Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are NOT mine.

Warnings: I have no idea. Definitely OOCness, and possibly language, I can't really tell. It's been a while, so it's gonna be a little weird, I think. 22 months. O.o;; Uh, so I tried to make it a long chapter, sorta like a 'sorry' kinda thing. Heh.

"She's insane... Hilde's insane..." Quatre said, shaking his head, with a small sigh. At the moment he and Duo were in the kitchen, doing the dishes.

Duo furrowed his brow, as he dried the plates for the Arabian, and started stacking them in the cupboards. "I wonder what happened..." he mumbled.

"... Well..." Quatre said, slowly. "She was almost hit over the head with a vase..."

Duo blinked, turning to him, "what? When?"

"Couple days ago..." Quatre handed Duo a bowl.

"By who?" the American prodded, drying the bowl.

Quatre fidgeted slightly, while washing the utensils. "Umm... well, I... uhhh, so, Duo... how have you been?" he asked, with a cheerful smile.

Duo frowned, leaning against the counter, "Cat..."

Quatre swallowed, "heh, what?"

"What're you hiding?"

"Nothing."

"Cat..."

"Honestly, Duo... I don't lie, or keep secrets... I swear."

Duo pursed his lips for a second, then nodded slowly. "Uhhh, alright then... sorry."

Quatre nodded, handing Duo some forks and spoons. "No problem... so where is Hilde, anyways?" he asked, curiously.

Duo shrugged, drying the utensils, "in her room, getting some rest..."

The Arabian nodded, "that's a relief... rest will help ease her mind..."

"... Yeah..." Duo smiled. "I hope."

oooXXXooo

While Duo and Quatre were finishing up their task, Trowa and Wufei were in the middle of theirs. They stood at the foot of Hilde's bed. And the girl was sleeping soundly, snoring lightly. Constantly murmuring weird phrases and words.

"Kinky..."

"... He'll be mine..."

"Horny beasts must die..."

Wufei pursed his lips for a moment, in vague concern for the young lady's mental health, then he turned to Trowa, "any ideas?"

"... She obviously has issues..." Trowa replied, shortly.

Wufei gave him a small glare, "I meant for our next course of action..."

Trowa raised an eyebrow, "oh..." Then he shrugged, glancing at the window, smiling faintly. "I think her mattress will fit out the window..." he said, almost cheerfully.

Wufei frowned, "I said 'no', Barton..."

"Why not?!"

"Because, it's illogical, and morally wrong..."

"Who's to say we'll get caught?"

"Getting caught isn't what bothers me... it's illogical..."

"... 'And morally wrong'... I heard, I heard..." Trowa rolled his eyes. "Why is it morally wrong, anyways?"

"Duo wouldn't approve..." Wufei muttered.

"Aww, Wufei, that's almost cute of you..."

"... Shut up."

Trowa grinned slightly. "C' mon, Wufei... it won't be that hard... you take one side, I'll take the other... I highly doubt she'd hurt herself... It's only two floors."

"She wouldn't be hurting herself..." Wufei snorted, "we'll be hurting her, because we'll be throwing her out... and she isn't like us, she's a weak onna..."

Trowa waved his hand, carelessly, "mere details... let's do it, that's all."

"..... You're a persistant one..."

"That mean you're up for it?" Trowa asked, almost eagerly.

Wufei shook his head, "what do you take me for?"

oooXXXooo

It was all dark. Hilde was in a haze, but didn't move. There were some voices. Soft, serious sounding voices. Furrowing her brow, Hilde tried to hear a little better. She kind of recognized the voices. Kind of.

"That mean you're up for it?"

"What do you take me for?"

"... It's just a little bit of fun, Wufei..."

"I don't consider straining ourselves 'fun'..."

"I work in the circus, I don't strain easily... I pride myself in my great stamina..."

"As well as your modesty, no doubt..."

"That too..."

"I don't want to do anything that may hurt Duo..."

"Like she would anything to hurt him..."

"That wasn't what I meant... Duo's a little odd, either he'll be incredibly angry at us... or he might be upset that we left him out of something like this..."

"We'll make it up to him, later tonight..."

".... Damn... how much stamina do you have, Barton?"

"Told you... a lot."

"... Fine... but no window."

"... You're a real downer, you know that?"

"I'm working on it..."

"Then what...?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something... you're disturbingly creative."

"... You flatter me... alright, let's do it."

"You're far too eager..."

Then she felt the bed beginning to move. Hilde sat bolt upright, eyes wide in horror. "OMIGOD!!! IN MY ROOM! YOU GUYS ARE MORE TWISTED THAN I THOUGHT!!!" Then she blinked, as Trowa and Wufei looked at her oddly. Wufei was on the right side of the bed, Trowa on the left, and both of them were holding up the mattress.

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING!?" Hilde shouted.

Trowa dropped his side, rubbing the back of his head, smiling innocently, "nothing..."

Due to Trowa's action and Wufei still holding up his side, Hilde then rolled down off the bed, hitting the floor with a THUD, at Trowa's feet.

Trowa blinked, as he looked down at her, while Wufei bit his lip to keep from laughing, as he lowered his side of the mattress.

Hilde jumped to her feet, her eyes darting wildly from side to side, hair a mess, and her legs tangled in the sheets, as she struggled to keep her balance. "YOU'RE BOTH INSANE!"

Trowa had to bite back a smile, "no offense, but you're the one looking like a psychopath..."

"YOU BOTH MUST DIE!!!" Hilde suddenly yelled.

Trowa and Wufei blinked in confusion, as Hilde darted from the room, staggering and kicking her legs to discard the bedsheet that held her. Wufei walked around the bed, joining Trowa.

"Perhaps you're right... she does appear to have some issues..." the Chinese pilot said, slowly.

Trowa nodded, "told you..."

Then a moment later Hilde was back, swinging another one of Wufei's katanas around.

"... I really should install a lock on my bedroom door..." Wufei growled. Trowa could only smile in agreement. Hilde released a shrill battlecry, and lunged at the pilots.

Both pilots looked at each other, then sidestepped away from each other. Hilde leaping between the two of them, landing on the bed. She was stabbing at the bed, shrieking that Duo was hers, and hers alone!

Trowa and Wufei stared at the sight, stunned. The poor bed was being slaughtered, if it were alive, that is.

"HE'S MINE, HE'S MINE, HE'S MIIIIINE!!"

Both pilots gave each other a perplexed look. Then shrugged helplessly. Maybe they did too good a job?

"Hilde!"

Trowa and Wufei blinked again, as Quatre raced in. He grabbed her wrists, wrenching her back, off the bed, and down to the floor.

"ACK...!" Hilde yelped.

Quatre snatched the katana from her hands, "what're you thinking?"

"KILL THE PILOTS! HE'S MINE!!!" she shrieked, struggling madly.

"... Maybe OZ got to her..." Trowa suggested. Wufei nodded.

Then Duo casually sauntered by the bedroom door. Only to lean back, and peer in, looking very confused. Hilde was on the floor, Quatre holding her wrists. Trowa and Wufei watching. Raising an eyebrow, the American walked in, joining the edge of the fray. "Exhibition, huh?" he joked.

"... Yeah," Trowa and Wufei nodded solemnly.

Quatre turned red, "no..!" he cried.

"KILL THE PILOTS!" Hilde shrieked. Duo blinked. Kill the pilots?

"Hey, Hilde... you okay?"

Hilde looked around wildly. Her eyes landing on Duo, "DUO!" she gasped. Then tears sprang to her blue eyes, "please... help..."

Duo walked up, kneeling beside Quatre, as he pulled Hilde close. Trowa and Wufei's eyes widened, in shock. Or horror. It was a little hard to decide at the moment.

Quatre blinked, as Hilde curled up, snuggling into Duo's chest.

"... There's a good girl... shhh, it's alright... I'm here..." Duo said soothingly, as he smoothed her hair down, smiling warmly.

Hilde clutched at his black shirt, whimpering.

"Shhhh, there there... everything's going to be just fine..." Duo continued to murmur gently. "I think you need some air, don't you?"

Hilde nodded, trying to nuzzle further into Duo's embrace.

Duo stood up, still holding Hilde tenderly. "Alright... let's get you some shoes, and we'll take a walk, okay?" he cooed. "How about we go to the park?"

Hilde nodded, smiling contently, as Duo gently lead her to the bedroom door. Quatre shrugged, and stood up, following after the pair.

Trowa and Wufei stared after them, still very much astonished at what just happened. Then they looked at each other. And they both wordlessly agreed that this wasn't good.

oooXXXooo

Heero sighed, as he stepped off the train, smiling faintly. He was almost home. Almost back to Duo. A bit of a goofy grin lit up his usual stoic expression as he thought about the American.

Shouldering his backpack, he made his way to the front of the station, quickly waving down a cab. And he was off. Thoughts of Duo continued to make the Japanese pilot smile almost pleasantly, so the driver wasn't fearing for his life.

Until Heero suddenly thought about a certain young blue-eyed woman. Hilde Schbeiker. 01's eyes then darkened, almost dangerously.

Any sense of security the poor driver was beginning to have quickly vanished, at the sudden homicidal glint in his passenger's gaze.

Heero's hands gripped into tight fists on his lap, the more he thought on that damn woman. Setting his jaw, he quickly shook his head, trying to will away the unsettling feeling that was beginning to form in his chest. No, things are fine, he decided. Trowa and Wufei are dependable.

Aren't they?

Heero scowled, and shook his head more firmly. Alright, no having doubts, he chided himself. It will only makes things unnecessarily difficult.

oooXXXooo

Once again, sitting in the den were Trowa and Wufei. Trowa's brow was furrowed very deeply, it almost looked painful, while Wufei was pacing back and forth, looking very very uncomfortable. Suddenly he turned to Trowa.

"Well?!"

Trowa bit his lip, then forced a smile, "'well' what?"

"Well, what are we doing?!" Wufei demanded.

"Uhhh... well, I'm sitting here, and you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown..." Trowa smiled.

Wufei growled, and lunged at the taller pilot, grabbing his collar, and pulled him roughly over the desk. "Don't make stupid jokes in this sort of situation, Barton!" he growled, darkly.

Trowa cringed, "hey, I'm just trying to lighten things up."

"Things shouldn't be lightened up at this moment!" Wufei snapped. "Duo pities Hilde, and that evil onna is using it to her advantage!"

Trowa shifted slightly, trying to find a comfortable position, since he was yanked across the heavy desk; his legs were still on the desk, but Wufei was holding his upper body up over the floor. "Uhh, well we could... uh... I still say the bed-out-the-window is a good option," Trowa said, simply.

Wufei gaped at him, almost stunned. Then with a grimace, he threw his hands up in obvious exasperation. "You're impossible, Barton!!"

"Ack!" Trowa yelped, as he was dropped to the floor.

Suddenly Wufei whipped his head around, his onyx black eyes widening. It sounded like a car was approaching. "Oh hell no..." he hissed almost to himself.

Meanwhile, Trowa had to pull the rest of himself down to the floor, to stand up. "Ugh, flexible or not, I'm not made of rubber, Wufei..." he griped.

"Shut up!"

Trowa blinked, "what's your problem?"

"I said 'shut up'!" Wufei barked.

Trowa raised an eyebrow, but went silent anyway. Then a very ominous sound reached his ears as well. The sound of a vehicle's engine, and the sound of a car door closing.

Forest green eyes widened, horror written on his usually calm features. "Oh shhhhhi...taki mushrooms!!" he yelled, running to the window, Wufei at his heels.

Both pilots stared down below in terror. A yellow cab was in their driveway. And getting out of that yellow cab was their leader-of-sorts.

"What do we do?" Wufei whispered.

Trowa opened and closed his mouth several times.

"Barton..?"

Trowa continued to open and close his mouth, making no sound.

"Barton!" Wufei hollered, and grabbed Trowa's shirt, and began shaking him around violently. "Enough! Say something, you idiot! Say something right now! What do we do? What do we do? What do we DO?!?!"

Trowa could only flop bonelessly around, his mouth still managing to make no sound.

"Barton! Answer me! Answer me, damnit! Barton, I swear if you don't answer me...!" Wufei was now in a full-on panic. Heero was making his way to the frontdoor!

"... Wu-u-u-f-ei-ei-ei-ei-ei... s-s-s-s-s-s-t-op-op-op-op-op w-ith-ith-ith th-e-e-e d-amn-amn-amn sh-sh-sh-sh-a-k-ing-ing-ing...!" Trowa finally yelled, rather shakily. He reached up, and roughly pushed Wufei away.

Wufei blinked, "oh, sorry..."

Trowa smoothed down his shirt. "Alright, now... we need to keep calm," he said, firmly.

Wufei nodded.

"We have to think logically..."

Wufei nodded again.

"We fought in very epic battles, so cowardice should not be in our vocabulary...!" Trowa went on.

Wufei took a deep breath, and nodded firmly.

"We fought in a war, without fearing death at all, am I right?"

"Yes, you're right," Wufei nodded, almost vigorously.

"We're Gundam pilots! We fear nothing!" Trowa said, standing with pride.

Wufei pursed his lips, then took a long calming breath. He flinched, managing to hear the front door of the mansion close.

"Trowa, Wufei? Anyone home..?" Heero's voice called.

"Except Heero is the exception...!" Trowa gulped. Then he spun around, jumping up on the windowsill, and started trying to open the window.

"Barton, you idiot!" Wufei growled. Then he quickly jumped up on the windowsill and started trying to jar open the window as well.

After a moment, there was a familiar voice, "Trowa, Wufei..."

Trowa and Wufei froze.

Heero was standing at the door, his eyebrow raised. It was a strange sight seeing both of his fellow stoic pilots standing on a windowsill, wiggling and jiggling trying to open the large window.

"What are you doing?" Heero asked, suspiciously.

Trowa forced a smile, "Heero... heh, you're back early..."

Wufei gulped, but managed to nod a greeting to the Japanese pilot. Then he wordlessly went back to trying to open the window.

"What are you doing?" Heero repeated, lowering his backpack to the floor.

"Uh, n-nothing... we were just, uh... just, uh..." Trowa looked around almost frantically, then he sharply elbowed Wufei's side. "Wufei, what are we doing...?"

"Trying to avoid death..." Wufei grunted, still trying to open the window.

Trowa anime sweatdropped, as Heero stared at the both of them, obviously questioning their sanity.

"Avoid death?" Heero asked.

"Uhhhhhhh, d-d-death... Duo! Heh, we're trying to avoid Duo!" Trowa choked out.

Heero frowned, "and why is that?"

"We, uh... we, uh... Wufei, uh..."

Heero's frown deepened, and he took a few very menacing steps forward. "What did Wufei do to Duo...?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"... I didn't do anything!" Wufei snapped.

"Then why are you avoiding him!?" Heero demanded.

Trowa's eyes widened, seeing that Heero's trigger finger was twitching again. So much for the therapy sessions.

"Not what you think, Heero!" Trowa said, quickly. "Just, uh... he, uh... Wufei and Duo just got in an argument... about, uh... about, uh... penguins!"

"Penguins?" Heero blinked.

Wufei anime sweatdropped, "penguins?"

Trowa nodded, "heh, right... penguins... y' know... Duo was a little hyper, and, uh... Wufei was the only one around, so Duo started an argument, and uh... it got a little ugly, so, uh... yeah... how was your trip?"

Heero's hand steadied a bit, "it was fine." He looked around, back to his calm neutral self, "where is Duo, anyways?" he asked.

"With Hilde... in the park," Wufei answered mindlessly, as he continued working on the window.

Trowa could only make an 'erk' sound as Heero's face suddenly darkened. Wufei froze, realizing what he just said. Slowly, he turned around, looking at Heero.

It was silent for a very long moment. At least it felt long for pilots 03 and 05. They could almost hear something snap in Heero's head.

The Japanese pilot then swiftly made his way across the den, and leaned down, resting his hands against the coffeetable. Trowa and Wufei swallowed nervously.

"... I trust you two to take care of Duo while I'm gone, and you let that woman make off with him?!" Heero shouted, in rage. He lifted the coffeetable over his head. "Can't I count on you guys for anything?!" He spun around, eyes flashing dangerously as he hurled the coffeetable at the two pilots.

Trowa and Wufei yelped in unison, as they jumped down from the windowsill, ducking simultaneously, to avoid the flying table. The window was almost smashed to nothing, as the poor table sailed through it, way too easily. Trowa and Wufei both quickly dashed to the other side of the den, away from the window, and behind a couch.

"Yuy, calm down!" Wufei was hollering.

"Calm down..?" Heero echoed, eyes widening. Then his eyes darkened, as he made his way over to the couch. "Calm down?! You expect me to calm down?! You're an idiot, Chang, if you think I should calm down! A huge, dumb, boneheaded, moronic schmuck..!!!"

"... Injustice! You have no right to speak to me like that!" Wufei snapped, scowling as he stood up.

Then Trowa hastily pulled Wufei back down. Just as a vase crashed loudly into the wall, where Wufei was standing a split-second earlier.

"Shut up, Wufei... better to let him wear himself out..." Trowa hissed. "Just cower like a good little boy."

Wufei looked aghast. Then he stood up abruptly, "I am a warrior! I do not cower!"

Klick. The sound of a safety catch releasing on a 9mm. Wufei knew the sound well. He slowly turned his gaze back forward, and found himself staring down the barrel of Heero's prized weapon.

"... Uh, maybe just this once..." Wufei muttered. Then he dropped back to the floor, and covered his head, cowering. Trowa nodded in approval, and began cowering with his comrade.

"I can't believe you idiots! I can't believe this! Why?! Why can't I depend on you two!? Answer me that!!" Heero ranted, prussian blue eyes flashing murderously.

"We didn't know what to do, Heero, really..." Trowa blurted, hastily. "It just kinda happened, uh... and well, maybe we got a little carried away, that's all..."

"A little carried away?" Heero blinked. "A little carried with what?! Baka no yarou!" He snarled, and dropped his gun, grabbing a conveniently placed side table, and raised it over his head, preparing to drop it against Trowa's head.

Trowa cringed, until...

"Heero? Ack! Heero, no..!" Quatre suddenly appeared, and started tugging the table down, to Trowa and Wufei's immense relief. "Whatever's wrong, can you please restrain from destroying the place...!?"

Heero growled at Quatre, "you! I should have made you do it! You're dependable, unlike these schmucks, correct?"

"Stop calling me a schmuck!" Wufei yelled.

"Then quit being one!" Heero shot back.

Quatre anime sweatdropped, then looked at Trowa in confusion. The acrobat shook his head, not bothering to try and explain since he was trying to calm himself down. With a sigh, the Arabian turned back to Heero.

"Heero, what's wrong?" he asked in a soothing tone, resting his hand against Heero's shoulder.

"These two! They're idiots!" Heero spat, pointing at Trowa and Wufei.

"... Well, at least he stopped with the 'schmucks' term..." Trowa said, sighing. Wufei glowered at him.

"You have no right to talk..! He only called you a schmuck once... I was called a schmuck twice... so shut up."

Trowa blinked, then snickered, until Quatre gave both of the older pilots a warning glare. "Boys, I brought home dinner, it's on the table... get going," he commanded, still using one hand to successfully keep Heero from going on another rampage.

"Wha...? But, Quatre... can you handle him..?" Trowa said slowly.

"Yes... now, get going..." Quatre replied, sternly.

Wufei nodded as he hastily got to his feet, and started shoving Trowa out of the room, rather quickly.

Quatre sighed, shaking his head. Then he gave Heero a warm smile. "Well, Heero... you and your dramatic entrances... that was quite the return you've made."

Heero glanced at the younger pilot, then frowned as he felt himself calm down. Damn Quatre's tranquil nature! It was impossible to be angry around him!

Quatre looked at the broken window, "so you broke a window..."

Heero blinked, noticing the shattered glass. Then he stared at the floor, "yeah."

"With a coffeetable."

Heero shuffled his right foot, a little uncomfortably, "yeah."

"Now, you know that wasn't the right thing to do."

"... Yes, Quatre."

Quatre sighed, "well, you were angry... I guess this one can slide." Then the Arabian smiled, "by the way, welcome home."

"... Hn."

Phew, okay... all done. My wrist hurts O.o; 11 pages? Geez, I thought it was more. Uhh, I might get back into this. It'll get better, I promise.