(One day, while Zero and X were training, Alia was thinking about having a
baby with Gate. She asks Gate if he would like to have one too.)
Alia: Hey Gate.
Gate: Alia, what's up.
Alia: Um, I was wondering if you'd like to have a baby.
Gate: (a little shocked) Hmm, I don't know.
Alia: Aw, come on please, I promise that I'll take good care of it!
Gate: Alia, a baby is more than just a pet, and you're complain about having one, like Zero complaining to keep Rush.
Alia: Oh. I'm sorry, I guess I just got a little bit excited.
Gate: Well, I don't think that we should have a baby, since we're already busy with the HQ. Maybe later or so.
Alia: Ok Gate. I just thought that it would've been nice, since we just renewed our wedding vows.
Gate: Yea. Well anyway, I got to get back to work now, so see you later.
Alia: Ok, by.
(Alia kisses Gate, and walks off while Gate observes X and Zero train. Iris was watching Gate and Alia when they were talking about having a baby and thought about asking Zero if he wanted a baby too, since they also renewed their wedding vows. X and Zero finished training and came out of the training room all sweaty and Zero was panting.)
X: Man Zero, you need to train a little more.
Zero: Why's that?
X: Well because you're getting to be too slow. You shouldn't be on that chili cheese burger diet.
Zero: Why X? I love chili cheese burgers!
X: Well then either do something about it, or give up drinking.
Zero: No, I'll never give up drinking.
X: Whatever.
(There was a long pause, Zero thought that X wasn't done talking even though he was.)
Zero: Well?
X: Well what?
Zero: Aren't you going to finish your sentence?
X: What do you mean?
Zero: Well you usually say, 'Whatever you say Zero, whatever you say.'
X: Zero I'm too tired to give you a life story. We just finished training, so I'm gonna go rest for a while.
Zero: All right, see you later then.
(X goes to his room and Zero starts to go but just then Iris goes over to him.)
Iris: Hey Zero, how was training?
Zero: Good I guess, but X says that I'm getting fat.
Iris: He did? What exactly did he say?
Zero: He said that I should give up my chili cheeseburger diet.
Iris: Oh well don't listen to X, he doesn't know anything.
Zero: I don't know Iris, X eats a lot of wholesome foods. He's a healthy guy Iris, and he does know a lot.
Iris: Oh ok, but what do you mean chili cheeseburger diet? Don't tell me that your diet is to eat chili cheeseburgers.
Zero: Yea, that's my diet.
Iris: Zero, I told you not to tell me! A diet means to eat healthy foods, not to eat foods like chili cheeseburgers.
Zero: ...it is?
Iris: Yes Zero. And besides I don't want any husband of mine to be fat and lazy the rest of their lives. You need to start eating right.
Zero: Fine Iris, I'll give up eating chili cheeseburgers for a while.
Iris: Good.
Zero: I'll stick to bacon cheeseburgers instead!
(Iris pauses for a moment, then shakes her head as she remembers why she was talking to him.)
Iris: But Zero the reason why I wanted to talk to you, is because I overheard Gate and Alia talking about having a baby, and I was thinking about having one too.
Zero: Oh ok, go for it.
Iris: Zero, babies don't fall from the sky when you want one you know!
Zero: Well what do you want me to do about it?
Iris: Well since we are married, and since I don't really have anything to do around here, I was thinking about having a baby.
Zero: Well then what's your problem? Go ahead and have a baby!
(Iris slaps Zero across the face. Zero starts to cry and Iris rolls her eyes.)
Zero: Ow, Iris that hurt.
Iris: Zero listen to me, I want to have a baby.
Zero: I know Iris, you said that at least a million times already!
Iris: But Zero you don't get it. If a woman wants to have a baby, then her man gives her one.
Zero: Oh, so there's a baby store in town? Ok then I'll go buy you one right now. What's it, Babies R Us right... no wait, that's to buy things for a baby...
Iris: ZERO!
Zero: What?
Iris: Gr! You know, you really are stupid!
(Iris storms off and Zero was left standing there confused. He just shrugs his shoulders and heads for the main room of the base. Life Saver and Douglas were there playing pool. Signas was sitting at his desk filling out some things on some papers. Gate was watching tv and Alia was making lemonade for everyone. Rush was also there and he was lying asleep in Zero's favorite chair. As Zero enters the room, he saw Rush in his chair and pushed him off.)
Zero: Aw great, he chewed up the pillow!
Gate: Hey would you mind keeping it down Zero, I'm trying to watch the game here.
Zero: Gate watching sports? Since when do you like anything cool.
(Gate just groans and he turns up the volume. Zero got up and went over to watch Life Saver and Douglas.)
Douglas: I win this time Life Saver.
Life Saver: Good game Douglas.
Zero: You guys, Rush chewed up another chair pillow, can you help me find a new one?
(Life Saver and Douglas stared at one another. Alia overheard Zero and walked over to them handing them each some lemonade.)
Alia: Zero, there's some extra pillows in the supply closet over there.
Zero: Oh, yea, right... I knew that.
(Life Saver and Douglas started to laugh at Zero as he went over to the closet, pulled out a new pillow and put it on the chair.)
Life Saver: Hey Douglas, do you want to play another game?
Zero: Oh, I want to play with you Light Saber!
Life Saver: It's Life Saver.
Zero: Yea, yea, anyways, let's play!
(Zero and Life Saver play. After a while, Zero won.)
Zero: Yea! In your face Light Saber!
Life Saver: (To himself) Why don't I
ever win?
(Zero was danced around Life Saver and Life Saver got mad. He grabbed his pool stick and broke it in half by slamming it on his leg. He stormed out of the room and got back to work in his maintenance room. Alia went over to Gate and sat on his lap. It was half time on so Gate turned it off.)
Alia: I wonder if Life Saver will be ok.
Gate: He'll be fine. Man Zero, why do you always piss him off like that?
Zero: What do you mean Gate?
Gate: Well you keep calling him Light Saber. Why?
Zero: What do you mean, that's his name right?
Gate: No it's Life Saver.
Zero: Yea I know, Light Saber.
Gate: Never mind.
(Zero sits down in his chair. Alia whispers to Gate.)
Alia: I guess that's what happens when you're drunk all the time.
Gate: Yea, you think?
(They both look at Zero and he looked upset, he sighed to himself as he sat in the c hair.)
Alia: Hey Zero, what's the matter?
Gate: Oh, great, you just had to ask him.
Alia: Gate! Come on give Zero a break, he's probably having a bad day.
Gate: It didn't look like that when he was playing pool.
Alia: Well anyway, what's the matter Zero?
Zero: Well the thing is that Iris is mad at me for some reason. She said that she wanted to have a baby.
(Everyone stops doing what they were doing and listens to Zero. Alia was drinking her lemonade and right when Zero said that she choked.)
Zero: Well, she got the idea from you two.
Alia: Oh dear.
Signas: Alia, you and Gate wanted to have a baby?
Alia: Well, I was just thinking about it, and I wasn't really sure though if Gate would.
Signas: Well no that's ok, I was just a little shocked there for a second. If you ever wanted to have a baby then nobody's stopping you.
Alia: Oh, well thank you sir.
Signas: Anyway, continue your story Zero.
Zero: Well anyway, she wanted to have a baby but every time I answered her she got angry at me and I didn't know what to say.
Gate: Well, what exactly did you say when she ask you?
Zero: She asked me if she could have a baby and I told her to go for it. Iris even told me that a when a... a...
(Zero had kinda forgot what Iris said so he said what he thought he remembered.)
Zero: ...she said that when...a person wants a baby...then the woman wants him to go buy one at a baby store.
Alia: Uhm, Zero did she really say that?
Zero: I think so, why?
Alia: Well for one thing there is no such thing as a baby store.
Zero: Oh yea haw, I knew that.
Gate: (To himself) Right, sure you did. I bet my whole life savings that you made it up.
Alia: And secondly, it's the other way around. If a woman wants a baby then the man gives her one.
Zero: Yea, that's it, that's what she said.
Alia: So then what's the problem?
Zero: My problem is how do I give her one without going to the store?
(Alia put her face into her hands.)
Alia: Oh my god.
Zero: What? What's the matter?
Alia: Zero, have you ever taken sex education in school?
Zero: Alia, I never went to school. In fact, I don't think any of us went to school. (silence) Ok fine, show of hands, who went to school?
(Everyone raises their hand, well except for Zero of course.)
Zero: Ah... So how come you guys know it and I don't?
Alia: I don't know, probably cause we went to school? But the thing is that you don't know about it, so someone will have to teach you about it. I can't, since I'm a woman, so we'll have a guy teach you.
(As soon as Alia said that, Douglas, Gate, and Signas ran out of the room. Just then Life Saver walked into the room and Alia pointed at him.)
Alia: Alright then, Life Saver will teach you about sex.
Life Saver: What!
Zero: Alright, then, teach me Light Saber.
Life Saver: Why do I have to teach you about it, I don't want to!
Alia: Come on Life Saver, if you do then maybe he will remember your name.
Life Saver: I find that hard to believe. But I still won't do it.
(Just then Life Saver found himself in a small room.)
Life Saver: What? Now how did I get in here, I said that I wouldn't do it!
(He notices that Zero was sitting in a desk and he had a pencil and paper on his desk, ready to take some notes.)
Life Saver: Fine then, let's just get this over with.
(Life Saver picks up some chalk and is about to write something.)
Life Saver: Ok, let's start off with the basics, and...
(Before Life Saver could write something on the board, or finish what he was saying, Zero threw a paper airplane at Life Saver and it hit him in the head and fell to the floor. Life Saver felt it, turned around and looked at Zero. Zero sat there innocently and Life Saver sighed angrily.)
Zero: I didn't do it.
Life Saver: Why did you throw that Zero?!
Zero: No, it wasn't me, it was somebody else... in the back.
Life Saver: (Sigh) I can see that this is going to take a while.
(Life Saver continued. It was now the end of the day and everyone was back in the main room doing what they were doing earlier before Zero came into the room. Just then Life Saver came in and he was with Zero.)
Alia: So how did it go?
Life Saver: Well after hitting Zero a couple of times, I think I finally smacked some sense into him and now he knows all about sex ed.
(Alia looked over at Zero and saw that he was all beaten up.)
Alia: Don't tell me that most of the time you beat him up.
Life Saver: Ok, then I won't.
(Life Saver walked out of the room and Zero sat down on his chair. He didn't notice that Rush was lying on the chair again and Rush cried out in pain. Zero got up fast and started screaming. Rush started growling at Zero angrily and Zero ran out of the room. Zero headed out of the base and out into the open. Then he ran into Neon Tiger who was just standing there with his eyes crossed. They both fell onto the ground. They got up.)
Neon Tiger: (Gasp) Oh Zero, you came running to me, just like in my dreams!
(Zero just stood there, and said nothing.)
Neon Tiger: What's the matter honey?
Zero: It's just that, I was the only one that didn't know anything about Sex Education. And now I feel stupid and embarrassed. It's not my fault that my creator had no time for me.
Neon Tiger: Zero, are you saying that you don't have any parents?
Zero: ...yea. That's exactly what I meant! Neon Tiger how come you understood me, and nobody else did?
Neon Tiger: Because I love you Zero! I know everything about you.
Zero: So you know a lot about me, by just following me?
Neon Tiger: Um, yea.
Zero: You're a stalker! I'm calling the police! Or better yet, I'll call the Maverick Hunters on you!
Neon Tiger: But you're a Maverick Hunter... oh, it's just like in the movies then.
Zero: What?!
Neon Tiger: Oh officer, you found out that I'm hiding something. I guess that you'll have to frisk me, but be gentle.
Zero: Ew, you're sick. Stop it already.
Neon Tiger: Well anyway, if you didn't have any parents, how did you grow up?
Zero: You really don't know?
(Neon Tiger just had that typical dumb blank look on his face. Zero sighed.)
Zero: Fine, ok, I'll tell you. Originally, I was a Maverick created by
Neon Tiger: Wait, you were a Maverick too, just like me!?
Zero: Hey, whose telling the story here?!
Neon Tiger: Oh I'm sorry, continue.
Zero: Well basically, I....
(Zero stopped to see Neon Tiger holding a diary, writing all of that.)
Zero: What are you doing?
Neon Tiger: Uhm, can you say that last part again, you know, that part where you were a Maverick.
Zero: You know what, just never mind, leave me alone.
(Zero heads back to the Maverick Hunter Headquarters, but Neon Tiger was following him. Zero started to run, and so did Neon Tiger. Iris was in the area and she saw Zero running from Neon Tiger. She ran over to Neon Tiger and started to beat him up. Zero stopped running and turned around, he saw Iris beating him up.)
Iris: You leave my man alone, you lesbian!
Neon Tiger: Never!
(Iris got angrier and she picked Neon Tiger up and kicked him. He went flying into the air and was hurling away screaming. Iris turned towards Zero and hugged him.)
Iris: Zero, are you ok?
Zero: Yea I'm ok.
(They both headed inside the Maverick Hunter Headquarters. As they headed for the main room, Iris stopped Zero.)
Iris: Look Zero, maybe I was a little too pushy about having a baby.
Zero: Iris, there's something I need to tell you.
Iris: What is it?
Zero: The thing is, I never knew anything about sex ed, and when you were asking me for a baby, I didn't know what you meant. I'm sorry that if I made you angry Iris. I guess that I am a stupid husband, and that you're too good for me.
Iris: Zero, it's ok. Just forget about it.
Zero: So now that I know about sex, I don't think I'll ever want to have a baby.
Iris: Why not Zero?
Zero: Well, I'm a Maverick Hunter, and you and I don't have time to take care of a baby.
Iris: Well to be honest Zero, I wasn't ready to have a baby either.
Zero: Why not?
Iris: Because I got the idea from Gate and Alia, and I thought that if we had a baby, then we'd be more mature and people would treat us as if we were all grown up. But then I thought of the fact that Gate and Alia have been married longer than we have, and that they are ready to have a baby. So I guess I'm not as ready yet as I thought.
Zero: ....So, are we still gonna do ti?
Iris: (smirk) Yea, I'm sure we will.
(Iris and Zero headed for the main room. When they got there everyone was still in there doing what they were earlier. This time Life Saver won the pool game and everyone was cheered for him. Then they all saw Zero and Iris enter the room. Rush wasn't on the chair this time so Zero sat down and Iris sat on his lap.)
Gate: So Iris, are you still mad at Zero?
Iris: What? How did you know about that?
Alia: Gate! Well Iris, Zero was upset, and we asked him to tell us what was wrong.
Iris: Oh, I get it. So anyway, are you and Gate going to have a baby?
Gate: How did you know about that?
Iris: I heard you talking about it and I got the idea from you.
Signas: Just because somebody's going to do something doesn't mean that you have to do it. Why did you want a baby Iris? You're just a baby yourself.
Iris: I thought that maybe having a baby would make us feel more grown up and people would treat us as if we were mature. I thought that we'd be good parents.
Signas: I couldn't imagine Zero as a father.
(Iris looked down at Zero, he had fallen asleep.)
Iris: Then again, I would rather prefer Zero to be his normal self, so we decided that we won't have a baby after all.
Life Saver: Well that's good. Besides, we wouldn't want any little Zeros' running around, peeing on corners, hitting their heads and poking their eyes out on stuff, sharp corners will have to be padded, and drinking beer until they fall over drunk, anyway.
(Life Saver looked up for a moment, imagining a lot of baby Zero's. They all look up at him and say, hey Light Saber! He shudders and shakes the thought from his mind.)
Iris: Don't say that about my poor Zero! I doubt that you'd be any better.
Life Saver: Actually I would.
Iris: I don't understand you. You're so cold hearted Life Saver, you need to get a life!
Signas: Ok, ok, knock it off you two, it's too late in the day to be arguing.
Iris: You know what, he's right.
(Iris wakes Zero up.)
Iris: Come on Zero, let's go.
Zero: Ok.
Iris: Well, see you all tomorrow!
Everyone: By.
(Zero and Iris head for the door of the main room to leave.)
Life Saver: You made the right choice Iris and Zero!
Iris: Shut up.
(Iris slams the door and she and Zero left.)
Life Saver: Gees, what's her problem? Besides, who'd want a baby with that anyway? And I don't just mean her, I especially meant Zero.
Gate: Aw, lighten up Life Saver, I'm sure she'll forget about it tomorrow, since tomorrow is always another day.
Life Saver: I guess you're right.
Signas: (To himself) Oh that crew of mine.
(A few minutes later X finally shows up again from his long rest from training. X enters the main room and sits down on Zero's chair. Before X could put his but on the chair, Life Saver made X stop so that he could spray some lysol on the chair. X laughed and then sat down.)
Alia: Hey X, where were you the whole time?
X: I was resting from all the training that I did.
Alia: Well you must've out done yourself this time.
X: Yea I guess so, hey where's Zero?
Gate: He went home with Iris.
X: Oh Iris came by?
Life Saver: Yea and what a stuck up little snob she was too.
X: Well what happened?
Life Saver: Well since you missed out on all of the fun, I guess that I'd better start from the beginning.
(Life Saver told X from beginning until the end about Zero not knowing anything about sex ed and that Iris got the idea of having a baby from Gate and Alia.)
Life Saver: And that's the most of it.
X: Aw, Gate and Alia wanted to have a baby, how cute.
Alia: Haha, aw come on X, you're too much.
X: So does this mean that you will have a baby?
Alia: No, I was just wondering if Gate and I should have one, but I guess maybe later on.
X: Well I'm sure you'll make the right choice.
Gate: Well my right choice is to not think about it anymore and to get on with our lives.
X: So Zero never knew anything about sex hu? Well that's a shame.
Gate: Yea, considering all the times they probably must've done it.
Life Saver: Yea and that's what made Iris mad. She even got mad at me.
X: Why?
Life Saver: Well I just said what I usually say about Zero and she got mad at me for putting him down.
X: Was Zero there when you were talking about him?
Life Saver: Yes but he was asleep. I don't think it would really matter anyway the guys' a dope.
Gate: Zero's on dope?
Life Saver: Well, maybe that too.
X: Aw come on Life Saver you don't have to put him down that hard.
Life Saver: You see? You're being just like Iris.
X: Sorry but it's true you know.
Life Saver: Yea well sorry. If only he got my name right then maybe then I'd be nicer.
X: Do you think that it would work if you were nice to him first?
Life Saver: I've been nice to him but he just kept calling me Light Saber. I don't think it'll work if I'd be nice first.
X: Well I just hope you'll at least think about it.
(X gets up and heads for the main room door to leave. Right before leaving, he stared at the floor.)
X: Aw why did I miss all of this. For once I'm not here and something serious actually happens.
(X leaves and the door closes.)
Gate: Hey what would it matter. Something always happens when Zero's around so who'd want to be there?
(Everyone just shrugged and continued to do what they were doing. Later on, Zero and Iris were both asleep in bed.)
Iris: Zero, Zero wake up!
Zero: Hu? Oh it's morning already.
Iris: There's something I need to tell you.
Zero: Shoot.
Iris: Remember last night?
Zero: Last night? When was that?
Iris: Last night!
Zero: Oh yea, now I remember, it seems like yesterday.
Iris: It was yesterday!
Zero: I know, I'm just kidding. So what were you going to say now?
Iris: So you do remember what happened last night?
Zero: Yes.
Iris: Well I'm afraid I have some interesting news.
Zero: What is it?
Iris: I think I'm pregnant.
(Zero just sat there looking at her in shock.)
Iris: Well?
Zero: Ah...
Iris: Well I just thought that since you're always away, and I have nothing to do, maybe it's a good time to start a family. That way you can retire when he gets older.
Zero: Oh, well I guess that's ok, as long as I don't have to do anything.
Iris: Well you do.
Zero: Like what?
Iris: You don't remember what we agreed on, the day we got married?
(In their memory, Iris and Zero were talking, before they got married, and Zero was playing a video game.)
Iris: Now Zero, you do know that as soon as we're married, we can have a baby.
Zero: (absentmindedly) Yea I know.
Iris: And that means, that you have to give up drinking so it won't be a bad influence.
Zero: (not paying attention) Yea, yea.
Iris: Zero are you even listening?
Zero: (still not paying any mind to her) Yea, yea, I'll do it later.
(Their memory ends. Zero picks up the game from behind his bed and throws it angrily.)
Zero: This is all your fault!
Iris: So that means you have to give up beer.
Zero: But I can't.
Iris: You can't, or you won't?
Zero: Uhm, both...?
Iris: You're such an addict!
(Iris growls and leaves the room. Later Zero is sitting in his chair when Iris comes over.)
Iris: Zero, I have something to tell you.
Zero: What, you're pregnant again?
Iris: Uhm, no, I just went to see Gate, I'm not pregnant after all.
Zero: Woo hoo! That's great! Well I'm off to the bar!
Iris: Zero, just because I'm not pregnant doesn't mean that you have to drink again.
Zero: Yes it does.
Iris: But look at all the money we saved.
(Iris holds out a lot of money and Zero takes it from her.)
Zero: Yoink!
(Zero runs to the bar and Iris sits in the chair and sighs. Just then Zero woke up.)
Zero: What the hell?!
(Zero looks around and then shoves Iris.)
Zero: Hey wake up.
Iris: What is it?
Zero: Were you pregnant, but then you really weren't?
Iris: Zero, it's the middle of the night, you're not making any sense.
Zero: But you made me give up drinking!
Iris: It was just a bad dream Zero, so go back to bed.
(Iris goes back to sleep and Zero sits there for a moment. Suddenly, he gasps and searches behind his bed and pulls out something from underneath it, his video game. He sighs happily and hugs it, then he put it down and went back to sleep.)
Alia: Hey Gate.
Gate: Alia, what's up.
Alia: Um, I was wondering if you'd like to have a baby.
Gate: (a little shocked) Hmm, I don't know.
Alia: Aw, come on please, I promise that I'll take good care of it!
Gate: Alia, a baby is more than just a pet, and you're complain about having one, like Zero complaining to keep Rush.
Alia: Oh. I'm sorry, I guess I just got a little bit excited.
Gate: Well, I don't think that we should have a baby, since we're already busy with the HQ. Maybe later or so.
Alia: Ok Gate. I just thought that it would've been nice, since we just renewed our wedding vows.
Gate: Yea. Well anyway, I got to get back to work now, so see you later.
Alia: Ok, by.
(Alia kisses Gate, and walks off while Gate observes X and Zero train. Iris was watching Gate and Alia when they were talking about having a baby and thought about asking Zero if he wanted a baby too, since they also renewed their wedding vows. X and Zero finished training and came out of the training room all sweaty and Zero was panting.)
X: Man Zero, you need to train a little more.
Zero: Why's that?
X: Well because you're getting to be too slow. You shouldn't be on that chili cheese burger diet.
Zero: Why X? I love chili cheese burgers!
X: Well then either do something about it, or give up drinking.
Zero: No, I'll never give up drinking.
X: Whatever.
(There was a long pause, Zero thought that X wasn't done talking even though he was.)
Zero: Well?
X: Well what?
Zero: Aren't you going to finish your sentence?
X: What do you mean?
Zero: Well you usually say, 'Whatever you say Zero, whatever you say.'
X: Zero I'm too tired to give you a life story. We just finished training, so I'm gonna go rest for a while.
Zero: All right, see you later then.
(X goes to his room and Zero starts to go but just then Iris goes over to him.)
Iris: Hey Zero, how was training?
Zero: Good I guess, but X says that I'm getting fat.
Iris: He did? What exactly did he say?
Zero: He said that I should give up my chili cheeseburger diet.
Iris: Oh well don't listen to X, he doesn't know anything.
Zero: I don't know Iris, X eats a lot of wholesome foods. He's a healthy guy Iris, and he does know a lot.
Iris: Oh ok, but what do you mean chili cheeseburger diet? Don't tell me that your diet is to eat chili cheeseburgers.
Zero: Yea, that's my diet.
Iris: Zero, I told you not to tell me! A diet means to eat healthy foods, not to eat foods like chili cheeseburgers.
Zero: ...it is?
Iris: Yes Zero. And besides I don't want any husband of mine to be fat and lazy the rest of their lives. You need to start eating right.
Zero: Fine Iris, I'll give up eating chili cheeseburgers for a while.
Iris: Good.
Zero: I'll stick to bacon cheeseburgers instead!
(Iris pauses for a moment, then shakes her head as she remembers why she was talking to him.)
Iris: But Zero the reason why I wanted to talk to you, is because I overheard Gate and Alia talking about having a baby, and I was thinking about having one too.
Zero: Oh ok, go for it.
Iris: Zero, babies don't fall from the sky when you want one you know!
Zero: Well what do you want me to do about it?
Iris: Well since we are married, and since I don't really have anything to do around here, I was thinking about having a baby.
Zero: Well then what's your problem? Go ahead and have a baby!
(Iris slaps Zero across the face. Zero starts to cry and Iris rolls her eyes.)
Zero: Ow, Iris that hurt.
Iris: Zero listen to me, I want to have a baby.
Zero: I know Iris, you said that at least a million times already!
Iris: But Zero you don't get it. If a woman wants to have a baby, then her man gives her one.
Zero: Oh, so there's a baby store in town? Ok then I'll go buy you one right now. What's it, Babies R Us right... no wait, that's to buy things for a baby...
Iris: ZERO!
Zero: What?
Iris: Gr! You know, you really are stupid!
(Iris storms off and Zero was left standing there confused. He just shrugs his shoulders and heads for the main room of the base. Life Saver and Douglas were there playing pool. Signas was sitting at his desk filling out some things on some papers. Gate was watching tv and Alia was making lemonade for everyone. Rush was also there and he was lying asleep in Zero's favorite chair. As Zero enters the room, he saw Rush in his chair and pushed him off.)
Zero: Aw great, he chewed up the pillow!
Gate: Hey would you mind keeping it down Zero, I'm trying to watch the game here.
Zero: Gate watching sports? Since when do you like anything cool.
(Gate just groans and he turns up the volume. Zero got up and went over to watch Life Saver and Douglas.)
Douglas: I win this time Life Saver.
Life Saver: Good game Douglas.
Zero: You guys, Rush chewed up another chair pillow, can you help me find a new one?
(Life Saver and Douglas stared at one another. Alia overheard Zero and walked over to them handing them each some lemonade.)
Alia: Zero, there's some extra pillows in the supply closet over there.
Zero: Oh, yea, right... I knew that.
(Life Saver and Douglas started to laugh at Zero as he went over to the closet, pulled out a new pillow and put it on the chair.)
Life Saver: Hey Douglas, do you want to play another game?
Zero: Oh, I want to play with you Light Saber!
Life Saver: It's Life Saver.
Zero: Yea, yea, anyways, let's play!
(Zero and Life Saver play. After a while, Zero won.)
Zero: Yea! In your face Light Saber!
Life Saver: (To himself) Why don't I
ever win?
(Zero was danced around Life Saver and Life Saver got mad. He grabbed his pool stick and broke it in half by slamming it on his leg. He stormed out of the room and got back to work in his maintenance room. Alia went over to Gate and sat on his lap. It was half time on so Gate turned it off.)
Alia: I wonder if Life Saver will be ok.
Gate: He'll be fine. Man Zero, why do you always piss him off like that?
Zero: What do you mean Gate?
Gate: Well you keep calling him Light Saber. Why?
Zero: What do you mean, that's his name right?
Gate: No it's Life Saver.
Zero: Yea I know, Light Saber.
Gate: Never mind.
(Zero sits down in his chair. Alia whispers to Gate.)
Alia: I guess that's what happens when you're drunk all the time.
Gate: Yea, you think?
(They both look at Zero and he looked upset, he sighed to himself as he sat in the c hair.)
Alia: Hey Zero, what's the matter?
Gate: Oh, great, you just had to ask him.
Alia: Gate! Come on give Zero a break, he's probably having a bad day.
Gate: It didn't look like that when he was playing pool.
Alia: Well anyway, what's the matter Zero?
Zero: Well the thing is that Iris is mad at me for some reason. She said that she wanted to have a baby.
(Everyone stops doing what they were doing and listens to Zero. Alia was drinking her lemonade and right when Zero said that she choked.)
Zero: Well, she got the idea from you two.
Alia: Oh dear.
Signas: Alia, you and Gate wanted to have a baby?
Alia: Well, I was just thinking about it, and I wasn't really sure though if Gate would.
Signas: Well no that's ok, I was just a little shocked there for a second. If you ever wanted to have a baby then nobody's stopping you.
Alia: Oh, well thank you sir.
Signas: Anyway, continue your story Zero.
Zero: Well anyway, she wanted to have a baby but every time I answered her she got angry at me and I didn't know what to say.
Gate: Well, what exactly did you say when she ask you?
Zero: She asked me if she could have a baby and I told her to go for it. Iris even told me that a when a... a...
(Zero had kinda forgot what Iris said so he said what he thought he remembered.)
Zero: ...she said that when...a person wants a baby...then the woman wants him to go buy one at a baby store.
Alia: Uhm, Zero did she really say that?
Zero: I think so, why?
Alia: Well for one thing there is no such thing as a baby store.
Zero: Oh yea haw, I knew that.
Gate: (To himself) Right, sure you did. I bet my whole life savings that you made it up.
Alia: And secondly, it's the other way around. If a woman wants a baby then the man gives her one.
Zero: Yea, that's it, that's what she said.
Alia: So then what's the problem?
Zero: My problem is how do I give her one without going to the store?
(Alia put her face into her hands.)
Alia: Oh my god.
Zero: What? What's the matter?
Alia: Zero, have you ever taken sex education in school?
Zero: Alia, I never went to school. In fact, I don't think any of us went to school. (silence) Ok fine, show of hands, who went to school?
(Everyone raises their hand, well except for Zero of course.)
Zero: Ah... So how come you guys know it and I don't?
Alia: I don't know, probably cause we went to school? But the thing is that you don't know about it, so someone will have to teach you about it. I can't, since I'm a woman, so we'll have a guy teach you.
(As soon as Alia said that, Douglas, Gate, and Signas ran out of the room. Just then Life Saver walked into the room and Alia pointed at him.)
Alia: Alright then, Life Saver will teach you about sex.
Life Saver: What!
Zero: Alright, then, teach me Light Saber.
Life Saver: Why do I have to teach you about it, I don't want to!
Alia: Come on Life Saver, if you do then maybe he will remember your name.
Life Saver: I find that hard to believe. But I still won't do it.
(Just then Life Saver found himself in a small room.)
Life Saver: What? Now how did I get in here, I said that I wouldn't do it!
(He notices that Zero was sitting in a desk and he had a pencil and paper on his desk, ready to take some notes.)
Life Saver: Fine then, let's just get this over with.
(Life Saver picks up some chalk and is about to write something.)
Life Saver: Ok, let's start off with the basics, and...
(Before Life Saver could write something on the board, or finish what he was saying, Zero threw a paper airplane at Life Saver and it hit him in the head and fell to the floor. Life Saver felt it, turned around and looked at Zero. Zero sat there innocently and Life Saver sighed angrily.)
Zero: I didn't do it.
Life Saver: Why did you throw that Zero?!
Zero: No, it wasn't me, it was somebody else... in the back.
Life Saver: (Sigh) I can see that this is going to take a while.
(Life Saver continued. It was now the end of the day and everyone was back in the main room doing what they were doing earlier before Zero came into the room. Just then Life Saver came in and he was with Zero.)
Alia: So how did it go?
Life Saver: Well after hitting Zero a couple of times, I think I finally smacked some sense into him and now he knows all about sex ed.
(Alia looked over at Zero and saw that he was all beaten up.)
Alia: Don't tell me that most of the time you beat him up.
Life Saver: Ok, then I won't.
(Life Saver walked out of the room and Zero sat down on his chair. He didn't notice that Rush was lying on the chair again and Rush cried out in pain. Zero got up fast and started screaming. Rush started growling at Zero angrily and Zero ran out of the room. Zero headed out of the base and out into the open. Then he ran into Neon Tiger who was just standing there with his eyes crossed. They both fell onto the ground. They got up.)
Neon Tiger: (Gasp) Oh Zero, you came running to me, just like in my dreams!
(Zero just stood there, and said nothing.)
Neon Tiger: What's the matter honey?
Zero: It's just that, I was the only one that didn't know anything about Sex Education. And now I feel stupid and embarrassed. It's not my fault that my creator had no time for me.
Neon Tiger: Zero, are you saying that you don't have any parents?
Zero: ...yea. That's exactly what I meant! Neon Tiger how come you understood me, and nobody else did?
Neon Tiger: Because I love you Zero! I know everything about you.
Zero: So you know a lot about me, by just following me?
Neon Tiger: Um, yea.
Zero: You're a stalker! I'm calling the police! Or better yet, I'll call the Maverick Hunters on you!
Neon Tiger: But you're a Maverick Hunter... oh, it's just like in the movies then.
Zero: What?!
Neon Tiger: Oh officer, you found out that I'm hiding something. I guess that you'll have to frisk me, but be gentle.
Zero: Ew, you're sick. Stop it already.
Neon Tiger: Well anyway, if you didn't have any parents, how did you grow up?
Zero: You really don't know?
(Neon Tiger just had that typical dumb blank look on his face. Zero sighed.)
Zero: Fine, ok, I'll tell you. Originally, I was a Maverick created by
Neon Tiger: Wait, you were a Maverick too, just like me!?
Zero: Hey, whose telling the story here?!
Neon Tiger: Oh I'm sorry, continue.
Zero: Well basically, I....
(Zero stopped to see Neon Tiger holding a diary, writing all of that.)
Zero: What are you doing?
Neon Tiger: Uhm, can you say that last part again, you know, that part where you were a Maverick.
Zero: You know what, just never mind, leave me alone.
(Zero heads back to the Maverick Hunter Headquarters, but Neon Tiger was following him. Zero started to run, and so did Neon Tiger. Iris was in the area and she saw Zero running from Neon Tiger. She ran over to Neon Tiger and started to beat him up. Zero stopped running and turned around, he saw Iris beating him up.)
Iris: You leave my man alone, you lesbian!
Neon Tiger: Never!
(Iris got angrier and she picked Neon Tiger up and kicked him. He went flying into the air and was hurling away screaming. Iris turned towards Zero and hugged him.)
Iris: Zero, are you ok?
Zero: Yea I'm ok.
(They both headed inside the Maverick Hunter Headquarters. As they headed for the main room, Iris stopped Zero.)
Iris: Look Zero, maybe I was a little too pushy about having a baby.
Zero: Iris, there's something I need to tell you.
Iris: What is it?
Zero: The thing is, I never knew anything about sex ed, and when you were asking me for a baby, I didn't know what you meant. I'm sorry that if I made you angry Iris. I guess that I am a stupid husband, and that you're too good for me.
Iris: Zero, it's ok. Just forget about it.
Zero: So now that I know about sex, I don't think I'll ever want to have a baby.
Iris: Why not Zero?
Zero: Well, I'm a Maverick Hunter, and you and I don't have time to take care of a baby.
Iris: Well to be honest Zero, I wasn't ready to have a baby either.
Zero: Why not?
Iris: Because I got the idea from Gate and Alia, and I thought that if we had a baby, then we'd be more mature and people would treat us as if we were all grown up. But then I thought of the fact that Gate and Alia have been married longer than we have, and that they are ready to have a baby. So I guess I'm not as ready yet as I thought.
Zero: ....So, are we still gonna do ti?
Iris: (smirk) Yea, I'm sure we will.
(Iris and Zero headed for the main room. When they got there everyone was still in there doing what they were earlier. This time Life Saver won the pool game and everyone was cheered for him. Then they all saw Zero and Iris enter the room. Rush wasn't on the chair this time so Zero sat down and Iris sat on his lap.)
Gate: So Iris, are you still mad at Zero?
Iris: What? How did you know about that?
Alia: Gate! Well Iris, Zero was upset, and we asked him to tell us what was wrong.
Iris: Oh, I get it. So anyway, are you and Gate going to have a baby?
Gate: How did you know about that?
Iris: I heard you talking about it and I got the idea from you.
Signas: Just because somebody's going to do something doesn't mean that you have to do it. Why did you want a baby Iris? You're just a baby yourself.
Iris: I thought that maybe having a baby would make us feel more grown up and people would treat us as if we were mature. I thought that we'd be good parents.
Signas: I couldn't imagine Zero as a father.
(Iris looked down at Zero, he had fallen asleep.)
Iris: Then again, I would rather prefer Zero to be his normal self, so we decided that we won't have a baby after all.
Life Saver: Well that's good. Besides, we wouldn't want any little Zeros' running around, peeing on corners, hitting their heads and poking their eyes out on stuff, sharp corners will have to be padded, and drinking beer until they fall over drunk, anyway.
(Life Saver looked up for a moment, imagining a lot of baby Zero's. They all look up at him and say, hey Light Saber! He shudders and shakes the thought from his mind.)
Iris: Don't say that about my poor Zero! I doubt that you'd be any better.
Life Saver: Actually I would.
Iris: I don't understand you. You're so cold hearted Life Saver, you need to get a life!
Signas: Ok, ok, knock it off you two, it's too late in the day to be arguing.
Iris: You know what, he's right.
(Iris wakes Zero up.)
Iris: Come on Zero, let's go.
Zero: Ok.
Iris: Well, see you all tomorrow!
Everyone: By.
(Zero and Iris head for the door of the main room to leave.)
Life Saver: You made the right choice Iris and Zero!
Iris: Shut up.
(Iris slams the door and she and Zero left.)
Life Saver: Gees, what's her problem? Besides, who'd want a baby with that anyway? And I don't just mean her, I especially meant Zero.
Gate: Aw, lighten up Life Saver, I'm sure she'll forget about it tomorrow, since tomorrow is always another day.
Life Saver: I guess you're right.
Signas: (To himself) Oh that crew of mine.
(A few minutes later X finally shows up again from his long rest from training. X enters the main room and sits down on Zero's chair. Before X could put his but on the chair, Life Saver made X stop so that he could spray some lysol on the chair. X laughed and then sat down.)
Alia: Hey X, where were you the whole time?
X: I was resting from all the training that I did.
Alia: Well you must've out done yourself this time.
X: Yea I guess so, hey where's Zero?
Gate: He went home with Iris.
X: Oh Iris came by?
Life Saver: Yea and what a stuck up little snob she was too.
X: Well what happened?
Life Saver: Well since you missed out on all of the fun, I guess that I'd better start from the beginning.
(Life Saver told X from beginning until the end about Zero not knowing anything about sex ed and that Iris got the idea of having a baby from Gate and Alia.)
Life Saver: And that's the most of it.
X: Aw, Gate and Alia wanted to have a baby, how cute.
Alia: Haha, aw come on X, you're too much.
X: So does this mean that you will have a baby?
Alia: No, I was just wondering if Gate and I should have one, but I guess maybe later on.
X: Well I'm sure you'll make the right choice.
Gate: Well my right choice is to not think about it anymore and to get on with our lives.
X: So Zero never knew anything about sex hu? Well that's a shame.
Gate: Yea, considering all the times they probably must've done it.
Life Saver: Yea and that's what made Iris mad. She even got mad at me.
X: Why?
Life Saver: Well I just said what I usually say about Zero and she got mad at me for putting him down.
X: Was Zero there when you were talking about him?
Life Saver: Yes but he was asleep. I don't think it would really matter anyway the guys' a dope.
Gate: Zero's on dope?
Life Saver: Well, maybe that too.
X: Aw come on Life Saver you don't have to put him down that hard.
Life Saver: You see? You're being just like Iris.
X: Sorry but it's true you know.
Life Saver: Yea well sorry. If only he got my name right then maybe then I'd be nicer.
X: Do you think that it would work if you were nice to him first?
Life Saver: I've been nice to him but he just kept calling me Light Saber. I don't think it'll work if I'd be nice first.
X: Well I just hope you'll at least think about it.
(X gets up and heads for the main room door to leave. Right before leaving, he stared at the floor.)
X: Aw why did I miss all of this. For once I'm not here and something serious actually happens.
(X leaves and the door closes.)
Gate: Hey what would it matter. Something always happens when Zero's around so who'd want to be there?
(Everyone just shrugged and continued to do what they were doing. Later on, Zero and Iris were both asleep in bed.)
Iris: Zero, Zero wake up!
Zero: Hu? Oh it's morning already.
Iris: There's something I need to tell you.
Zero: Shoot.
Iris: Remember last night?
Zero: Last night? When was that?
Iris: Last night!
Zero: Oh yea, now I remember, it seems like yesterday.
Iris: It was yesterday!
Zero: I know, I'm just kidding. So what were you going to say now?
Iris: So you do remember what happened last night?
Zero: Yes.
Iris: Well I'm afraid I have some interesting news.
Zero: What is it?
Iris: I think I'm pregnant.
(Zero just sat there looking at her in shock.)
Iris: Well?
Zero: Ah...
Iris: Well I just thought that since you're always away, and I have nothing to do, maybe it's a good time to start a family. That way you can retire when he gets older.
Zero: Oh, well I guess that's ok, as long as I don't have to do anything.
Iris: Well you do.
Zero: Like what?
Iris: You don't remember what we agreed on, the day we got married?
(In their memory, Iris and Zero were talking, before they got married, and Zero was playing a video game.)
Iris: Now Zero, you do know that as soon as we're married, we can have a baby.
Zero: (absentmindedly) Yea I know.
Iris: And that means, that you have to give up drinking so it won't be a bad influence.
Zero: (not paying attention) Yea, yea.
Iris: Zero are you even listening?
Zero: (still not paying any mind to her) Yea, yea, I'll do it later.
(Their memory ends. Zero picks up the game from behind his bed and throws it angrily.)
Zero: This is all your fault!
Iris: So that means you have to give up beer.
Zero: But I can't.
Iris: You can't, or you won't?
Zero: Uhm, both...?
Iris: You're such an addict!
(Iris growls and leaves the room. Later Zero is sitting in his chair when Iris comes over.)
Iris: Zero, I have something to tell you.
Zero: What, you're pregnant again?
Iris: Uhm, no, I just went to see Gate, I'm not pregnant after all.
Zero: Woo hoo! That's great! Well I'm off to the bar!
Iris: Zero, just because I'm not pregnant doesn't mean that you have to drink again.
Zero: Yes it does.
Iris: But look at all the money we saved.
(Iris holds out a lot of money and Zero takes it from her.)
Zero: Yoink!
(Zero runs to the bar and Iris sits in the chair and sighs. Just then Zero woke up.)
Zero: What the hell?!
(Zero looks around and then shoves Iris.)
Zero: Hey wake up.
Iris: What is it?
Zero: Were you pregnant, but then you really weren't?
Iris: Zero, it's the middle of the night, you're not making any sense.
Zero: But you made me give up drinking!
Iris: It was just a bad dream Zero, so go back to bed.
(Iris goes back to sleep and Zero sits there for a moment. Suddenly, he gasps and searches behind his bed and pulls out something from underneath it, his video game. He sighs happily and hugs it, then he put it down and went back to sleep.)