Oh stupid, stupid me. Why did I snap at him? Why do I blame him for everything that's happened to me, everything I've done?

Why do I care so much what he thinks?

Hana had been up all night crying, thinking about what she'd said to Ephram that day. How had a crush made her whole life spin out of control? That's what it was, wasn't it? Just a crush.

The more that Hana thought about it, the more she realised that everything she'd been doing up to this point had been because she'd felt rejected by everybody. By him. And Emily had been the only one who'd accepted her, her being a social pariah herself.

She chanted Emily's mantra in her head now. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. But it wasn't working anymore.

Groaning disgustedly at herself, she got out of bed and strode into the toilet connected to her bathroom to wash her blotchy face. She made herself stare into the eyes of her reflection. Ugly, swollen and red.

"You. Don't. Care," she told herself, letting each word sink in. Register. She felt as if she were boring holes into her own mind.

Sure enough, she felt better straightaway.

The beer was already beginning to affect her. Hana had never been much of a drinker. That is, not before she'd joined the gang.

The gang was laughing and smoking, sitting around in what looked like a huge crater in the middle of an abandoned construction site. Some were slightly tipsy already too, cheeks flushed pink.

Jake hadn't come along tonight. He had other obligations, he'd explained. What kind of obligations, Hana didn't know. Didn't really want to know. Right now she only wanted to get herself high and not think too much.

Emily was cracking a joke about some poor geeky guy they'd mugged the other night walking down the street. That's how they got their funds, by stealing. And the funds were later on used to buy cigarettes, beer, anything they wanted.

"Things you might not feel so comfortable with at first, but you'll get used to it". Hana remembered what Emily had first told her before she'd joined the gang. She wondered when she'd ever feel completely comfortable about what they did; comfortable enough to laugh about them, even brag about them. Even now, her laughter was forced, strained, as Emily mimicked how the guy they'd mugged had tried to run away and how he'd pleaded.

Hana didn't really feel like listening to what Emily was saying, so she just laughed along when everyone else did.

Maybe that's why she was the first to notice them.

A group of people were standing at the edge of the crater, just looking at them. She could only see their silhouettes for there wasn't much light to go by, but there were at least six of them. The rest of her gang members fell into silence as one by one they all turned to see what Hana was looking at.

"Great," she heard Emily say in an irritated whisper.

"This is our spot," someone from the group shouted over to them. The leader, Hana guessed.

"Oh yeah?" Mike replied to him after a moment, non-plussed. "I don't see your name on it". Trouble was brewing.

This is the first gang fight I've ever gotten myself into. Emily had already sort of equipped me with the neccessary knowledge, but nothing can ever prepare a person for the real thing.

Lesson number one. "Be resourceful".

What could I use as a weapon?

To my dismay, I already see some of my gang members (and I still haven't really gotten over the use of this term) breaking the bottom off their bottles. My stomach lurches at the thought of the damage those jagged edges can do.

I can't chicken out. I'd die before I do.

The sudden realisation comes to me that there's a possibility I just might.

Here we go.

I'm holding my own, surprisingly. I've found a metal bar lying around (which isn't very hard to find here) and I'm fending people off with it as best as I can. I'm lucky; my opponents haven't been very strong ones. Cocky, and with not enough skill to make up for it.

I jump back, out of the way of the switchblade my opponent's swinging at me. She looks pretty intimidating, actually; eyes fierce, mouth in a scowl, dreadlocked hair pulled back from her face with a bandana. But looks can be deceiving. She's coming at me too much with her emotions and not enough with her head. I side-step and avoid her attacks easily.

But I'll get tired sooner or later. Already my movements are getting slower, my reaction time half a second too slow.

Suddenly, a loud whistle pierces through the night air. It's the leader of the other gang. He's calling for a retreat. His members look up in confusion, but they follow his lead.

What's going on?

As the opposing gang runs away, all attention focuses onto the crumpled figure lying still on the ground.

It's Emily. Blood seeps through her shirt, the stain growing bigger even as we watch.

I snap out of my horror and run to crouch beside her. Her eyes are closed, but she's still breathing. I hear one of my gang members curse under his breath. Why are they just standing around? Hasn't something like this happened before?

But before I can open my mouth to say any of this, I hear sirens coming from the distance. What the hell? Who alerted the police?

"Everyone, let's go!!!" Mike shouts, back in command.

WHAT? "What about Hana??" I ask him, my voice aghast.

He's already half-running, the rest of the gang already at full speed. "Leave her! You'll get caught!"

"Jake wouldn't allow this!!!" I scream back at him.

"You don't know Jake!" he lets out before completely turning his back on me.

I don't know Jake. Oh God. He wouldn't, would he?

Gangs, with their pretence of looking out for each other. But when it really comes down to it, it's to each man his own.

To each girl her own.

I stay with Emily, even when the police come to take me away.