"Stokes, is Sara still in surgery?" I asked as I sat next to Nick. His face was pale. He was staring at the ground. He barely moved when I spoke to him. It lead me to believe that he had no desire to hear me.
"She's still in surgery, Jim. Are you going to be here for a while?" Grissom asked me. He was sitting next to Nick. It was a kind of fatherly presence. His hand was on Nick's shoulder. I gave the man credit; he did try to be a comfort. He was trying so hard despite the fact that we all knew that he loved Sara. Grissom didn't need to say it; it was the way that he interacted with Sara.
"Yeh, you should go. The driver is being a prick. You might be able to handle his barbs better than I," I replied. I was really sick of listening to the guy tell me about how he hadn't gone to any bars or how he didn't fudge the amount of sleep in his time book. The guy shut down at every pass; I just wanted to know what happened. His story didn't seem to add up; no skid marks at the scene. I tried to explain that Sara was my colleague, but I got caught up in my anger. I was better at doing the yelling; that's what made my daughter run from me so many years ago.
"Stay with him . . . someone will be here later. Let me know when she's out of surgery," Gil said as he stood up. He knew that Nick wasn't ready to start talking yet; that was okay. Nick would have a myriad people to listen when he was ready. I watched Grissom walk down the hall.
"Nick, you could have told us that you and Sara got married," I said. I tried to keep myself from getting confrontational. In the last few hours, I realized that I might have wanted to go to that wedding. I thought of them as kids. I always saw them as incredibly bright kids. I guess that's what happens when you realize how much you have aged. They were both charismatic. They both had grown up so much since coming to Vegas. I was proud of them. I was proud of their work. I would have liked to see them marry. It would have been like watching Ellie marry, but I knew that that wasn't about to happen.
"You could have told us that you were dating," I replied, "I can't believe it took you two so damn long to figure things out."
"Thanks, Jim. You are nothing if not inspiring," Nick grumbled.
"She's tough as nails. You know that," I said, "She fought like hell to stay awake when they were cutting her out of the car. She isn't going to die on that table."
"I know. I just don't want to have to wait anymore. I just want to see her," Nick replied. He seemed to perk up a little bit. I offered him coffee. He declined. He wanted to wait. Nick said that I could wait with him. We sat silently for what felt like hours; in reality, it might have been less than an hour.
"I need someone to pick up Sara's brother from the airport in three hours. I don't know who to call," Nick said softly.
"I'm sure that Greg wouldn't mind helping out. You just let me know what you need," I replied. Nick looked so confused. I couldn't even begin to imagine what was going through his head. My marriage was loveless; we got married because she was pregnant with Ellie. She thought Ellie was mine; she pulled me into a loveless hell. I couldn't imagine what it would have been like had I loved her. I did what I needed to.
"Was it really bad?" Nick asked. I couldn't imagine wanting to know about the scene. I was called in by accident. The officers on the scene had just assumed that whoever was in the SUV was dead. When I got there, I couldn't believe that anyone could possibly survive that. I nearly fell over. I needed to go sit down; it was so hard to wait for Sara to be pulled from the wreckage. It was harder to hear her screams. The paramedics had me talk to her. She kept asking for Nick. She said that she wished she would have stayed home this afternoon. When my eyes were closed, I could still hear the screaming. It chilled me to the core.
"It wasn't good. She's very, very lucky, Nicky," I said. I wondered if I should tell him that Sara was asking for him. I didn't know if that would be a comfort right now. A man prides himself on his ability to be there for his family; there was no way that Nicky could have been there for Sara. I'm glad he wasn't there; I'm glad he wasn't in the SUV with Sara. I know that he was probably wishing that it was him.
"You've never called me Nicky before," he pointed out. He showed no emotion in his communication; his voice scared me. It would have been easier to watch him scream or throw punches; it was hard to only imagine what he was thinking about.
I remember the first time that I met Nicky. He was so young; maybe twenty-seven years old. He was a tenacious, young cop turned scientist. When I asked why he gave up being a cop, Nick told me that he liked science. I had a hard time believing it, but it didn't take me long to figure out exactly how brilliant he was.
I remember Sara's first day. She was so sassy. I nearly had it out with her and Catherine when they decided to play 'bling-bling' with the guy that killed Holly. I had never been so mad at two people; they recklessly put their lives in danger to bring Holly's murderer to justice. I saw how cases affected Sara; I saw her cry a number of times. She always swore me to secrecy. I told her that I wouldn't tell. I remember watching her and Nicky work together. I wanted to slap Nick over the head and tell him to give up on the stupid girls in Vegas; what he needed was right in front of him. I really would have wanted to be at that wedding.
I stared at my watch. I wondered how long the surgery would take. I had been off the clock for hours. It just felt right to be here; it felt right to make sure that Nick was okay. I prayed for the first time in ages. I prayed that everything would work out. I didn't want to imagine how this would change the lab if it didn't.