A/N: Guys and gals I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry this has taken so bleeding long to complete…. But it's finally here at last and we're finally nearing the finishing post. Only three more rounds and an uber final chapter to go. Enjoy peeps!!
A/N2: Okay I was a little late on the time of update, but it's here! I'm apologizing now for being such a lazy bint! SORRY!!! Go on read already!!
M.G
The Weakest Link: A special edition.
Round 7: Quaffing and Karaoke!
MV: And welcome back to round 7 of the weakest link….. Man has this one been taking it's time. But finally after much stewing in production hell it's here and ready to roll. At the end of the last round Harry was voted off after the vote came to a tie and the general populace was grossed out by Johnny's antics. So without further ado I give Round 7…..
REMUS: -Childish- I'm BORED!!!!!
MIN: Me too –Sighs-
SNAPE: Ditto!
MIN: -Shocked- Did I just hear right??? Severus agreeing with us??
SNAPE: Hardy har har Minerva! I agree with you, it doesn't exactly mean I relish the decision.
REMUS: Come now Snape… There is no need to act like that!
SNAPE: Oh but there is Lupin! I'm stuck in a room with two of my worst enemies, with no means of escape being forced to participate in some assine game show with horrendous hosts!!!
MIN: -Haughty- HEY!!! We aren't exactly charmed by the idea either you know! If the other room hadn't been closed I'd be in there right now just to get away from you and your moaning gob!!!
SNAPE: Someone's bloody hormonal this month!
MIN: -Growls- Don't MAKE me slap you Snape!
SNAPE: -Offhandedly- Oh I would just LOVE to see you try!
MIN: Don't tempt me!! It's only my overwhelming respect for……. Er… My overwhelming respect for what exactly?
REMUS: -Shrugs- I don't know… Just belt him one, It'll make you feel better.
MIN: Hmmm Right, you raise a good point there. –Rolls up sleeve-
MV: Er… I wouldn't do that Minerva. Much as it amuses me and it really, really does. Certain people –Cough- Johnny –Cough- aren't too happy and think I'm picking on him WAY too much.
SNAPE: God bless that girl –Grins smarmily-
REMUS & MIN: -Sigh defeatedly-
MV: Sorry to ruin your fun guys, but I PROMISE I'll make it up to you!! Because as our final three are adults I can afford to bring in a few surprises….
SNAPE: -Sarcastic- And what pray tell is that.!?
MV: -Nervously- Er… This…
-A mini-bar appears-
MIN: ALCOHOL!!???!! YOUR GIVING US ALCOHOL!!!!
MV: Yep!! I feel you guys needed a little something y'know to help you relax.
SNAPE: You MEAN get us drunk!
MV: -Innocently- Why of COURSE not! What kind of a person do you take me for?
SNAPE: A demented one! Hell bent on humiliating us completely!
ALL: -Nod in agreement-
MV: Awwww and that REALLY hurts my feelings!
SNAPE: I wish I could do more than just hurt your feelings.
MV: And I'm like SOOOOOOOO scared!!!!
SNAPE: You should be!
MV: Ah stop being such a sour puss!!!
REMUS & MIN: -Laugh-
SNAPE: I AM NOT A SOUR PUSS!!!
MV: Sure you ain't and is that a happy aura I feel coming off you –Notes Sev's glare- Okay Okay! Enough griping….. enjoy your presents!! Oh yeah… Before I forget… the other room is open again.
-A few random moments pass-
MIN: Ah SOD this!! I don't care what her intentions are…. All I know is that I need a bloody drink!
SNAPE: Me too…. Pass me the Bourbon Minerva!
MIN: -Glares- I AM NOT your maid Severus…. Get it yourself!
SNAPE: FINE!!! –Gets up and grabs bottle of bourbon-
MIN: Remus –Grins evilly- Do you want anything?
SNAPE: Oh that's sooo bloody hypocritical!
MIN: That's true…. But the difference is I like him. The same however cannot be said for yourself, whom I rate on par with a Blast-ended skrewt.
SNAPE: -Looks Murderous-
REMUS: EH HEM! There is really no need to fight you two…. Were not exactly acting like responsible adults are we?
MIN & SNAPE: -Looks at Remus stupidly-
MIN: Like was stated previously…. Since when have we been responsible?
SNAPE: Never really! We're only responsible when the students are around
MIN: My point exactly! So how about that drink?
REMUS: Erm….. I still don't know… I really shouldn't due to y'know
MIN: Come on Remus….. Live a little!!
REMUS: I'm still not sure…..
SNAPE: -Takes BIG swig of bourbon- What's the matter Lupin ……. Scared!!
REMUS: -Growls- You… WISH! –Goes over and grabs random bottle and starts gulping it down-
MIN: Go Remus……. –Looks slightly worried- Er….. What exactly was that stuff?
REMUS: -Staggers slightly- I dunno? –Hands empty bottle to Minerva-
MIN: -Eyes widen- Oh… SHIT!!! This is firewhiskey!! And he just drank a WHOLE BOTTLE!!!!
SNAPE: -Looks puzzled- And what's the problem with that??
MIN: This stuff is like 90% alcohol!! You're only supposed to drink it in shots and even then it'll make you go blind for a week!!
SNAPE: Sounds like the voice of experience there Minerva!
MIN: Shut up Snape!
SNAPE: Or what?..... Anyway I fail to see what you're point is Minerva, so he drunk some whiskey, big deal!
MIN: -Shrieking- Big DEAL!!! He drank a WHOLE BOTTLE Severus!! That stuff puts bleach to shame! And because of that we are going to have one VERY drunk werewolf on our hands when it kicks in!!!!
SNAPE: Oh that can't be good! He's idiotic enough sober, I'd hate to see him drunk!
MIN: -Yelling- WELL IT'S A BIT BLOODY LATE FOR THAT!!!!! –Glares- WHY did you have to challenge him!!
SNAPE: Aw come on Minerva…. He was being a total chicken, you have to see the funny side of this. –Evil grin-
MIN: WHAT FUNNY SIDE!!!
REMUS: -Slurred- Did… someone mention chicken…. I'm starved! Hic -Sways on spot and falls over-
MIN: -Shakes head- MV is going to kill us!!
SNAPE: Why??? –Takes another swig-
MIN: We got Remus so drunk that he is only just capable of standing and highly unlikely to answer any questions whatsoever! He can't even speak in a coherent sentence for Gods sake!!!
SNAPE: -Slightly drunk- The only reason MV will be mad is because her 'little Remy' will be acting like a total arse! –Cackles evilly-
MIN: SEVERUS THIS ISN'T FUNNY YOU BLOODY IDIOT!!!!! THIS IS ALLYOUR FAULT!!!!
SNAPE: How is it my fault??.... I didn't force him to drink it! Besides it IS funny! And in times of panic…. Like now what do most people do? Get DRUNK that's what! And that is what I intend to do right now! –Takes another gulp-
MIN: -Shrugs- If you can't beat 'em join 'em –Grabs bottle of scotch-
30 minutes later
MIN: -REALLY slurred- S…so whatch.. 'hic'….. thinks next……… door 'hic'
SNAPE: -Also slurred- Dunno…… 'hic' wanna….g-go.. 'hic' see?
MIN: -Grins stupidly-… YEAH!!!!!... could be…'hic' fun.
SNAPE: whatabout… wolfboy?
MIN: Wolfboy….. 'hic' you comin' next door 'hic'?
REMUS: -Flat on face- WHAA???...... M'..OK –Crawls over and attempts to stand-
MIN: C-come on you two –Grabs both by wrists and drags them next door-
-The other room has been changed into some kind of karaoke bar. On the stage a band has been set up 'Lucius and the evil gits' emblazed over the drum kit-
SNAPE: Goodey…… some music!!!
MIN: They better be good….. 'hic' or else I'll …. Er….
REMUS: Pelt them with….. absurd photo's of…… naked faculty members? –Staggers slightly-
MIN & Snape: -Look at him traumatized.-
MIN: Mental note…. –hic- don't –hic- give wolfboy alcohol.
SNAPE:- Head flops forward in agreement-
-Eventually the band 'struts out' Lucius leads followed by other random band members-
LUC: -Grabs mike- Are you ready to rock!!!
REMUS: -Lobs random suspiciously empty bottle at Lucius- Get…. On with….. it –Hic- …. –Falls face first into table-
MIN: -Groans drunkedly-
LUC: -Glares at the now semi-conscious Remus- OKAY to start all you rock chicks off were gonna for you a little tune called Sev the P king
MV: -Groans- Johnny!!!!! Oh wait till I get my hands on her. Bloody slipping in her perverse yet strangely amusing work.
-Lucius starts singing the tune which is 'Jack the Pumpkin king' (Jack's Lament) from the Nightmare before Christmas-
MIN: Hey…. –hic- he hasn't got a bad voice –looks as mildly impressed as she can-
Snape: I've…… heard better –hic-
-Music finishes and magical applause starts-
REMUS: -Yells drunkedly- You were flat Malfoy –Lobs another suspiciously empty bottle at Lucius-
LUC: -Looks highly offended- That shows what you know! YOU TONE DEAF FLEA BAG!!!
REMUS: I am NOT tone deaf!!!
SNAPE: You're just a flea bag then?!
REMUS: NO you stupid greasy git!!! –Growls-
MIN; GEEZ!!! –Hic- And I thought he was a pacifist!!
LUC: Er..... Hello you are supposed to be PRAISING me!!!
ALL: SHUT UP!!!!!!
SNAPE: Anyway Malfoy… I'm inclined to agree with the mutt –Remus squeaks in indignation- I could sing better in a drunken stupor!!
LUC: Erm…. Care to prove that point Severus. After all you are in said drunken state
SNAPE: -Grins manically- Gladly!!! –Leaps up and stumbles onto stage-
MV: Oh LORDY!!! Snape's gonna sing!!! I gotta get a camera……. I gotta get Johnny! –Runs off-
MIN: Hey when did the voice get back?
REMUS: -Looks up- I dunno…. –Head flops forward-
-Snape is now ready to sing-
SNAPE: Right band! Start playing –The band start playing the tune to WAR!-
MIN: Hey I love this song!!!
SNAPE: -Swings mic into hand knocking out a band member in the process- WAR! HUH!!!! What is it good for…. Absolutely nothing sing it again!!! –Continues along this vein.
Meanwhile
MV: He-he told you Johnny!! Hmmm!!! He ain't got a bad voice!!
JOHNNY: WAHOO!!! Nice one SMAELL!!!! This was your best idea yet!!! All we need now is………
MV: Bad Johnny!!! Don't say it!!!
JOHNNY: -Pouts- I didn't mean that!!! Well I probably do now! But what I actually meant was this –clicks fingers and swarm of Snape's fan-girls/ fan-authors appear-
MV: -Looks mildly disturbed- HEY this is my fic how come you can do that! This is the last thing I currently need Johnny!!
FANS: Whooooo!!! Go Snapie go!!!
MV: -Groans and shakes head- I REALLY should step in…… but not until after this song….
10 minutes later
MV: Okay I've had all I can take and can't take no more!!! You lot! –Throws fangirls evil look- Out! NOW!!!
FANS: Awwww just five more minutes!!!
MV: NO!!! I've got to get this round done!!! –Herds then all out bar Johnny-
JOHNNY: Ah well it was nice while it lasted!.... –Notes MV's look-…. WHAT?
MV: JOHNNY!!!! Don't you dare do that again!!!
JOHNNY: OKAY! I promise –Fingers crossed behind back-
MV: Right… whatever… now shoo!!!! If anything comes up I'll call!
JOHNNY: You better had!! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!! Bye SMAELL!!!
MV: Bye Johnny!..... Right time to get things rolling!!!
Back downstairs
SNAPE: -Bows- Thank you….. thank you!!
LUC: Okay you can get of now Severus…. –Shoves Snape off stage-
SNAPE: -Falls off into table- Dam… you –hic- I shall have vengeance for this…….. –hic- travesty!!!
MV: Ah quit complaining Snape!
REMUS: Yeah Snapey! You sucked at vengeance back then……and you still –hic- suck at vengeance now!
SNAPE: HEY!! He didn't ….get –Hic- shocked!
MV: He's bloody wasted….. I think I am going to allow that one to slide!
SNAPE: -Slurred whisper- Biased bitch!
MV: I HEARD THAT! But to prove you wrong I ain't gonna shock you for it!
MIN: Hah… -hic- get told you… you ignoramus –giggles-
MV: Oh Lordy dee… this is not going to be pleasant… why oh why in Gods name did I give them alcohol!!!!
REMUS: Hey….. you gave us the alcohol…..-hic- thanks random voice thingy….- Gives thumbs up to air swaying slightly-
MV: -Groans-…. Oh what am I gonna do…….. ah shit! Well I can't do anything now! –Shrugs-
SNAPE: You know….. what…
ALL: WHAT?
SNAPE: I forgot why were here!!
MV: -Does Anime style crash to the floor-………… Okay THAT DOES IT! Everyone out onto the set RIGHT NOW!
MIN: Yeesh… -hic- what's her damage!
MV: SET NOW!!
-All stagger onto set-
MIN: -Stands behind Sybil's podium- Hey this isn't my name…. my names Min….. Er well it begins with Min…..-Hic- not Sybil!!
REMUS: -Giggles- He-he you don't even know your own name…. silly woman!!!
MIN: -SERIOUSLY P'O- WHAT DID YOU -Hic- CALL ME!!!!!!! –Slaps Remus-
REMUS: Er…………. I can't remember…. –Slumps over platform- OOOoooo pretty shiny floor!!
MV: Oh dear Merlin….. what madness have I wrought upon thee!!!
SNAPE: I wish the voice thingy maniggy would shut up……….. it's making me see double!!
MV: -Slaps forehead- That's the alcohol doing that!! IDIOT!!
REMUS: Ha-ha you're an idiot –Giggles again to floor-
MV: -Bangs head on control desk- This- is- not- good, this- is- so- not- good!
-Anne walks on set bandaged up-
MIN: Look…. At that –Hic- a ..Red head……. Must be a Weasley! –Hic-
ANNE: -Glares murderously- I am NOT A WEASLEY!!! Bloody hell MV what did you do to them?!
MV: -Innocently- I technically didn't DO anything…… They did it to themselves!! I just gave them a little push down the path!
ANNE: -Raises eyebrow suspiciously- And HOW pray tell did you do that?
MV: -Smirks- I gave them an extremely full mini-bar!
ANNE: -Shocked- Please tell me you are kidding!!!! You're insane aren't you!!!
SNAPE: YUP!! I'd say she is!! –Laughs-
MV: -Haughty- Oi Snape!!! Watch your bloody mouth…. I'm not insane… I'm just hyperactive y'know!! There is a big difference!!!
ANNE: -Sarcastic- Sure there is!!! And now they're roaring drunk and I have to put up with them!!!!
MV: I'd say that's genius!! Not insanity!!!
ANNE: YOU WOULD!!!!
MV: YUP!! Right lets get this on the road…… Today's theme is dun-dun-dunnnnn Cowboys and Indians!
ALL: -Look blank-
MV: Enjoy !!!–Snaps fingers-
-Everyone is instantly changed. Snape and Remus are dressed in traditional cowboy gear…. Ten gallon hats, chaps and all and Minerva is dressed as an Indian squall.-
SNAPE: Oh goody guns!!... –Pulls them out and waves them around- BANG! BANG!
ALL: -Try not to laugh-
ANNE: -Coughs- Okay… Right! Snape was the strongest link at the end of the last round. Ten more seconds have been taken from the clock starting ………now! Snape- what is the name of the implement used to select the champions for the Triwizard Tournament?
SNAPE: -Still waving guns- He-he-he Bang! Bang!
ANNE: -Groans and shakes head- Lord this is impossible! No Snape you drunkard!! It's called the Goblet of fire! Minerva- Beauxbatons is one of two schools of magic in France. What is the other?
MIN: Er… Farance…? –Hic- Wherezat??
ANNE: WRONG!!! It's called Escolemajic!! Remus –Looks at him worriedly- Er….. are you sure it's okay to ask him a question?
REMUS: -Muffled- hey I'm…. Okay? –Gives her thumbs up still slumped over podium-
ALL: Er…. Okay?
MV: Come on!! We're on a time limit!!!
ANNE: -Sighs- Fine! Remus- What is the required speed limit when travelling on a broom freeway?
REMUS: Er… -Hic- Dorito's?
ANNE: -Groans and bangs head on podium- I –Bang- AM –Bang- NOT –Bang- Working –Bang- UNDER –Bang- THESE –Bang- CONDITIONS!!!! –Gets shocked-
MV: GET ON WITH IT!!!!!
ANNE: -Sniffs- FINE! Snape- Who was the captain of the English Quidditch team when they won the world cup in 1819?
SNAPE: Er…… Norbert… something or other –Hic-
ANNE: WRONG completely and utterly! The correct answer is Oliver Heine! Minerva- What is the first letter of the alphabet?
MIN: Er………….
ANNE: WRONG!!! The right answer is 'A'. Remus what is 2 2?
MV: HEY! What's with the lame questions?
ANNE: They're totally WASTED!!! As if they can answer even the simplest of questions!!
MV: Hmm… you raise a good point Anne!.... Carry on!
REMUS: Er… What was the… question –Hic-?
ANNE: -Yells- WHAT IS 2 2!!!!
REMUS: How –Hic- dumb do you think I am? –Hic- the answer is 4 … or is it 5? –Hic-
SNAPE: It's 4 you stupid goit!!... –Gets shocked- HEY YOU STUPID….. –Realises he should shut up- … Er… what was I doing?
ANNE: Four is the correct answer Remus. Snape- What did Little Boy Blue blow?
ALL: -Shriek with laughter-
SNAPE: Er.. –Hic- his… di…
MV: -Cuts in hastily- DON'T SAY IT!!!! OMG!!! I can't believe he almost said that!!
SNAPE: I was going to say Dictaphone… Idiot!!
ANNE: -Yells- AND YOU STILL WOULD HAVE BEEN WRONG!!!! My god this is impossible!!! Minerva-
MIN: BANK!!!
ANNE: -REALLY P'O- YOU DPN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO BANK!!!!
MIN: -Plays with braid- Well EXCUSE me Miss Sassy Pants!!!!!! –Giggles-
ANNE: -Glares at Minerva- Minerva- What is your name!!!
MIN: HA!!.... that's easy!!... it's Anne!...
ANNE: -Mutters a series of expletives I will delete for modesties sake- THAT IS WRONG!!!
-Funky music goes-
ANNE: Thank every available deity for that!.. MV do you hear me I QUIT!!!! I refuse to work under these conditions…. YOU HEAR ME!!! –Shakes fist at air-
MV: Yeah, yeah I hear you. I believe we shall discuss this later…. AFTER the round is finished!
ANNE: What's the point?... the so inebriated they can't see straight and in Remus' case stand up!
MV: -Threateningly- Anne!!.... finish it or else!!!
ANNE: Fine fine….. At the end of this round you bunch of retards managed earn absolutely nothing… nadda … zip! It's time for you to ditch the idiot! Lose the loser…. Time to vote of the weakest link!!
MV: In the last round Minerva was the weakest link and Remus was the strongest (yay!) but the votes follow the facts!
ANNE: -Looks miffed- It's time to reveal who you think is the weakest link!
MIN: Snape!
REMUS: Er… that one –Jabs thumb at Minerva-
SNAPE: Minerva –hic-
ANNE: Remus, why Minerva?
REMUS: -Shrugs- I dunno I had to pick someone.. –hic-… I thought I picked the greasy one?
ANNE: NOPE! You pointed at your girlfriend!
MIN: REMUS HOW COULD YOU, YOU MEANIE!!! –Hic- -Smacks him round the back of the head-
REMUS: -Looks dazed-
SNAPE: -Laughs-
ANNE: -Sighs- Minerva with two votes you are the weakest link… goodbye!
SNAPE: That means get off the stage you OAF!!
MIN: -Mutters something I'd rather not repeat and staggers off-
-Backstage-
MIN: Who's…. going to win??..... Win what…… -hic-… what are you going on about…….. OOOoooo Rabbit – Chases after rabbit in cat form-
MV: Thank god that's over!!! Now if you two would kindly go back to the waiting room!
REMUS: -Attempts to move and slides to floor-
SNAPE: -Points and Laughs-
MV: -Growls at Snape-….. Perhaps I'd better magic him there
SNAPE: But what about me….. –Pouts-
MV: FINE THEN!.... I'll magic you both there AND get rid of your costumes at the same times –Snaps fingers-
-They land on the waiting room couches and fall instantly asleep-
MV: Thank Merlin for that
ANNE: -Coughs very conspicuously-
MV: Okay Anne… lets talk about your contract!
ANNE: Good!! –Walks off backstage-
MV: I think you'll be quite impressed with my offer –Evil Smirk-
A/N: OMG!!! It's finished I finally got this chapter finished after –Counts on fingers- 10 ½ months…. Yeesh that's really BAD! Well I'm afraid I'm going to ask for something I have asked for before now…. –Shudders- PAR-TI-CI-PA-TION! So who would you like to win… either leave it in you review or e-mail me… I'm really stuck and can't decide!
Thanks for being so patient guys and gals! I appreciate it!
M.G J