"So, Harry, What is your name?" Sombrero Bob did an odd little dance. Maraca music was playing on the radio.

Harry glared at the sombrero man in confusion. "What did you say?"

"WHAT is your name, you fool."

"Oh.. It's .. uh. Well, actually it's Ron. Ronald .. Measely."

"Well, Harry, isn't that nice. I mean Ron. I mean." He slowed down, and had a wild look in his eye sockets. (nope, no eyes..) He slammed the gas pedal, and did a crazy U-turn at 100046 km. Then, he crashed into the Dursley's house, thinking that this would upset Harry, and strategically parked in the driveway, cackling ominously.

In the silence of the car, the ominous cackling was quite disturbing. Harry shuddered.

"ahaha.haha. hahahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!" Voldemort's cackling reached a peak. All the car windows shattered, dramatically, one of the shards hitting Harry's hand and carving the symbol of a lightning bolt.

Mrs. Picklesworth, a very gossipy, plump lady in her 30s, and her husband, had moved in the day before. She was standing in her front lawn, weeding her daffodils etc, when the car windows exploded. Without expressing any surprise, she gaped at the car and simply watched on in surprise. She popped a piece of gum in her mouth.

"I'm bleeeeeeeeeeding!" whimpered Harry. Poor Harry.

"Bwahahaha.. It is all part of my plan." A strange pause. "Now, to shock you.."

He put a skeletal hand on the sombrero, and began slowly taking it off..revealing, a very thin, ugly looking Voldemort. Actually, he looked kind of pathetic without the sombrero.

Harry screamed in horror, leapt out of the car with suitcase in hand, threw it at Voldemort, and ran like hell.

"You FOOOOOL," the dark sombrero lord boomed from the dilapidated old car, shaking his grotesque fist after Harry.

Harry was tearing down Oak Street when he noticed a taxi going by.

He waved frantically, and hailed it down, literally throwing himself into the cab.

"I'm being chased by Vo- I mean, a very evil person.. a .. er.. stalker." He realized how absurd he must seem. "I mean, a criminal." He thought for a moment, then added, "He's got a gun." He pondered for a moment as to whether Voldemort actually even knew what a gun was, but quickly remembered his predicament at hand.

The taxi was eerily silent for a moment, when the driver spoke.

"No worries, my child. You're safe now.." It was almost familiar. Harry shook it off. Voldemort wouldn't feign a woman's voice, would he?

They reached the station, but instead of turning in to take Harry to it, the driver kept driving straight ahead.

"What are you doing?" cried Harry, "I'm going to miss my train!"

The car stopped.

The driver took off her hat.

She turned her head very, very slowly.

When Harry finally saw her face, it was wearing an almost maniacal grin.

"OH MY GODDDDD!!!!" Harry screamed.

"Hem, hem. Harry, are you okay?"

It was Umbridge!!

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more horrifying revelations coming to you soon

poor harry! ;(