Rockman vs. the Transformers
Doctor Albert Wily, the most feared man in the history of the world, looked out of the super- reinforced glass of the window before him. It was tinted on the outside, so no one could see him. It didn't really matter, since the window was a combination of glass and titanium so thick that even a freight train would have some difficulty getting through.
It wasn't as if Wily wanted to keep a low profile either. If anyone saw the building he was in, they'd know right away that he was in there. The big skull on the front of the fortress and his unique 'Dr. W' symbol kind of gave it away. Still, the fortress was shielded on hundreds of levels, making it impossible to find unless you were looking for it on foot.
Wily stood in the room in silence for a while before looking over his shoulder. When he saw nothing, he looked out the window again. This went on every few minutes for about an hour. The next time Wily looked behind him, he was almost surprised to see the robot he was expecting.
"Shadowman, remind me to tie a bell to your foot," Wily said impassively, walking away from the window and past the ninja-like robot.
"Yes, lord Wily," Shadowman replied dispassionately.
"Well," Wily asked, sitting down in an old leather chair he had from the days when he was still working with Thomas Light, "What do you have?"
Shadowman looked around the room. He was a cautious robot, which was good for the infiltration purposes he was built for, but it did make him a little annoying to deal with one on one like this. He was always checking to make sure no one was eavesdropping. When he was satisfied, he looked at Wily.
"To tell the truth, Lord Wily, I would not have believed it if I had not seen it with my own optics."
Wily sighed. "Okay. So, WHAT DID YOU SEE?"
Shadowman checked around again, then, in a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he said "It's big."
Wily rolled his eyes.
"No, Lord Wily, I mean it. Really, REALLY big."
"Yes, Shadowman, I was expecting big. I've never done anything small. What exactly was it you saw?" Wily asked in a strained voice.
"Bigger than Hardman, big."
"GET ON WITH IT!" Wily shouted.
Shadowman jumped at the sound of Wily's voice, then collected himself. "It was just like you said. A deep cave with a metallic wall in the back. There were definite markings on the side that indicated friction damage, most likely from some sort of crash landing. The metal was very old, possibly pre-dating what you may know as 'Pre-History,' which is quite possibly the most inane human term I've ever heard of-"
"Shadowman, if you could finish before the sun sets, that would be lovely," Wily said in a remarkably controlled manner.
"Oh, yes, sorry Lord Wily."
There was a silence, and Wily leaned forward, his chair creaking ominously.
"Well?" He hinted. "What was behind the wall?"
Shadowman gave Wily a blank stare. "Behind . . . ?"
Wily hung his head. "WHAT PART OF 'INVESTIGATE' DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, YOU NINJA NINNY?" he shouted at the floor.
Shadowman cringed, ever-so-slightly.
Wily stood up, red in the face, ranting at his robot. "When I asked you to investigate, I did NOT mean 'Go and find out if what I told you is true'! It means 'Go and find out more and report back to me'! Ye gods, WHY oh WHY did I EVER rebuild ANY of you glorified tin cans? I could have given a garbage can legs, eyes, and the artificial IQ of a bag of cherries and had better results! It's bad enough that Forte is always failing in his ONLY mission in life ALL THE DAMN TIME and that he feels he has to write poetry about it! WHERE DID I GO WRONG? He's writing Haiku for god's sake! HAIKU! ABOUT THAT LITTLE BLUE DWEEB! HAIKU, SHADOWMAN! For the love of evil, WHAT DID I DO WRONG?"
Shadowman got that feeling everyone, human or robot gets, when there's just no right answer. "Er . . . I do not know, Lord Wily . . ."
"That's the problem! You don't know! NONE of you sardine recycles know! You don't know that when I ask you to INVESTIGATE something, it mean to go FIND OUT WHAT THE HELL IT IS! I KNOW there's a big bloody scratched up wall that's been there for thousands of years in that cave! I MADE THE FREAKIN' CAVE!"
"Technically," Shadowman interrupted (not the smartest idea, but the record had to be set straight, he felt) "Crashman was the one driving the Skull Driller."
"WHO'S BIG IDEA WAS IT TO PUT A GUY WITHOUT HANDS IN CONTROL OF A FOUR TON EARTH EATING MONSTROSITY ANYWAY? Seriously, who's been doing the chore scheduling down there? I want to see the robot in charge of the chore and vehicle assignments in thirty minutes OR HEADS WILL ROLL! And I'm not talking a few merry rounds of 'boot-the-brain' in the hallway, OH NO! RIGHT OUTTA THE WINDOW, BABY!"
It was then that Iceman decided to peek in the door to see if everything was okay. Wily was too far into his random ranting mood to really notice the diminutive blue Eskimo, and that suited Iceman just fine. He slowly shut the door and turned away.
And ran right into Shadowman.
Iceman looked up into the ninja's face. "Hey . . . aren't you, you know, getting yelled at?"
"Hmm?" Shadowman looked down at Iceman, apparently noticing him for the first time. "Oh, no. He's not yelling at me directly, so I don't need to be there."
"But . . . you were . . . you know, standing right THERE."
"Twas a hologram." Shadowman shrugged, and began to walk away.
Iceman watched him go. "Right."
Things had been tense around the Skull Fortress Mk. 11-7 for a few months now. Wily hadn't been able to formulate any new plans to really put himself in power for a while, and so had rebuilt most of the robot masters in the mean time for something to do. Now that most of the bearable robots (and a few of the Unbearable ones) were back online, they had nothing to do.
Shadowman wandered into the Rec Room, Iceman close behind him. Bombman and Quickman were playing Ping Pong on the far side of the room, being watched by Bubbleman. The couch, which was big enough for four humans to sit comfortable, was currently taken up in its entirety by Hardman, the largest operational robot master (Frostman was the only one that was larger than Hardman, but had never been rebuilt because he always messed with the thermostat. To many people, Wily included, that's just unforgivable.)
Snakeman and Magnetman were busily playing video games on an entertainment system Wily had created to keep the robots out of his hair (what of it there was). The system, known as the WilyCraft, sported better graphics and quicker processing than any other system on the market, and could play all of their games. It gave the robots something to do, anyway.
Crystalman, Brightman, and two Geminimen were playing pool. That was the quiet side of the room, since all of those robots were analytical in nature. The Geminimen were undefeated so far, since the way the game played reflected their own natural weapon, the Gemini Laser, so closely they were able to use their targeting systems and make the cue ball go anywhere they wanted.
Yamatoman was the only other robot in the room, and Shadowman walked over to the samurai robot as quickly as he could.
"Got a moment, Yamato?" Shadowman asked.
"Given that I am alive, and plan to be so for at least another day, I can certainly spare some time for whatever harebrained scheme you have this time, my mysterious friend," Yamatoman replied in a formal, if not somewhat mocking, tone.
"A 'Yes' would've be grand," Shadowman sighed. "Look, we've got orders from the old coot himself. Grab Cutman and Flameman and meet me outside of the fortress."
Yamatoman gave Shadowman a questioning look, but set off on his task anyway. Iceman elbowed Shadowman's hip for his attention. "Do you mind if I come along?" he asked.
"Eh, why not?" Shadowman asked. He began to move again, the Eskimo in tow. "If the old man wants the thing investigate, it'll get investigated."
They walked for a while before Iceman stopped and looked around. "Uh, Shadowman, we're going the wrong way."
"No, we're not."
"Yeah, we are! The exit is on the other side of the building and a few floors down."
"Yeah, that's true," Shadowman admitted, "but Mister Haiku is in this direction."
"Who?" Iceman asked, puzzled. Suddenly, Shadowman halted in front of a door. The door to Forte's private quarters. "Oh."
Shadowman took a deep breath, then knocked on the door. "Er, Commander Forte?"
There was a noise on the other side of the door. There was a shuffling and a banging and a crash or two, and then a muffled "Just a minute!", and then there was another crash, two more bangs, a loud thump, and finally a click as the door opened. Forte's head poked around the corner of the door. "What do you want?" he snapped.
"Lord Wily requests that you lead a small expeditionary force into a cave to find out sealed power may be found there," Shadowman delivered, with a remarkably straight face. Iceman almost lost it, forced to cover his mouth to stop from giggling.
Forte glared at the both of them, then slowly said "This isn't another 'Elevator Test,' is it?" Iceman burst out laughing, and got discreetly kicked in the shin by Shadowman. Forte gave the blue Eskimo a glare. "What's so funny?" he growled.
"Er," Iceman began, formulating an excuse, "Just . . . remembering . . . a naughty limerick."
Shadowman brought their focus back to the matter at hand. "We can leave when you're ready, Commander Forte."
Forte gave Shadowman the evil eye. "I'll be out in a moment," he told them. The door shut, and there was a shuffling sound, like someone was straightening up the overturned piles of paper that were Forte's lamentations over his inability to defeat a vastly inferior foe. A few moments later, he came out of the room, careful not to actually let either of them see inside his room. "Let's get going then."
On the way down, they passed Flashman. Shadowman waved at him and told him that Wily was waiting to see him in the Skull Office. Slightly confused, Flashman wandered in that direction while Iceman asked Shadowman what that was about.
"Oh, It was Flashman's turn to be the schedule guy for today," Shadowman shrugged.
Outside, Forte, Shadowman, and Iceman met up with Cutman, Yamatoman, and Flameman. The six robots, led by Forte, made their way into a nearby cave. The original intention was for someone to drill straight through the mountain the fortress was backed up against in order to fill the stone with a well hidden research facility and expanded quarters for Sniper Joes to inhabit. The Joes were the backbone of Wily's army, comprising the bulk of his expendable troops, and he always liked to have a few hundred on hand. At the moment, however, all Wily had at his disposal were the robot masters, which was why the cave did not go straight. It went down. Crazy down.
Since none of the robot master knew HOW to operate the Skull Drill (it was built for use by the Joes or by Wily himself), they handed the task to Crashman, who's naturally happy-go-blow- stuff-up attitude made him a prime scape goat should everything that could go wrong go wrong. When it did, all the robot masters explained to Wily that it was odd of Crashman, albeit noble, to volunteer for the job.
They arrived at the metal wall soon enough. It still showed the massive crater in its side where Crashman had gotten to before the Skull Driller had run out of fuel (Something else the robot masters didn't think about). Forte put his hand on the wall.
"This thing's old. And hollow," he told them, knocking on it a few times. Shadowman silently rolled his eyes. "All right, Flameman, make a door for us."
Flameman, in his customary fashion, said nothing, but simply went to work. The turbaned robot never spoke at all, really, but many suspected that his original design was made at cost in the middle east, where back-sassing hunks of metal were not appreciated. Simply put, Flameman COULDN'T talk.
The metal melted easily enough, and soon the six robots had a nice hole to step through.
The other side of the metal wall was a dark, dark place. There was very little light, and the robots moved slowly to give their sensors time to adjust to the lower light level. Shadowman was the first to speak, being more at home in the darkness.
"There's a lot of pillars in here . . . " He said, his voice echoing in the darkness.
"Pillars?" Yamatoman asked, looking up, "Or . . . legs?"
Suddenly the lights came on, and a deep, booming voice made the now-blinded robots jump.
"And who might YOU little gnats be?" Megatron boomed.