Title : In My Place
Author : Me, Duh.
Rating : Eh..PG, just to be safe, uh.. lets go with PG-13..
Disclaimer : J. K. Rowling has taken my love and stolen my sanity. She owns all I ever wanted and has all I really need. ((My love - Snape, My Sanity is lost to Obsession, My Want - Remus, I need -Remus, Severus, and Draco handcuffed to my bed.))
Summery : Snape's dead. (gasph Please don't hurt me..But he had to die for the mood of this fic..) Harry reflects how if Snape hadn't tried to save him, he'd be alive now. Even if that means Harry would be dead.
Genre : Angst, Romance
Pairing : Severus/Harry
Waring : Slash, Character Death, some cursing of both kinds.
Author's Notes : I deleted 'Chemical Romances' because I won't have time for it. Sorry. I might make a sequal to 'Just Friends'.
This is a one-shot. As it will remain. Unless it seriously gets raving reveiws of 'you must cont' It will stay as is.
This ws uploaded after the document manager maitence was performed. Where the hell did the spell checker go?
"I can't belive he's dead. And it's all my fault. All of it. But I loved him. No one will ever understand that." Harry whispered to himself, standing in a dark corner of 'John Zoo's Magical Funeral Home'. So many people were crowded around his coffin that Harry couldn't bring himself to go over now, to start crying in front of everyone. And Dispite the fact that so many had hated him, so many had showed up.
A small tear trickled down Harry's cheek. "If only he hadn't jumped in front of me. If only Voldemort hadn't said 'Your on his side now? How dare you leave me, you traitor!' If only the killing curse had never left Voldemort's lips."
Over the past few days everyone noticed Harry's changed. They hadn't known why, all they knew was how bad Harry felt for letting another one drop dead. They didn't know that the real truth lay deeper than another one killed. Severus was someone close to Harry. A love, A mentor, A 'if I start bitching about how bad life is you'll be there talking about homeless people', A friend.
There were rumors about the Final Battle. Few knew how it -really- happened, how each indivisual lost his or her life, who dropped dead when, no-one did really know. And the ones that did didn't bother to remember. It was a happy day to see Voldemort defeated, yet sad to see the Wizarding kind in the position the Battle had put them in - picking up the peices, putting lives back together.
Harry was one of those people who knew, because he had fought to his physical exaustion, he had seen it all, he had felt it. He didn't want to remember, though. Because everyone who had died had died because of him. Including his Severus.
Harry slowly made his way from his dark corner to the coffin. The crowd that had gathered there had dissapeared. Harry stopped when he saw Severus' face. He was still a few inches from the closeness he wanted, but the pale (worse than usual) complextion and the horrific look of shock on Severus' features had Harry's eyes dripping tears once more.
All his fault.
"Y..you know Severus..." Harry started shakidly, reaching out a tentive hand to brush his index finger agenst Severus' cold, pale lips. "I'm so sorry.. I know if I hadn't had to save everyone you wouldn't have saved me. I just had to be the-boy-who-lived-to-kill-the-man-who-let-the-boy-live, didn't I? If I didn't try to kill Voldemort, didn't bother with phrophies, didn't care about the world as long as you were alive, You'd be in my place.
Its true, Severus. You may not think it is, from your spot in heaven, but if you can hear me, consider it. I'd be dead now if I hadn't gone on to be the Savior of the Wizarding World. You'd be standing over my coffin, looking at my pale face, probably saying some of the things I'm saying to you now. I have never hated myself more, Severus.
If you were alive, I know what you'd say to me. I'd say I hate myself and you'd say 'Don't hate yourself Harry. Your dead sexy, strong, and get decient grades. You should never doubt yourself' or something along those lines. How can I not hate myself knowing that if I hadn't been the ignorant prat you knew me as in first year, you'd be standing were I am now.
You could've lived, Severus." Harry had to choke the last words out, he was sobbing. He couldn't help it. Everything he said was true.
Harry's heart had been pounding in his chest. Blood trickled down his forehead. He was facing Voldemort. His scar was on fire, and his Severus was no where to be seen. "Well, lookie here, Harry Potter, come to save them all at last?" Thats when it happened. Severus had flung himself in front of Harry, just like 3rd year. Protecting him from Voldemort as he protected him from Remus.
"Your on his side now? How dare you leave me, you traitor!" Voldemort had shouted, followed by "Avada Kederva!". A flash of green light and Severus was dead. Harry knew his lover could never come back. The rage that filled Harry's body overcame the sadness, Harry shouted Avada right back at Voldemort.
A huge celebration followed the cleaning and the crying. Over all everyone was glad it was over. Everyone save Harry. Harry didn't want Severus' life to be over. And he didn't want it to be all his fault.
It was horrid to even think of losing Severus. Harry's life came crashing down when it really happened. He didn't know what to live for anymore. He had nothing to accomplish anymore- He had killed the Wizardarding World's Greatest Threat, he had lost the love of his life, and he knew more about Dark Arts to not need A Univirsity to become an Auror.
Lucius Malfoy was dead though, all other threats were sitting in Azkaban, Dementors were not gaurding it. Goblins, Dragons, and other charms were gaurding Azkaban's cells. So really, why should Harry go out and become an Auror.
"Might as well be dead myself." Harry mumbled to the dead Severus. For awhile it was 'Severus is just on Vacation'. When Harry first saw Severus, laying dead in his coffin, it was 'Severus really is dead' no matter how hard he wanted to pretend his lover was only sleeping.
Harry didn't know what Severus had to live for for some time. One night Severus told him. They were just about to go to bed when Severus had said "Harry, you know why I'm still alive? I know it seems I'm just another bastard taking up the earth's space but no, its not like that. I live because I want to see the dark lord fall Harry." A pause had followed these words. Then they said their I love yous and went to sleep.
"I love you Severus" Harry whispered to the man laying dead in his coffin. He was alseep. Permenatly.
"Severus.." Harry sighed and placed his hand over Severus' silent chest. "If only I hadn't have to save the world. You wouldn't be dead. I'd be dead. And you'd be standing where I am now, in my place."