(The storm outside was getting worse, what started out as a light shower
turned into a dark cloudy sky with raindrops falling as hard as hail. The
thunder and lightning caused the lights to flicker occasionally inside the
Hunter Base, and everyone was advised to stay inside. Of course there was
one who didn't listen, you guessed right if you guessed Zero. Iris was
already showing signs of pregnancy, morning sickness, cravings, you name
it. This time she had a craving for a slushy, a 7-11 slushy to be exact.
And so, her night in shining armor set out in the storm.)
Zero: I'd like a large slushy please.
Clerk: That'll be 4.50 sir.
Zero: Uhm, could I also get a strawberry orange smoothie?
Clerk: Your total comes to 7.25 now. (Zero paid the man) Thank you.
(Zero left and right as he did two shady figures snuck in.)
Voice 1: Put your hands up!
Voice 2: Give us all the money in a bag.
Clerk: Paper or plastic?
Voice 2: Plastic please.
Zero: (To himself) Meh, like it's a crime to rob a convenience store anymore... (As Zero made his way back, the storm grew colder as the wind picked up, throwing the rain into his face.) Good thing I got a smoothie for myself. (He drank it and shivered) Ok, maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Brain freeze! Achoo! (Finally he made it back to the base and went inside. Rush came over to him.) Hey Rush. (Zero shook himself like a dog, throwing the water onto Rush, who just stood there happily.) Come on, let's go see Iris. (Rush followed Zero into their room.) Hey honey.
Iris: Did you get me my slushy?
Zero: Yup!
(He handed it too her, she was laying on their bed watching tv. She fiddled with the straw and opened the lid.)
Iris: Zero! I asked for the cola flavor, not cherry!
(She threw it at Zero, but he ducked and it hit the wall.)
Zero: Ah!
Iris: (Sigh) Oh I'm sorry, it's these mood swings again. Man, if I knew being pregnant would be like this, I never would've done it with you.
Zero: Aw, you don't really mean that do you?
Iris: Yes I do! (Zero cringed.) Oh, sorry, mood swings again. I didn't mean that.
Zero: (Still cautious.) That's ok... (Zero sat down and Iris hugged him.) Achoo!
Iris: What was that for? I hope you're not allergic to my perfume.
Zero: What? Oh, no. I probably just got a cold from the storm.
Iris: Well don't come near me with it! (She jumped off the bed and backed up.) I'll go take a shower ok.
Zero: Ok.
(Iris went into the bathroom. Zero looked to where the slushy had fallen onto the ground and spilled everywhere. Rush was already licking it up. Zero raced over and began to lick it too. Rush growled but Zero just growled back.)
Iris: Zero, you're not licking the slushy off the floor are you?
Zero: No!
(Meanwhile, X was busy going over some reports with Alia when Gate came into the command center.)
X: Hey Gate.
Gate: Hello X, hello hon.
Alia: Hey baby.
X: Aw.
Gate: (Trying not to blush.) Shut up. (He sat down in a chair next to Alia.) So, what's the news?
Alia: I've just been going over the report filed for Sigma's body snatching weapon. Remember that one?
Gate: How could I forget, if Zero didn't ruin our vow renewal, that would've.
X: Anyway, we were just making sure that the blueprints were destroyed.
Gate: Were they?
Alia: Yes. But I can't help but wonder, knowing Sigma, if he made a copy.
X: With what Neon Tiger used it for, I have a feeling he probably destroyed it himself.
Alia: We can only hope. (The communicator beeped.) Come in?
Signas: Alia, is Gate with you?
Alia: Yes, why, what's the matter?
Signas: Send him to sickbay immediately.
Gate: Oh no, I'm not going back there. Is it Iris again?
Signas: No.
Gate: Ok good.
(He left, before Signas could finish.)
Signas: It's Zero.
X: Zero?
Alia: You'd better go see, I can file these by myself.
X: Ok, see you later.
(X went to sickbay where Gate had already discovered it was Zero. Life Saver was shaking his head, asking himself why while Douglas watched.)
Gate: Ok, so what happened?
Douglas: I was walking down the hall when I saw Zero passed out on the floor.
Gate: Are you sure he's not just drunk?
Douglas: I'm no doctor, like you are, but I don't think drunks have a fever and look that pale.
Life Saver: Maybe he just threw up.
X: Look, we can stand here talking about it, or you can find out yourself.
Life Saver: Oh no, I'm not going in there.
Gate: Well neither am I.
Douglas: You have to, it's what you're paid to do.
X: And you call yourselves professionals....
Gate: No we don't.
X: Just do it!
Douglas: Wait, that's Nike, or Gatorade?
Zero: Ugh...
X: Hey wait, he's waking up.
Life Saver: Thank you God!
God: Oh, don't thank me just yet...
Douglas: Hey Zero, you ok?
Zero: Hu? (He opened his eyes and looked around, seeing everyone looking down at him.) What happened, where am I?
Douglas: You passed out so I took you to see Life Saver and Gate.
Zero: Aw, you should've just left me!
Gate: I couldn't agree with you more... for once.
Douglas: What, so you really were drunk?
Zero: (Looking around, thinking) Yea, drunk. Achoo!
X: That doesn't sound drunk.
(Zero groaned and sat up. Gate finally came over and felt his forehead.)
Gate: Ok, so he has a fever. Give him some aspirin and let's be on our way.
(Life Saver handed Zero two pills and a glass of water. Zero looked at them, shrugged, and took them. He grabbed his neck.)
Zero: Ah! Cough, cough!
X: Don't choke now.
Douglas: Are you sure you're ok?
(Gate felt under Zero's chin.)
Gate: Say ah.
Zero: Ah.
(Gate looked in Zero's mouth.)
Gate: Ew.
Life Saver: What?
Gate: Ever heard of a breath mint? Gees, that should come with a warning label.
(Life Saver took Gate's place as the examiner.)
Life Saver: Oh, this doesn't look good. I think for once Zero's actually legitimately sick.
X: So, do your job!
Gate: I'm afraid it's not that easy.
X: What do you mean?
Gate: I think he's got tonsillitis.
X: Ew!
Zero: (Still with the stick in his mouth, muffled.) Am I gonna die?
Life Saver: No talking.
X: No, you're not Zero, you're just really sick.
Douglas: So what are you doing to do?
Gate: Well first we should probably take a sample and analyze it in the lab.
Life Saver: Care to do the honors?
Gate: Oh no, after you.
Life Saver: No, after you.
Gate: Oh, I insist.
Life Saver: Please, be my guest.
X: Oh can it you ladies! I'll do it. (X stomped over and grabbed a long q- tip, then walked over to Zero.) Open your mouth.
Zero: Ah.
(X swabbed the q-tip on Zero's throat, he gagged. Then he walked over and set it down on the tray on the table. Life Saver and Gate backed away in disgust, like scared women who'd seen a mouse.)
X: There!
Life Saver: You get it.
Gate: I'm not touching that.
Life Saver: Well I'm not either!
X: Oh for crying out loud, you're doctors!
Gate and Life Saver: So?
Douglas: So act like it!
Gate: He's right, we really should. Even if this is, Zero we're dealing with.
Life Saver: This is serious, we're doctors, we need to act professionally.
Zero: Can I talk now?
X: Yes.
Gate: No, don't talk. I really don't want to hear your hoarse voice.
(Zero frowned and Life Saver took the sample to his lab table and ran the test, after getting the results he went over to Zero.)
Life Saver: Well Zero, I have some bad news. The results tested positive, you're very sick.
Zero: Oh no, give it to me strait Light Saber, am I gonna die?
Life Saver: If God had mercy... (Zero stared blankly at him. Life Saver stared back for a moment.) Yes Zero, you're going to die.
Zero: Aw, not again!
(Zero fainted. Life Saver looked down at him and smiled.)
Life Saver: Now that was worth it.
X: Please be serious, Zero's not gonna die.
Life Saver: But he's so much more peaceful when he's passed out, at least he's not drunk and throwing up everywhere.
Gate: Now, remove him from our sight.
X: Fine. (He began to drag Zero.) Douglas, help me out?
Douglas: Sure.
(They both picked up Zero by an arm and dragged him back to his room.)
Iris: Hey, what's going on? Oh no, did he get drunk again? He took so long out in the storm I kinda figured he'd gone to a bar too.
X: He was out in that storm!
Iris: Yea, he got me a slushy... but then I threw it against the wall... and like I figured, Zero ate it off the ground.
Douglas: And we wonder why he got so sick.
Iris: Zero's sick!
Douglas: You're much better at breaking bad news that I am, X. So I'll let you handle this.
X: Ok.
(Douglas walked off, then X turned to Iris and began to cry.)
X: Iris, I-I'm sorry.
Iris: Why X, why are you sorry?
X: I'm sorry that Zero's....
Iris: He's not gonna die, again, is he?
X: What? No. He's got tonsillitis.
Iris: What! Oh my gosh, bring him inside! Here, let's put him on the bed. (Iris helped X drag Zero onto the bed.) Is he ok?
X: He just passed out after Life Saver scared him.
Iris: That bully.
X: Anyway, the culture tested positive, so Zero's pretty sick.
Iris: Aw. Zero, wake up. (She shook him until he woke up.) Hey.
Zero: Hey.
(Iris began to strangle him, X gasped.)
Iris: I knew you ate my slushy off the ground! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!
X: Iris, please!
(Iris stopped and let go, Zero coughed and gasped for air.)
Iris: Sorry, mood swings.
X: (Still cautious.) Ok...
Zero: I'm sorry Iris.
Iris: Well, I'll bet that's what made you sick. That and going out into the storm and getting drunk.
Zero: Drunk? I'll have you know that I only drank a smoothie, and it was non-alcoholic!
Iris: (Gasp) My gosh, no beer? (She put a hand on his forehead and looked into his eyes.) You really must be sick.
Zero: (Confused and nervous.) Uhm...
X: Don't worry, they gave him some aspirin so the fever will be gone by tomorrow.
Iris: Do you want anything to eat?
Zero: No. I'm hungry but I'm afraid I might throw it up. Cough. Plus my throat huts too bad to swallow anyway.
Iris: Oh and listen to your voice, you sound so horrible.
Life Saver: He does doesn't he? (Everyone turned to see Life Saver.) He is horrible.
Zero: Aw, what now Light Saber!
Iris: Bully.
Life Saver: (Ignoring sigh.) I need to check up on you. Now open your mouth.
Zero: No.
Life Saver: Yes.
Zero: No!
Life Saver: Yes damit!
Zero: Cough, cough!
Life Saver: Oh why did I have to loose rock paper scissors to Gate, I never win!
X: Not true, you won at pool.
Iris: Just do it Zero, please, for me?
Zero: But he's gonna kill me.
Life Saver: Believe me, if I'd wanted to I would've done it by now... and sometimes I wonder what was holding me back.
Iris: Ahem!
Life Saver: Hm? Oh sorry.
Zero: Ah.
(Life Saver looked in Zero's mouth as he spoke.)
Life Saver: Well I was looking over the results and from what it looks like, as much as Zero needs the operation, I'm afraid his glands are too swollen to remove. We'd be cutting out too much of his throat and the healing process would be immensely... wait, yes we can do the operation, I highly recommend it. Let's do it, now!
X: Life Saver!
Life Saver: Ok fine. (He stood up.) Look, until his condition improves, there's too much infection to do anything right now. And as much as I'd want to hurt Zero, it looks like there's nothing I can do. This is serious, and I have to act like a professional.
Zero: Thanks for nothing.
Life Saver: And believe me, when the time comes there will be no anesthetic, and I will reach down your throat myself and tear them out with my own bear hands!
Zero: Then I'll bite you!
Life Saver: And with all that you do with Rush, I'd probably get rabies... I'll let Gate do it. Then, we'll put them in a jar and put it on display so everyone can laugh at you!
(He left.)
X: Ok, now that was interesting....
Zero: Aw man this sucks, I'm so scared.
Iris: This is all my fault.
Zero: What? Cough, no it's not.
Iris: Yes it is. If I never made you go get me that slushy, you never would've gone out into the storm, you never would've eaten it off the floor, and you never would've gotten sick.
Zero: (Thinking) Oh yea, well, if I never got you pregnant than none of this would never have happened.
(Iris sat there thinking for a moment, then began to strangle him again.)
Iris: That's right! Dam you to hell you bastered!
X: Iris!
(Iris caught herself and stopped, Zero flopped onto the bed wheezing.)
Iris: Oops, sorry.
(X backed up towards the door. That night, Zero had went to bed early and so he was already asleep by the time Iris got into bed.)
Rush: Woof.
Iris: Sh. (Rush whimpered.) Oh, I know you're worried about Zero, but don't worry, he's got a strong will.
Rush: Arf.
Iris: Yea, he's gonna be ok, you just wait and see. (Rush wagged his tail and lay down on the ground and fell asleep. Iris lay down and sighed.) I only hope so...
(The next day, X had to take Zero to the hospital where Life Saver and Gate were working that day. They came into the room.)
Life Saver: Good news, for those who like bad news.
Gate: Well, we have some news anyway. After concluding the analysis of the throat culture X so graciously took from Zero, things don't look to be very good.
Life Saver: He's got strep too.
X: What, oh no! This is horrible.
Gate: Don't worry, we have medication for.... ok wait, I see your point.
Zero: Guys, this is bad.
Gate: Don't worry, we'll do what we can do. Well, we do have one last option.
Life Saver: We called for a specialist to come and see Zero.
X: A throat doctor? Now I've heard everything.
Zero: No you haven't. Ok. Why did the bird go to the movie theater? (Everyone stared at him.) Well come on, guess!
X: I dunno, something about birds was playing?
Gate: Wait, a movie theater or a theater theater?
Zero: Give up?
Life Saver: On you, I have long ago.
Zero: It wanted to wait in the wings! Ha, get it! (They all stared blankly at him.) Theater? Wings? Birds? Bah, never mind.
Gate: That would be for the best. (There was a knock at the door.) Ah that must be the doctor now. We'll meet you back at the base after we finish our rounds.
(They left and the doctor walked in. The doctor was covered in a big white lab coat and had a hospital mask on.)
Doctor: Ahem, so you must be Zero.
Zero: Hi.
Doctor: Can I ask your friend to leave, I need to be with you in private.
Zero: Ok.
(The doctor turned to X who was looking suspiciously.)
Doctor: Can I ask you to leave?
X: Can you?
Doctor: Ok, may I?
X: No you may not!
Doctor: Excuse me?
X: You look pretty shady, what are you going to do?
Doctor: I need to stick a small fiber optic camera down Zero's throat.
Zero and X: Ew!
X: Ok, I'm going!
(X left. The doctor turned around after putting rubber gloves on.)
Doctor: Ok now that... hey get back here!
(Zero turned around, the doctor had noticed him heading for the door.)
Zero: I don't like having thing stuck down my throat... unless it's food.
Doctor: (In a sexy voice) The only thing I'm sticking down your throat... (The doctor tore off the suit to reveal a sexy nurse.) Is my tongue.
(Zero perked up.)
Zero: Now we're talking! (They began to make out.) Wow, maybe I should become a throat doctor. But, you probably shouldn't kiss me, I have tonsillitis you know.
Doctor: What!
(The doctor jumped up and the clothes flew off, revealing that it was really in fact...)
Zero: Ah, Neon Tiger! Cough, cough, cough, cough!
Neon Tiger: Oh my poor little baby, here, let me have a look at you.
(Zero let out a shrill girlish scream. X burst into the room.)
X: Ah, lesbian!
Neon Tiger: What? Where?
(Zero kicked him off of him and flipped off his back forward onto his feet, pulling out his light saber. X powered up his buster gun.)
Zero: Hey X, tell him what time it is.
X: It's time for you to die!
Neon Tiger: Never!
(Neon Tiger aimed his tail at Zero and began to shoot small laser beams at him.)
X: Hey, wait, why are you attacking your lover?
Zero: Ah, gay beam!
(Zero dodged them each as Neon Tiger giggled like a schoolgirl.)
X: Ew! Take that!
(X fired and the shot blasted him out the window. X and Zero looked out to see him land on the ground. He got up but before he could do anything, a huge semi plowed him over.)
Zero: And now... mouth wash!
(Zero ran to the sink and began to gargle, but it hurt his throat so he spit it out and broke into a coughing fit.)
X: Zero, you really need to take it easy, you're still really sick.
(There was a knock at the door.)
Zero: Come in? (The knock again.) Come in? (Again.)
X: Well open the door.
(Zero opened it and a doctor stood there.)
Doctor: Hi, I'm the throat doctor here for Zero.
Zero: You're not gonna stick a camera in my mouth are you?
Doctor: A what?
X: Don't ask...
Doctor: I think I'll take you up on that offer. Now let's have a look at you Zero. (Zero opened his mouth, again, and let the real doctor examine him.) Well I see that Life Saver and Gate reported this correctly. Zero is seriously ill here. Tonsillitis, and the culture tested positive for strep as well. This is an interesting case.
X: What can we do doctor?
Doctor: Well, an operation would be the best thing, but with his condition we'd only be making things more painful for him in the long run. Usually we don't like to perform it on adults, but with this case, I really don't know...
X: I heard Gate say something about medication.
Doctor: That can do the trick, we have a new reverse steroid that can reduce the swelling, but he's more susceptible to the virus in the future.
Zero: I don't wanna die, I'm gonna be a dad soon. I hate medicine, but I know I have to take it.
X: My, Zero, you sure are acting serious.
Zero: Yea... boy I need to get drunk!
X: Oh joy.
Doctor: Zero, with you taking such an amount of medication, alcohol would pose a seriously risk, I highly advise you to not touch any liquor until you're recovered.
Zero: Aw! How long will that take?
Doctor: About a week.
Zero: Ah!
(X took Zero back to the base and they walked back to his room.)
X: So if you ever want to drink again, you have to take the medicine, seriously.
Zero: I know. Besides, I wouldn't want to let down Iris.
X: You know Zero, maybe becoming a dad is making you more mature.
Zero: Yea I know... God what have I done X!
Iris: You're back from the doctors? How did it go?
X: Zero has to take a lot of medication.
Iris: Ugh, first beer, now drugs! What's next, smoking!
X: Uhm, Iris...?
Iris: What is it now!
X: You're strangling Zero again...
Iris: Hu? (She noticed her hands around Zero's neck again.) Whoops, sorry, mood swings.
(Zero and X were hugging each other. A week later, Zero had taken all the medicine and was a good boy, he didn't drink and did everything to get better, he didn't mind the staying in bed and watching tv though.)
X: Well Zero, let's see what the doctor has to say.
Zero: I should be better, I mean I haven't had a fever since I first got sick, I can eat and not throw up, I can breathe better, and I'm not coughing much anymore.
Doctor: Well that sounds good, but let's see what your throat has to say. (The doctor made one last examination.) Good news, your tonsils have returned to normal size and the strep infection has subsided. Congratulations Zero, you survived it through.
Zero: Woohoo!
Doctor: Gate and Life Saver told me about you, and I know this must have been hard for you, but I know that your wife was your inspiration, you being a father to be helped you get through.
Zero: What now?
X: Well, that's why you took the medicine and did everything you could to recover, right?
Zero: Nah, I did it for the beer man! One whole week, you have no idea how hard it was!
(Zero ran out the door.)
X: Zero, wait!
(He ran back in.)
Zero: Oh yea. Thanks doc.
(He ran off again.)
Doctor: Now what was that all about?
X: Oh joy...
(That night, everyone was asleep at the base... except Zero. He was sneaking around the hall until he made it to a room, he opened the door and slunk inside. He turned on a light, it was the sickbay. He went over to the lab table where Gate and Life Saver had a big jar of popsicle sticks. He smiled and snickered as he pulled out a pen and wrote on them all. It was a joke... the same one from before. The next day, Gate had asked X to come see him in the sickbay.)
Gate: I'm worried, all the time hanging around Zero, strep is contagious and I want to make sure you didn't get it.
X: Sure, go ahead, I don't mind.
(Gate went over and pulled out one of the sticks.)
Gate: Ok now let's have you say...
(He stopped and looked at it. X closed his mouth.)
X: What is it?
Gate: (Growling) Why did the bird go to the movie theater?
X: It wanted to sit in the wings...
Gate: Zero.
(Gate stormed to Zero's room and knocked on the door. Zero opened it, Iris was laying in bed.)
Zero: Hey ice cream man, what's up? (Gate pulled out the jar of sticks and threw them all at Zero.) Ah!
(But elsewhere...)
Slash Beast: How in the hell could you get tonsillitis?
Neon Tiger: Cough, cause I made out with Zero.
Vile: Ew, that's sick!
Neon Tiger: He thought I was a nurse, it was beautiful.
Slash Beast: Well, we'd better get them out.
Neon Tiger: Get what out?
(Vile smiled as he charged his gun and aimed it at Neon Tiger.)
Vile Now open wide.
Neon Tiger: Ah. (Blast!) AH!
Slash Beast: Oh! Ow, now that's gotta hurt!
Zero: I'd like a large slushy please.
Clerk: That'll be 4.50 sir.
Zero: Uhm, could I also get a strawberry orange smoothie?
Clerk: Your total comes to 7.25 now. (Zero paid the man) Thank you.
(Zero left and right as he did two shady figures snuck in.)
Voice 1: Put your hands up!
Voice 2: Give us all the money in a bag.
Clerk: Paper or plastic?
Voice 2: Plastic please.
Zero: (To himself) Meh, like it's a crime to rob a convenience store anymore... (As Zero made his way back, the storm grew colder as the wind picked up, throwing the rain into his face.) Good thing I got a smoothie for myself. (He drank it and shivered) Ok, maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Brain freeze! Achoo! (Finally he made it back to the base and went inside. Rush came over to him.) Hey Rush. (Zero shook himself like a dog, throwing the water onto Rush, who just stood there happily.) Come on, let's go see Iris. (Rush followed Zero into their room.) Hey honey.
Iris: Did you get me my slushy?
Zero: Yup!
(He handed it too her, she was laying on their bed watching tv. She fiddled with the straw and opened the lid.)
Iris: Zero! I asked for the cola flavor, not cherry!
(She threw it at Zero, but he ducked and it hit the wall.)
Zero: Ah!
Iris: (Sigh) Oh I'm sorry, it's these mood swings again. Man, if I knew being pregnant would be like this, I never would've done it with you.
Zero: Aw, you don't really mean that do you?
Iris: Yes I do! (Zero cringed.) Oh, sorry, mood swings again. I didn't mean that.
Zero: (Still cautious.) That's ok... (Zero sat down and Iris hugged him.) Achoo!
Iris: What was that for? I hope you're not allergic to my perfume.
Zero: What? Oh, no. I probably just got a cold from the storm.
Iris: Well don't come near me with it! (She jumped off the bed and backed up.) I'll go take a shower ok.
Zero: Ok.
(Iris went into the bathroom. Zero looked to where the slushy had fallen onto the ground and spilled everywhere. Rush was already licking it up. Zero raced over and began to lick it too. Rush growled but Zero just growled back.)
Iris: Zero, you're not licking the slushy off the floor are you?
Zero: No!
(Meanwhile, X was busy going over some reports with Alia when Gate came into the command center.)
X: Hey Gate.
Gate: Hello X, hello hon.
Alia: Hey baby.
X: Aw.
Gate: (Trying not to blush.) Shut up. (He sat down in a chair next to Alia.) So, what's the news?
Alia: I've just been going over the report filed for Sigma's body snatching weapon. Remember that one?
Gate: How could I forget, if Zero didn't ruin our vow renewal, that would've.
X: Anyway, we were just making sure that the blueprints were destroyed.
Gate: Were they?
Alia: Yes. But I can't help but wonder, knowing Sigma, if he made a copy.
X: With what Neon Tiger used it for, I have a feeling he probably destroyed it himself.
Alia: We can only hope. (The communicator beeped.) Come in?
Signas: Alia, is Gate with you?
Alia: Yes, why, what's the matter?
Signas: Send him to sickbay immediately.
Gate: Oh no, I'm not going back there. Is it Iris again?
Signas: No.
Gate: Ok good.
(He left, before Signas could finish.)
Signas: It's Zero.
X: Zero?
Alia: You'd better go see, I can file these by myself.
X: Ok, see you later.
(X went to sickbay where Gate had already discovered it was Zero. Life Saver was shaking his head, asking himself why while Douglas watched.)
Gate: Ok, so what happened?
Douglas: I was walking down the hall when I saw Zero passed out on the floor.
Gate: Are you sure he's not just drunk?
Douglas: I'm no doctor, like you are, but I don't think drunks have a fever and look that pale.
Life Saver: Maybe he just threw up.
X: Look, we can stand here talking about it, or you can find out yourself.
Life Saver: Oh no, I'm not going in there.
Gate: Well neither am I.
Douglas: You have to, it's what you're paid to do.
X: And you call yourselves professionals....
Gate: No we don't.
X: Just do it!
Douglas: Wait, that's Nike, or Gatorade?
Zero: Ugh...
X: Hey wait, he's waking up.
Life Saver: Thank you God!
God: Oh, don't thank me just yet...
Douglas: Hey Zero, you ok?
Zero: Hu? (He opened his eyes and looked around, seeing everyone looking down at him.) What happened, where am I?
Douglas: You passed out so I took you to see Life Saver and Gate.
Zero: Aw, you should've just left me!
Gate: I couldn't agree with you more... for once.
Douglas: What, so you really were drunk?
Zero: (Looking around, thinking) Yea, drunk. Achoo!
X: That doesn't sound drunk.
(Zero groaned and sat up. Gate finally came over and felt his forehead.)
Gate: Ok, so he has a fever. Give him some aspirin and let's be on our way.
(Life Saver handed Zero two pills and a glass of water. Zero looked at them, shrugged, and took them. He grabbed his neck.)
Zero: Ah! Cough, cough!
X: Don't choke now.
Douglas: Are you sure you're ok?
(Gate felt under Zero's chin.)
Gate: Say ah.
Zero: Ah.
(Gate looked in Zero's mouth.)
Gate: Ew.
Life Saver: What?
Gate: Ever heard of a breath mint? Gees, that should come with a warning label.
(Life Saver took Gate's place as the examiner.)
Life Saver: Oh, this doesn't look good. I think for once Zero's actually legitimately sick.
X: So, do your job!
Gate: I'm afraid it's not that easy.
X: What do you mean?
Gate: I think he's got tonsillitis.
X: Ew!
Zero: (Still with the stick in his mouth, muffled.) Am I gonna die?
Life Saver: No talking.
X: No, you're not Zero, you're just really sick.
Douglas: So what are you doing to do?
Gate: Well first we should probably take a sample and analyze it in the lab.
Life Saver: Care to do the honors?
Gate: Oh no, after you.
Life Saver: No, after you.
Gate: Oh, I insist.
Life Saver: Please, be my guest.
X: Oh can it you ladies! I'll do it. (X stomped over and grabbed a long q- tip, then walked over to Zero.) Open your mouth.
Zero: Ah.
(X swabbed the q-tip on Zero's throat, he gagged. Then he walked over and set it down on the tray on the table. Life Saver and Gate backed away in disgust, like scared women who'd seen a mouse.)
X: There!
Life Saver: You get it.
Gate: I'm not touching that.
Life Saver: Well I'm not either!
X: Oh for crying out loud, you're doctors!
Gate and Life Saver: So?
Douglas: So act like it!
Gate: He's right, we really should. Even if this is, Zero we're dealing with.
Life Saver: This is serious, we're doctors, we need to act professionally.
Zero: Can I talk now?
X: Yes.
Gate: No, don't talk. I really don't want to hear your hoarse voice.
(Zero frowned and Life Saver took the sample to his lab table and ran the test, after getting the results he went over to Zero.)
Life Saver: Well Zero, I have some bad news. The results tested positive, you're very sick.
Zero: Oh no, give it to me strait Light Saber, am I gonna die?
Life Saver: If God had mercy... (Zero stared blankly at him. Life Saver stared back for a moment.) Yes Zero, you're going to die.
Zero: Aw, not again!
(Zero fainted. Life Saver looked down at him and smiled.)
Life Saver: Now that was worth it.
X: Please be serious, Zero's not gonna die.
Life Saver: But he's so much more peaceful when he's passed out, at least he's not drunk and throwing up everywhere.
Gate: Now, remove him from our sight.
X: Fine. (He began to drag Zero.) Douglas, help me out?
Douglas: Sure.
(They both picked up Zero by an arm and dragged him back to his room.)
Iris: Hey, what's going on? Oh no, did he get drunk again? He took so long out in the storm I kinda figured he'd gone to a bar too.
X: He was out in that storm!
Iris: Yea, he got me a slushy... but then I threw it against the wall... and like I figured, Zero ate it off the ground.
Douglas: And we wonder why he got so sick.
Iris: Zero's sick!
Douglas: You're much better at breaking bad news that I am, X. So I'll let you handle this.
X: Ok.
(Douglas walked off, then X turned to Iris and began to cry.)
X: Iris, I-I'm sorry.
Iris: Why X, why are you sorry?
X: I'm sorry that Zero's....
Iris: He's not gonna die, again, is he?
X: What? No. He's got tonsillitis.
Iris: What! Oh my gosh, bring him inside! Here, let's put him on the bed. (Iris helped X drag Zero onto the bed.) Is he ok?
X: He just passed out after Life Saver scared him.
Iris: That bully.
X: Anyway, the culture tested positive, so Zero's pretty sick.
Iris: Aw. Zero, wake up. (She shook him until he woke up.) Hey.
Zero: Hey.
(Iris began to strangle him, X gasped.)
Iris: I knew you ate my slushy off the ground! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!
X: Iris, please!
(Iris stopped and let go, Zero coughed and gasped for air.)
Iris: Sorry, mood swings.
X: (Still cautious.) Ok...
Zero: I'm sorry Iris.
Iris: Well, I'll bet that's what made you sick. That and going out into the storm and getting drunk.
Zero: Drunk? I'll have you know that I only drank a smoothie, and it was non-alcoholic!
Iris: (Gasp) My gosh, no beer? (She put a hand on his forehead and looked into his eyes.) You really must be sick.
Zero: (Confused and nervous.) Uhm...
X: Don't worry, they gave him some aspirin so the fever will be gone by tomorrow.
Iris: Do you want anything to eat?
Zero: No. I'm hungry but I'm afraid I might throw it up. Cough. Plus my throat huts too bad to swallow anyway.
Iris: Oh and listen to your voice, you sound so horrible.
Life Saver: He does doesn't he? (Everyone turned to see Life Saver.) He is horrible.
Zero: Aw, what now Light Saber!
Iris: Bully.
Life Saver: (Ignoring sigh.) I need to check up on you. Now open your mouth.
Zero: No.
Life Saver: Yes.
Zero: No!
Life Saver: Yes damit!
Zero: Cough, cough!
Life Saver: Oh why did I have to loose rock paper scissors to Gate, I never win!
X: Not true, you won at pool.
Iris: Just do it Zero, please, for me?
Zero: But he's gonna kill me.
Life Saver: Believe me, if I'd wanted to I would've done it by now... and sometimes I wonder what was holding me back.
Iris: Ahem!
Life Saver: Hm? Oh sorry.
Zero: Ah.
(Life Saver looked in Zero's mouth as he spoke.)
Life Saver: Well I was looking over the results and from what it looks like, as much as Zero needs the operation, I'm afraid his glands are too swollen to remove. We'd be cutting out too much of his throat and the healing process would be immensely... wait, yes we can do the operation, I highly recommend it. Let's do it, now!
X: Life Saver!
Life Saver: Ok fine. (He stood up.) Look, until his condition improves, there's too much infection to do anything right now. And as much as I'd want to hurt Zero, it looks like there's nothing I can do. This is serious, and I have to act like a professional.
Zero: Thanks for nothing.
Life Saver: And believe me, when the time comes there will be no anesthetic, and I will reach down your throat myself and tear them out with my own bear hands!
Zero: Then I'll bite you!
Life Saver: And with all that you do with Rush, I'd probably get rabies... I'll let Gate do it. Then, we'll put them in a jar and put it on display so everyone can laugh at you!
(He left.)
X: Ok, now that was interesting....
Zero: Aw man this sucks, I'm so scared.
Iris: This is all my fault.
Zero: What? Cough, no it's not.
Iris: Yes it is. If I never made you go get me that slushy, you never would've gone out into the storm, you never would've eaten it off the floor, and you never would've gotten sick.
Zero: (Thinking) Oh yea, well, if I never got you pregnant than none of this would never have happened.
(Iris sat there thinking for a moment, then began to strangle him again.)
Iris: That's right! Dam you to hell you bastered!
X: Iris!
(Iris caught herself and stopped, Zero flopped onto the bed wheezing.)
Iris: Oops, sorry.
(X backed up towards the door. That night, Zero had went to bed early and so he was already asleep by the time Iris got into bed.)
Rush: Woof.
Iris: Sh. (Rush whimpered.) Oh, I know you're worried about Zero, but don't worry, he's got a strong will.
Rush: Arf.
Iris: Yea, he's gonna be ok, you just wait and see. (Rush wagged his tail and lay down on the ground and fell asleep. Iris lay down and sighed.) I only hope so...
(The next day, X had to take Zero to the hospital where Life Saver and Gate were working that day. They came into the room.)
Life Saver: Good news, for those who like bad news.
Gate: Well, we have some news anyway. After concluding the analysis of the throat culture X so graciously took from Zero, things don't look to be very good.
Life Saver: He's got strep too.
X: What, oh no! This is horrible.
Gate: Don't worry, we have medication for.... ok wait, I see your point.
Zero: Guys, this is bad.
Gate: Don't worry, we'll do what we can do. Well, we do have one last option.
Life Saver: We called for a specialist to come and see Zero.
X: A throat doctor? Now I've heard everything.
Zero: No you haven't. Ok. Why did the bird go to the movie theater? (Everyone stared at him.) Well come on, guess!
X: I dunno, something about birds was playing?
Gate: Wait, a movie theater or a theater theater?
Zero: Give up?
Life Saver: On you, I have long ago.
Zero: It wanted to wait in the wings! Ha, get it! (They all stared blankly at him.) Theater? Wings? Birds? Bah, never mind.
Gate: That would be for the best. (There was a knock at the door.) Ah that must be the doctor now. We'll meet you back at the base after we finish our rounds.
(They left and the doctor walked in. The doctor was covered in a big white lab coat and had a hospital mask on.)
Doctor: Ahem, so you must be Zero.
Zero: Hi.
Doctor: Can I ask your friend to leave, I need to be with you in private.
Zero: Ok.
(The doctor turned to X who was looking suspiciously.)
Doctor: Can I ask you to leave?
X: Can you?
Doctor: Ok, may I?
X: No you may not!
Doctor: Excuse me?
X: You look pretty shady, what are you going to do?
Doctor: I need to stick a small fiber optic camera down Zero's throat.
Zero and X: Ew!
X: Ok, I'm going!
(X left. The doctor turned around after putting rubber gloves on.)
Doctor: Ok now that... hey get back here!
(Zero turned around, the doctor had noticed him heading for the door.)
Zero: I don't like having thing stuck down my throat... unless it's food.
Doctor: (In a sexy voice) The only thing I'm sticking down your throat... (The doctor tore off the suit to reveal a sexy nurse.) Is my tongue.
(Zero perked up.)
Zero: Now we're talking! (They began to make out.) Wow, maybe I should become a throat doctor. But, you probably shouldn't kiss me, I have tonsillitis you know.
Doctor: What!
(The doctor jumped up and the clothes flew off, revealing that it was really in fact...)
Zero: Ah, Neon Tiger! Cough, cough, cough, cough!
Neon Tiger: Oh my poor little baby, here, let me have a look at you.
(Zero let out a shrill girlish scream. X burst into the room.)
X: Ah, lesbian!
Neon Tiger: What? Where?
(Zero kicked him off of him and flipped off his back forward onto his feet, pulling out his light saber. X powered up his buster gun.)
Zero: Hey X, tell him what time it is.
X: It's time for you to die!
Neon Tiger: Never!
(Neon Tiger aimed his tail at Zero and began to shoot small laser beams at him.)
X: Hey, wait, why are you attacking your lover?
Zero: Ah, gay beam!
(Zero dodged them each as Neon Tiger giggled like a schoolgirl.)
X: Ew! Take that!
(X fired and the shot blasted him out the window. X and Zero looked out to see him land on the ground. He got up but before he could do anything, a huge semi plowed him over.)
Zero: And now... mouth wash!
(Zero ran to the sink and began to gargle, but it hurt his throat so he spit it out and broke into a coughing fit.)
X: Zero, you really need to take it easy, you're still really sick.
(There was a knock at the door.)
Zero: Come in? (The knock again.) Come in? (Again.)
X: Well open the door.
(Zero opened it and a doctor stood there.)
Doctor: Hi, I'm the throat doctor here for Zero.
Zero: You're not gonna stick a camera in my mouth are you?
Doctor: A what?
X: Don't ask...
Doctor: I think I'll take you up on that offer. Now let's have a look at you Zero. (Zero opened his mouth, again, and let the real doctor examine him.) Well I see that Life Saver and Gate reported this correctly. Zero is seriously ill here. Tonsillitis, and the culture tested positive for strep as well. This is an interesting case.
X: What can we do doctor?
Doctor: Well, an operation would be the best thing, but with his condition we'd only be making things more painful for him in the long run. Usually we don't like to perform it on adults, but with this case, I really don't know...
X: I heard Gate say something about medication.
Doctor: That can do the trick, we have a new reverse steroid that can reduce the swelling, but he's more susceptible to the virus in the future.
Zero: I don't wanna die, I'm gonna be a dad soon. I hate medicine, but I know I have to take it.
X: My, Zero, you sure are acting serious.
Zero: Yea... boy I need to get drunk!
X: Oh joy.
Doctor: Zero, with you taking such an amount of medication, alcohol would pose a seriously risk, I highly advise you to not touch any liquor until you're recovered.
Zero: Aw! How long will that take?
Doctor: About a week.
Zero: Ah!
(X took Zero back to the base and they walked back to his room.)
X: So if you ever want to drink again, you have to take the medicine, seriously.
Zero: I know. Besides, I wouldn't want to let down Iris.
X: You know Zero, maybe becoming a dad is making you more mature.
Zero: Yea I know... God what have I done X!
Iris: You're back from the doctors? How did it go?
X: Zero has to take a lot of medication.
Iris: Ugh, first beer, now drugs! What's next, smoking!
X: Uhm, Iris...?
Iris: What is it now!
X: You're strangling Zero again...
Iris: Hu? (She noticed her hands around Zero's neck again.) Whoops, sorry, mood swings.
(Zero and X were hugging each other. A week later, Zero had taken all the medicine and was a good boy, he didn't drink and did everything to get better, he didn't mind the staying in bed and watching tv though.)
X: Well Zero, let's see what the doctor has to say.
Zero: I should be better, I mean I haven't had a fever since I first got sick, I can eat and not throw up, I can breathe better, and I'm not coughing much anymore.
Doctor: Well that sounds good, but let's see what your throat has to say. (The doctor made one last examination.) Good news, your tonsils have returned to normal size and the strep infection has subsided. Congratulations Zero, you survived it through.
Zero: Woohoo!
Doctor: Gate and Life Saver told me about you, and I know this must have been hard for you, but I know that your wife was your inspiration, you being a father to be helped you get through.
Zero: What now?
X: Well, that's why you took the medicine and did everything you could to recover, right?
Zero: Nah, I did it for the beer man! One whole week, you have no idea how hard it was!
(Zero ran out the door.)
X: Zero, wait!
(He ran back in.)
Zero: Oh yea. Thanks doc.
(He ran off again.)
Doctor: Now what was that all about?
X: Oh joy...
(That night, everyone was asleep at the base... except Zero. He was sneaking around the hall until he made it to a room, he opened the door and slunk inside. He turned on a light, it was the sickbay. He went over to the lab table where Gate and Life Saver had a big jar of popsicle sticks. He smiled and snickered as he pulled out a pen and wrote on them all. It was a joke... the same one from before. The next day, Gate had asked X to come see him in the sickbay.)
Gate: I'm worried, all the time hanging around Zero, strep is contagious and I want to make sure you didn't get it.
X: Sure, go ahead, I don't mind.
(Gate went over and pulled out one of the sticks.)
Gate: Ok now let's have you say...
(He stopped and looked at it. X closed his mouth.)
X: What is it?
Gate: (Growling) Why did the bird go to the movie theater?
X: It wanted to sit in the wings...
Gate: Zero.
(Gate stormed to Zero's room and knocked on the door. Zero opened it, Iris was laying in bed.)
Zero: Hey ice cream man, what's up? (Gate pulled out the jar of sticks and threw them all at Zero.) Ah!
(But elsewhere...)
Slash Beast: How in the hell could you get tonsillitis?
Neon Tiger: Cough, cause I made out with Zero.
Vile: Ew, that's sick!
Neon Tiger: He thought I was a nurse, it was beautiful.
Slash Beast: Well, we'd better get them out.
Neon Tiger: Get what out?
(Vile smiled as he charged his gun and aimed it at Neon Tiger.)
Vile Now open wide.
Neon Tiger: Ah. (Blast!) AH!
Slash Beast: Oh! Ow, now that's gotta hurt!