A/N: Hey, hey Peeps I'm back AT LONG LAST with an update for the weakest link. This has been a LONG time in the making but it's finally here and it's my favourite round out of all the ones I've done. (I've handwritten the next two rounds so they'll be here soon!!!) Anywho Enjoy the madness I have reaked!!
P.S: Chicabiddy can you please e-mail me or something I NEED TO GET IN CONTACT WITH YOU!! There is something you and I have to discuss which was on one of you reviews. But you'd better be quick or I might not be able to fit it in!! So E-MAIL ME NOW!!!
Round Four: A Slight Problem
Well were back at long last with the fourth round of the Weakest Link. After much Snape-bashing in the build up to the last round, things are now much more relaxed –pouts- but not entirely sane. After the departure of Draco at the end of the last round, Snape has been isolated, as none of the remaining contestants will talk to him and he has well begun to act a little strange. Well enough if that –smirks- let's get back to the game. At the end of the last round the gang earned 250 Galleons, Draco was ditched and all were severally traumatized by my choice of costume. Well I think It's time we see how the contestants are doing –snigger-
MIN: God that last round was truly awful!!!
ALL MALES: ……………………….
HERM: I think that's a YES, there still traumatized
MIN: Ah well –sigh- You have to admit MV sure knows how to be cruel!
ALL: -NOD-
SNAPE: Is that you Mavis!?!
ALL: - Look in Snape's direction- Eh?? MAVIS?? –Move slowly away-
HARRY: I think he's cracked
REMUS: Cracked???
HARRY: You know.. Gone Mental, lost his marbles etc.
REMUS: Oh….. Right.
SIRIUS: Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Snape nuts already?
MIN: Well.. not nuts exactly. Mentally unstable perhaps, but not nuts.
ALL: -Raise eyebrows questioningly-
SNAPE: Hello there Beautiful –Blows kiss at Minerva-
MIN: Oh sweet Jesus, Mary and the rest of the holy family!! –Pales visibly- I retract my previous statement!!! MV HELP ME!!!!!
MV: Someone call my name??
MIN: YES!! ME!!
MV: And.. what is the problem??
MIN: -Hysterical- The Problem!… SNAPE'S GONE PSYCHO AND IS BLOWING KISSES AT ME!!
MV: Ah.. I could see that as being a major problem.
MIN: WELL OBVIOUSLY!!!
MV: So what do you want me to do…?
MIN: GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!!!!!
MV: Hmm… Easier said than done… how about this, I can put an extra room in and you can stay in there while Snape in the other. And while you are in one room he can't enter it and vice versa.
MIN: -Thoughtfully- That could work
MV: Of course it'll work! I thought of it!!
HARRY: Miss Smugness there or what?
MV: Oh Come on!! I'm allowed to be a little smug. I DID set this up after all!!
HARRY: TRUE! –shrugs-
MV: Darn Right!! Well are we all agreed on my little idea then?
ALL: Okay!!
RANDOM VOICE: NOOO!!!!
MV: Huh!?! Who said that??
SIRIUS: Perhaps it was one of the staff?
MV: Good thinkin'! Right, be back in a min
(Footsteps are heard followed by a LOT of shouting and cursing!)
MV: Okay I'm back!! It was one of the stupid producers!!
SIRIUS: And why did he or she say no??
MV: Well HE said that we didn't have enough funding.
SIRIUS: And what did you say?
MV: Well I said that he'd better find some right quick, which he did –although can't be seen grins-
SIRIUS: And How'd you get it?
MV: -Slyly- Well .. we .. er stole it from another show
HERM: Really!! Which one?
MV: -Evilly- Er.. Kilroy* I think
(* A/N: A VVVVVVVV Boring/ annoying/ irritating talkshow)
HARRY/HERM: ALRIGHT!! Nice one hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
ALL OTHERS: -Confused- WHAT????
HARRY: Muggle daytime TV, Aunt Petunia subjected me to it once.
ALL: -WINCE-
(Telephone rings)
MV: Hello.. –Murmurs- WHAT!?! Oh that's not good! –More murmurs- You mean their HERE, NOW!! UH OH –More murmurs- Right thanks for the warning, I should be bale things out up here okay bye!
MIN: What was all that about MV?
MV: Erm.. well, we have a SLIGHT problem
SIRIUS: -Hesitantly- And that is…?
MV: -Nervously- Erm… well… according to my chief of security a certain Slytherin –cough- Draco Malfoy –cough- Ran straight to the Ministry and informed them of a certain escaped convicts whereabouts…
SIRIUS: -Looks nervous- Oh S$*& !!
MV: Oh that's not all… The Ministry have now sent Dementors to SAID location..
SIRIUS: OH MEGA S$*& !! –Pales visibly- What am I gonna do I'm trapped in here!!
MV: Hey CHILL Sirius CHILL!!! I won't let them get you. If I do J.K will have my head on a platter (She has the money to do that!) as I will have screwed up the plotline for the next three books. NEVER MIND the legions of Fanfic authors and Sirius lovers. DAMNIT!! I knew I should have erased Draco's memory!
SIRIUS: You should have, but you can't change that now!!
MV: TRUE!! –sighs-
SIRIUS: So what are you going to do?
MV: Well in order to protect you and prevent any major mishaps to me, I'm going to let you go and transport you wherever you want…. But nowhere illegal!!!
SIRIUS: Obviously… Right I'd like to go where I was hiding out over the summer.
(A/N: Which is consequentially Remus's house)
MV: You got it!! Er.. do you want to say your goodbyes?
SIRIUS: Er.. yeah .. thanks!! Well guys it's been somewhat fun, especially with the Snape bashing –Grins evilly-
ALL BAR SNAPE: -Grin evilly back-
SIRIUS: Well I guess this is goodbye, for now anyway.
REMUS: See you soon Padfoot old friend
SIRIUS: Same here Moony
SNAPE: -FINALLY catching on- Padfoot?? Moony?? WAIT A MINUTE!! That parchment that means it was you!!! You wrote those insults!!!!
REMUS: Er.. YEAH!! Only just figured that out Severus?
SIRIUS: Bit slow ain't he??
REMUS: -Nods- I'd say so! –Smirks-
HARRY: -Smirking also- Seeya Sirius!! Just promise me one thing NO MORE LARGE BIRDS!!!
SIRIUS: -Laughs- Okay Harry!!
MV: Well are you ready to go now?
SIRIUS: YEP! Let's go MV!!
MV: Okay! 1…2…3.. Bye!!
(Sirius disappears)
MV: Right!!! Crisis averted!!
SNAPE: Damn it!! I didn't get a chance to smack him, ah well I suppose you'll have to do Lupin!!
-makes threatening movement toward Remus-
REMUS: -Growls- Don't even attempt it!!! Unless of course you WANT your limbs removed!!
MV: Ouuhh I love it when you go all FERAL Remus!!!
REMUS: -Blushes-
ALL OTHERS: -Snigger-
SNAPE: -Evilly- Oh Lupin, looks like you have an admirer. –Sings- School, Girl, Cruush!!
REMUS: -Blush Deepens- Shut up Snape!!
MV: -Sternly- Right!! If you've all finished deciding whether or not I have a crush on Remus…
SNAPE: HAH!!! CAUGHT YOU!! MV and Lupin sitting in a tree –Gets shocked-
MV: -Growls- I DID not say that I had one, I was stating that I didn't so there!!
ALL: -Snigger-
REMUS: -Groans still blushing-
HARRY: We believe you an' all, so how about letting us go?
MV: Hmm…. NO!
HARRY: EVIL!!
MV: -Shocked- ME!? EVIL!? No, no, no, no, no. A slightly bored individual with a mental imagination YES, but evil NO!
HARRY: I agree with the MENTAL!!
MV: Okay enough talk it's time to figure out Sirius's replacement
ALL: -Confused- REPLACEMENT????
MV: Well obviously.. I AM trying to do this professionally!!
ALL: -Sarcastically and looking sceptical-……. SURE!
MV: -Ignoring sarcasm- We have several choices and each is for a different purpose. Hmm.. decisions, decisions. Ah hell I can't decide so I'll let you guys do it!!
MIN: And how exactly are we going to do that?
MV: EASY- All you have to do is pick door 1,2, or 3
HERM: Why can't you just pick?
MV: Because I Know who is behind the doors and anywho it's more fun this way!
HERM: Fun for WHO exactly
MV: ME most probably –grins-
ALL: -Groan-
MV: So what's it gonna be.. Door 1,2, or 3!?!
Harry: Hey MV's a poet and she didn't quite now it!!
ALL: -Groan at ridiculous pun-
(All of them excluding Snape huddle together and quickly discuss)
REMUS: We pick door number 1!
MV: Are you SURE!!!
ALL: YES!!
MV: OK then!! Let's see who you turned down. Behind door number two is the ex-captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team… Oliver Wood!
(Door opens and reveals a confused looking Oliver)
OLI: Hey Guys.. Professors… what's going on here??
HARRY: You DON'T want to know Oliver, Just be glad you ain't staying
OLI: Huh? What do you mean Harry?
MV: He means this Oliver (Clicks fingers and Oliver disappears)
MIN: Another one bites the dust
ALL: YUP!!
MV: Well behind door number 3 is the Beauxbatons Bombshell and Tri-Wizard cup participant Miss Fleur Delacour!!
(Door opens revealing a highly Peeved Fleur)
FLEUR: Where 'ze 'hell am I ??
HERM: (Elbows Harry first) –Sarcastic- In a Television studio Fleur, I thought THAT would be obvious
FLEUR: -Glares at Hermione- Ze sarcasm in 'er voice iz Overwhelming!!
MV: I know, Isn't it!! Well good job you aren't staying.. bye Fleur (Clicks fingers and Fleur disappears)
HERM: Glad she's gone –Glares at door-
MV: -Sings to the Queen tune- And another one's down and another one's down another one bites the dust, YEEEAAHHHHH!!!
ALL: -Blink- O….Kay?!?
MV: Er.. sorry had a bit of a Queen moment there. Well it's time to introduce the newest member of the team, the bane of everyone's existence. Prof Sybil Trelawney!!
ALL: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
MIN: How could you do this to us MV!!!!
MV: Hey!! That's so unfair!! Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't it you who chose the door? I tried to get you to change!
MIN: But the point is- SHE WAS THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!
HERM: GOD!! I'd rather put up with Fleur than HER!! And that's saying something!!
(Door opens and offending personage walks in)
MIN: -Starts Growling lowly and wand hand itches-
SYBIL: I Foresaw this!!! I tried to warn you……
MV: Oh do shut UP!!!
SYBIL: ARGH!!… Where'd that voice come from it's an omen I can sense it..
MV: ERGH!! –Wrenches out hair- Sybil I thought I said SHUT UP!!!! Dam she's irritating!
SYBIL: -Sniff- FINE!
MV: Right, Rule No 5 no predictions, mentioning of Omens, Grims, Evil spirits etc.!!
HARRY: Yahoo!! … Pity you can't enforce it outside the studio!!
MV: True, but J.K needs someone other than Snape to torment you with –sighs- Well everyone get out on stage, were running out of time. Chop, chop. Oh yeah and before I forget Sybil your between Hermione and Harry
HARRY& HERM: -Groan-
SYBIL: So WHY exactly am I here?
MIN: Oh you'll catch on soon enough
(All go onto set)
HERM: Here we go again
MV: Oh yeah one last thing before I forget… er this won't make you too happy but you can't vote for Sybil this round.
ALL: WHAT!!!!! NO FAIR!!!!!
MV: Sorry!!! But it's in the official rules (Somewhere) and not even I can mess with that
ALL: But you've messed with everything else!!!
MV: -Uncomfortable- well … yeah… but I can't mess with this because I didn't make it up and it would mean meddling with the entire game format, which I seriously haven't got the time to do.. OKAY!!
ALL: Okay we understand –pout-
MV: Thanks you guys, anywho before I forget the theme for this round is pirates and the open seas
ALL: -Look blank-
MV: You'll get it now –snaps fingers-
(Instantly they are all put into costume. Remus and Harry sport Captain Hookesque costumes while Snape looks like some mangy extra. Hermione and Minerva have the usual heroines costume (Shirt and breeches) while Sybil looks practically the same only with the addition of an eye-patch and parrot (Well she looks a bit like a pirate anyway!!))
(Anne comes back on stage)
SYBIL: ARRGHH!!! It's the demon from my vision … -gets shocked-
MV: I thought I TOLD you Sybil! NO MENTIONING OF DEMONS!! Otherwise that happens. –smirks-
SYBIL: -Mutters mutinously under breath-
ANNE: Whose the new nut job…er victim…. Erm contestant?
MV: Trelawney, Sybil Trelawney.
ANNE: -Groans- Not ANOTHER Uri Gellar wannabe!!
HARRY: -Before anyone can ask- Just don't bother!
ANNE: -Gazing round- And what's happened to that other dark haired one…. Sirius?
MV: I kinda had to let him go….
ANNE: -Angry & Panicky- WHAT!!! WHY!!!!
MV: Well it was either let him go or let him have his soul painfully sucked out by a dementor…. Which a certain millionaire author would NOT have been happy about!
ANNE: OH!!!….. Point taken
MV: -Curious-…. Erm why Anne?
ANNE: -Uncomfortably- Er… no reason in particular…
MV: Don't you use that tone of voice with me….. –thinks a moment- … OH NO WAY ANNE…. GROSS!!!!
REMUS: What's gross?!?
MV: Just think about it.
REMUS: -Thinks- Oh dear, Poor Padfoot –Pales & Looks ill- Barf bag please!!
(Others bar Snape and Trelawney begin to catch on)
MIN: Make that two –pales and holds hand to mouth-
HERM: -Looks ready to hurl- Same here!!
HARRY: Ditto!! –Makes gagging noise- URGH!! That's worse than MV and Prof Lupin
MV: -Affronted- AHEM!! I thought we'd already established that I do not and I repeat DO NOT have a crush on Remus! Do I HAVE to shock you Mr. Potter?
HARRY: -Swallows nervously- Umm.. No.
SNAPE & SYBIL: -Look on oblivious- HUH??
ANNE: -Supremely hacked off- Oh enough talk about me.. Let's get on with the show!! In the last round Harry was the strongest link and so he will start this round. Ten more seconds have been taken from the clock and the time starts …. NOW!!
Harry- Which was the first team to successfully win the QDL* cup three successive times?
(* Qudditch Domestic League)
HARRY: Puddlemere United –Mutters aside- Thank you Oliver!!
ANNE: Correct!! Sybil –Glares at her- Name the infamous Wizard bandit who was a member of Robin Hood's merry men?
SYBIL: Erm.. Will Scarlet?
ANNE: -Downright shocked- Correct! Hermione- what is the most Powerful memory spell in existence?
HERM: Oh WOW that's hard!…. I have NO idea
ALL: -Look in shock- Hermione doesn't know something!!
ANNE: The right answer is Crystillia Memoria. Snape- glares at him- Which company produced the 'Silver Arrow' style of racing broom
SNAPE: -Smirks- Broomstyle international!
ANNE: Correct! Minerva- which creature is a cross between Manticores and fire crabs?
MIN: Lord, how could I NOT know that. They terrorized my student through the whole of last term! Blast-ended Skrewts
ANNE: Correct!! Remus what is the collective name of the British muggle unit of currency?
REMUS: Hmm.. The Pound Sterling?
ANNE: Correct!! Harry- Name the Wizard who became famous in the Muggle dramatic arts, staring in films such as 'Gone with the wind'?
HARRY: Clark Gable, At last those long hours being forced to watch it paid off!!
ANNE: Correct!! Sybil- Name the host of the Wizarding version of 'Changing Rooms'
SYBIL: -Groans- Urgh… um… I know this come on…. Got it!! Seymour Fancie
(A/N: I DON'T own him, he belongs to the fabulously funny Luna)
ANNE: Correct! What kind of name is THAT for a man
MV: An extremely poncy and funny one, now get on with it Anne
ANNE: -Sniffs- Fine then! Hermione- What is the difference between Arthimancy and Numerology?
HERM: One is a form of Divination –glares at Sybil- the other is the study of numbers
ANNE: Correct!! Snape- Borgin and Burkes is a well known business establishment, but where is it situated?
SNAPE: -Winces slightly- Knockturn Alley.
ANNE: -Raises eyebrow suspiciously- Correct Minerva-…
MIN: BANK!!!!
-Funky music goes-
ANNE: Right! At the end of that round you accumulated 600 Galleons. I ask you who had outstayed their welcome, who's IQ is in single figures –Looks pointedly at Snape- It is time to vote off the weakest link!!
MV: At the end of this round Minerva was the strongest link as she answered all her questions correctly and banked money for the team. The weakest link was Hermione as she was the only one to get a question wrong. But will the votes follow the facts?
ANNE: It's time to reveal who you think is the Weakest link.
MIN: SYBIL!! And I don't care what you said MV!!
MV: -Growls- It's a good job you're my Fav character otherwise I would have been dangerously annoyed. I guess I should have seen this coming!!
MIN: -Smirks-
REMUS: Snape!!
HARRY: Hermione, sorry Herm!
SYBIL: Hermione –glares at Hermione-
HERM: Sybil –Glares at Harry and Sybil-
MV: -Highly annoyed- HERMIONE PLEASE!!!! Can't ANYONE pay attention to what I say!!!!
HERM: -Embarrassed- Sorry MV but my feelings toward HER!! Are exactly the same as Professor McGonagall's
MV: Yeah I know! –sigh- Okay I'll let it pass but yours and Minerva's votes don't count.
MIN/HERM: -pout-
SNAPE: Lupin!!
REMUS: I DO have a first name you know!!
SNAPE: I know… I just don't like using it
MV: -Groans- I have a BAD feeling about this!
ANNE: EHEM!!! Well Hermione with two votes you are the weakest link goodbye!!
(Hermione walks off stage)
MV: Okay guys things are all sorted backstage! So if you want to mossie on back there.
ALL: Alright!
SNAPE: Er.. MV do I have your permission to do something?
MV: Huh? Maybe?.. What do you want to do?
SNAPE: This –picks out throwing dagger from costume and hurls it at Anne-
MV: OH S$*@ !!!! SNAPE I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD DO THAT!!!
ANNE: -Dagger hits here in shoulder- ARRRGGGHHHH Snape you've killed me!!!
HARRY: -Smirks- You B*&^%$d
(Sorry couldn't resist the south park line)
MV: -Laughs- Touche Harry! Dam I knew I should have removed the weapons.. Ah well got to admit he has a good aim.
ALL: -Nod-
ANNE: GOOD AIM!!!! That does it!! MV You'll be hearing from my agent….. –passes out from shock/ blood loss-
MV: -Groans- Okay you lot –clicks fingers- Costumes gone! So no more mishaps for now anyway. Right you lot, backstage NOW!! While I sort out this mess… Ah Man!! I'm REALLY gonna get in trouble over this one!!