Chapter Twenty-two – I'm Your Hell, I'm Your Dream
(courtesy of Meredith Brooks)
Spike didn't find Illyria where he expected to find her. She was gone from her bed when he went back to her room. She had picked out a room of her own soon after they had arrived back at the hotel. He could usually find her in there, contemplating the scribbles on the wall.
The only other place she tended to like was up on the roof. She told him at one time she felt less closed in when she was inside a building. Opening the door to the roof, he found her sitting against a low wall, looking up at the stars.
"They have not changed," Illyria started, obviously hearing him come near.
"What? Up there?" Spike pointed to the sky.
"My power, the power that I possessed, it made me invincible. Like those lights in the sky. Always there. I lived for so many lifetimes. Now, to be reduced to this."
Spike sat down beside her, looking up at the twinkling sky with her. "Did you ever think that maybe you evolved? That this is what you were supposed to become? I'd give anything to be in your shoes."
Illyria looked at him, mouth open wide. Those human expressions just kept on coming, he thought. She was learning what it was like to live in a world populated by humans.
"I am weak, Spike. My powers diminished. This is not the way it is supposed to be."
"Yeah, you may be right on that one. But if you do become truly human, you'll have things that I can only dream about. Your heart will beat, you'll be able to live a full life."
"And I will die."
"Yes, you will die."
Illyria placed her hand on his cheek, looking at him like he had all the answers in the world, again. "I will grow old. I will wrinkle and become diseased."
"That's what being a human is all about."
"I do not understand why you would want this existence," Illyria softly told him.
"I guess I didn't appreciate being human until after I died is all."
Illyria gently placed her lips on his. "I want to appreciate being human," she whispered against his mouth.
Spike's undead heart ached for her. He knew she was just scared of what might come to pass. He knew she still had so much to learn. He was just afraid that she would rely on him for that knowledge. The task might be too great. But he couldn't deny the allure of her. His crush on Fred had not gone away. It had been transferred to the being in front of him.
"So would I," he said right before he applied more pressure, sinking into the kiss the correct way this time.
Illyria moaned into his mouth, eliciting one from him. He knew he should stop this nonsense. His convenience of being in the right place at the right time did bother him. If this had come about when Wesley was still alive the first time, then he'd be the one enjoying her exploration. But the guy was too worried about his slayer to worry about the ex-god, certainly becoming human in front of him.
Pulling away slightly, he opened his eyes to see how much the kiss affected Illyria. A small smile quirked up on her face, making it shine. The smile was not like Fred's had been. Illyria had made it her own.
"You stopped, Spike," Illyria complained.
"I don't want to take advantage, pet." No, he did. But he would regret it all the same.
"I need to learn how to be this new being. You will show me how."
That was his demanding girl. Now she'd become a girl in actuality. He just needed to figure out how she could not use him, and then throw him away. Females of the species tended to do that to him. So he wouldn't let his metaphorical heart get in the way. It caused too many complications. He wouldn't feel anything other than curiosity towards her. For the time being, he hoped that would be the outcome.
Her brown eyes flashed at him, somehow knowing how to bewitch him into helping.
"I will show you on one condition."
"You should not make conditions, Spike. I am Illyria."
"Who no longer is in control. You're just a girl."
"We will see about that, half-breed," she told him as she reached for his head again.
Pulling him down again to meet his mouth, he really did wonder who was in control of whom at the moment. Then that moment passed, and he enjoyed what she was giving him.
Faith awoke with a start, limbs shaking. Her mind cleared immediately, knowing that she was in danger. Opening her eyes to dim light, she found herself in that same room where it had all started. Where her nightmare had all started. Maybe she should pinch herself to see if she had been sleeping this whole time.
The dim bulb up above did little to cast much light on any of the dark corners of the dismal room. The table and cover still inhabited the room where she had first discovered Wes's body. Now the body was not there. That particular body had turned on her, finally. She should have seen it coming. The coal black eyes should have spoken volumes to her. But he never had harmed her, until now. Now she was in imminent danger.
Slowly rising from the cold floor, she steadied herself on those shaky legs and looked around. The crashed in door had been repaired at some point since Spike had broken it in, getting her out. It looked more impenetrable now than it did then.
Except now, it scraped open, to reveal something she had hoped she was just imagining. Whoever stood at the door was not Wesley. He did not hold himself as Wes did, eyes now black, too much like hers had been so long ago when she had been at her lowest point. This thing was evil at its finest.
"Ah, I see that you are awake. Such a fine specimen. It will be a shame that I cannot keep you."
She gave the thing her best sneer. "Good. Then I'll just be leaving."
Faith took a few steps forward. He stepped into the room and closed the door. The lock from the outside slid shut.
"Alas, I cannot let you leave, my dear. You see, that damned boy ruined my plans. And I had to change them. Pity that you became involved. I hear that you could be almost as ruthless as I could."
It was Wesley's voice, but not his words. Wes could never be this evil. He might be pissed at her, ticked off beyond belief at her, even wanting to kill her in those early days, but never evil. Where had he disappeared to, letting whoever take him over? She knew that he was there, somewhere, because she had spoken to him just hours before.
"What did you do with Wes?"
The creature snorted a little. "Didn't think you cared that much. As I hear it, you tried to kill him once upon a time. Torture it was. How lovely it would have been to hear him scream. He just up and died on me. Much too quickly. And then that bitch had to avenge his death."
He must be talking about Illyria, Faith thought. So she had offed Vail. It must be Vail. Since she had never met the guy, she couldn't be certain. It was the only conclusion she could come up with at the moment.
"What do you want with me, Vail?"
"Oh, the cat is out of the bag now, isn't it. You are a smart one. Too bad most people couldn't see that. He saw so though. As I said, too bad I didn't find you sooner. We would have made a formidable team."
Vail as Wesley inched towards her, like he wanted to menace her, scare her down to her toes. She had stopped the shaking as soon as he entered the room. No need to tell him she was weak. Unless he caused this to happen to her. Then he'd know it all. And would know how to fix it.
"What the fuck do you want with me?" she growled, fists at her sides.
"Revenge. Pure, simple revenge. Oh, and lots and lots of power. Once I'm done with all of this, each realm will bow down before me in supplication. And it will be oh so much fun."
Vail as Wesley had made it over to her. Faith didn't back up, didn't flinch as he came close enough to her to touch. She didn't want to give the son of a bitch anything to use against her.
"Maybe I'll keep you around a while longer. The boy seems very protective of you, as does the vampire. I wonder what you did to provoke such a response."
Vail as Wesley reached out and touched a curl in her hair, pulling on it slightly. "Don't touch me," she managed to get out.
He yanked on her hair, propelling her forward until they were now touching front to front. It wasn't a loving touch either. He pulled on her hair to the point of pain. Vail just chuckled at her response of fear. In some of her dreams of the past, she sometimes imagined Wesley coming after her, to get revenge on how she had treated him. He would look at her in almost exactly this way. Then he'd either choke the life out of her or slit her throat at the end.
"Ah dear girl, there's not much I cannot do to you, now is there. Your powers are gone. I know what he knows. Interesting thoughts that run through his brain. Kind of scary, if you ask me. Too bad I couldn't turn him to work for me. Now I have him and you."
"You killed him, you bastard. You think Illyria made you pay. Just wait until you see what I can do."
Vail smiled down at her. "Until whoever took your powers away from you restores them, then you'll do nothing of the sort."
Oops, score one for the good guys. Vail had just told her he wasn't responsible for taking her slayer powers. Which meant that there was some other force at work out there. Probably not so good in her book. At least she knew where Vail was. She just wished she knew where in the hell Wes was.
"Just tell me what you did with Wes?"
"He's here. Trapped by me. I have work to do though. You may have him back for a little while."
Vail wrenched her head back again, making her see stars of pain in her eyes. She was sure she'd lost some strands of hair that time. What happened next startled her.
"No," came out of the body, eyes flashing blue briefly.
Then the eyes shifted back to the black. He bruisingly took her mouth with his, not letting go of her head. She tried to resist Vail, almost getting her leg up and in between to cause him a considerable amount of pain. Before she could, he collapsed at her feet in a dead faint, taking her down with him.
Quickly crawling out from underneath him, she scooted away. She almost hyperventilated before bringing her breathing under control. Did Vail actually leave?
"Bloody hell," she heard him mumble from his place on the ground.
He started to cough violently, in addition to shaking all over. Faith wanted to go over to him, to see if maybe Vail had left, leaving Wes. But she was scared that it was just a rouse by Vail. So she sat still, arms tight around her bent legs, until she couldn't stand it anymore. The shaking hadn't stopped.
Slowly, Faith crawled over. "Wesley? Is that you?"
"What happened?" he whispered.
Faith gingerly fingered her throat, sure this time that he had left a doozy of a set of bruises.
"Is it you, cuz if it's not, you might find yourself . . . ."
Faith wasn't able to finish the sentence because Wesley started screaming, like he was in a considerable amount of pain. Then he spoke out loud, like he wasn't speaking with her.
"Not now. Don't do it now," he yelled.
"What? Do what?" she wanted to know.
"Dammit, woman. Don't you ever listen?" he cried.
But Wesley wasn't speaking to her. He was speaking to the glowy individual who had just popped into the room.
"Ah, me listen to you. Where the hell have you been?" Cordelia screeched.
Now Faith thought she was seeing things. Her mind had finally cracked from everything that had happened in the past month. It was worth a shot though to talk to the entity that floated before Wesley. What did she have to lose?
"Ah, Cordy. Want to tell me why you're here?" she finally asked.
"Oh, fuck. She can see me. Why can she see me? What did you do, Wes?"
Wesley frowned, then looked over at Faith. Nothing would come out of his mouth, she noticed. He kind of looked like a beached fish, mouth opening and closing, but no sound coming out.
"I haven't the slightest idea."
Then Cordelia gasped in surprise. "When did you become corporeal? I swear, if you did some kind of spell, they'll put you in hell and throw away the key."
"It's not my fault," he told her, still shaking for some reason.
Faith knew he wasn't shaking because Cordelia had appeared before him. That didn't seem to scare him in the least. Something else was going on.
"Cordy, sorry to interrupt your temper tantrum. But something is wrong with Wes."
Wesley lay his head back down on the cold floor now.
"Yeah, and it's probably all your fault, Faith. He was good, kind, and sweet before you got a hold of him."
Faith sent her best sneer her way. So Cordy couldn't let bygones be bygones, that bitch. "This is not helping, Cordy."
"I know. But it felt good. And there's not much I can do for him. He's corporeal. But I can try and get you out of here."
"Well, what are you waiting for?"
"I have to get Angel. I can't touch anything," she bit back at Faith, like Faith was supposed to know that.
"Do it," Faith yelled at her.
"You don't have to yell. It might take some time. Just sit tight."
"Tell Angel it's a trap. Vail's out for his blood. And he said something about wanting to be the ruler of a bunch of realms. That help?" Faith asked.
"That bastard. It makes so much more sense than you know. Thanks," Cordelia told her.
"You really mean that, don't you?"
"Yeah, I do. Take good care of him. He'll be needed." Faith nodded to Cordelia, like she understood what needed to be done. "And thanks for being there for him. I failed him at that at one point."
Faith had no idea what Cordelia was talking about. She was friends with Wesley, while Faith wasn't. "Failed at what?"
"I wasn't there when he needed me the most. And I'm not letting that happen again."
With that, Cordelia winked out of existence. Finishing her crawl over to Wesley, she noticed that his eyes were closed. She just hoped that Vail hadn't come back yet. She needed to talk with Wes, figure out a strategy to get out of that place.
"Wes?" she whispered to him.
As she felt his face, she realized that he was freezing cold. Rubbing his face some, she warmed him up slightly.
"So cold," he murmured.
Lying down on the ground with him, she wrapped her arms tightly around him, hoping that her body would warm him up so he would stop shaking. The shaking lessened slightly, enabling him to quieten down some. She just hoped that Cordelia would see Angel and tell him where they were. And she hoped that Vail didn't come back and inhabit Wes's body any time soon. She didn't want to have to kill Vail, as he inhabited Wesley's body.
TBC
Next: Must be time for Cordy and Angel. I need some Lindsey time, maybe with Doyle. Could be fun. It's all coming to a head in the next few chapters. Please keep reading!
Author thanks goes to: qkith, Mandie, shahid, clcountry, Uberwicca, futurelyfamous, pari106, Imzadi, and all you others out there. Wow, I really have some of you thinking hard out there. I just wished I had watched 5th season episodes more than once (if they would have been on more than once, damn that WB), but they're on in the US on another network in reruns and I'm recording them. I get a little lost sometimes.
Answers to questions (oh boy, there were lots this time) There may be spoilers in here too.
Qkith—Thank you, thank you. I knew I wasn't going that crazy. I didn't think they said anything about the prophecy either. I need to watch the episode when Wes's memories were restored again. Knox dying didn't bother me that much either, although it was a little brutal and sudden, but not unexpected. I know we all gasped when he did it though.
Mandie—yay, kissage, only not so much cause it ain't really Wes, sort of. You got that, right?
Shahid—Wes isn't Wes, sorry. And Angel has gotten the crap beaten out of him by Buffy, Spike, Connor and Illyria. He's the perfect tragic hero, he comes back stronger because of it. And he's also depressed as hell right at the moment. Wes did get the correct assignment, he just didn't believe in his power. No, there will be no Connor, not much badass Spike until the end, and this is Spike's interpretation of Illyria. I'm writing it the way it is by canon. Can't change that.
Clcountry-yep, I hope I answered your statement.
Uberwicca—Vail, eww, yuck, bad, bad guy
Futurelyfamous—Don't worry, I like long reviews as you can tell from all these answers. Yeah, we know about Sahjain changing that prophecy about himself, but what about the other one about Angel? I'm watching that episode tomorrow. I like Illyria too, except that she made Wes really depressed and psycho sometimes. But we got scruffy Wes, so all was not lost.
Pari106—get those issues out! How much did we wish for this. I didn't realize that my Wes's get darker. Hmm. Good observation. Not intentional, but I think you're right.
Imzadi—making it up right now; yeah, it's Eve, who else. So he really must have loved her to try and redeem himself. But no Eve, cause I have enough going on in this fic.