[This is a space. This site filters out spaces, so I have to tell you this. Look at me, with all my flawed space-y ness.]

"So," Kagome said, swinging her heels over the mouth of the cave and staring at the ground awkwardly. "You and Kouga, huh."

"..." said Sesshoumaru.

"How is that, I mean, really, he couldn't tell? I thought wolves had this whole scent thing going."

"I use perfume."

"Oh," Kagome said, "I mean, you have to make do with what you have... Say, you're not mad about being outed or anything, right?" she added nervously.

Sesshoumaru took on a weary expression. "It's just as well... I was sick of Kouga constantly asking if I was pregnant yet."

"Yes, and, um... speaking of pregnant..."

Sesshoumaru looked at her knowingly. "If you say that you are, he'll find you out."

"I could say I miscarried" she said defensively.

"Coward. Besides, it still wouldn't explain the scent. He knows something's wrong."

"Does Kouga... does he still love you? Oh, I didn't mean to—" Kagome blundered.

"I'm still here, aren't I?"

Kagome nodded.

"So, how does it work?" Sesshoumaru asked aloofly. "Is it magic?"

Kagome blushed. "It feels like it sometimes. It's really an ordeal, though. Surgery, and a lot of pills, and all kinds of training..." she trailed off.

"Why did you do it? Not that I care."

"Well, I..." she played with her fingers, trying to find the words. "I just knew it. That I was a girl. When I found out about Kikyou, it really did make sense, I was a girl in a boy's body! It was what I was supposed to be. So I had to fix the mistake."

"I see."

"Daddy, he, um, was like you and Kouga, you know? He liked men." She blushed even deeper at saying these things. "He still did his duty, and had kids though, right? Mama knew... she knew, but she loved him. Loved him enough to let him be himself. He didn't love me that much, though." She was crying now.

But Sesshoumaru wasn't evil just for the eyeshadow. He pushed her to go on.

"He's living in Madrid now. With a man. Last I heard that is... I got a postcard two years ago. He thought... that he'd passed it on to me. That's why he left. So I didn't just break the jewel, I broke my own family. I'm such a screw up."

"You broke something of mine, too," Sesshoumaru said. "Many things, in fact."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"No," he said. "But you will be."

She tensed, shaking a little from crying. "What is... what is that supposed to mean?"

"What was that word again, that you use on Inuyasha?"

"Osuwari?"

Thud.

Kagome froze. "That... sounded really close."

Oh, Sesshoumaru thought, revenge was indeed best served lukewarm. Revenge for his outing to Kouga. (Since she'd sensed the jewel shards and brought Inuyasha there.) Revenge for his left arm. (Inuyasha was able to use Tessaiga because of her.) Revenge for Tessaiga itself. For shattering the jewel. (Not that he was really mad about this, but someone had to teach her a lesson.) And even revenge on Kikyo, for seducing his half-brother, and further damaging the family status.

Kagome went towards the thud and found both Inuyasha and Kouga hidden in the cave.

"I told you you would hear something interesting," Sesshoumaru said.

"Inuyasha" Kagome said, barely audibly.

He gave her an awful look, and left.

She ran after him.

Oh, Sesshoumaru hadn't felt so alive since he was Inuyasha's age. It felt so good to be wreaking havoc again.

"So," he said to Kouga, "Now that I've gotten rid of those interlopers, how about continuing our honeymoon?"

"IS EVERY GIRL I LIKE A FREAKIN BOY?!?!" Kouga bellowed, and promptly ran after Kagome.

"Or not," Sesshoumaru said to the empty cave.

Funny, but now that he couldn't get Kouga to touch him, it was all he could think about.

[I am a space.]

It could be heard for miles.

"You made me think you were a girl!"

"I am a girl!"

"Now who can't tell the difference between male and female, Dog-turd?"

"Well, go on then, which am I?"

[I am also a space. Stupid site.]

Some time later, it dawned on her.

"Inuyasha? Who's watching Shippou?"

"Hmm? Oh, Miroku and Sango, no?"

"But we saw them before. No Shippou."

"I'm sure he'll turn up."

"No! What if he found a lake, and, um, drowned in it?"

Inuyasha gave her a look.

"Or a ditch! He could have found a ditch and died in it! Ditches are dangerous! Everybody knows that!"

Now even Kouga was giving her a look.

"HOW CAN YOU JUST STAND THERE WHEN THERE ARE DITCHES EVERYWHERE?!?!" She walked off in a huff.

"Maybe she really—" Kouga began.

"...Is a girl," Inuyasha finished.

[Verily, truly, I am a space. Don't you break my cover, now.]

After the funny show, Rin was gnawing tree bark.

Jaken found her, and shook his head sadly. Surely she had not starved so under Sesshoumaru-sama's care? Not that he'd really liked to look at the kid when Sesshoumaru was around. Come to think of it, Sesshoumaru did make him feed her weekly.

"Jaken-sama!" Rin said, spitting out a chunk of bark. "Why have you not been there to serve Sesshoumaru-sama? Only Jaken-sama knows how he likes his tea, and this morning, Sesshoumaru-sama poured three cups of it on Ginta-san, because it tasted yucky!"

"Rin," he said, "I want you to meet someone." He motioned toward Naraku, standing there with his pelt draped off his shoulders, and trying to smile. The effect was that of a six-year-old getting their picture taken.

"Jaken-sama!" she gasped. "That's a bad man!"

"Ah, bad men do have the best candy," Jaken said longingly, sending Naraku a look that made him shudder.

"Candy?" Rin perked up.

"You told me she likes rice balls," Naraku hissed at Jaken.

"She likes everything! Give her the rice ball!" Jaken said, fervently hoping he was right.

Naraku handed her the rice ball, the corners of his mouth starting to twitch from the effort of so much smiling. "A gift, to a friend of Sesshouma—"

"MINE!" Rin declared, snatching the rice ball away from him and wolfing it down. "More please."

Jaken and Naraku exchanged glances.

"There will be more," Naraku said smoothly, "at my great banquet. There will be food for everyone. You must invite the youkai Sesshoumaru and Kouga."

Rin drooled. "Foood."

"Yes, food," Naraku said, feeling like smiling one more minute would break his face.

"But," Rin said, snapping out of it a little. "whose banquet will I tell them it is?"

"It doesn't matter, tell them anything, tell them it is a great lord."

Rin's nose scrunched up. "Are you trying to kill them?"

Naraku forced an even bigger smile, showing a frightening amount of teeth. "Jaken, help me out," he said under his breath.

"Don't worry your little head about it, if I say it's all right, then it's all right," Jaken said reassuringly. Should've brought another rice ball, he thought angrily to himself.

"Jaken-sama... is the bad man your boyfriend?" Rin asked innocently.

Jaken blushed. "Well, he hasn't said so much yet, but..."

Naraku's foot ached with the effort of restraining it. He smiled, and twitched.

[Author SMASH! Author want spaces!]

"I don't know if I can handle this," Inuyasha said, taking Kagome aside.

"What do you mean?" Kagome asked reasonably. "It's not as if we were boyfriend and girlfriend."

"I just... I think I'm going to go to Toutousai's for a while."

"Toutousai? I can't believe this! What's he got over me? You don't think he's better looking, do you?"

Inuyasha gagged. "No, no," he explained, "I'm going there for training. I'm going to train with my big, thrusty sword, and work through all the complexes you and my brother gave me."

"But what about Naraku?"

Inuyasha sighed. "I can't focus now. I keep picturing my brother and that stinking wolf, and now you with.... Anyway, this will be best in the long run."

Kagome pouted. "I suppose... you stay away from that Kikyou, now."

Inuyasha opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by Kagome's wail.

Kouga was there in a flash.

Kagome had found Shippou lying limp in a ditch. She cradled him, and shouted some things about the cruelty of the world, and woke poor Shippou up rather rudely from a nice dream about strawberries.

"Meh, Kagome?" Shippou asked, rubbing his eyes.

Kagome smothered him to her chest in relief. "Oh, I'm going to kill Miroku and Sango for not watching you better!"

"No," Kouga said, "you're gonna kill that kid, if you don't give him some air."

Kagome blushed and loosened her hold. "Where are those two, anyway? Inuyasha, can't you pick up their scent?"

"Sure, Kagome, I'll—hey, wait, why do I always gotta do it? Kouga's got a nose, too, you know!"

"Yeah," Kouga countered, "but you'd know what your pack smells like better than I would!"

"Keh."

"Oh, look, isn't that Kilala?" Kagome pointed out. "We can follow her."

Shippou raided Kagome's pockets as they followed Kilala. "Oh, look!" he exclaimed. "They're playing a game!"

Kagome covered his eyes.

Kouga covered Kagome's eyes.

Sango blushed wildly, and tried to shove an uncooperative Miroku off of her.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!" Inuyasha exclaimed, his shaking hands clutching Tessaiga for comfort.

"Can I play too?" Shippou said, trying to pry Kagome's hands off.

"This, um, isn't what it looks like," Miroku said diplomatically.

"Looks like Kouga's hand to me," Kagome said, annoyed.

"I'm sorry, Kagome, but this isn't for the eyes of the innocent," Kouga said in his silkiest voice.

"That's no innocent!" Inuyasha objected.

"Really, it's innocent!" Miroku insisted. "I was, ah, giving her a back massage!"

"Looked more like a front massage from here," Kouga said dryly.

"Oh, don't pretend you understand the birds and the bees, you ignoramus!" Inuyasha said unkindly.

"I've done more than you have, virgin!" Kouga retorted.

"Not as much as me, though," Miroku pointed out. Sango kicked him in the shins.

"How do you know?" Inuyasha asked indignantly.

"You told me it wasn't like that between you and Kikyou!" Kagome wailed.

Inuyasha looked like a hunted beast. "I think I need to train with my sword NOW," he said, stomping off.

"FINE, I'm going HOME!" Kagome yelled after him before storming off in the other direction, Shippou bouncing on her shoulder.

"Do they always do this, or just when I'm around?" Kouga asked perceptively.

"I can't take this," Sango said, "I'm going back to my village for a while, to think things through."

"But baby, we didn't finish!" Miroku moaned. Sango swung Hiraikotsu over her shoulder, barely missing him, mounted Kilala, and left.

"So, uh, Kouga," Miroku said, "You and Sesshoumaru aren't an item anymore, right? So, if I wanted to court him, it would be—"

Kouga punched him, and ran off towards his cave.

"Right then," Miroku said, rubbing his various bruises.

[This is yet another space. Since the story's done, let me tell you that this is my third upload of the same chapter, and I can't get any kind of placeholders to work. Fanfiction dot net HATES me! sob]

[A/N- Next up! Naraku's marital counseling, Inuyasha's "training," and Rin gets a balanced meal, possibly for the first time. Should be fun!

This chapter was the hardest to write, as it's something of a transitional chapter. That's part of why it took so long. Next one should come sooner. I'm still not entirely satisfied with this one, but... eh.

And yes, I expect flames for Trannie!Kagome. Bring it on. At least you didn't see it coming.

Does anyone think I should boost the rating? All this stuff's meant to be mild, and in good fun, but it's bordering on Mel Brooks style, here. All you need is the genital-shaped helmets from Spaceballs, and you're set. If people tell me this is too much for PG-13, I will respect it.

Oh, and if anyone wants to read character memes for Sesshoumaru and Kouga, I have them on my Livejournal. http : www . livejournal . com / users / shiinabambi. You'll have to take out the spaces. This site no like linkies. ]