The Weakest Link: A Special Edition
A/N: Okay am seriously in the writing mood tonight! Just finished Round Eight and am cracking right on with Round Nine, well I finished a few hours ago, but I have just got home from the worst night EVER at work GRRR. So this is frustration venting!!
Dis: Don't own anything, never will! Last time I gotta do this YAY!
Dedication: To everyone who has reviewed. It really means so much to me and my rather small ego LOL!! And because of this I shall thank you all individually!
Thank you:
Naz2k3
Junius
Crookykanks
Johnny-E
Makina Kitsune
TheMasterDebater
Thank you all so much
Round Nine: The Final Stand
MV: And now the end is near… and so we face the final curtain. Yeah so I worked an old Frankie song… blame my parents! Well Anywho, we've finally made it… this is it the finale. After much toil, tribulation, and chaos were here! We join our two intrepid contestants in the white room. And to be blatantly honest NOTHINGS HAPPENED!!! GRRRR Well nothing except Snape screaming something about demented mysterious voices…. Don't know what he's talking about. Enough about that though…. Let's get this show on the road!!
SNAPE: -Banging fists on wall- LET ME OUT!!!! LET ME OUT NOW!!!
REM: Honestly Snape you're not achieving anything… So cut it out! You're giving me a headache!
SNAPE: I DON'T CARE!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! –Starts banging hell out of the wall again-
REM: -Sighs-
SNAPE: -Taking out wrath on wall- OOOWWWW!!! I stubbed my toe!!!!
REM: I hope that teaches you… trying to knock down a wall with only your hands and feet is futile. We can't escape; the nutcase has made sure we can't!!
SNAPE: -Sulks-
REM: -Sulks as well-
-Random silence-
SNAPE: How long do you reckon she's gonna keep us here?
REM: I don't know…. Until she 'finally' finishes this thing. –Glares upwards- (Author whistles innocently)… Why?
SNAPE: No reason really! I'm just really bored! I haven't tortured a student in ages! No offence Lupin…. Actually scratch that…. All offence, you are not exactly the best of company!
REM: -Rolls eyes- It's when you say stuff like that I wonder exactly WHY you became a teacher?
SNAPE: -Sniffs haughtily- And as if you're the ideal picture of learning Lupin…. I thought the answer to your question would be obvious!
REM: Actually Snape it isn't obvious, so if you'd care to enlighten me!
SNAPE: I care not! I can't believe that even your tiny brain is that dense as to not realise that you and you're so called 'Marauders'…..
REM: -Grins triumphantly- HAH! Gotcha!!
SNAPE: ST!!! –Growls-
REM: -Tries not to snigger- I can't believe that we're responsible….!!
SNAPE: You can laugh if you want Lupin! You're still as big an idiot now as you were back then!
REM: I mean you can't be serious…. Oh God….. Those poor kids.
SNAPE: -Sniffs again- Yes I am serious!! I thought that after all the suffering you put me through; I think I deserved a little revenge!!!
REM: You know what Snape?
SNAP: No what?
REM: You are seriously screwed up in the brain! I mean you were a Death Eater for God's sake!! Wasn't that enough for you!!
SNAPE: Blame my parents for that one! I hated all that 'Purification of the magical community' crap! Why do you think I became a spy! I never got a chance to get out before that!
REM: You mean like Sirius did!
SNAPE: Yes I mean like Black!
REM: That's creepy….. Very creepy!!
SNAPE: What's creepy!
REM: The fact that you and Sirius are more a like than you think.
SNAPE: Please don't say that….. It makes my head hurt.
REM: Oh come on admit it!
SNAPE: No…
REM: Come OOONNNNNN!! Admit it!
SNAPE: NO!!!!
REM: ADMIT IT!!!
SNAPE: I AM NOTHING LIKE BLACK!!!
REM: Fine… sheesh touchy!!
-Insert random silence-
MV: HEY PEEPS!!!!!!!!
SNAPE/ REM: YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
MV: Sorry guy's he-he!!!
SNAPE/ REM: -Glare-
MV: Oh don't give me that!!!
SNAPE: I'll give you what I bloody well want!!!
REM: Ignore him MV…. He's just cranky because he hasn't had anyone to torture for a while…
MV: That's not exactly true…. He did throw that knife at Anne.
SNAPE: That doesn't count! It was a moment of clarity!
REM: Don't you mean insanity?
SNAPE: Nope clarity! I'm surrounded by insanity!!
MV: Ain't that the truth!
REM: -Nods-
SNAPE: So what do you want now you reject from an insane asylum!!
MV: My, he is testy! I just coming to see how you guys were!
REM: Am I the only one seeing anything fundamentally wrong with that?
SNAPE: Nope…. If she's concerned about us then something is definitely up!
MV: No, no not at all!
REM: She's up to something!
SNAPE: I know and I have a solution……
MV: -Raises eyebrow threateningly- And what would that be?
SNAPE: Strike….
REM/ MV: WHAT!!!!!????
SNAPE: I said strike…. Are you complete retards or what….?
MV: You wouldn't dare!!
SNAPE: Believe me I would!
REM: Oh he would! And I would be doing it with him!
MV: I can't believe you two are mutinying against me… after all I've done for you!
REM: Oh don't make us laugh!
SNAPE: All you've done is torture and harass us…. I think we entitled to….
MV: Strike?
REM: Exactly!
MV: Well I say no?
SNAPE: No??
MV: Yup.. No because you forget…. This is my world and I have certain evidence that incriminates both of you! HA!
REM/ SNAPE: ST!!!!!!
MV: That curse word indeed!! And if you don't want the random populace of Hogwarts seeing you're drunken though highly amusing antics I advise you co-operate!
SNAPE:
You were right for once Lupin…. She was up to something!
MV: -Sigh- Guess you guys know me too well now –Evil grin-
REM: That is indeed unfortunate!
MV: -Sarcastic- Ouuuhhh your words cut me deep Remus, deep indeed!
SNAPE: If only….
MV: -Glares and snaps fingers-
SNAPE: -Gets shocked- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!!!
MV: -Shrugs- I haven't used that for a while…… I needed someone to vent it on. It was making my hair stand on end!
ALL: -Look very blank and confused-
MV: WHAT!!!! It was playing havoc with my hair and he bad mouthed me OKAY!!!!
ALL: -Back off slowly- O-KAY!
MV: No one understands me…..
SNAPE: You are aware that you've just contradicted yourself!?
MV: Shut up Snape! I'm angsting!
REM: Enough sniping you two! Mv would you please tell us what the hell you want or go and torture someone else!
MV: -Sniffs- It is not torture, it is a creative outlet…. Don't diss me! (A/N: I've been DYING to put that in)
REM: Yeah whatever.. –Notes almighty glare of death-…. Fine what do you want?
MV: Well we've…
REM/ SNAPE: WE'VE!!!!???
MV: Yes 'We've'! We've being myself S.J, and Johnny have decided it's time for you to pay off your end of our little bargain.
REM: Why do I have a VERY
SNAPE: VERY
REM: VERY
SNAPE: VERY bad feeling about this!
MV: -Evil grin-
REM/ SNAPE: Oh God I'm dead!
MV: Aw come on guys, lighten up…. It will be fun!
REM/ SNAPE: -Look extremely sceptical-
MV: Don't give me that look…. I've… sorry we've been planning this for a while…. It'll be a right laugh!
SNAPE: YES! AT OUR EXPENSE!!!
MV: That's not…. Entirely true!
REM: -Raises eyebrow- And I'm the Pope of the catholic church!
MV: Besides you have to do it! I have 'The Evidence'!
REM/ SNAPE: -Wince-
REM: You had this planned from the start didn't you!?
MV: Not entirely….. I've been pretty much been making this up as I go along!
SNAPE: Ah… so I was right…. You are a moron!
MV: Do you want to be shocked again?
SNAPE: Will it knock me unconscious?
MV: NO!!!
SNAPE: Then I'll pass then!
MV: And he's calling ME the moron!! Anywho… I'll get straight to the point. Me and the dastardly duo have decided that instead of the final 'head to head round' we are going to have something a little bit different!
REM/ SNAPE: -Look scared-
MV: Already warned you about that!
REM/ SNAPE: -Look even more scared-
MV: -Sigh- Well we figured since this is a 'Head to head' we may as well turn it into something a little well more competitive!
REM: Again I'm getting that BAD feeling!!
MV: will you stop complaining about that bad feeling until after I've finished explaining!
SNAPE: -Sarcastic- Explain away!
MV: -Mockingly sharp- Why thank you Severus, Anywho… we thought it would be fun if you fought for the money….. like say wrestling….
REM: You want us to wrestle one another…???
MV: Well yes! And if you do this I swear that all of 'The Evidence' will be destroyed!
REM: You game!
SNAPE: Let's do it! After all it's all fake!
MV: Lets go people –Squeals in delight- OH YEAH! I GET TO HOST MY OWN WRESTLING MATCH! Okay people to your stations!!!
Five minutes later in the studio
-The whole studio has been transformed into a cheap rip off version of a wrestling ring complete with rickety walkway and mud pit for a ring!!-
MV: YEAH!! This is soooo COOL!!! Hey you guys…. Get your butts in here!
-S.J and Johnny-
S.J: EWWWW mud!
JOHNNY: You didn't actually get them to agree to this did you?
MV: -Really evil smirk- Oh but I did!
JOHNNY: You my dear girl are a genius!
MV: I do try –Laughs-
-Anne appears-
ANNE: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY STUDIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MV: What's it look like…. I made a few modifications –Sees seething look- DON'T worry I'll put it all back after were done.
ANNE: Make sure you do…
MV: I will…. Right shall we take our positions in the announcing box! The match is about to begin!
-They all take their seats-
JOHNNY: Introducing first….. Weighing in at 230lb the Slytherin snake, master of potions and various other unmentionables! SEEEEEVERUS SNNNNAAAPPEE!!!
-Snape walks down runway and trips at bottom over a random plank-
SNAPE: -Growls and climbs into the ring- WTF IS THIS!!!! YOU DIDN'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT MUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MV: -Whistles innocently- Must've slipped my mind…
SNAPE: -Growls-
S.J: Anywho…. Onto our next competitor!! Weighing in at 195lb, the pride of Gryffindor's lion! Everyone's favourite lycanthrope REEEEMUUUS LUUUUPIIIN!!!
-Remus enters arena and walks down runway. His foot goes through a rotting board causing him to stumble-
REM: Stupid board –Climbs into ring- WTF IS THIS!!!! YOU DIDN'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT MUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MV: I've just had a feeling of deja-vu!
ALL: -Nod-
MV: As I said to Severus…. It must've slipped my mind!
REM: Slipped your mind my arse!!!
MV: -Clears throat threateningly-
REM: -Glares-
MV: Finally introducing the referee for this evening…. She is experienced in many bouts and scuffles… hailing from somewhere in England! ANNNNEEEE ROOBBBIIIINNSSOOOONN!!
ALL: NO WAY!
MV: YES WAY!!!! She's the toughest ref I could think of… after all she has to deal with us lot! On a chapterly basis I might add!!
S.J: Good call Sis! Believe me she IS tough…. Tough but fair!
ANNE: WHAT! You didn't tell me this…
MV: Again must have 'slipped my mind' –Grins evilly- So get your backside down there now! –Snaps fingers-
-Anne is transported into ring-
ANNE: GROSS!!!! MUD!!!!
ALL: -Laugh-
MV: Okay, let's get this show on the road. LET THE MATCH BEGIN!!!
ANNE: Okay you two come here! Right I want to see a nice clean fight, no low blows, no biting, no spitting! Okay let's get it on!!!
SNAPE: Those last few comments were aimed at you Lupin!! –Grins maliciously-
Back in the announcers box
MV: Okay and were in and… what the HELL!!! We've only been in a few minutes and this has already turned into an all out brawl! Looks like those years of rivalry are taking its toll!
S.J: OUCH! Man this is not going to end well!!
JOHNNY: COME SEVY HIT HIM HARDER!!!!!!!
S.J/ MV: -Give Johnny 'The Look'-
JOHNNY: WHAT!?
MV: Biased cow!
JOHNNY: Guilty as charged...
MV: -Glares-
S.J: Anywho back to the fight….
Back in the ring
SNAPE: This is for all those times you didn't stop those gits! –Pummels Lupin-
REM: Is that all you've got! HAH! I laugh at your pitiful attempt! Take THIS –Smacks him- and THIS! –Smacks him- and THIS!!! –You get the drift!-
SNAPE: -Stumbles backwards- Pathetic!
REM: -Growls and charges at Snape- Eat this… Wooaaaaa –Slips on mud and goes flying into ring post- OWWW! My head!!
SNAPE: Very graceful Lupin! –Laughs-
REM: -Skids along floor and knock Snape over-
SNAPE: WHY YOU LITTLE!!! –Jumps on top of Remus-
-Start rolling around the floor like a pair of school kids-
ANNE: Oh Lordy… come on you two… break it up!!!
-Keep rolling around floor and knock into Anne-
ANNE: YAAAHHH! –Falls in the mud- You've ruined my new suit!!!! –Kicks the two guys-
REM/ SNAPE: -Continue fighting-
Announcers box-
MV: Oh YEAH Fight, fight fight!!!!
S.J: You are WAY too into what you do!!!
MV: You say that like it's a bad thing!!!
S.J: Well it is a bit!!
MV: Hey Johnny…. Have any comments on that… Johnny?? Hey where'd she go..??
S.J: -Shrugs- I dunno…. But you know its bad news!!!
Back in the ring
-Guys are now back on their feet and scuffling
REM: Hah Snape you're such a weakling!! –Beats seven shades of st out of Snape-
SNAPE: I'll never let you beat me!!
Up in the rafters
MYSTERIOUS SHADOW: He-he-he cutting the rope…. Cutting the rope he-he-heee!!!
-Sneaks off-
In The Ring
REM: Oh yeah your going down!! Huh… what's that noise…… -Sandbag from rafters hits him on head-… oh –Falls down unconscious-
JOHNNY: PIN him NOW SEV!!!!
SNAPE: Whaaa … Ugh…. –Crawls over and pins Remus-
ANNE: And we have a pin….. –Skids to floor- Ew… I'm so sending MV my dry cleaning bill!
JOHNNY: Just do the count already!!!!
ANNE: -Angry- FINE!!!! One……. –Slaps floor-
MV: Come on REM!! Wake up!!!!
ANNE: Two……. –Slaps floor-
S.J: No WAY he's gonna win… no sodding way!
ANNE: Three!!! It's over!!! WE HAVE A WINNER!!!
MV: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
JOHNNY: YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!! Ha my very, very sneaky evil plan worked!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
MV: -P'Off- So it was YOU in the rafters!!!!!
JOHNNY: Er…. I didn't say that…. Um that door over there is looking very inviting SEEYA SMAELL!!!!
MV: JJJJJJJJOOOOHHHHNNNNYYY!!!! I'm gonna kill you!!!
S.J: Don't lie sis! She's your best mate! You wouldn't kill her!
MV: Don't bet on it!
ANNE: Hey Mv can you tidy this place up so we can finish this bloody thing!
MV: Yeah fine… whatever –Snaps fingers and all is as it was and the two guys still covered in mud are at their podiums… well Snape is.. Remus is just kinda draped over his-
ANNE: Thanks….. Um… shouldn't you wake him up?
MV: I suppose so…… -Claps hands and large bucket of water tips over Remus' head-
REM: -Shocked- I'm awake!!!! I'm awake!!!!!!
ANNE: Right….. Severus you are today's strongest link earning a grand total of 3220 Galleons! Which charity are you going to give it to?
SNAPE: Do I have to?
MV: YES!!! We already had this discussion!!!
SNAPE: Fine… I'm donating it to the Sunshine Sanctuary for sick Snakes and other reptiles!!
MV: Okay here it goes –Whistles loudly, money shoots off-
ANNE: Okay that is all from the Weakest Link…. Goodbye!
Backstage
REM: I should've won that…. But hey I'm not a sore loser… congratulations to the man!
-Camera pans to Snape-
SNAPE: I say the best man won…. Although I would have preferred to keep the money! Word of advice…. Do not let demented people drag you into ANYTHING AGAINST YOUR WILL!!!
-Ending theme-
MV: Phew….. finally over!
JOHNNY: AMEN to that!
S.J: -Nods in agreement- Uh-huh!
JOHNNY: So what now??
MV: Well…. I'm not due back for a while…. How about a party?
S.J: Sounds good to me!!
JOHNNY: Me too!
MV: Then lets party then people!!! OH YEAH!!!
The End…… or is it?
Mini Dis: This is from The Discworld Novels…. Which I don't own…. –Mutters- stupid copyrights!
A/N: And here it is…..the end! Well the end of the show at least –Winks- it took a long time to get here, 3 years to be exact… but I finally finished it! Thanks for being so patient guys! I know it's been a long wait but everyone's support has been fab!