Chapter 2 - A Hellmouth without a Slayer
Once again, I'm a Watcher without a Slayer. She's gone, and I don't know where she is.
I know there's something odd about what I do remember, but I also know it's for their safety. It just seems odd that we'd drop them off at a small town in the middle of nowhere, yet I have clear memories of doing just that.
She seemed so small. My Slayer just seemed little more than a child, a fact belied by the baby in her arms. And, even more incongruous, is the relief I felt at knowing Spike was with them. I know that he'll move heaven and earth to keep them safe. I wish I could contact them, though. Not knowing is hard. Not that we're short of things to do in the meantime. We know exactly what needs to be done - we've just got to somehow discredit a US Government military unit, and ensure that the threat from some other-worldly evil is nullified. So, pretty standard stuff, really. I just don't know where to start.
Willow and Jenna have put their heads together, and I know they're trying to find a link between the two threats. We know there must be one, but if we can prove it, we have a chance of at least minimising the Government part of the threat.
We'd only been back a couple of hours when we were visited. I didn't recognise them, but they were obviously military. They burst in through the front door, guns at the ready, and deployed around the house looking for Buffy, Spike, and the baby. Of course, they didn't find them, so they demanded to know where they were. We told them what we remembered, knowing that it made absolutely no difference. They left, obviously not really believing us, but since we're human, they were limited in what they could do. I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that we're going to be watched. Human or not, they'd have taken us if they'd thought it would help their cause. They obviously believe that, sooner or later, we'll lead them to their quarry.
I'm tired. I don't remember when I've been this tired. Maybe I'm just getting too old for all this. After all, I'm sort of an honorary grandfather. And that really does make me feel old.
I decide I'll be more use in the morning, after a few hours sleep.
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Sunnydale without the Slayer is just plain wrong. It's wrong on so many levels, and I haven't even started to think about how much I'm going to miss her. Or them. How much I'm going to miss them.
Leaving them was the hardest thing I've done, but I know it's the right thing. Three of them will be easier to hide that a bigger group. Of course, bleaching your hair white-blonde isn't the best way to be inconspicuous, but …
The funny thing is that I know he'll look after them. I might not like him, but I know he'd die before he let anyone hurt them. It's just that I'm not sure that he'll be enough.
When I think about what we've faced - everything from the Master to the Mayor to Glory, it's just not fair that we've now got this. Just when Buffy's at her most vulnerable, to threaten her baby, it's just not fair.
Buffy's a mom. I was there, well, close anyway, and I've seen the baby, seen her in her mother's arms, and I still find it difficult to believe that Buffy's a mother. It doesn't seem so long ago we were playing at parenting with those eggs. And, I still say that hard boiling mine was a valid parenting choice under the circumstances. But this is for real. That little child needs so much, it'd be hard anyway. Add to the normal burden of parenting the fact that everyone and their uncle want to kill or capture the baby and experiment on her parents, and I can't begin to understand how they must be feeling right now.
I run over the events of the past couple of days in my mind. I wonder idly what happened to Riley. The military types who turned up soon after we got back didn't mention him, and what with everything else, I forgot to ask. He came through in the end, despite everything. And, Spike saving his life - there's something I never thought I'd see. Just goes to show, you think you know someone, and they go and prove you wrong.
I glance around my home, wondering where the bugs are. We decided on the journey back to Sunnydale that we wouldn't try to find them. They're bound to be listening to us, watching us, and we're going to let them. We don't know where Buffy is, so there's not much they can get out of us. We need to research, find out what's happening and how we can stop all this, but if we can find a link between non-humans and the military then we want them to know about it. I can't think of a better way of discrediting a military unit designed to fight demons, than to show that some of them have been taking their orders from those same demons. They can't all be working for Blar, or his followers. I hope.
I miss Anya. I haven't seen her since we got back, and I miss her. I was stupid when I didn't marry her. We could have been married now, sitting together, being there for one another. Instead I'm here, alone. Spike's the one with a family, and I'm just another single man wishing he'd done things differently. Never thought it'd turn out this way.
And, trying not to feel bitter, here. Really. Telling myself that all the mistakes I made were because I was trying to do the right thing just doesn't cut it any more. Maybe if I'd paid more attention to what was going on around me rather than what was going on in my head, things'd be different.
And, just when I'm debating whether or not to get another beer, she's there. Anya. I'll never get used to her popping up like that. But, it is nice that she comes and sits on my lap, and even nicer what she's doing with her hands. Almost enough to make me forget what an idiot I am. For a while, at least.