how incorporate pizza in some shape or form."
"Oh Goodie! Mikey you and I are going to have a field day down at the local delis!" Ted jumped up and down clapping his hands.
Raphael looked at Don and twirled his fingers round his ear "Nut so". Don nodded in agreement. At least Raph felt the same as him – he didn't want a make over. This really was something Mikey would enjoy.
"Oh can I pleeease have the dashing Leonardo first, oh he is simply dishy," Carson cried, getting on his hands and knees at the producers feet.
"Leonardo – would you mind?" The producer looked at the turtle in blue.
"Yeah, okay," Leonardo mumbled, giving his snickering brothers a death stair "Wait for what you get lumbered with!"
"What's left?" Donnie interrupted. He seriously wanted to get the hell out of there and go and blow his top off at Irma for ever thinking of ringing these people. She just had better have a damn good reason for this.
"I'm your culture expert and Thom's the designer."
"Thom? What kind of name is that?" Raph muted to Don, as they put heads together to figure out what they wanted.
"Obviously some one whose parents can't spell his name," Don replied, "You mind if I get the culture guy? Besides I'd feel safer if you did design – you're more stubborn than me and he'd walk all over me wanting to paint the place pink for all we know!"
"Whatever – so I get the guy who can't spell his name, wonderful. Yeah I'll make sure they don't make us look like a bunch of pansies."
"Well, my sons have you decided?" Splinter interrupted the private conversation.
"Yeah – I'm with that one," Raphael pointed to Thom.
"Oh this is going to be absolutely fun, fun, fun!" Carl jumped up and down, clapping his hands.
Four turtles looked at each other and rolled their eyes, except for Raphael who also gave Mike the look of "This better be worth it – or your dead, little bro, real dead."