Grieve (No More)
by Ojousan
Chapter 1: Esthar
"Excellent! Let's try ziz one more time!" The voice came into the small chamber muffled by the large window that looked in from the control room. As the last sparks of light faded from her vision, the image of Dr. Odine materialized before her on the other side of the glass. He was practically jumping up and down, his head with its quail-feather-like pigtail bobbing up and down just above the bottom edge of the window. He fiddled excitedly with the control panel that lay just out of Rinoa's line of sight, preparing for the next spell-casting. His assistant, a woman in a white lab coat, was muttering something quietly to the doctor. Rinoa couldn't quite make out what she was saying.
She put a hand to her head to stabilize her swimming vision. Her fingertips brushed the thin wires that ran out of suction-cup-like attachments from several points on her head, up to the ceiling, where they must have continued on into the computer Odine now looked at. She felt vaguely like some kind of test tube creation. From what it looked like, Odine had stumbled on to something important -- hopefully that meant they would stop soon.
Also on the other side of the glass was Squall. He stood with hand on hip, alternately casting worried glances into the chamber and glaring suspiciously at the doctor and his assistant.
"Are you sure this is necessary?" His knack for that flawlessly incredulous tone hadn't faded away even though he seemed more carefree these days, and even now, the pale blue eyes that could be so warm could transform into an icy glare unmatched by any other. "She's a human being, not a lab rat. You can't just work her to the ground."
Squall's distrust for the doctor was as strong as anyone's had ever been. The only reason Odine was still in employ was because he had so much knowledge of Sorceress powers, and those powers had the potential to be dangerous as long as a Sorceress existed in the world.
It had been Rinoa who asked for these experiments in the first place. It was no secret that although Rinoa had played an equal part in the defeat of the Sorceress Ultimecia as any of the five SeeD members involved, the general population still harboured an innate distrust for her as the last remaining Sorceress in the world. A history of tyranny was inextricably bound to the title "Sorceress," and some felt it was best to seal Rinoa as Adel had been, before that history could have a chance to repeat itself.
Though Rinoa had volunteered to be sealed before -- when she had released Adel from her seal under Ultimecia's control -- the moment Squall had broken her free, she had realized that she could not make the same decision again. She had gone through her life believing there was always something to hope for -- a freer future for an occupied town, a seemingly impossible relationship, a world free of tyranny, whether by human or by Sorceress. Cutting off that hope for the future was something she couldn't bring herself to attempt again. As the best compromise she could give, she publicly agreed to remain under the surveillance of SeeD and the presidential staff of Esthar, and also to undergo experiments that would allow Dr. Odine to form an effective suppressant of her Sorceress powers.
She had already tested the Odine Bangle, a bracelet that was supposed to do just that, and which she had wanted to use on the Sorceress Edea during SeeD's assassination mission in Deling City. It was a little disheartening for Rinoa to find that even while wearing it she could still perform most spells, though it did take more effort. At the very least, the Bangle could serve as a kind of prototype from which Dr. Odine could expand upon.
The tests and close watch on her seemed to quiet the small bursts of protests that had arisen, but she still held some anxieties about going out in large cities like Esthar or Deling City (where she had paid an obligatory visit to her father). The people in big cities were not as easy going than those in towns like Fisherman's Horizon and Winhill. However, President Loire ("Laguna," she reminded herself) and Headmaster Cid Kramer both kept assuring her that the people would forget all about their fears once they realized the world was now safe and at peace. It would simply take time.
For the time being, though, she either found herself safely tucked away in the Presidential Palace or marching through the streets of Esthar in the company of a rather formidable entourage. After a few days of being trailed by small groups of soldiers, she decided that going out wasn't worth the trouble, and stayed mostly in the Palace, which wasn't exactly a small prison, but was a prison none the less. She didn't have a clue as to how long Odine's tests would take, and the doctor didn't seem inclined to enlighten anyone about the status of his research. For all anyone knew, he was performing illegal experiments that may threaten global security. Unfortunately, he was the only person qualified to tell.
She watched Squall and Odine bicker on the other side of the glass. The scientist who had been assisting Odine was slowly backing away from the two of them, her work taking a back seat to her physical well-being. Squall had been assigned to the duty of "monitoring the Sorceress's activities" (or rather, Laguna amended, protecting the personal safety of the Sorceress herself) in order to keep the public passive about Rinoa still living relatively free. He had spent the past month with her in the Palace. Although she felt guilty for taking Squall away from his SeeD duties, she was glad he was there to watch out for her. Truth to be told, she was exhausted and wanted to stop the experiments for the day, but she doubted she would have had the strength to assert that fact herself.
In an argument, Dr. Odine was no match for Squall. The little man put up a small fit about being forced to stop when he was on a roll, but eventually just ended up sulking under the cold stare of the SeeD. Rinoa sagged slightly in relief as the doctor called something out into the next room. In short order, one of his other assistants bustled over with a key card to open Rinoa's chamber. The assistant carefully removed each of the wires attached to her.
The vast majority of the experiments performed by Dr. Odine involved her casting almost a continuous string of spells as he monitored her brainwaves. He was especially interested in Time/Space magic, and had her go beyond the usual arsenal of spells into new ones, which only a Sorceress could do. Sometimes she wondered if he was trying to glean new spells from her that could be mimicked in para-magic, the magic that normal people could draw and use. If she wasn't so tired, she'd tell him to get back on track and remember that they had a clear objective, and that she didn't appreciate being used for his own ends. But not right now.
"Tomorrow we begin early in zee morning," Dr. Odine said as Squall discreetly took Rinoa's arm and led her out of the little chamber. "Zis breakzroo cannot wait."
Squall muttered a noncommittal answer as they exited the room and headed for the lift to the first floor. If they hadn't been in such a precarious situation in the world, Squall may have just refused to let her undergo so many tests, and cut down anyone who may have tried to force her into them. The way things stood now, though, Squall was already regarded with a degree of suspicion by the scientists of Esthar. They would not soon forget the incident in the Sorceress Memorial just after they returned from the Lunar Base: though Rinoa had volunteered to be sealed there, Squall had come to break her out by force, anyway.
The first day that Squall had showed up at Odine's laboratory with Kiros, to check on Rinoa's wellbeing, one of the scientists had nearly jumped out of his skin. Rinoa guessed he must have been one of the ones on duty when Squall's team had assaulted the Sorceress Memorial. Through the entire session of tests, the man had kept checking over his shoulder while Squall supervised them. It didn't help the scientists' comfort level when Kiros left Squall alone with them. In the last few weeks they had seemed to get used to his presence, but even now, whenever he shot them a cold stare or hinted that he disapproved of their methods, they cast nervous glances at his side where his gunblade would have hung if he had been permitted to bring weaponry into the lab.
"Can we just go back to the Palace?" she asked quietly as the two of them left the laboratory building. Though it was only early afternoon, she felt like she could just fall into bed. Squall's gaze flickered over to her, his brow instantly furrowing with worry.
"Yeah, sure." He hesitated for a second, then slid his arm around her shoulders, his hand resting feather-light on her upper arm. In times of great urgency he was ever the perfect romantic knight, but she found that he was far more meek in quiet surroundings. She guessed they didn't train perfect soldiers to be fearless in private matters. He probably wouldn't have appreciated it, but she liked seeing him uncomfortable. It was cute. When she had first met him, he had seemed too perfect, but more and more she was seeing a different side of him. Thinking about it, she managed a reassuring smile.
The Presidential Palace, when they arrived and stepped off the hovering transport, gave of a feeling as quiet and official as Odine's laboratory had. When she had first visited Esthar, it had seemed like a beautiful place with a thoughtful and tranquil air. Though she did like quiet locales -- as opposed to the constant activity of her hometown, Deling City -- the more physical sounds of the ocean or the occasional train passing through would have been preferable to the pervasive electric hum that hung in the background of Esthar. She longed for a place like Timber, or Balamb, or perhaps Winhill.
Now, this city that sparkled with the coldness of a jewel was losing its superficial appeal and was beginning to feel oppressive. Approaching the seat that would take them inside the Palace, Rinoa felt like she could be swallowed up by its high walls -- glowing like circuitry -- that forced her to crane her neck to see the sky, and the overhanging entrance that loomed at least fifty feet above them.
Fortunately, once they got inside it wasn't so bad. The hallway on the upper floor where the guest suites were located was made slightly more vital by the potted plants placed along it at regular intervals, familiar types and the wildly exotic alike. The mixed smells of full, sweetly-perfumed flowers and the sharper scents of persimmons and lemons helped her remember the vital world outside this technological "paradise." It also helped that this hall was not simply a glass walkway over a view of the city like most of them were, but was actually reminiscent of something more ordinary and...primitive, she supposed. The walls were covered with pale green, flowered wallpaper, and a soft carpet gave slightly beneath their feet.
Her room was spacious as befit its location in the Presidential Palace. Like the hallway, it was also mostly pale green, but the ivory flowers on the wallpaper and lemon-yellow lilies in a vase on the vintage vanity table helped bring a touch of warmth to the cooler tone. The desk and chair by the window, and the nightstand, like the vanity table, were of darkly lacquered wood, and the bed had voluminous ivory draping that gave the room a soft quality. The guest rooms hadn't been in use for years while Esthar remained in isolation, but now they had been made completely fresh for foreign ambassadors and -- in this case -- special "visitors."
Rinoa headed straight for the bed when the got into the room, and sat down on the edge, sinking in slightly. Squall was closing the door behind him.
"You don't have to stay cooped up in here just to keep me company, you know," she said.
"I know." He came over and sat beside her, the fluffy mattress bouncing slightly. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay." He sat very still for several long moments. Then, he gingerly put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. He felt a little stiff, but when she returned the gesture and leaned in close, she felt his posture soften. She rested against him tiredly, but thankfully. The fur around his bomber jacket's collar was soft against her face, the rhythm of his breathing so relaxing...
"Rinoa?"
It wasn't so much the voice that startled her, but the vibration of the chest beneath her cheek. Her eyes were suddenly open, and she raised her head to look at Squall questioningly.
"You were falling asleep on me," he said, one corner of his mouth quirking up.
"Oh. Sorry." She smiled back and pulled away slightly, pushing her hair back from her face.
"It's okay." His gloved hands still lingered on her shoulders, and after considering a moment, he pulled her back to him and gently kissed her mouth. Her eyes instinctively closed, and he paused to give her another kiss before he pulled away again, just as she was starting to feel giddy.
"Maybe you should rest now," he said quietly, beginning to stand. She was so close that she could hear the many belts around his waist clink as he moved. Her arms slid back to her sides. Squall looked a little embarrassed, but the worry had melted off his face. "I'll talk to Laguna about getting Odine to back off about the tests."
She opened her mouth to protest, but then reconsidered. She nodded. "Thank you." Truth to be told, now she felt more awake than ever, and had changed her mind about him staying. But she wasn't about to say that.
###
As soon as Squall left Rinoa's room, he took the elevator down to the main floor of the Presidential Palace -- which was still ridiculously high above the ground -- and headed along the tube-like glass hallway that led to Laguna's office. Above, the sky was blotted with drifting white clouds. Below, through the blue panes of glass in the floor, the city of Esthar was lined with the yellow and red veins of transport lines. The walk allowed him to get his thoughts back on the task at hand, and work out exactly what he was going to say to Laguna when he saw him.
The two customary guards, indistinguishable from each other in their full-body uniforms with their insect-like masks, stood outside Laguna's office. As Squall approached them, one stepped slightly ahead to address him, obliging him to stop.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Leonhart," came the tinny voice from behind the mask, "but the president is busy at the moment."
Squall fought down his annoyance. Really, he had absolutely no right to be annoyed if the president of a powerful country was busy in his office, but when it came to this president, his emotions tended overcome his reason. Perhaps there was still a part of him that found it hard to believe that Laguna could possibly be up to anything important.
"Can you just quickly ask him how long he'll be?" Squall asked, running a gloved hand through his hair.
The guard hesitated a moment, casting a glance at the office door behind him, but then grudgingly nodded. Squall realized that he was probably being afforded a lot of liberties in this place that no one else was likely to get. The palace staff seemed to appreciate Squall's position in the recent crisis with the Sorceress Ultimecia. Also...they all seemed to be aware of Squall's...relationship...to the president, even if it was a rather sudden development. Squall himself was still trying to adjust to that sudden revelation himself.
The guard pressed the intercom button by the large, white door to Laguna's office. "President Loire?"
After a pause, a voice from the other side spoke a confirmation. The guard conversed with the other person briefly, while Squall stood with his arms crossed, gaze fixed on an imaginary point, pretending he wasn't listening in. He hated this kind of uncomfortable waiting. After a few moments, the guard turned back to him.
"The president says he'd like to speak with you, but he'll be about five minutes."
"Thanks." Somewhat appeased, Squall wandered over to look out the glass side of the hallway, and occupied himself surveying the scene of Esthar beyond it.
He merely raised a inquiring eyebrow when the office door slid open half an hour later. A weary-looking Kiros, who somehow managed to look just as in place in his formal robes of state as in his usual outlandish garb, emerged from the office.
"Sorry, Squall," said the lanky, dark-skinned man. His expression was apologetic. "He just wouldn't shut up."
Why didn't that surprise him? Squall followed Laguna's old-time friend-turned-advisor through the door.
Laguna's office was an irregularly-shaped room that seemed bursting at the seams with small windows that looked out on the cloud-dotted sky. The floor was a glowing map of Esthar. At one end of the room was a flat, black-lacquered desk and a few chairs -- nothing else. It the strangest "office" he'd ever seen. Laguna was stationed behind the desk. With his long, brown ponytail, military dog tags and plain white shirt with the first button undone, he looked ridiculously casual in comparison to the attire of his attendants. Squall supposed there wasn't really anyone to tell the head of the country how to dress, though he could imagine Kiros trying.
Sitting in a black leather chair in front of the desk was none other than Mayor Dobe of Fisherman's Horizon, looking terribly conspicuous in his flip-flops, shorts and flower-print shirt. What kind of world leaders are these? Squall thought. The usually laid-back older man looked somewhat haggard.
Squall knew vaguely of plans for a world conference in FH within the next few weeks, as a result of the Neo-Sorceress War, so it made sense that a representative would be in Esthar to discuss the affair with the president of a nation like Esthar. Knowing the government of FH, too, it shouldn't have been surprising to see that Mayor Dobe was that representative -- the only other member of their local "government" was his wife, Flo. Still, it was a little jarring to see the mayor in such a different setting.
"Sorry, Squall," Laguna said, smiling and raising his hands apologetically, "but I've never gotten a chance to talk to Mayor Dobe before, and I had so many good memories of FH from all those years back that I couldn't help but reminisce."
Squall didn't bother to reply, but a little piece of his heart reached out to the mayor.
"Please have a seat." Laguna motioned to a stuffed-looking leather chair in front of the desk, on the opposite side to Mayor Dobe. Squall remained standing expectantly, fearing that sitting down would invite another in-depth discussion. Laguna shrugged. He was probably the only president you simply couldn't offend, Squall reflected.
"You talk like an old man," said Kiros as he came in behind Squall and stood by the desk.
Unfazed, Laguna actually got right to the point. (Maybe he's actually talked himself out this time, Squall thought.) "Mayor Dobe is here to officially extend an invitation to the world conference in FH."
Squall looked at the mayor questioningly, then back at Laguna. "Isn't it a little late for that? I thought you were already invited."
"Not for me. For you."
At that, Squall raised his eyebrows. "Me."
As Laguna opened his mouth to speak, the mayor cut in -- almost too eagerly. "To sum it up quickly," he said, eyeing Laguna, then returning his gaze to Squall, "there are certain leaders who are concerned about the situation with the Sorceress..."
The mayor trailed off, waiting to gauge Squall's response. Squall's features simply froze.
Mayor Dobe coughed, then continued. "As the world understands it, you are the person most familiar with the situation. The Sorceress's continual presence is a nagging concern for world leaders" -- Squall's expression darkened -- "...so I'd like to ask you to come and clear up any concerns they may have," the mayor finished quickly.
The room was silent as the invitation hung in the air. This was what Squall had been avoiding for the past month. As a SeeD, he was trained to be a diplomat, but the situation at hand was simply too close to him for him to not feel anxious about discussing it. He wasn't looking forward to dealing with people's preconceptions about Sorceresses either. Because Edea -- the only other Sorceress Squall knew personally -- no longer possessed Sorceress powers she had been able to integrate herself back into respected society, although people tended to gloss nervously over the details of her part in the war. Rinoa, however, though she had officially done nothing to encourage distrust in the world's citizens (the releasing of Adel's seal under Ultimecia's control had been quickly silenced by the Esthar government), had become an object of suspicion by default, and that wasn't likely to change so easily.
"With all due respect," Squall said shortly, "I don't think I'm the right person for the position..."
He stopped when he saw Laguna's face become serious. Laguna stood up and walked around his desk to face him. Squall met his green eyes squarely.
"Do you think they'll really listen to me?" Squall continued without waiting for Laguna to speak. "Obviously I'm too close to Rinoa for them to trust my judgment." Squall's eyes flicked over to Mayor Dobe, who avoided his gaze, then returned to Laguna. "If you remember correctly," he added, "I'm also the one who broke Rinoa out of confinement when your government seized her from the Ragnarok."
Laguna shook his head, his gaze breaking away from Squall's. "As far as world leaders are concerned, that's just a dubious rumor. You may not realize it, Squall, but you have a lot of credibility on your side. General Caraway remembers you from the assassination mission in Deling City, which would have been successful if she hadn't realized in time -- you lead an entire garden against Galbadia Garden in Centra -- and everyone knows who lead the group who defeated Ultimecia."
"I was just doing my duty," Squall said tersely. He crossed his arms -- a habitual gesture -- and turned away, tapping his leather-clad fingers against his arm. "I don't see why Balamb Garden couldn't send someone like Quistis Trepe as representative instead." He realized his excuses weren't particularly convincing, but he was starting to feel cornered in. All anyone ever did was ask him to step up to a leadership role, and he had done it before, again and again, but now the thing he wanted wasn't at the goal ahead -- it was back here, in Esthar. He had no reason to keep taking up the helm.
Laguna pursed his lips, appearing to consider his next words. "Squall," -- the look Laguna gave him then was both serious and hesitant, the things that needed to be said warring with empathy -- "the rest of your team is occupied with other work. There's Trabia Garden to rebuild, practically from the ground up. There are talks with Galbadia Garden about finally opening up communications and the exchange of resources." Squall avoided Laguna's eyes. He knew this already. While he was hanging around, 'protecting' Rinoa.... "While you've been here," Laguna continued, "they've been busy with SeeD work." Squall said nothing. Laguna winced at the way that had come out. "Other SeeD work," he amended. It didn't help much. Silence hung heavily in the air, and Kiros and Mayor Dobe were busy looking anywhere but at the two of them. Squall put a hand to his temple and massaged it half-heartedly.
"Squall..." Laguna's voice softened, his brow furrowing. He reached out to touch Squall's arm.
Squall backed up a few steps, stiff. Laguna's face registered surprise. A brief flicker of hurt. Then a nervous laugh, and he shook off the past couple of moments, and was himself again. Mayor Dobe, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to melt into his chair. Kiros's expression was unreadable, but his eyes were on Squall, boring into him.
He didn't want to deal with this right now. Leave it to Laguna to bring up this unfamiliar relationship in the midst of another problem. A relationship that he had not only not known about, but had never expected to come along, especially the way it had. He had too many other things on his mind.
"Squall," said Laguna again. "If you don't do this, it may be a lot harder to protect Rinoa in the long run. Someone will have something to say about it eventually."
He knew this was true as well. Even if he wanted to run from it, he couldn't avoid this issue. As hard as it was to accept, getting through a difficult ordeal alive wasn't enough to be allowed to live quietly and in peace. There was always something to deal with, some loose ends to tie up. There was his guilt, too. While he was here trying to escape the world situation, there were others out there doing their share. It was pushing him to do something. As he thought about it more, he realized that it was inevitable. Just one more time, he let himself get pulled in to the front.
Maybe this would finally be the end of it all.
Suddenly, like a dream was coming back to him, he remembered exactly why he had come to talk to Laguna in the first place. Taking a breath to re-establish his trademark "cool collectedness," he looked squarely at Laguna again. The president met his gaze expectantly.
"If anything happens to Rinoa while I'm there," Squall said deliberately, "I can no longer guarantee the continued health of Dr. Odine and his staff."
Laguna grinned at him suddenly. (How the hell did this man go so quickly from one emotion to the other?) "Leave it to me to make the arrangements," he said, jabbing a thumb at his chest.
Squall only shook his head hopelessly.
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