CHANGES

Disclaimer : Not mine, not mine. :(

A/N : Still Savage Garden Lyrics : I don't know you anymore
Still no beta reader.

Thank you so much for reviewing, Flick, Amy (savedbygrace), Renée (Stargazergirl), Michelle (britgirl 2003) & Helen (girlintheyankeeshat) It's wonderful to get such a positive feedback :)

Big thanks especially to Renée & Helen for all their support and encouraging words, and for so many other reasons as well :)

REALIZATION

It wasn't until now that Mark and Susan realized how much time and circumstances had set them apart. It dawned on them that they had lost everything they had had. They did no longer know each other. The months had strechted into years. During those lost years they both had changed and grew farther apart. Farther than they had imagined. The past thirty minutes they had spent together, hadn't been comfortable for either of them. They both wanted to make it work, but the conversation didn't flow at all; awkward silences often overcame them.

Susan looked down at Mark's hand which was still clutching hers. She once didn't miss a day of his life, but now they didn't even seem to be able to lead a proper conversation. Then again, this showed pretty much how deeply they had affected one another.

"You could have visited me," Mark said after a while.

"Well, you could have visited me," Susan replied. But they quickly realized that their reproaches wouldn't lead anywhere and would not change anything.

After some more deafening silence, Susan decided to break the ice by by talking about old times.

"Remember when we plastered Carter's leg while he was asleep?"

Mark let out a little chuckle. "Yeah." Gradually, he realized how much he had missed her being around. He had always had great fun with her at work. She had always trusted and supported him like no one else did. Not even his wife.

Looking into her blazing green eyes, lots of bittersweet memories came flooding back to his thoughts. Her presence had opened a door to memories which he had put away long ago. Now it all came back, crashing down on him, making him feel it all over again.

He had always felt for her. His love for her had never died down, it just faded away as he was moving on. His feelings for her had never entirely disappeared, and deep down inside he knew they never would. If he was honest with himself, he would still refer to her as The One, albeit he was now happily married to someone else..

"Susan...I missed you," he said softly, being overwhelmed by his emotions. Quickly he braced himself again. He shouldn't even think about his feelings for her. He was married, so was she. At least he imagined her to be.

"I missed you, too, " Susan said with a smile on her face. "Have you ever thought of what could have been if I had stayed in Chicago all along?" She finally asked.

Every single day. Each and every single day, Mark thought bitterly. "What do you think? Of course I thought about it," Mark said, glancing down at his hands. He couldn't look into her eyes right now. It would hurt too much.

"I did, too. I shouldn't have left I guess," she spoke up, still not knowing if they were now falling apart once and for all, or if this would be a new beginning for them.

Mark, who had managed to stay calm up to this point, was now overwhelmed by his emotions again. "Do you even know what you did to me when you left?" "You...you hurt me..."

Susan looked at him with sad eyes. Even though it's been 5 years, Susan could still see the hurt and the sadness in his face.

"Mark...I...I never meant to hurt you," she managed, as her eyes twinkled with tears.

"I loved you, Mark," she confessed. I still do, she added in her mind, but there was no way she could tell him. At least not right now.

Mark gazed at her. He didn't know what to do or what to say. "But...why did you leave then?"

Susan shook her head. She had didn't know. She had asked herself the very same question way too many times before, but she had never been able to answer it.

"I don't know...I really don't know... Maybe because I was afraid it wouldn't work,"she claimed. Eventually, she realized that it was a stupid thing to say, as she could never think of a reason why it wouldn't have worked. Back then, Mark knew her better than anybody else in the world did. He had always been there for her, he had been a loyal friend and her backbone. And most of all, he had really loved her. And she had loved him.

Once again, silence fell. Now that they finally had opened up to each other a little more, they were both having a hard time dealing with the situation, as it was becoming even more obvious that they had both wanted each other.

He regretted that he had never asked her to come back, and she regretted her departure itself. Two persons, who had been obviously right for one another had just missed out because they both had hidden their feelings for each other until it was too late.

"Mark...I don't know why I left...but...I'm back now," Susan spoke up after a little while.

Too late...years too late, Mark thought. He didn't know what to make of Susan's last statement. It sounded almost as if she had come back for him...but Susan wouldn't come back for him the last 5 years, so why would she come back now? Now that he was in love with someone else? Had a baby daughter and a good life? As much as she meant to him, a part of him wished she had never returned. Her appearance had turned his world upside down. It had raised many questions that Mark had never asked himself before. Mark was supposed to be blissfully happy : he had a loving wife and two healthy girls. He should definitely stop thinking of what could have been. He should rather face the truth: he and Susan had missed their chance. They could never return to where they were some years ago. He wanted to know the real reason for Susan's return. A job at the Northwestern didn't seem plausible enough. Maybe it was for a man. For her husband, fiancé, boyfriend or whatsoever. Nevertheless, he didn't have the guts to ask her. For some reason, he also couldn't neither bring himself to ask her if she was currently in a relationship nor did he want to tell her about his wife and baby daughter. Not yet. Not now. The lounge didn't seem to be the right place talking about their current standings in life. A more private place was required for catching up on the last five years.

„Where are you staying?"Mark asked, trying to make conversation again.

Susan's eyes twinkled slightly. For some reason, she thought Mark would offer her to stay with him. After all, they had been best friends at some point. „At the Radisson why?"she looked expectantly at him.

"Just asking," Mark replied.

"Oh. Okay." Susan tried to hide her disappointment as silence fell on them again.

"Well...I really need to get back to work now...but...maybe we could go out for dinner tonight?", Mark asked at last after some quiet minutes.

Susan's face lit up again. "Sure," she replied, smiling.

"I get off at seven tonight...how about if meet you in the lobby of the Radisson at eight?"

"That's fine with me,"Susan said contently. Eventually, she got up and they embraced.

"See you later. And please keep your fingers crossed for me... I've got an interview at Northwestern in half an hour..."

"Will do," Mark said before he left for the suture room while headed to the exit.

...to be continued...

I love being reviewed, so please leave me some feedback :)

Also, feedback might influence my writing... I haven't decided yet whether this story is going to have a Marsan happy ending or not. I like them as friends much better than I like them as a couple, but we'll see I guess...