Disclaimer: as usual, GundamWing and its characters aren't mine.

Warnings: language... and that's it. Oh yeah, weird attempts at humor. It was late, and usually under those circumstances, I laugh at anything. Sooo, yeah... anyways, heh. A somewhat long chapter. Oh yeah, possible spelling errors. Just a heads up.

PS, thanks for the patience and reviews, DeathsDragon, Sakura Harusame, and Keiran. They really, really mean a lot to me, heh. Nice and encouraging, and I appreciate it, so thanks again.

"Mexican food...?!" Wufei choked out. "I can't stand mexican food! What on Earth was Winner thinking getting mexican food! Does he not remember!? Does he lack the capacity to recall traumatizing experiences?! What is the matter with him..?!"

Trowa ignored the Chinese pilot's ranting, as he unwrapped a soft taco, and reached for a small container of guacamole.

"Keep that away!" Wufei suddenly barked.

Trowa blinked, looking at Wufei, the guacamole, then back at Wufei again. "And what seems to be the problem?" he asked, a little bored.

"Perhaps you don't remember the last time we had mexican food!" Wufei yelled.

Trowa blinked again, "uh, not entirely, no... enlighten me." He smiled faintly, lowering the small container, resting his chin in his hand, and watched his comrade expectantly.

"Flying sour cream!" Wufei cried, waving his arms. "Soaring salsa! Killer Quesadillas! Air-borne guacamole! Cracked taco shells! Lettuce and tomatoes with no where to go but down..!" Wufei dashed around the table, and grabbed Trowa, shaking him around again. "BURRITO BOMBS!!!"

Trowa anime sweatdropped, as Wufei fell to his knees beside his chair. With a sigh, Pilot 03 patted the younger's teen's shoulders lightly in comfort. "Hey, calm down... relax, will... will you just calm down...?"

"They still haunt me!" Wufei practically wailed. "They haunt me in my dreams! And him! His crazed maniacal grin still plague my thoughts as I lay in bed at night! Those tacos, burritos, and quesadillas! I can still see them! The sour cream! The salsa! I can still feel them!!!" As he spoke, Wufei crawled up into Trowa's lap, curling up in a fetal position.

Trowa pursed his lips, and continued to lightly pat the younger pilot's shoulder. "Relax, Wufei," he said, softly. "Duo's not here, so don't worry. There will be no flying sour cream, soaring salsa, killer quesadillas, air-borne guacamole... and most definitely, definitely no burrito bombs, alright?"

Wufei whimpered, "promise?"

Trowa nodded, "yes... see, no Duo...?" he said, gesturing around the empty dining room. Then the pilot anime sweatdropped, noticing that Wufei was in his lap, and he was holding said pilot like a child. He grimaced, and shook his head. Wufei was crazy.

... But then again, they all were.

"Wufei... get down, and go eat..." Trowa said, turning slightly, so as to shove Wufei out of his lap, properly.

"Hey...!" Wufei hit the floor with a dull thump.

oooXXXooo

"Here we go, Hilde..." Duo was saying cheerfully, as he lead Hilde to the mansion's front door. "Home sweet home... how're you feeling?" His arm was draped casually around the small girl's shoulders in a comforting manner.

Hilde sighed happily, her arms still wrapped firmly around Duo's waist, as she nuzzled against him. "All better..." she chirped.

"That's good... I guess you just needed some time away from all the testosterone, huh?" Duo smiled good-naturedly.

Hilde frowned inwardly, but nodded anyway.

"Tadaima..!" Duo called, once they were inside. He paused, hearing loud footsteps thundering towards the main hall, where he and Hilde stood. Duo could only look around in very deep confusion. "Hello?"

"Duo!"

Duo looked up, then he brightened, "hey, Hee-chan!" he greeted. "When did you get back?" he asked. He failed to notice the very cold deathglare aimed at the small girl under Duo's arm.

Heero stalked down the stairs, then pointed at Hilde. "You...!" he hissed. "Get your filthy stinkin hands off of him, right now!"

"Make me..." Hilde sneered, and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Easy enough..." Heero growled, stomping closer. "It'll just require ripping both of your arms out of their sockets!"

Duo anime sweatdropped, and turned a bit, pushing Hilde behind him. "Hey, easy Hee-chan... Hilde's not exactly doin too hot these days..."

Heero stared at Duo, stunned. "You're protecting her?!"

"Uhhhh... well, yeah..."

Heero clutched at his chest, eyes widening further. "Why not just shoot me in the heart?! Why not just stick a knife in my chest?! Why not just kill me here and now?!"

Duo sighed, "Hee-chan, don't be like that..." he said, gently resting his free hand against Heero's shoulder. Then he leaned closer, "she's not exactly stable upstairs... if you know what I mean?" he whispered.

"Duo... I heard that..." Hilde whined.

Duo cringed, "oi..." He shot Hilde his most charming smile. "Sorry, Hilde... heh..."

"Don't apologize to her!" Heero yelled. "I don't care how insane she is, she has no right to use your compassion like this! You're mine now! And you damn well know it, Duo!"

"Hee-chan..." Duo blushed darkly.

Heero practically tore between Duo and Hilde, roughly shoving the girl away, while hugging Duo firmly. Of course the reaction from Hilde wasn't to be expected. She began stomping up and down, screeching incoherently. The only words that could be caught were "meanie", "greedy", and, oddly enough, "the".

Finally, Hilde sputtered violently. She went still, as Heero and Duo both stared at her, eyebrows raised, and lips tilted a bit in confusion. The girl then forced herself to take a breath.

"... I said..." she said in a slow, deliberate tone. "That I would like to challenge the mighty Heero Yuy for Duo Maxwell's affections..."

Duo's jaw dropped, "whaat..?!" he squawked. "Hilde! You're not yourself right now! You have any idea what you just said?!"

"Yes..." Hilde sniffed.

Heero growled low in his throat, and tightened his hold on Duo.

"You wanna challenge Heero..?!" Duo yelled, waving his arms frantically. "He'll throttle you! He's strangle you! He'll shoot you! He'll stomp all over you! He'll kill you! He'll massacre you! He'll hurt you to death!!!"

Hilde anime sweatdropped, "it's so nice to know I have friends who have faith in me."

Duo blinked, then drooped forward, hanging in Heero's arms. "Oi vey..." he groaned.

Heero was grinning. He was grinning madly. He was grinning like any insane man who was just given a huge vote of confidence that encouraged violence.

"Trowa! Wufei!" the Japanese pilot barked.

Suddenly both pilots appeared, behind Heero, saluting. "Sir?!" they replied, crisply. Duo glared at them.

"Will you guys knock it off? You're only encouraging all this!"

Trowa smirked slightly, "as did you, Duo dearest..." he purred. "May I quote? 'He'll throttle you! He's strangle you! He'll shoot you! He'll stomp all over you! He'll kill you! He'll massacre you! He'll hurt you to death!!!'..."

Heero bristled at the 'Duo dearest', but with great effort, he managed to let it slide.

Meanwhile, Wufei almost snickered, as Duo glowered at Trowa. "Shut up... I was panicking...! Save Hilde, she's nuts! She doesn't stand a chance!"

"Duo, I'm not insane!" Hilde called, exasperated.

"Wha...?" Duo blinked, turning to look at Hilde, while still dangling in Heero's arms.

Hilde lightly rapped her knuckles against her head. "I'm all here... I'm not crazy, alright? I just wanted some time for ourselves... that's all."

"Hilde! How could you?!" Duo demanded.

"Those two idiots were bugging me!" Hilde yelled, pointing at Trowa and Wufei. "They kept flirting with you! It was annoying, because I'm supposed to have you!"

"What?!" Duo squawked again.

Heero turned, glaring viciously at Trowa and Wufei. "What the hell were you guys doing with Duo?!"

"Nothing!" they both blurted out, hastily.

"Hn...!" Heero lifted Duo back to his feet, and gently pushed him towards Trowa and Wufei. "Take care of Duo, get him out of the way... I'll handle you guys afterwards, but right now..." he aimed his icy gaze back to Hilde. "She is my objective..."

Hilde smirked, almost menacingly, while Heero narrowed his eyes.

"Omae o korosu..."

Rather than deny Heero anything, Trowa and Wufei nodded, each grabbing one of Duo's arms, and raced away hastily, the American in tow. Of course there was another huge sense of deja vu for the trio.

oooXXXooo

"What're you guys doing?!" Duo shouted, strugging with the ropes. His wrists were bound together, and now his arms were being tied down?! Where was the logic in that?!

"Sorry, Duo..." Wufei said, simply. "Yuy says to get you out of the way, sooo..."

"Tying me up doesn't get me out of the way!" Duo hollered.

"I beg to differ..." Wufei responded, easily. He leaned over, looking downstairs from the railing. "Barton, finished?"

"Yeah... it should be able to hold him..." Trowa called upstairs. "Toss me your end."

Wufei nodded, tying the rope, leaving a long tail. Then he stood up, and calmly tossed the end down to Trowa, giving him plenty of slack. Trowa whistled, as he flicked the rope, hooking it on the chandelier that hung over the foyer.

"Guys... I'm not sure I approve of all this..." Quatre said, slowly.

"Yes! Thank you, Cat! See?! You're both insane! Insane!" Duo kicked around violently. "Wu-chan! Untie me! Don't make me go Shinigami on your ass!"

"Shush, Duo..." Wufei said, with a soothing smile, as he stroked Duo's hair gently. "Everything will be okay."

Duo felt very uneasy at the moment, as he fidgeted, and tried to shift away a bit. Wufei continued to smile that weird smile, as he slipped one arm behind Duo's back, and the other under his knees, and lifted the braided boy up, bridal style.

"... Wu-chan...?" Duo gulped.

"Guys... please, I don't think this will help at all... I mean Heero won't approve of this, since it's Duo that you're putting in danger, and..." Quatre tried again, but couldn't help but step back a bit.

And the Arabian's words were ignored, as Wufei closed his eyes, still smiling serenely. "Barton?" he called, curiously.

"Got it..." Trowa called back, cheerfully.

Wufei nodded. And without another word, tossed Duo over the railing.

Quatre cringed.

"Auuuuughhhh!" Duo shouted, until he felt definite weight keeping him from hitting the floor below. Slowly opening his eyes, Duo looked down, seeing that Trowa was hauling him upwards. Duo looked up, eyes widening. He was tied to the damn chandelier!

"You idiots! You're driving me insane!"

"Ah, so you can join the club..." Trowa called, as he tied the end of the rope to the banister, to keep Duo very high above the floor.

Wufei leaned against the railing, with a grin, "well, that was fun... as long as you're out of the way now..."

"Cat!" Duo yelled, struggling. "I'm ordering you to kill Tro-kun, and Wu-chan for me! I now dub thee, Cat, as Shinigami's Underling! So, sic 'em, Cat!!!" the braided teen wailed, kicking and swinging around.

Quatre sighed, "I'm sorry, Duo... I can't..."

"Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat...! Where's the love?!" Duo whined.

"I'm sorry, Duo... maybe this is for the best, I mean... it's possible Heero and Hilde are only fighting over you because you're witnessing the whole thing... people are weird that way."

"Not fair, not fair, not fair...!" Duo kicked more violently, which only caused him to begin spinning slowly. "There is absolutely no logic in this whole stupid scenario!"

Trowa tried not to laugh, as he looked up at Wufei, "so, shall we go watch the festivities..? They're in the back."

Wufei sighed, "it's not Relena being killed..." he practically complained. "But I suppose watching Yuy kill any weak onna is better than nothing..." With that, he straightened up, grabbing Quatre's shirt tightly, and walked downstairs, the little Arabian helplessly trailing along.

And they all headed out to watch the show, literally leaving Duo Maxwell hanging.

oooXXXooo

"Why the hell are you using my weapons?!" Wufei shouted, angrily. "Just shoot her! You have a gun, you know how to use it! You aim, and pull the trigger! Why use my katanas?! Have you no respect for other people's belongings?!"

"Shut up, Chang...!" Heero snapped. "I do have some honor... the stupid girl has terrible aim, it wouldn't be fair!"

"Fair?" Trowa said, slowly. "Who cares about fair?!" he yelled, waving his arms in agitation. "You weren't fair with us! You kept trying to shoot us whenever the opportunity came up! Or even when there was no opportunity at all!"

"Both of you just shut up! I still have to take care of the two of you, remember?" Heero snarled.

Trowa and Wufei anime sweatdropped, shut their mouths, and dived behind Quatre for protection. Quatre rolled his eyes.

Pilot 01 turned back to his opponent. "Alright, you cow!" Heero hollered, as he swung Wufei's katana wildly. "Prepare to be smitten!"

The spectators anime sweatdropped, though Hilde continued to glare defiantly at the Japanese pilot.

Pursing his lips, Trowa stepped out from behind Quatre, and took a few steps towards Heero. "Uhhh, Heero?"

"Hn..." Heero grunted, eyeing Hilde furiously.

"... Smitten?" Trowa questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Heero blinked, then scowled at the taller pilot. "Yes, smitten..."

"Uh, I don't think that's the word you mean."

Heero blinked again, "what?"

Then Quatre walked up, and stood with Trowa, near Heero. "Smitten doesn't sound like the proper term, Heero..."

"Of course it's the proper term..." Heero retorted. "It's the past-tense for smite, is it not?"

Trowa and Quatre looked at each other, confused. Then shrugged, as they thought on that.

Then Quatre laughed slightly, "heh... wow, I... I never really thought about this before... Smite, present tense... I-I don't think there is a past-tense for smite, actually..."

Trowa blinked, then sighed, "All words have a past-tense, Quatre... like 'jamp'."

Quatre anime sweatdropped, "and what is 'jamp'?"

"Past-tense for 'jump'..."

Quatre stared at Trowa, blankly. Then the older pilot actually smiled a little brightly, which was a little strange to see on the normally silent pilot.

"Trowa, the past-tense for 'jump' is 'jumped'," Quatre pointed out.

"I'm pretty sure it's 'jamp', Quatre..." Trowa replied, patiently.

"There is no such word, Barton..." Wufei snorted, as he joined the trio.

"Why not ask Wufei?" Quatre suggested, "he's a scholar."

Wufei blinked, "I am?" Then he anime sweatdropped, as Heero, Quatre, and Trowa all gave him a pointed glare. Scratching his head a little uncertainly, he shrugged, "alright then... what are you asking?"

Quatre pointed at Heero, "he told Hilde, 'prepare to be smitten'..."

"Is it not the proper term?" Heero asked, with a roll of his eyes.

"...." Wufei furrowed his brow, thoughtfully.

"Come on, Wufei... you should know this... you say stuff like that all the time," Trowa said, smirking faintly.

Wufei frowned, "I do not."

"Yes you do, don't deny it..." Trowa snickered. "'I shall smite thee!'" the taller pilot said in a dramatic tone, holding both hands above his head, as if holding a sword. "Ring a bell?"

Wufei stared at Trowa as if he were crazy. "I shall smite thee?" he echoed. "I have never said anything of the sort..!"

Trowa blinked, "really?" He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Hm, must have been someone else... but he sure did sound like you... dubbing himself the Blue Thunder..."1

"Guys, focus..." Quatre cut in, with a small smile. Then he turned to Wufei, "so?"

"I don't think 'smitten' is the right word..." Wufei answered.

Heero frowned, "why not... it's past-tense, isn't it?"

"It just doesn't sound right..." Wufei replied, calmly.

"How does it not sound right?!"

"Listen to it! 'Prepare to be smitten!'? I mean, come on... it sounds foolish!"

"... You're foolish..." Heero muttered.

Wufei glared at him, "what was that?"

"... I said, 'cows are hoofish'," Heero said, smiling innocently.

Trowa and Quatre anime sweatdropped, then visibly shuddered at the strange sight of the stoic, homicidal pilot looking so... sweet.

"No you didn't!" Wufei snapped.

"Yes I did!"

"Liar! You said something else! Now what did you say?!"

"I said 'cows are hoofish'!"

"You did not! You don't say ridiculously random things like Duo!"

Trowa sighed, resting his hand against his face in obvious exasperation, while Quatre stared at the argument, a little dumbfounded.

"Excuse me!" Hilde shouted, managing to regain the pilots' attention. "I believe that bastard and I were about to start a duel..."

"What bastard?" the pilots asked.

"That one..." Hilde pointed at Heero with 'her' katana.

"Who're you calling a 'bastard'...?!" Heero shouted.

"I just said... 'you'..." Hilde replied, looking bored. She crossed one ankle over the other, placing one hand on her hip, and proceeded to tap her own katana against her shoulder. "Well? Shall we get on with it?"

"You stupid schmuck of a woman..." Heero growled.

"Again with the 'schmuck'..." Trowa said, shaking his head. "Where on Earth did he learn such a word...?"

"Who knows?" Wufei and Quatre muttered, with a sigh.

1 yeah... VA humor of sorts. I dunno, Wufei saying Kuno's lines always seemed funny to me XD

Welp, that's it... Almost 9 pages, yay? Oi, action. I dunno, I doubt I'll go that far. Just can't do action, it's sad when I try, really. So, uhhhh... how're you?

Oh yeah, about 'Jamp', it just became a word around here. So now I'm curious if everyone says it. It's like, "he jamp over the puddle." Just had to ask. Heh.