No it is not your imagination…. I have actually updated…. It has to be some form of small miracle I know but well, here it is!
The Weakest Link: A Special Edition
A/N: Okay currently feeling very icky! I'm off ill from college and thought I'd use the free time to get this done. So I hope it is appreciated. Damn flu! Anywho on with the show…..
Dis: Same as usual… don't own anything, never will!!
Round 8: The Hangover Strikes back
MV: Hi there and welcome back! We're doing pretty okay and I even managed to work in a lame Star Wars parody into the title. Go me! Anywho the last round was quite…… insane…. But then again I suppose it is my fault, but hey I didn't tell them to drink ALL the alcohol in the mini-bar. Anyway back to the fic. Minerva was voted off at the end of the last round and they earned well…. Nothing! LOL
-Camera pans to white room-
REM/ SNAPE: ZZZ –Snore- ZZZZZZ –Snore-
MV: Aw they look so peaceful…... BUT WHO CARES!!! –Snaps fingers and V. loud alarm goes off-
REM: -Falls off couch- OOOOOOOO my head….. –Grabs head-.. Did anyone get the number of that truck!!
SNAPE: What on earth are you talking about –Clutches head in pain- .. But then again that's not unusual for you to talk out of your ass Lupin.
REM: -Growls- Don't push me Snape! Now is not the time or the place!
SNAPE: -Mockingly- AWWWW has goody, goody Remus got an ickle hangover….
REM: Like you're one to talk! You're the one clutching your head as though Big Ben is ringing in it.
SNAPE: -Glares-
REM: -Glares back-
REM: This is getting us nowhere! –Winces- What do you remember from last night?
SNAPE: Why should you care!.... It's quite apparent that you have no morals anyway.
REM: -Smirks- I'll take that as nothing then.
SNAPE: It's none of your DAM BUSINESS!
REM: It IS my business because we were both here! –Realises something-… OH MY GOD!!! I voted Minerva off!!! Geez I must have been annihilated!
SNAPE: -Smirks- Oh you were…. But I suppose drinking a whole bottle of Firewhiskey will do that to you!
REM: -Shocked- .. A…… WHOLE ……. Bottle….. of Firewhiskey!!??!!
SNAPE: YUP! –Winces- Urrgh!
REM: You're kidding! You must be…. I'd never do that!
MV: Unfortunately Remus you did………… I have proof right here!
REM: -Looks terrified-
SNAPE: -Snickers-
MV: I wouldn't laugh Severus! I have some rather juicy little things on you as well!
SNAPE: -Pales-
REM: What do you want?!
MV/SNAPE: HUH????
REM: What do you want from us that will ensure that, that information will not be circulated around Hogwarts!?
MV: You're trying to BRIBE me!!!
SNAPE: You're trying to BRIBE her!!!
REM: Normally it goes against my nature, but in this case the greater need prevails!
SNAPE: And the greater need would be…..
REM: My…. I mean 'Our' dignity and respect!
SNAPE: Hmmm….. Good point….. So what do you want MV!
MV: -Evil Grin- OOOOOOOO decisions, decisions! To be perfectly honest I haven't got a clue!
REM: WHAT! Come on there has to be something we can bargain with.
SNAPE: Yeah…. We can give you fame, wealth. We could always kill someone for you.
REM: SEVERUS!!!! –Winces- Ow shouldn't have yelled that.
SNAPE: -Sighs- What's wrong with that Lupin? It was only a suggestion!
MV: And not a suggestion I will be taking advantage of….. unless…. No! Bad MV, Bad MV!!! –Slap is heard-
SNAPE: -Looks sad-
REM: Nice to see someone has morals around here.
MV: Morals??... What are they?.... are they some kind of sweet like Minstrels??
REM: Never mind…. I'd like to strike my last comment from the record.
MV: I was kidding!! I KNOW what morals are. I just don't abide by most of them.
SNAPE: Like stated before you are a PSYCHOPATH!
MV: Not quite but close enough!
REM: You know what I just realised something… we don't actually KNOW what MV has on us!
SNAPE: Hey! That's right!
MV: Ah…. So you don't believe me?
REM: It's not that…. I would just like to know the extent of the dirt you have on us!
MV: AH! I believe a demonstration is in order!
REM/ SNAPE: -Look scared-
MV: Take a seat and I'll show you –They do- Okay you two push the screen in! –Two ghosts shove in a cinema screen- Hey the budgets been extended… Cool! Anywho run film!!!!
VIDEO: -MV's voice- And welcome back…….
-25 minutes later-
REM/ SNAPE: -Look even more scared and traumatized-
MV: -Laughs- OMG!!!! I wish you could see the looks on your faces! It's absolutely priceless!
SNAPE: I don't think this is priceless at ALL!! I swear if ANY of that sees the light of day YOU WILL NOT LIVE TO FINISH THIS!!!!!
MV: Hey we have an arrangement don't we! I won't break it as long as you keep your end of the bargain!
REM: But what about AFTER our end has been fulfilled?..... You'll still have the tape.
MV: DAMN! FINE! Okay you win! After you have done the favour for me I will destroy ALL the evidence… FAIR!
REM: Perfectly!
SNAPE: Don't tell em you actually trust her! SHE'S INSANE!
REM: -Peed off- LISTEN SNAPE!!! I have to trust her, WE have to trust her. We don't really have much choice in the situation!
SNAPE: -Glares at floor- I'm stating now for the record that I am only agreeing to this insanity because I have no choice in the situation! Not because I agree with you or trust HER!
MV: I suppose I should take that as a compliment! The fact I am distrusted by Snape is a great honour!
REM: MV you forget that Snape doesn't even trust his own mother.
SNAPE: I should think NOT! She was a bloody demented cow! Even worse than Black's mother.
REM: -Winces- OUCH!
MV: From what I've heard about Sirius's mother I actually feel sympathetic….
REM: -Mock shock- Dear God! It's a miracle! She HAS emotions!
MV: -Growls- Oh har, bloody har Remus! Don't make me do something you'll regret!
REM: -Looks confused- Um…. How exactly will I regret it? I mean you're the one doing it.
SNAPE: He's got you there!
MV: -Glares- SHUT UP!!! You just will okay!!!
REM/ SNAPE: -Look nervous-
MV: You guys should just be grateful that I let you sober up naturally!!!
REM/ SNAPE: -Looks even more nervous-
SNAPE: I REALLY don't even want to KNOW about that one!
REM: For once I am in total agreement!
MV: Are you sure you don't –Evil smirk-
REM/ SNAPE: Were sure!! –Shudder and wince at headache-
MV: Anywho I think you should probably go back on set.. after all time is money and…. Well time.
REM: Man you are so messed up in the brain!
MV: Why thank you! Now get back on the set!
-All traipse back on the set muttering mutinously as loud as their hangovers will allow them.-
MV: Come on guys look lively!
SNAPE/ REM: -Just glare-
-Anne reappears on set-
REM: NOOOO she's back!!
MV: Back again… Annie's back tell a friend
ALL: -Looks blank-
REM: Anywho… I thought you said you were quitting!
ANNE: Let's just say I was made a very generous offer.
SNAPE: -Smirks evilly- Ooooo you were made an 'Offer'…
ANNE/ MV: -Almighty glare of death-
SNAPE: -Cowers- I'll be good.
MV: Damned straight.
ANNE: If you must know you dirty minded simpleton she offered to double my pay and also sprung for an all expenses paid holiday.
SNAPE: I thought you had budget problems?
MV: -Evil grin- They were resolved….
SNAPE: Kilroy again?
MV: Nah… he got sacked… Balamory this time.
SNAPE: Stealing from a kids show… that's so bad… brilliant!
REM: -Vein throbbing- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE!!!! WHY DID YOU DO ALL THAT MV!!!! We were trying to get rid of her, your guest presenters were so much more fun! And you stole funds from a KIDS show, tut tut young lady!
ANNE: -Looks highly offended-
MV: It needed to be done!!!.... Wait a minute… you're saying you actually preferred my psychopathic sister and best friend!
SNAPE/ REM: YES!!!
MV: COOL!! I'm sure S.J and Johnny are gonna be thrilled about that!
ANNE: Well I'm not thrilled! Who the hell are S.J and Johnny?!?
MV: -Little nervous- Um… your replacements while you were injured.
ANNE: -Homicidal rage look- My WHAT!!!!!
REM: Uh-Oh… She's gonna blow!! Hit the deck!!!
ANNE: MY REPLACEMENTS!!! HOW DARE YOU EVEN DREAM OF REPLACING ME!!!
MV: I HAD NO BLOODY CHOICE!!! I COULDN'T STOP THE SHOW JUST BECAUSE YOU'D BEEN POTENTIALLY MURDERED!!!
REM/ SNAPE: -Clutch heads in pain-
ANNE: YOU SHOULD HAVE!! I AM WHAT MAKES THIS SHOW!! IT IS NOTHING WITHOUT ME!!!
MV: WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU COST A TON IN HOSPITAL BILLS!!
ANNE: I'M WORTH EVERY PENNY!!!
SNAPE: My God what an ego……
ALL: -Stare at Snape-
SNAPE: -Confused- WHAT!?
MV: And you haven't……?
SNAPE: NO…!
ALL: -Sceptical look-
SNAPE: I haven't…… Stop looking at me like that!!
MV: -Shakes head- Okay you lot… that's enough 'freaking out Snape' for today! We have a show to do! Lets see… today's theme is….
REM: -Groans- Do we have to do the stupid theme thingy. There is only two of us left!
SNAPE: He does have a point MV.
MV: Well tough! This is my show and I'm gonna do whatever I want! And I want to do themed rounds so meh –Sticks out tongue-
REM: Ah well… we tried.
SNAPE: -Nods-
MV: Urgh I can't stand it when you two agree… that's just fundamentally WRONG! Anywho today's theme is 'Doctors and Nurses'. Have fun people! –Snaps fingers-
-Instantly our contestants are changed into their costumes. Snape is dressed in a traditional doctors' outfit and Remus… Well Remus is dressed in a nurses' outfit.-
SNAPE: -Laughs hysterically-
REM: -Looks traumatised- MV!!!!!!!!!! How could you do this to me!!! Not drag AGAIN!!!
MV: -Innocent- What? It isn't that bad!
REM: YES IT IS!!!!....... I…I'm… I'm in a bloody mini skirt and high heels!! I'd say that was pretty bad!!! –Winces and staggers wildly-
SNAPE: -Still laughing- Nice legs Lupin.
REM: -Glares evilly- GAAAHHHHH!!!
SNAPE: -Falls to the floor clutching stomach, laughing hysterically and rolling in the proverbial flowerbed of stupidity-
ANNE: Why oh WHY do I put up with this?!?!?!
MV: Because I pay you too OKAY!!!
ANNE: For the mental and physical torture you've subjected me too I should be asking for more!!!
MV: -Outraged- YOU RUTHLESS MONEY SCROUNGING TV-HOARE!!!! I'm paying…… okay let me rephrase that. The BBC is paying you plenty! And besides it serves you right!... A little piece of revenge for those poor souls you've traumatised over the years!!
RANDOM EX CONTESTANTS: W00T!!!!
MV/ ANNE: -Glare at each other-
REM: Now, now children. Let's not fight!!!
ANNE: -P'Off- Shut it nursie!!!!
REM: -Growls-
SNAPE: -Still laughing- This is GOLD, UTTER GOLD!!!
REM: -Growls louder-
MV: Okay this is gonna get nasty!! –Snaps fingers-
-Remus is changed into a surgeon's outfit-
REM: -Looks happier- Better, much better!!
SNAPE: -Looks disappointed- Awww you wrecked my fun!!!!
MV: -Shrugs- Meh! Whatcha gonna do!!
ANNE: -Still P'Off- Can we get this started some time this MILLENIUM!!
MV: Ah quit your whining!! Were moving already!!
ANNE: Bout friggin time!!
REM/ SNAPE: -Wince due to headaches-
MV: -Sigh-
ANNE: Anyway at the end of the last round you pathetic drunken losers earned absolutely nothing…
REM/ SNAPE: -Glare-
ANNE:…. And you voted of Minerva. Who had been one of the strongest players in the game. You cowardly low lives!
REM/ SNAPE: -Almighty glare of death-
MV: -Coughs- Um.. Anne you might just want to get on with it.
ANNE: Do I tell you how to do YOUR JOB!
MV: Well… No
ANNE: My point exactly! I'll do my job, MY WAY!
MV: -Mutters- Bloody celebrities!
ANNE: I heard that! Back on track however…. At the end of the last round Remus was the strongest link so we will start the round with him. Once again ten seconds have been taken away, and in this round the money you earn is tripled. The round begins NOW! Remus- Who was the inventor of the 'Imperious' curse?
REM: Er… -Winces due to usage of brain-… um Morgana Le Fey!
ANNE: Correct!
SNAPE: Swot!
REM: -Glares-
ANNE: Snape- What is the primary ingredient of a 'location potion'?
SNAPE: -Looks smug- An artefact belonging to the person
ANNE: Correct!
REM: Know all!!
SNAPE: -Growls-
ANNE: Remus- Which plant is used in common earache cures?
REM: Lobelia.
ANNE: Correct!
SNAPE: Book worm!!
ANNE: Snape- What is the quantity of broomsticks made each year, to the nearest thousand?
SNAPE: Nine thousand!
ANNE: Correct!
REM: Smart arse!
MV: Okay quit it with the name calling…… it's getting OLD!!!
REM/ SNAPE: -Sulk-
MV: Don't give me that!
ANNE: I f I MAY continue…..
MV: Knock yourself out!
SNAPE: Literally!
ANNE: -Glares- Remus- Who is the author of 'Hairy Snout, Human heart'?
REM: M…… That's a trick question, no one knows an author… -Looks shifty-
ANNE: That's correct!...... Snape…
SNAPE: BANK!!!
ANNE: Snape- Who was the main inquisitor during the Spanish 'Witch Hunts'?
SNAPE: His holiness the bishop of Madrid…. The biggest traitorous scumbag this side of wizardry.
MV: I gather he wasn't an overly nice person.
SNAPE: Nope! He betrayed his family and heritage just to save his own hide.
MV: That's bad.
ANNE: -Clears throat- Remus- Which famous Italian wizard wrote the classical piece 'The four seasons'
REM: Um… Bach?
ANNE: That is incorrect.. The correct answer is Vivaldi!
-Random funky music-
ANNE: And that's the end of the round!!
MV: In this round you earned 900 galleons! Oh YEAH!!!
REM: Well at least it's an improvement!
SNAPE: We could have gotten more if you hadn't flunked your question!
REM: Shut up Snape, you're the one who banked too early
-Random bickering breaks out-
MV: I don't even know why I bother!!
-Bickering continues-
MV: Um you guys the round is over!!
-Still continues-
MV: OKAY THAT DOES IT!!! NO IGNORES ME!!! –Snaps fingers-
-Both are dressed in nurse's costumes-
REM/ SNAPE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
MV: Told you not to ignore me!
REM/ SNAPE: CHANGE US BACK NOW!!!!!!!!
MV: -Sigh- Fine! –Snaps fingers- Now stop arguing and get your keesters back into the white room!
REM/ SNAPE: Yes maam! –Run next door-
MV: That's a wrap for now!
A/N: YAYAYAYAYAYYAAY!! Finally it's done….. One round to go, one round to go, One… round… to …bloody.. go!!!!! Thanks for sticking with me peeps!!