The Harry Potter Fan Club
BY: Doltman945

Chapter 5
The planning process

Voldemort was mad. Very mad. Mad mad. Madder still... Ah, that's how mad he was.
Unlike their leader, the death eaters were happy. After much begging and several Galleleons later, they had laptops. With the internet.
Voldemort had gotten a laptop too but had cursed it when the 'Windows' opening melody had started.
The death eaters were quickly learning the joys of the internet.
All had e-mail. Most had AIM. Half were getting quite good at addiction solitaire. Some had gotten some stuff off of e-bay. Luscious had a blog.
Voldemort was prone to getting confused. He would walk into a room just to hear Macnair shouting,"Hey, ratboy91, you think you summat by flamin' me like that" or," Evildork234, you LPB. Lol". Voldie chalked it up to being a new language no one really got.
...Back to Voldemort being mad. He was mad that he could not kill Harry. His fail-to-kill-count was up to four. Debatably four. He decided that his ego was more important than his accuracy and left it at four.
He needed help. He need guidance. His first three choices for help were right off the list. He couldn't ask Dumbledore because, even though he was the greatest wizard of all time, he was on the side of good, and therefore off all official evil scheming lists. He couldn't ask Harry because that would be asking Captain Picard how the self-destruct on the enterprise works. And he couldn't ask his death eaters because they were all stupid idiotic moronic dolts who couldn't get it through their heads that the good guy always wins.
After marveling that he knew who Captain Picard was, he realized that he need some outside help.
Then Luscious stepped in. Well, actually his maniacal laughter attracted Voldemort's attention, but you get the idea.
He was looking at (Note to readers: this site actually does exist and is bloody brilliant). Voldemort decided to investigate. After a minuet of reading, he ordered Luscious to leave. He ordered him back when he couldn't get the thing to print. After Luscious had explained that a printer was required to print and a printer had been obtained, (illegally of course), Voldemort had his own copy of the list.
He whole-heartedly agreed with numbers 4 and 7. He didn't get number 9. He disliked but agreed with the logic of 20. He wished he had heard of number 49 earlier. And he felt that number 85 saved him.
Just then, the daily prophet came in. Like a message from above, the headline was," Potter gets a fan club". He quickly checked his list, summoned his minions, and said," I have a plan!".