My Immortal
Fading
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Leaning against his chair, Legolas observed with growing unease the distraction of his friends. He knew that what they were suffering was indeed painful and he wished sorely that he could do something, anything to help them. As the days passed with no word from their mother their despair grew. Elrohir was quiet, going off by himself often, gazing with wistful eyes out the windows or at various decorations within the home. Even now he gazed absently at the floor as if seeing another time and place. Yet despite that it was not he that Legolas worried over.
Elladan paced there in the dining hall where the three of them were seated, wasting away the morning without words or activity. At every meal the absence of Lady Celebrían was obvious, but what made this morning different had been the fact that Lord Elrond had also been missing. Arwen had discreetly told them he was resting, but her expression was not a peaceful one. Later the twins had pressed her for any details she knew and the princess had told them of her midnight encounter with their grieving father.
Rubbing near his still very tender shoulder, Legolas pondered what it was that caused the heart to seek after painful knowledge. Knowing what pain their parents endured did nothing to help the twins cope. He had been little when his own mother had been lost, but he could still remember the great suffering of his father. Thranduil had lost something of himself in seeing his wife murdered, lost his ability to be open even as Legolas had lost some of his innocence. He could still recall how terrible it was to see his father grow silent and distant. He had no desire to see his friends endure the same.
"Perhaps you should go and speak with your father," he suggested, looking up at them through grave eyes.
Elladan was the first to respond, his tone harsh and bitter. "What have I to say to him?"
Inwardly, Legolas sighed. The elder twin was so full of passion, so full of rage and it was directed at everyone and everything. "Elladan, do not let a rift come between you and he," he said blatantly, citing the problem instead of hinting at it.
Stopping and turning with wide, angry eyes. "Do not presume to tell me how to relate to my own father, Legolas. I have nothing to say to him."
The Prince of Mirkwood shook his head, frustrated he could not get through to his friend. "How can you say this of him? He is suffering."
"Then he would do well to see to our mother's recovery!" Elladan shouted, throwing his hand up. He then turned away and began pacing again. "He is the greatest healer among our people and yet Naneth manages to still be unwell."
Brought from his silence by his brother's irrational anger, Elrohir sat straighter and glared at him. "Elladan, she was attacked! What do you expect? Do you think he enjoys seeing her in pain?"
"Of course not!" Elladan ran a hand through his raven hair, glaring at his younger brother. "But there has to be more he could be doing. There has to be!"
"And what more would you have me do?" Three sets of eyes traveled towards the door to see the shadow of the Lord of Imladris. His voice was soft and guarded, his eyes shown with deep hurt as he spoke. "There is not a moment that goes by that I do not ask myself what more I can do, Ion. If you have any ideas I would be more than willing to hear them." Despite his words, however, Lord Elrond did not wait for a reply. His sorrowed form retreated from the doorway and for a terrible moment all was silent.
Then Elrohir spoke, his tone sharp. "Would you have us lose him as well?" he asked, his gaze unwavering as he waited for his brother's reply.
Elladan's eyes were wide, stricken and Legolas looked away, knowing there would be a fight. "What do you imply?" he said dangerously low, approaching his twin.
"I imply that we should be prepared for anything, Muindor. Anything. I love Nana as much as you, but to let myself believe that nothing bad could befall her would be foolish." He took again to looking away and a glance showed the Prince of Mirkwood that he was deeply suffering. "We may lose her. Let us not add Ada to that loss by turning him away."
Again silence seemed to dominate and Legolas tensed, knowing his friend well. Many times the twins were of the same mind, but more often Elladan was hot headed and stubborn, particularly when it was Elrohir being the wiser of the two. Footsteps echoed within the quiet of the room, driven by purpose rather than senseless pacing. His eyes blazing, Elladan bent down and gripped his brother's tunic, hissing, "Take it back! How dare you suggest such a thing!?"
Ruffled, Elrohir pushed his brother away from him and stood his ground, glaring up from his chair. "I dare to be realistic, Elladan. Denying the truth will only make it harder on you! Do you forget our vision?"
"A dream! It was only a dream!" the elder twin responded harshly, moving again towards his brother. This time Elrohir rose from his chair, ready to defend himself as Elladan pushed him.
Pained by this display, hating to see the family of his friends being torn apart, Legolas stood as well, moving to intervene. As Elrohir shoved back, Elladan was drawing his fist back, an action that shocked and sickened the Wood-Elf, who lamented the situation that drove them to such depths. Rushing to where the twins of Imladris were beginning to battle, he looped his arm within Elladan's, pulling back and throwing his friend off balance. Angry, Elladan pushed him away and Legolas groaned as his shoulder flared up in sudden pain. It caught him breathless and he pulled back a few steps, holding himself in a protective stance as he looked up.
"You would hurt our friend in your rage?" Elrohir growled, but made no move to continue the fight.
An expression of regret flickered across the elder's face as he looked in concern to where Legolas stood, watching with grave eyes. The Prince of Mirkwood shook his head, rubbing his collarbone. "Say no more, Elrohir. I take no offence."
Elladan lowered his eyes, but was still too angry to apologize and Legolas understood that, even as the elder turned away, heading towards the door. He exited without a word, without a glance and Legolas exhaled, wandering to a window. Elrohir joined him, stopping at his right. "You should let me look at that shoulder, mellon nin. And perhaps you should not be so quick to excuse him. The latter is only an opinion, of course." He grunted sourly, looking at his friend.
Opening his tunic partway, Legolas pulled back the bandage and saw that the skin had not been damaged further by the jerk. Elrohir stole a glance, but said nothing, making the same observation. Legolas closed his shirt and looked outside with sad eyes. He did not like to hear Elrohir speak of losing his mother. Of course he understood the need to be prepared for the worst, but it seemed as if his friend was giving up at times. Having his mother here was a precious gift, Legolas understood the loss of that well, and he had no desire to see his friends accept that fate if they could do anything to change it. He knit his brow, trying to push away the sudden voice that invaded his memory, the screams that haunted him. He had to be strong for them. Now was not the time for old grief to resurface.
He sighed and gave his friend a sidelong glance. "Nay, I will not hold his actions against him during so terrible a time. He suffers and does not know how else to express that other than to fight. You know this better than I."
Elrohir glared at an unoffending tree outside, probably seeing something else within his mind's eye. "Aye, I know it. It is aggravating."
"Why do you look to her passing with such certainty?" Legolas asked, knowing he could not change a brother's view of his own.
The raven-haired prince exhaled and crossed his arms. For an instant Legolas saw Elrond in that expression. "Because I am afraid, Legolas," he said nakedly and the Prince of Mirkwood looked down, fingers toying with a swaying drape at his left. His friend continued in a hushed tone. "I am afraid that if I hope, I will be wrong. Elladan was always able to brush things aside, but not I. I want to believe all will be well, but what if I am wrong?"
He was unsure what to say. What counsel could he give his friend that would ease such pain and fear? Legolas searched himself and felt wisdom failed him. In the end he could think of only one thing. "Is it not better to believe and be wrong, than to doubt and be wrong?" He turned, seeing a puzzled look on his friend's face. "You know what could happen. Now you may choose to believe she will fade to Mandos and allow it to happen by accepting the grief, or you may believe she has a chance and help her fight to remain. If she cannot then at least you will have tried, knowing what could happen if you failed."
Elrohir's eyes moistened, but he did not let it overtake him. Returning his wet gaze towards the outside, he whispered, "I do not know if I am that strong."
Clapping his friend on the back, Legolas gave him a reassuring look. "You are, mellon nin. You are."
A discreet cough from behind them drew their attention. Both Legolas and Elrohir turned to see one of the housemaids at the door. She bowed in respect. "My Lord, I was sent to find you and your family. The Lord and Lady of Lothlórien have arrived."
A look of hope crossed Elrohir's features as he shared a look with Legolas, then motioned him on. Perhaps a visit with her parents would aid the Lady Celebrían in this so terrible time. Legolas fervently prayed so as they traversed the House of Elrond.
The reunion between the Halfelven family and their Lórien kin was a quiet one. Elrond and Elladan were already there when the Prince of Mirkwood and his friend entered the antechamber at the main entrance where the Elves of Lórien were, the Lord and Lady, plus a small gathering of guards. The elder twin was embracing his grandfather with a solemn expression and his brother took up before their grandmother in much the same way. Legolas retreated to an unassuming position, nodding his own greeting as the Lady of Light turned her gaze upon him. He had never met her before and found himself in awe beneath the immense wisdom held within those eyes. He felt as if she knew all there was to know about him and more. A wan smile played at her lips when he thought that. Quite suddenly he felt as though he were not alone as the weight of a powerful mind swept across his own. You are valuable here, Legolas Thranduilion, she whispered within his heart and Legolas glanced away, taken by the certainty of her timeless voice. He wanted to be a help to his friends. He wanted that and nothing more.
Her mind left his as she turned her attention upon her family. "There is great pain here," she said softly, running her fingers through Elrohir's dark hair, letting the strands melt from her hand. "This will not be an easy time for any of us." She turned her head to look at her husband and Legolas found himself touched by the grace of her movements.
His voice grave, Lord Celeborn nodded and added his own words, looking particularly at Elladan. "Indeed and pointless quarrels will not help matters."
His grandsons exchanged glances, then both said together, "Sorry, Edwenadar.1"
Celeborn looked between them with endlessly patience and understanding. Though he did well to keep private his emotions, Legolas could see traces of sorrow and worry. The same was reflected within Lady Galadriel's eyes. It made these great beings seem more accessible somehow. As if hearing that, Galadriel turned towards him, approaching. "And you are he who suffered with Celebrían."
Legolas bowed his head as the profound guilt returned. If only he had done more. "I only wish…" he started to say.
The Lady of Light cut him off with the simple shake of her head. "Nay, Legolas. Do not hold such feelings within your heart. You were with her through the terror when she would have suffered alone. It is because of you she lives, for surely the sadness would have taken her away had you not been there to comfort her." Her face betrayed such warmth as she smiled, leaning forward to bestow a kiss upon his cheek. Despite himself he felt a flutter rush through him as she did so. When he looked up Elrohir was smirking. Galadriel stepped back beside her husband, speaking again in his mind. You will be needed still, if you are willing.
Of course, he replied softly, meeting her gaze with a promise.
Her expression was not what he expected, deeply grave and penetrating. It may cost you more than time, penneth.
He would have asked her what she meant, but her attention was taken with Lord Elrond as he motioned them to join him. His sons lingered behind, bidding the trio farewell—Elladan reluctantly, but not without affection and regret for his words towards his father. When they were alone Elladan looked up at his brother with a smile that asked forgiveness, muttering, "How does he always know?"
Elrohir grunted and messed up his twin's hair.
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Author: Ruse
Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings isn't mine and nor is Elrond, unfortunately, nor Legolas or Aragorn. No infringement intended.
Sindar:
1 – Edwenadar. – Second-Father.
2 – Penneth. – Young one.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry it's late again...sighs