Chapter 9 - Careful What you Wish For

It's not the normal life I once envisaged, but it's good. No, it's not perfect. It couldn't be. Not being able to contact my friends is so hard. I knew it would be, but I didn't realise just how hard. Having a child has made me even more aware of the need for family, or in the absence of a natural family, of friends. Don't get me wrong; Spike's great. He's everything I could ask of him. And more. But I love my friends too, and I miss them.

The lifestyle's not what I expected either. I'm not a country girl. Never was. Living here is beautiful, but it's so remote compared with where I lived before. It's getting busier, though, as the summer moves along. The local village has a constant flow of people staying for a week or two and then going home. There're a couple of RV parks close by and they're full of families with very young children. According to Morwenna, soon, when the schools finish, the families will have older children and it won't be possible to find anywhere to park a car in the village. And isn't that strange? School here doesn't finish until more than half way through July.

After our outing with the vampires a few weeks ago, things have become quite routine. Spike goes to work each evening, not getting back until the early hours of the next morning. He has managed to buy a small car - it seems tiny to me - so he doesn't have to borrow the Coven's any more. Which, of course, leaves that one available for me, but I'd have to pass a test here to be able to drive it. A UK licence came with Spike's various papers, but not with mine.

Still, we sleep late, well, as late as Zara will allow, and spend the late mornings and afternoons together, so we get out and about then. It's just the evenings that seem to drag on. I find myself looking out of the windows of the cottage some nights, almost wishing there was something out there I could go and kill.

True to his word, Spike managed to persuade his boss to let us use his gym occasionally - normally on Spike's day off. We set Zara up in her stroller to watch - well out of the way - and we spar. It feels so good, and she seems to enjoy watching too.

Tonight, I'm at my usual post as the sun sets. My nose is almost against the glass, and a gentle breeze from the open window ruffles my hair. Spike's gone to work, and Zara's asleep. The TV's on, something I haven't seen before - Silent Witness. It looks pretty good, but when you've seen all the dead bodies I have, a show based around post mortem evidence can seem a little tame. I'm idly wishing for something to kill - nothing too dangerous, just something that'll let me stretch my muscles for something real.

The phone rings, and I answer it to hear Morwenna's voice. She often calls late, knowing I won't even think of going to bed until Spike's almost due home. She asks if she can come over, and I tell her for the umpteenth time that she doesn't have to ask. When she gets to the door five minutes later, she's armed with a home made chocolate cake.

We chat about Zara while I make tea, and then go into the living room, with cups and large slices of the rich, chocolaty cake. I switch off the TV as the theme that sounds like chanting in Latin starts up. I already know by the tension in Morwenna that she's got something to tell me, but she won't say anything until we're sitting down. By that, at least, I assume it's either good news, or nothing too serious. At last, she opens her mouth to speak.

"I've had news from Sunnydale."

I look up. Despite my certainty a moment ago that it wouldn't be serious, my heart starts thumping loudly in my ears.

"Oh, my dear, it's not bad news," she says, grabbing my hand in hers. "I should think before I open my big mouth. No, really, it sounds like the reverse. Your friends have managed to get information on the members of the Defenders who are supporters of Blar. They're quite hopeful that they can trap them in some way so they'll give away their dual purpose."

I exhale loudly. It does sound like good news, but the frustration I feel at hearing about it second hand flares anew.

"How did they do it? Was it Dawson?"

"Yes, it was. Willow managed to find a combination of spells that worked. Unfortunately …"

She pauses, and I tense again. If that woman's on the loose again, I'll ….

"It seems this Dawson woman was able to trigger the destruction of her mind if someone was close to something important. Your friend felt it as it happened. Even Jenna felt some of it, and she's very upset. How Willow feels … it must have been quite dreadful."

"She destroyed her mind? How is that even possible?"

"As to how? There are spells, curses would be a better description, which could give you such an effect. They'd have to be planted deep, or I'm sure Willow or Jenna would have felt something in advance. Maybe there're other techniques; I don't know."

"So where is she?"

"Dawson? They took her to the hospital. Her mind's completely blank, according to Jenna. They're not even sure there's enough left to keep her vital processes going."

"But it could be an act … a sham. If she's free …"

"I thought of that possibility too, my dear. I got Jenna to replay what happened to me, and I don't think anyone could fake that. I could be wrong, but I'd be willing to wager a lot that it's real enough."

"Willow felt it, you say?"

"She felt it first hand. Jenna just caught what Willow couldn't fully absorb. Sadly, Willow's feeling guilty about doing what she had to do. Of course, she has no reason to feel guilty; the damage was done by Dawson, or perhaps by whoever planted the curse in the first place, but given her recent history, it's perhaps not surprising that she'd feel as she does. Jenna was worried enough that she asked for permission to bring Willow back here. While it's gratifying that our work to erase knowledge of your whereabouts has been so successful, we've had to turn down Jenna's request, and it would appear that Jenna's taken that as a suggestion that we feel that Willow's responsible in some way."

"Why can't she come here?" I demand. My first reaction is that, if she's here, I can help her get over it. She needs a friend right now. And Zara would help take her mind off it anyway.

Morwenna looks at me, her expression sad. "My dear, if Willow were to come here, it would endanger your own family. If she came here openly, it would draw attention to all of us, and increase the chance of your discovery. And if we were to bring her here as we brought you, then her disappearance would, at the very least, cause others to consider a supernatural reason for your disappearance, and that in turn, might lead to them looking here."

And, of course, she's making sense. And it serves to leave me feeling even more cut off than before.

"But, remember," Morwenna continues, her hand on my shoulder as if she understands how I feel, "if they can get the Defenders out of the way, then it brings closer the time you can go back to Sunnydale."

She's right; I know she is. I smile, hoping it looks more natural than it feels.

"Now," Morwenna continues, "on to other matters. Have you given any more thought to going to the Mothers Group that meets in the village? I know, it's on when Spike's around, but it'd do you good to meet some other women your own age. It'll be good for Zara too as she gets older; give her a chance to mix with other little ones."

"When is it again?" I ask, more for something to say than because I've forgotten.

"Wednesdays at one thirty. It's in the village hall. It's only an hour and a half, because some of the mums need to get away to collect older ones from the village school, but I think you'd enjoy it."

I promise her I'll think about it. My first reaction when she suggested it last time was that we weren't going to be here long enough for me to need to make friends. I had hoped that things would be wrapped up enough to let us go home before the end of the summer, but here it is, mid July, and we've only really had our first breakthrough.

We're still chatting, now about little things - how Zara was today, what Morwenna's been doing, when a scream sounds loud and clear through the open window. Our cottage is close to the road, while the main house is some distance away. Despite our proximity to the road, the only sound we normally get after dark is occasional traffic. We both run to the front window, but, with no street lights there's nothing to see.

"Morwenna, stay here with Zara, will you? I'm going to see what's happening."

"But, my dear, is that wise? You don't know what it could be."

"I've probably faced pretty much anything it's likely to be, and if it's something new, then I'm probably fairly well equipped anyway."

I stop just long enough to pick up a knife that Spike bought a while ago, just in case, and a couple of stakes, before rushing out into the darkness. I find my way down to the road without light, and then stand, waiting for my eyes to finish adjusting to the gloom, and listening with ever fibre. At last, I hear something, not another scream, just a moan, but it's enough to give me a direction, so I follow it.

The road is quiet at this time of night, but I follow it along in the opposite direction to the village. Soon, I spot a car, parked in a turnout and some motion close to it. I freeze, extending my senses towards the car and pick up the unmistakable feel of a vampire. Deciding that speed is more important than stealth, I run towards the movement, and find a vampire wrestling with a girl. There's a body hanging out of the driver's door, and the girl is doing her best, but it'll never be enough when you've got vamp strength to contend with. Fortunately for me, he's so intent on his victim that he doesn't hear me approaching, so staking him is embarrassingly easy.

The girl seems to pass out as the vamp dusts, and I catch her before she hits the ground. She's bleeding heavily from a neck wound, but she's not in any immediate danger. I lay her on the ground, and go to the car. Her companion's in a much worse state. Not dead, but by the feeble pulse I can get, he's lost an awful lot of blood. I pat my pockets, praying that I remembered to bring my cell phone with me. Relief washes over me as I find it, and quickly dial 999. I ask for an ambulance, and then ring the cottage to let Morwenna know what happened. She promises help from the main house. Then I turn to the two victims. I find a jacket in the car, and I rip it to provide padding for both neck wounds. I hold the padding in place, praying for the ambulance to turn up quickly.

First to arrive are a couple of women I recognise slightly, and they're armed with a first aid kit. Between them, they replace the padding on the wounds, and take over looking after both of the victims. They don't speak, which is rather disconcerting, but since I've got little to say once I've explained what happened, it doesn't really matter.

Inevitably, it seems to take forever, but at last I hear the ambulance. Of course, the paramedics want to know what happened, but I have to play dumb and just tell them that I heard a scream and came out to see if something was wrong. I don't make any mention of vampires, and keep both stakes and knife out of sight. They tell me that the police will want to speak to me, and get both victims loaded.

"Are they going to be ok?" I ask, knowing the answer, but hoping that I'm wrong.

"The girl'll be fine, most like. The lad? I honestly don't know. You did what you could. Putting pressure on the wounds meant you minimised the blood loss. If you hadn't come along, they'd both have been dead before sunrise, and it's not very likely they'd be spotted before then."

I nod, and help to gather up the first aid supplies before saying goodnight to the others and returning to the cottage. The paramedic said I did what I could, and that's true. What he didn't know is that I'd been sort of wishing for something to fight earlier this evening, and I got what I wanted. I didn't want anyone to get hurt though. He called him a lad. I didn't realise at first, but that's what he was. He was driving, so he must've been seventeen, but he couldn't have been any more, and the girl was probably younger. I assume they'd parked there, eager to have some time alone.

Once inside, it takes me a while to persuade Morwenna that none of the blood on my clothes is mine. I give her the minimal story, then go to have a shower and change my clothes. Once that's done, I go back downstairs and give her the full version. Vampires. Again. In an area that hasn't had any for longer than anyone can remember. Either the one tonight belonged with those we dusted a few weeks ago, or there's been a significant influx of vampires to an area that really doesn't seem to offer them a lot. Whichever, it looks like my 'normal life' won't be quite as normal as it seemed.