Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING mentioned in this chapter. Especially not the host, who is a real person. I have more chance of controlling a sixty-foot Tsunami than her!!
Round Five: Disturbances experienced by all!!
Way hay Peeps; I'm starting to speed up –smirks- This round is here in record time!! Anywho were back with round five of the weakest link. Last round a few things happened, Sirius had to be let go due to a sudden Dementor problem (DAM MALFOY!!! I shall have my vengeance.. Mwahahahahaha!!!) And Sybil Trelawney was brought in as a replacement –shudders-. Hermione was booted off at the end of the round and Snape critically injured Anne, much to the amusement and entertainment of all. Well let's see how they're getting on!
MIN: Right! Now move that couch in front of the door so they can't get out!!
(Harry and Remus do so)
REMUS: So that's the annoying buggers out of the way!
HARRY: Yeah!…. So what do we do now??
REMUS: I don't know? Amuse ourselves?
MIN: Er.. How exactly?
REMUS: -Shrugs- ..I Dunno.
HARRY: HEY MV!!!!
MIN: -P.O- What did you do that for Potter!!!!
HARRY: -Gives calm glare- At least with MV around it's entertaining, and you never know she might ACTUALLY give us something to do.
REMUS: I hadn't thought of it like that
MIN: Me neither
HARRY: And you call yourselves Professors?
MIN & REMUS: -Glare-
MV: Hey guys!! You called?
HARRY: Yeah!!! We are dangerously bored!! Can't you give us something to do??
MV: Hmmm… I suppose so, I mean I still have to sort out the host for this round because of the unfortunate incident at the end of the last round –although can't be seen smirks evilly-
REMUS: -Innocently- How is Anne?
MV: She's doing okay (Unfortunately) she should be okay in a round or two. But I'm having a time with her agents; they're having a fit!!
REMUS: -trying not to smile- Really, such a pity –Note HEAVY sarcasm-
MV: -Picking up on sarcasm- I know isn't it!! Anywho back to the point, you wanted something to do!!
ALL: YEP!!
MV: Well I ain't promising much, but I'll see what I can do!!
HARRY: Thanks MV
(Rummaging is heard in the background and 5 min's later MV returns)
MV: Well I found this –Game of Twisterä appears in front of them- Sorry it ain't much, but it's the only thing I could find around this godforsaken place.
HARRY: No problem! Thanks again MV!!
MV: Erm … Before I go, just where is Snape and Sybil?
MIN: We locked them next-door –grins-
MV: Ah… that explains the couch. Well I think I'll leave them there for a while longer. Right I got a host to sort out, have fun Peeps!!
MIN: Okay.. How exactly do you play Twister?
HARRY: Just look at the front of the box and you'll get the general idea Professor.
MIN: Ah right……. Good Lord! How can people be that flexible?!?
REMUS: I'm sure it's not that hard Minerva –smirks-
MIN: Is that a challenge Remus?? –Raises eyebrow-
REMUS: -Raises one also- Maybe? It depends if you're up to it?
HARRY: Uh-Oh looks like things are going to get a teensy bit competitive!! I think I'll sit this one out Professors and take command of the spinner, if you don't mind?
REMUS: Knock yourself out Harry.
MIN: Fine with me Potter, Now Remus you were saying…..
~TWENTY MINUTES LATER~
HARRY: Okay Prof Lupin, Right hand Red
REMUS: -Moves right hand- God this is uncomfortable!
MIN: -Smirks- Looks like it is that hard after all… hmm Remus –Raises eyebrow smugly-
REMUS: -Rolls eyes and groans-
HARRY: Okay if we can break up this little tête-à-tête Left hand Yellow!
REMUS: -Moves left hand-
HARRY: Right leg Blue!
REMUS: -Moves right leg-
HARRY: Left leg Yellow
REMUS: -Moves left leg-… Oh Dear I'm gonna ..- Falls heavily on back knocking Minerva over in the process who lands on top of him in a VERY compromising position- OUFF!!
MIN: -Swallows heavily looking into his eye-
MV: AWWW!! Isn't this just cozy? –Sniggers- Wish I had a camera!
REMUS & MIN: -Blush deeply and scramble off one another-
MV: I always knew Twister was good at getting people together, in more ways than one
-Winks-
REMUS & MIN: -Blush deeper and mutter incoherently-
HARRY: MV!!! My mind is already warped enough thank you very much!! Without having THAT Particular mental image bestowed upon me!!
MV: Well it's nice to know I've achieved something –grins- even if it isn't pleasant. Right enough of this, I'll just go and get Snape and Sybil and I can introduce you to the host for this round ..-Walks off- …… OH LORD!!!! –Shocked silence-
ALL: What's up???
MV: URGH!! ….. That's …. Just wrong!!
ALL: -Confused and aggravated- What is, WHAT'S GOING ON!!!
MV: …………………… Too grossed out……… to ……… speak –Barfing heard in background-
REMUS: Right that does it!!! I'm going to see what all this about!!!
(Pulls back couch, opens door and strides in)
MIN: He's either VERY brave or VERY stupid.
HARRY: Probably stupid! I wouldn't go in there if you paid me a million Galleons!!
MIN: -Nods-
(Remus rushes out looking thoroughly traumatized)
HARRY: -Looking concerned- Professor?? What's up???
REMUS: -looks like he's about to hurl- …… N..eed.. Some… comfort (Rushes over to Minerva and kisses her, Minerva promptly slaps him causing him to relax)
MIN: -Angry- REMUS!! What was that about???
REMUS: Sorry! It was the only way I could get you to slap me!
HARRY: Why?
REMUS: -Groans looking ill- Urgh!!.. Those two……… They're bloody fornicating in there.
(A/N: Don't worry if you don't know what it means you'll get the gist in a minute J)
MIN: -Pales- I think I'm going to be sick
HARRY: -Confused- Huh?? What does that mean??
REMUS: -Looks VERY uncomfortable-.. Er…… Well fornicating.. Er … Well come here Harry …… –Whispers in ear-
HARRY: -Goes green- OH MY GOD!! … -grins evilly- Did you get any photo's?
MIN: POTTER!!! That's obscene!!!
HARRY: For blackmail of course!! Geez!! Just because I'm a teenager doesn't mean I'm perverted!!
MIN: -Looks sceptical- Oh…… Right.
MV: -Sounding sickened- Have those two finished in there yet?
MIN: (Looks in, gags, looks out) NOPE!!
MV: Okay that does it!! DRASTIC MEASURES!! –Snaps fingers-
SNAPE & SYBIL: -Get shocked- AAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!
MV: Better, much better! –smirks-
(Snape and Sybil wander out looking slightly frazzled and starry eyed)
MIN: -Looks traumatized, goes over and kisses Remus-
REMUS: -Shocked- What was that for?!?
MIN: Sorry, I needed some reassurance
REMUS: Would you like so more –Raises eyebrow questioningly and smiles charmingly-
MIN: Maybe –Raises eyebrow in return-
HARRY: WHY I am I the only one not fornicating around here??
MV: Because you're too young –Smirks- Looks like part of my job as an author is done, I KNEW Twister would do the trick!!
HARRY: -Curious- Why? What is your job as an author??
MV: Well first and foremost it's to generally annoy and humiliate you guys –They groan- but one of my other components is that of a 'shipper.'
SNAPE: Really, and just WHOM do you 'ship'??
MV: Well not you and Sybil if that's what your thinking! GROSS!!
HARRY: Ah, Right. I guess that means you're a 'shipper' for those two then?
MV: YEP!! –Grins- And I ain't the only one!!
SYBIL: WHY?? That's just NOT right..
MV: -Sarcastically- And I suppose you flinging yourself at Snape is?? –Shudders-
SNAPE: HEY!! I resent that!!
MV: Ah button it Snape!! An anyway my point is why not, it's by no means the worst one around
ALL: -Think about what the WORST possible ones could be and shudder-
MV: Well enough talk!! It's time to introduce the host for this round!
SYBIL: You mean the demon isn't coming back?? –Gets shocked-
MV: I warned you about that Sybil, and NO she's not coming back for two rounds thanks to you –Shoots dirty look at Snape- Of course you would have known all that if you hadn't been necking it with Snape like a pair of bloody hormonal adolescents!!
SNAPE & SYBIL: -Go BRIGHT red-
ALL OTHERS: -Snigger-
MV: Well Anywho you'll have to do with a stand in for the next couple of rounds until Anne comes back or I get someone better.
MV2: -Highly annoyed- Well that's just BLOODY charming! Nice to know I'm appreciated!
HARRY: Er.. Who's that?
MV: Erm……… Well that's the host for this round
SNAPE: And that is……?
MV: -Grandly- I would like to introduce you to S.J …… My little sister!!
ALL: -Groan-
S.J: -Sarcastically- Thanks, your support is just WARMING to my heart!!
HARRY: She's DEFINITELY MV's sister!
ALL: -Nod agreeingly-
MV: -Gleefully- Well here she comes!!
(In the middle of the room a quite tall, medium built teenage girl appears, with sandy blond hair and blue eyes. Currently not looking too happy)
S.J: -VVVVVV annoyed- SIS!! Just what have you stuck me in this time??
MV: Hey nothin much, I just want you to present MY version of the weakest link for this round.
S.J: -Brightens up considerably- Really!! Cool!! Do I get to be on T.V??
MV: Er.. No, but you will be acknowledged by several reader ( A/N:I hope!!)
S.J: -Shrugs- Close enough! Thanks L……
MV: -Urgently- DON'T USE MY NAME!!! Just call me sis or MV!
S.J: -Sulks- Fine!!
SNAPE: -Grins evilly- Why? What's wrong with your name?
MV: Nothin's wrong with my name, It's just if you know it then I kinda lose some of the mystery don't I?
ALL: True!
S.J: Well sis, are we doing this or WHAT!!
MV: Er.. Yeah, Geez your so impatient!! Just give us five minutes to sort out the set!! Get acquainted y'know and all that junk!!
S.J: -Suspicious- Just what are you up to?
MV: -Innocently- Moi? Up to something, surely you jest or at least mistake me for someone else?
S.J: -Raises eyebrow- Sure!
REMUS: -To Harry- You know MV would have been a great Marauder.
HARRY: -Nods- That innocent voice almost had me fooled
MV: -Grins- Thanks for the compliment you two!! Right see you guys in five minutes
~Five minutes later~
MV: Hey I'm back…… OH GOOD LORD!!!!!! Okay break it up ALL of you!!! I've got a show to run!!
(Snape, Sybil, Remus and Minerva break up)
SYBIL: DAM!! I was enjoying that
MV: I wasn't –Gags- … Harry!! Get your hands OFF my sister this instance!!! Because I know a few people who WON'T be happy!!
HARRY: -Breaks away- Who exactly??
MV: -Evilly- My father for example. He has a MEAN temper and I don't think he'll appreciate you playing tonsil hockey with his daughter after only five minutes!!!
HARRY: Point taken! Sorry S.J, gotta suspend these activities for the moment, thanks for giving me some help in the fornicating regard!
S.J: -Blushes slightly and glares at air- AW SIS!!! You always ruin my fun!!!!!
MV: Sorry S.J! I'll make it up to you, pinkie promise!!
S.J: -Smirks- You always do!!
MV: Okay guys time to get back on set!! Oh yeah and before my notoriously poor memory kicks in these round's theme is King Arthur's Knights of the Round Table.
–Laughs manically-
(Click fingers as they walkout onto the set)
(Remus and Harry are dressed in 'casual' Knight wear (A/N: That can be taken in SOOO many ways). While Sybil and Minerva are dressed in the usual Damsel in distress get up complete with pointy hats, and Snape.. Well Snape is dressed as the court jester)
SNAPE: Why do you torment me!!??!! Why!!! WHY!!!!!
MV: Oh stop being so bloody melodramatic Snape!!
MIN: -Glares at offending garment- Not ANOTHER bloody heavy dress –falls over-
REMUS: Her let me help you Minerva –Helps her up-
SNAPE: -Singsong voice- Lupin and Minerva sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G… -Smirks and gets shocked-
MV: -Whistles innocently- Sorry fingers slipped –winks-
REMUS & MIN: -Roll eyes exasperatedly-
ALL OTHERS: -Laugh-
MV: Come on people time is wasting!! Chop, chop!!
S.J: Hi Guys!! –Winks at Harry who blushes- Well it's time to continue with the game. Right at the end of the last round Minerva was the strongest link and you lot earned a pretty good 600 Galleons.
MV: -Whiney- S.J!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MEAN!!!
S.J: -Evilly- What if I don't want to? –Raises eyebrow slyly-
MV: YOU HAVE TO!!! And don't ask why? WHY is because I say so!!
S.J: FINE!!!! You know you really P*** me off sometimes!!
SNAPE: -Humorously- Do you have to annoy EVERY host we have MV?… -gets shocked-
MV: DON'T antagonize me Severus I am NOT in the mood!!!
SNAPE: -Whimpers- .. Sorry MV.
MV: DAM STRAIGHT!!! Right please continue S.J.
S.J: Right at the end of the last round you earned 600 Galleons and Minerva was the strongest link. Ten more measly seconds have been taken from the clock so you now have less time to get things WRONG!! Right time starts NOW!! Minerva- if you were born on October the 7th what Star-sign would you be?
MIN: -Thinks- … Erm Libra?
S.J: -Glares- Correct! Remus- What purple flower is used in most stress relief potions and draughts?
REMUS: -Mutters- Purple flower..? Purple flower..?…… Ah got it! Lavender!!
S.J: Took you long enough but Correct!
MV: Oops a little TOO mean there Sis.
S.J: HEY!! You TOLD me to be nasty! I'm only doin' what you said!!
MV: YEAH!! But I didn't want you to be nasty to the characters I like!!
S.J: -REALLY peeved- GRRRRR… You get all or nothing with me!! YOU of all people should know THAT by now!!!
MV: -Sighs- Listen I'm really NOT spoiling for a row here, I can't be bothered. Just carry on with the game 'kay!!
S.J: -Sniffs haughtily- FINE!!! Harry- Gives Hearty wink- What is the correct term for Magic of the voice?
HARRY: Er.. –blinks- … Erm Vocalisation?
S.J: Correct.. well close enough. Sybil –Gives Hearty glare- What stage of the Lunar cycle is considered the most powerful for healing?
SYBIL: -Looks lost- Erm.. Crud astrology was NOT my strong point… Full moon??
S.J: -Triumphantly- HAH!! WRONG you bug eyed old bat!!! It's New Moon –sticks out tongue-
SYBIL: HEY!! I TAKE OFFENCE TO THAT!!!
ALL BAR SNAPE: -Grin at Sybil EVILLY- But it's SOOOOOOOO true!!!
MV: -Peeved- ENOUGH!!!! Get on with the game!!
S.J: -Smirks- Snape- What is the correct term for wizard in old Gaelic tongue?
SNAPE: Istarni*! Ancient Ruins FINALLY paid off!!
(*Technically belongs to LOTR but is true!)
S.J: Correct –Sulks- Minerva- According to statistics how many people splinch themselves each year? to the nearest ten!
MIN: Aw… Nertz .. just gonna guess ..Er 220?
S.J: -Mutters- Lucky guess but Correct! Remus- Which long standing tradition at Hogwarts has been passed down from Headmaster to Headmaster since the middle ages?
REMUS: -Grins knowingly- The planting of a tree in the grounds*!
(*Technically mine, I don't know anyone else who has used this idea)
HARRY: Just how many time have you red 'Hogwarts A History' Professor?
REMUS: -Shocked- What? Must be a few at least? How did you know I'd red it?
HARRY: -Smirks- Just a hunch –Mutter aside- SOOOO like Herm!
S.J: EH HEM!! Right Harry –Smiles- What is the Nimbus 2000 top speed?
HARRY: If I didn't know this I'd be shot!! 135MPH
S.J: Correct! Sybil-…
SYBIL: BANK!!!!!!!
S.J: Right! What is the ratio of Lionfish Spine to Essence of Camomile in an average Sleeping Draught?
SYBIL: Er.. 30:70?
S.J: -Shocked- Correct –Mutters to self- I wasn't expecting her to get that right! Oh right back to the game.. Snape- Who was the founder of Honeydukes sweet shop in 1789?
SNAPE: Hogarth Honeyduke!
S.J: Correct! Minerva-…
MIN: BANK!!!!!
~Funky music goes~
S.J: Right time is up!! At the end of this round you managed to bank a measly 250 Galleons. It's time to get rid of the losers and vote off who you think is the weakest link!! -Looks pointedly at Sybil-
MV: At the end of this round Minerva was once again the strongest link. Sybil was the weakest link because she was the only one to get one wrong and that she is a dumb-ass that no one likes!!
(A/N: Sybil lovers (There are some?????) Please don't Flame me)
S.J: -Big brother stylie- Oh nasty! Nasty Sis! –Does hand movement-
MV: Thanks! –Smirks- But will the votes follow the facts?
S.J: It's time to reveal who you think is the weakest link!!
MIN: SYBIL –Glares at Sybil-
REMUS: SNAPE!!!
HARRY: Sybil!!
SYBIL: MINERVA!! –Glares back-
SNAPE: LUPIN!!!
S.J: Harry why Sybil?
HARRY: -Politely- Can I be unfair??
S.J: Whatcha' say MV?
MV: -Smirks- Be as unfair as you like Harry! LORD knows I need a laugh!!
HARRY: SWEET!! Well basically she is a stupid, ugly, annoying, irratating, bud eyed old grouch.. did I mention ugly?
MV: Yes you did!
HARRY: .. Who makes my life a LIVING hell!! Oh and the fact that she was the only one who got a question wrong and banked too early!!
S.J: Sybil with two votes you are the Weakest Link …… GOODBYE!!!!
MIN: -Stars laughing evilly-
SYBIL: -walks off then notices Minerva laughing at her- OKAY THAT'S IT I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF BEING RIDICULED!!!!! TAKE THIS YOU BLOODY WENCH!!! –Throws a punch at Minerva-
MIN: -Dodges barely- HEY!! What did I do?? And you punch like a nancie Sybil!!
SYBIL: -Growls and lunges-
MIN: -Clashes with Sybil and fight breaks out-
MV: WAHOO!!! DAMSEL FIGHT!!! A long last some action –popcorn munching heard- Anyone wanna place a bet?
HARRY: Yeah, my bets on Prof McGonagall –Smirks-
REMUS: Harry you shouldn't be gambling! And MV where do you keep getting the Popcorn from??
MV: -Grins nervously- I nicked it from Anne's hospital bedside and left a note sayin' it was the nurses.
REMUS: -Rolls eyes- Oh LORD!!
-Fight intensifies-
REMUS & SNAPE: -Look on uneasily-
MV: Do you reckon I should break it up?
S.J: -Thoroughly enjoying herself- NAH!! Just let it last a little longer!
-The fight gets even more violent, with the pair rolling around the floor punching, biting kicking and Bitch slapping. They knock into S.J flooring her. S.J immediately jumps up infuriated and boots Sybil in the back-
S.J: Okay you two BREAK IT UP!!! NOW!!!
MV: Miss hypocritical or WHAT? –Receives glare from S.J- Okay you two much as I'm enjoying this CUT IT OUT!!!
-The pair break up Minerva has a bloodied lip and Sybil has two black eyes a broken nose and several missing teeth-
HARRY: And I proclaim Prof McGonagall the WINNER!! –Gets NASTY look off Sybil-
MIN: -Smirks- Well you don't have a cat Animagus form without learning something about fighting!
MV: Right Sybil get off the stage! Your presence is no longer required!!
-Sybil storms off muttering mutinously-
MV: Right now that's sorted it's time for you to say Goodbye S.J!
S.J: Bye Guys!! –Blows kiss to Harry-
HARRY: Bye S.J –Sighs sadly-
MV: Bye Sis!! –Clicks fingers and S.J disappears- Okay you lot next door please!
SNAPE: EH HEM!!! –Points to costume-
MV: Urgh!! FINE!! –Clicks fingers- Happy now?
REMUS: Not really, but I suppose we'll survive!
MV: You better bloody had!!! I don't have anymore replacements!! Sybil cleaned out the last of the budget!! Okay you lot BACKSTAGE NOW!!!!