My Immortal
Beginning the End

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She was asleep, her soft form hidden beneath satin sheets of pale blue. The nights were not easy on her, plaguing her with dreams of terrible things, and did not show any signs of getting better as time passed. She would awaken into shouts, fighting him as he tried desperately to calm her. Then, inevitably, he would hold her as her tears ran their course, she would settle and the cycle would begin anew. Elrond never left her at night. Not for a moment, though there were times he wanted to, if only to escape the pain. But he stood his ground and remained with her, trying so hard to be her strength. He pushed himself to his limits, then waited for more.

A soft moan had roused him from a comfortable doze his body had allowed him to slip into, here at the chair by the window in their bedroom. Now he sat, watching the stars through half-lidded eyes, too tired to feel. He wasn't keeping good hours, while she slept away many of hers. Things were a mess, as if the poison she had been inflicted with had taken to destroying their hearts now that it was cured of her body. His sons were angry, afraid. His daughter… Elrond closed his eyes tightly, trying to combat his emotions. Arwen's eyes when he had told her of the attack were burned into his memory, large and sorrowed.

He was no fool as to think she could simply brush aside an attack of this magnitude. She had been violated in a terrible way, abused by coarse hands and treated as a plaything for the minions of darkness. He held no illusions that she would be able to get over the terror and shame so soon. But her pain worried him. No matter how natural it was he could not shake the feeling of fearing she would be swallowed up in it. Never before had he felt so helpless, so useless. Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn were even now on their way here. Perhaps they could do what he could not.

The Lord of Rivendell brushed a hand through his loose hair as if plagued by a headache. The starlight shining down on him was scarce comfort right now, beautiful though it was. They provided him with a dark feeling, dark images that began so innocently.

Beneath the stars he had chased her within the brush of Lothlórien, the outskirts of Caras Galadhon quiet this far from the central city. Her laughter rang out, echoing along the woods like a silvery bell. She was as graceful as a bird, but somehow could not help but fall within a soft bed of leaves near the edge of a stream, gripping his robe and jerking him with her. Elrond had laughed, teasing her for her clumsiness, then kissed her softly.

He had asked her to marry him that night.

He tried so hard to grasp the memory, to force it to replay just as it had back then, but his thoughts were intruded upon by a leap back into reality. He could never hold on for long, never keep his memories sanctified from the pain of where his path had taken him. She would stir, moan or look at him and he would see her pained expression, blood covering her form. In the night he was haunted by the truth, alone and grieving without anyone to be his strength.

Celebrían pushed the sheets back from her, sitting up in their bed. Her hair obscured half of her face, but he could see she was looking at him. Pulling a fallen strap of her white gown back up her shoulder, she draped her feet over the edge of the bed and stood, silently moving towards the washroom. He turned back towards the window and removed the hope from his expression.

Long moments passed before her return. By the time she neared the bed he was standing, leaning against the sill and watching the trees gently sway with the night breeze. She came up to his side and he looked down, brushing her hair from her face. "What do you need, meleth?" he whispered, taking a deep breath.

She favored her side and he guessed her words before she uttered them. "It hurts. Can you help me?"

"Of course." As she turned he put his hand to the small of her back, leading her towards the bed where she sank down, drawing her skirt up. Elrond kept the numbing elixir on hand, right by the bed, for these occasions. Celebrían lifted her gown, bearing her side and he noticed her eyes close as he examined the tender wound. He noticed it a lot, but never let on that it bothered him, knowing the last thing she needed right now was to be pushed. The truth was as much as he and his children wanted things to be normal again, they couldn't be. Not now. He could not imagine what went through her mind now and then after all she had suffered. He had not gone through these things himself and yet to think of it was terrible for him.

Within the Lord of Imladris was a well of rage unlike he had ever experienced before. He could feel the tendrils of it awakening inside, reaching with black claws to wrap around his heart again as it had since he had learned of her cruel fate. He had been angry with Elros for leaving him. Angry that his brother had been given a choice, even though he fully knew how precious this birthright of his family was. For the longest time he had not understood his brother's choice to be mortal, to leave him. He had been grieved when his king, Gil-Galad had perished. Angry simply did not justify the depth of his emotion that day.

Yet those things were nothing in comparison to the fury he felt now. How dare they put their hands on that which was his?! His hands on her skin trembled and he pulled them back, trying to hide that he was troubled. But the anger churned within him still. Inside he felt the desperate need for some sort of justice, but the wisdom always prevailed. He knew he could not risk himself in some bloodlust filled hunt that would take him away from where he was needed. Elrond mourned that fact at times, too. Sometimes he wanted to abandon wisdom and throw himself into the moment. The moment he had found the evidence of her assault he would have, too, had she not needed him so desperately. It had been like a physical blow to his body.

He looked down and saw his fists tightened and with a sigh, let go. Anger would not help him now. It was a fire that would destroy him if he did not quench it. Celebrían pushed the soft material of her gown down her hip and turned, looking up into his face. She knew he was wavering. He could see it reflected within her eyes. Sighing softly, she brushed a lock of his dark hair out of his eyes and right then he nearly gave himself over to the weakness so intent on assailing him. But he couldn't. He had to be strong, so he looked away. "Iston Im avo rado sen caul u-long," she said softly.

He raced his eyes to her face, shaking his head and reaching a hand to her cheek. "Le u-vaur in naeth celich. Deri si a geri sîdh."

Celebrían exhaled again and pulled her face away from his touch, averting her eyes. "What if I cannot stop?" The uncertainty in her voice filled him with grief.

He impulsively reached for her, a natural thing for him to do, seeking to enfold her into his arms. She allowed it but her reluctance was not missed. Laying his head against her shoulder, he closed his eyes and breathed, "You can. You will. There will come a day when you will miss the worry, you will realize it is no longer there and rejoice. All it takes is time."

His words had little effect on her. His wife moved against him, trying to get comfortable, but inevitably she could not. "Perhaps," she responded, pulling away and looking down at the bed. "Elrond, will you give me some time tonight? Let me sleep alone?"

The question startled him. He would never deny her the right to privacy, of course, but never had she ever asked him out of their bedroom. He looked on her with wide eyes and saw her flinch in renewed pain, so he did what he thought best to relieve that pain. His own feelings could wait. "Of course, meleth. I would give you the stars if I could. You know that."

Her eyes lingered on his face in an almost longing way as she settled down, cradling the pillow to her head. His rage died there and melted away into aching. "I'm sorry, Elrond. I wish…"

He put his fingers to her lips and shook his head, trying not to let the grief overtake him. "Think nothing of it, my wife. I understand that you time and I can give you that. I only want that you will have a night of peaceful rest. I love you."

She wiped a few tears from her face and reached for him, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. "Hannon le, meleth nin. Your understanding means much to me."

"Then it is a boundless gift I give to you if it makes you happy," he replied, bringing her hand to his mouth and laying a tender kiss upon the soft skin. She didn't flinch away, but neither did it seem that his gesture had brought her any hope. With a parting look Elrond moved from the bed and turned away from her, his watch fixed on the door ahead of him. Once it was shut he leaned against it and closed his eyes, trying to shut out the feelings assailing him. He suddenly felt as if she were slipping from his grasp.

"Ada?" The quiet way in which she spoke brought a sensation of calm to his suddenly troubled soul. The Lord of Imladris opened his eyes, gathering his composure for Arwen's sake. From the dim hallway she approached, her hands folded within a dark robe, her blue eyes shaded with concern. "Ada, how is Naneth?"

Elrond searched himself fervently for a delicate answer. "She rests," he chose to say, seeing immediately in her expression that he had chosen poorly. "Her wounds sometimes still pain her."

Arwen nodded, coming closer to him. She seemed to be probing his gaze, looking for the truth of the matter, a truth he knew he could not hide just now. When her hand fell upon his arm he looked away. "Ada, what happened to her?" she asked him, her voice quiet and soft.

"She was attacked," he responded simply, resolved not to go further than that.

Arwen's hand on his arm tightened and he looked into her face, seeing anger there. Rarely did his little girl give him such a look, but when she did it pained him. "I have been asking questions for a week with no answers to quell my fears. Will no one tell me how my mother fares? She does not leave her rooms and you let no one see her."

That was what they believed. In truth he had not the heart to speak what Celebrían had said, that she had no will to see anyone, even her own children. She could not stand the thought of them seeing her so weakened and yet in that she sacrificed the strength that communication could provide. He tried to tell her of this, but she would not listen. And so he took the burden upon himself for the sake of his children. "I have said I do not want her disturbed, child. I should hope you of all would understand and obey my wishes."

His words did not have the intended effect. The gaze of his daughter hardened and she let go of him then, snapping, "I am not a child!" The passion of her voice startled him and Elrond looked upon her with wide eyes. But when tears filled hers he found all his anger melt away and the pain resurface all the more. As Arwen began to weep he enfolded her into his embrace, berating himself for his own silence when she asked, "Ada, is Naneth fading into Mandos?"

"Nay, Iell, she is not fading," he said gently, closing his eyes and willing himself to be strong again. He could not allow his troubled heart to worsen the fears of his children. "I am sorry I have been silent, but I only wish to protect you. Naneth is not fading. She will survive."

He did not know how to answer her next question. "Then why can I not see her?"

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Author: Ruse

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings isn't mine and nor is Elrond, unfortunately, nor Legolas or Aragorn. No infringement intended.

Sindar:
1 -Iston Im avo rado sen caul u-long. – I know I don't make this burden light.
2 - Le u-vaur in naeth celich. Deri si a geri sîdh. – You don't need the worry you carry. Stop now and have peace.
3 – Iell. – Daughter.

A/N: Can someone PLEASE tell me what the big deal is about putting certain things as your section break? Now the equal sign doesn't even work for me!

Sorry, guys, I'm late on a lot of things, I know. sob Things have been...busy. ;) Anyway, yeah...I've had complaints about putting the translations at the end instead of nearby, because of having to lose one's spot and scroll down. That's why I stuck the trans right in the text, like say a movie puts the subtitles during the words, not the end. shrugs :X Sorry!

Anyway, thanks again for the reviews! Means a bunch! Hope you continue to enjoy, even in the sadness.