Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun, Fushigi Yuugi, Teen Titans, Yami no Matsuei, Get Backers, Chrno Crusade, or X/1999. This is all just for entertainment.
As Vash and Wolfwood continued their tour, they passed a door with a gold cross on it.
Vash stopped. "I think you'll find this interesting."
"Now I'm worried."
There were some very loud noises behind the door. After a few minutes, the door opened.
A young nun with blond hair stepped out. "The exorcisms were a completely success, Vash-san."
Vash grinned. "Great, Rosette. Bring them out."
A shy blond boy stepped out from behind Rosette's skirt.
"Zazie?!" Wolfwood cried.
"He should be completely cured now," Vash explained. "The demon inside him is gone."
"Vash-san, I must thank you for curing me," a midget in green robes said, coming out from behind Rosette. "The demon that possessed me is gone. I can return to my normal duties as a monk."
Vash smiled. "You're welcome, Miboshi."
Nicholas tried to process everything he was seeing. "A midget who's a monk . . . a gorgeous girl who's a nun . . . and . . ."
The last man to emerge had long purple hair and pointed ears.
"Wolfwood, I'd like you to meet Chrno," Vash said.
The priest took in the man's other-worldly appearance. "You know what, just don't tell me."
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"Hey, are you hungry?" Vash asked.
"Yeah, actually," Wolfwood admitted.
Vash led the priest upstairs to the cafeteria. "The chefs can probably whip us up something."
As they entered the room, delicious smells wafted through the air.
Wolfwood did a double take as he spotted the two "chefs." One was a giant wolf-man-thing, covered in fur. The other was . . . was . . .
"LEGATO?!"
Legato looked up and waved cheerfully at Wolfwood. He was wearing a pink frilly apron. The wolf-man had on the same outfit. Nicholas felt his appetite abruptly disappear.
"Hey, guys," Vash said cheerfully, as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on. "Any chance of us getting a snack?"
"Of course," Legato answered. "Ashitare, please pour some coffee for our guests."
Ashitare nodded enthusiastically and ran to the coffeepot.
"We brew it ourselves," Legato explained, as he put the finishing touches on a spectacular chocolate cake.
Vash pulled Wolfwood over to a table and sat down.
"Needle noggin', you've got to be kidding me! Food therapy?! They'll probably try to poison us!"
"We encourage the patients to channel their negative energy into something positive. Ashitare and Legato both showed an affinity for cooking. It's been wonderful therapy for them. And as a bonus, they're both great at it."
Ashitare carried a silver tray to the table.
Wolfwood had to admit, his appetite immediately began to return at the smell of the coffee and the sight of all of the fixings: hot milk, sugar, and brown sugar.
Legato followed with two china plates, each with a slice of the cake he had just finished.
"Enjoy," he said softly as he and Ashitare returned to the kitchen.
Wolfwood waited until Vash had devoured half his cake before he decided it was safe to eat.
His eyes widened. "This is amazing."
"They're great, aren't they?" Vash said with his mouth full.
"Vash, how the hell do all these crazy ideas of yours work?"
Vash just grinned and shrugged. "Just lucky, I guess."
(COUGH COUGH COUGH.)
"So, Legato doesn't use his psychic powers anymore?" Wolfwood asked between mouthfuls of chocolate.
"Well, he tried to at first. Chichiri, Nakago, and I were the only ones who could work around him unaffected."
The priest's eyes widened. "Wow. Those two must be pretty strong to resist that."
Vash nodded. "They're highly psychically skilled."
Out of the corner of his eye, Nicholas saw Legato slicing another piece of cake. "Needle noggin', I think I'm startin' to like this place."
------------
"Okay, here's Chichiri's office," Vash said, looking at his watch. "I'll meet up with you in an hour. I have a group therapy session to attend."
"Did I say I liked this place? I don't need therapy!" Nicholas protested.
Vash grinned. "Did I say you did? Chichiri just wants to talk to you. He's a monk, you know. You could talk about religion."
Grumbling, Wolfwood went into the office.
Forty-five minutes later, the entire building heard, "NO! I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO THAT POINTY-HAIRED, DONUT-EATING IDIOT!"
Vash sweatdropped.
---------
Wolfwood looked surprisingly calm as he waited for Vash to come out of his group therapy. A group of girls filed out, some in tears. Vash and Soi came out after them.
"What group was that?" Wolfwood asked curiously.
"It's a therapy group for girls and fangirls in love with evil men," Vash explained. "I mean, we can't help all the evil men in the world. So, sometimes we try to help the people that can get hurt by them. These girls . . . they tend to fall in love with complete jerks, just because they're good-looking or cool. I'll never understand that." Vash sighed. "So, uh, how was—"
"Fine."
"Right. C'mon, last event of the day. Another group session. You can listen in. Then we'll have dinner."
---------
As Wolfwood watched the group assemble, he recognized people he'd seen earlier in the day: Monev, Legato, Midvalley, Muraki, and Dominique. The last man to enter, a tall thin man in a black coat with a black hat, was the only one he didn't recognize. Although he was smiling, Nicholas could sense there was something not quite right about that man.
Chichiri looked around. "Shall we begin no da?"
No one answered him.
"Akabane-san, I believe it's your turn no da. Do you have anything you'd like to say?"
"Yes. I believe I am here by mistake. After all, I never attack anyone unprovoked."
"But you use unnecessary force," Vash responded. "And violence. You slaughter your enemies."
"How?!" Wolfwood couldn't help but ask.
Akabane's smile deepened as he created a scalpel, seemingly out of thin air.
The priest's eyes widened. "Where the hell are you hiding those things?"
"Don't ask," Vash told him.
"Akabane-san, why did you choose that particular weapon?" Chichiri asked, looking thoughtful. "Why not just plain knives?"
Dominique put her hands over her ears. "Do we have to talk about Knives?"
Chichiri ignored her. "There must be a reason no da, a reason you chose the scalpel."
Akabane, for the first time in his life, looked nervous. "I . . ." Now he was . . . stuttering?
"It's all right no da. No one here will laugh." It sounded distinctly like a threat to the other patients.
"Well, my brothers and I were very fond of playing the game Operation when we were young. But my brothers were so mean! They would bump my hand and make me lose on purpose! They never let me win! I practiced day and night keeping my hand steady so I could beat them, but they always cheated! They were so MEAN! Every time: buzz! Buzz! BUZZ! So, I got revenge!"
Nicholas was pretty sure he could taste blood as he bit his lip to keep from laughing. He could see Dominique covering a smile. Vash just had his typical blank look.
So, maybe that's what Chichiri wears the mask for, Wolfwood thought.
Akabane had turned chibi and was huddling on his chair, sniffling.
"That's very good that you've acknowledged that, Akabane-san. Okay, that's all for today minna. We'll continue tomorrow no da."
----------
"So, what do you think of the place?" Vash asked as he and Wolfwood headed back towards the exit.
"First of all, I think you're absolutely nuts," Nicholas answered. "Some of your 'therapies' are completely off the wall!" The priest took a deep breath before continuing. "But I guess you're doing some good work here, so I can't complain too much."
Vash grinned. "Want to stay for dinner?"
"Sure. And maybe afterwards . . . we can . . . talk?"
Vash smiled his real smile. "Absolutely, Nick."
(JUST A LITTLE BIT OF THE YAOI!)
The end!
And thanks to my wonderful beta-reader Dave! There may be a sequel to this in the future. So, go ahead and make suggestions. I haven't seen everything, though!