(Kain)
I told him what he wanted to hear, though I was not sure whether or not it was a lie. I cannot deny the shock I felt when first my hands passed over the sore spots on his back. Could it really have been true? But no! I chose to ignore it. It had to be nothing. I could not lose him. As the next few days passed, I found myself occupied by the menial matters of a warlord, and there was no time to go see Raziel. He must have been similarly distracted, for he did not come to me, either. And while he had undergone as many changes as I had, and so was used to them, I must still wonder why he did not come to me when he discovered he was changing once again, but this time, before me. Perhaps he simply did not have time. It was only a day or two after that night when he disappeared. We each entered a state of comatose hibernation to undergo a change, and, untrusting as vampires have always been, we each had our own secret places to stay the change......
(Raziel)
I'm sure you all remember that fateful day. I awoke from my hibernation feeling stiff and awkward and famished as usual. I moved to stand, and my foot caught on something that pulled against my back and I fell. Pushing myself back to a sitting position, I turned to find the cause of my sudden fall. Behind me, laying on the stone floor of my hibernation retreat I saw a strange sort of ripped shawl of brown and black. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the item seemed to be some sort of strange small sail, with beams of black connected by taut leather. As I moved to touch it, however, it jerked away from my hand. I felt an odd tickling sensation in my back and went to scratch, but my hands hit against something strange protruding from my skin. What was this? What change had I undergone? I tried once again to stand, avoiding the sail on the ground, which moved with me, and walked over to the mirror I had placed in the wall for just this sort of occasion. What I saw was myself, as I knew myself, unchanged in face or skin, and then I finally realized what it was. What they were. Wings...behind me, attached to me, I had grown wings! This was truly the strangest change I had ever undergone! I closed my eyes and focused, and with some effort, they raised, and then slowly folded against my back, curving elegantly under to sit, still and ready. My bones had extended outward to form the finger-like foundations for these new appendages, and between these bones stretched the leathery brown skin, covered in a soft fur that gave it its color and a slightly spackled appearance. I opened my eyes and tried to stretch them out again. It worked. I had forgotten my own hunger, my brothers, even Kain in this moment as I slowly acquainted myself with my new muscles, stretching, folding, unfolding, and flapping my new wings.
I left my hide-out eager to fly. This one thought obsessed my mind. Consumed by the idea, I searched the hills of my retreat for a ledge from which to leap. I was not afraid. Our vampiric bodies were resilient and I knew well that though I may fall in the attempt, I would not harm myself greatly. Finally I found such a place. I situated myself upon the edge, opened my wings, and leapt......and, with a sickening crash, fell. I found myself thinking how grateful I was that there was no one around to see this embarrassing display. My body healed, and, emboldened by new knowledge of what I may have done wrong, I tried again.
By the time I finally managed to fly, I was starving. I flew away from the hills, landing among one of the few remaining small human towns to feed, and as I drained away the last of her blood, I suddenly remembered Kain. He would want to see what had happened! He would be so proud! He would share my joy at this new ability! He would...what would he do? What would he feel? For a thousand years, he had always undergone the change first. Why had it been me this time? I did not understand, and with that I suddenly became wary. What would Kain's reaction be? There was only one way to find out.
I remember it well. I came before him, before all my brothers, and bowed, showing my respect, and, in my own way, my love for Kain. His eyes reflected surprise as I unleashed my wings, and then they grew cold. I stood before him, nervous and afraid. His eyes reflected neither disapproval nor approval, neither fear nor hate nor love. They were curious, and empty, leaving me unable to know what to expect. As he drew near, still apprehensive, I pulled my wings away, but then I remembered that this was Kain, my father, my lover, and I relaxed. Nonetheless, protective of my new beauties, I watched as he stroked them gently. I watched as his hands gripped, only ever so slightly harder, against the bones at the top of my wings. And then, in one wrenching movement too quick for me to predict, he pulled against those bones, and, all connected, the bone structure of both of my wings, completely tore free. The pain burst through my body in great waves, flashing before my eyes and flowing through my veins, and yet at that moment only one thought crossed my mind. No fear of what would happen next. No thought of whether or not I would ever fly again. Only this: why? Why did you do it, my love? I tried to turn back to look into his eyes, to see some sort of reason, but the pain was too great, and I could only fall to the floor, defeated and weak. I could smell the blood pouring from my back, from my wings. I reached out one last time, trying to pull myself up, and then I fell into darkness.
When I regained consciousness, the pain was no less, and I could feel myself being dragged by my arms. I opened my eyes and looked around. For an instant I did not know where I was, and then I knew all too well. This was the Abyss; that great swirling vortex of death that had claimed so many minor traitors lay before me. I could feel everything so keenly in that moment. The stone beneath my knees. The hands gripping my arms. Turel on one side, and Dumah on the other. My brothers...why were they doing this? Why? So this was how it was to end? Kain turned against me, and my brothers willing to do his every bidding, no matter how pointless it may seem. What had Kain told them I had done? How could they do this to me?? Even for Kain, how could they turn against me? And Turel, especially! We had always been friends as well as brothers, working, talking together, learning as one. How could he betray me like this?
"Cast him in," Kain said. A sudden panic gripped me and I struggled against their arms, muttering beneath my breath. No. No! But it was no good. They were too strong, and within moments they had forced me over that ledge. My body leapt into flames as I hit the water, whirling in circles, conscious and yet only conscious of the agony to which I had been sentenced, and one other thing...the concept of revenge. My love! How could you have done this to me? After all our secret vows in the small of the night, after we had held each other so close, had everything been a lie? And if so, for what? To what end? Would even you spend a thousand years waiting for a moment to wound someone, Kain? Would even you put that much effort into betrayal? I loved you with my entire being. And you repaid my love with pain! So much love...so much hate. If by some miracle, I survive this, I will find you, Kain. And I will bring this pain back on you.
(Kain)
I stumble slowly through the halls of the Sanctuary, seeking desperately a place of respite from the image of a stone cold emperor I have created for myself. I pause briefly at the doors to the main hall, my throne. I nearly break down then and there as my eyes linger on the area where only a day prior my only source of joy knelt before me for the last time. And where I betrayed him for the sake of a dim spark of possibility.
Finally tearing my gaze away, I allow my common sense to return just long enough to guide me away from the door and toward the longer route to my own chambers. I am in no way prepared to risk taking the shorter route which involves cutting through the throne room, for by doing so I risk alerting that damn specter to my presence. In my current condition I cannot hope to block out her accusing cries, and I know she has seen all that happened and will not hesitate to use this to her own advantage. Despite her act as guide to myself in the past, I know now that in reality she is in no way the benevolent spirit she appears to be.
My steps quicken as I struggle harder to maintain my cold, calculated expression, the mask I must hide behind.
'Just a bit further,' I think to myself, trying to breathe deeply and calm my rapidly pounding heart. 'Almost there, just a bit further.'
A group of fledglings loitering about the corridor scatter as they see me approach, the rumors of recent events no doubt fresh in their minds. I give them a withering glance as I swiftly pass them by. I can see the doors to my chambers just ahead and it is all I can do to keep from running the last few yards towards my haven.
Finally my hand closes around the handle and I practically wrench the heavy doors open in my desperation to get in, then once inside I slam them closed.
I nearly sigh with relief as I lean my back against the door, closing my eyes, only to be hit forcefully by new, and even more unwelcome stimuli when I open them. My supposed haven only serves to call forth memories that I simply cannot manage now. The times Raziel and I have spent together in the past.
I have not realized until now how strongly his presence lingers in these rooms. The parlor where we would often sit and talk at length. The study where I taught him the history of our kind, where later we would discuss strategies and battle tactics during the wars. The rack where I store several of my weapons, excluding the Reaver, contains several well-crafted blades that Raziel gifted me with. My bedroom, where we spoke, and laughed and made love. The bed where I had him for the first time. The very bed that I had laid him upon after carrying him from the Serafan Tomb the night I sired him.
"Raziel... is gone," I whisper in utter disbelief. I am suddenly overwhelmed with a palpable feeling of shock and loss, so powerful it forces me to my knees. "He's... gone... dead! I... I killed him!"
I look down at my hands, mildly bemused to see they are shaking. No, not just my hands; my entire body is trembling. I am surprised to feel hot moisture on my cheeks and to see crimson droplets splash down unto the gauntlet I wear. I am bleeding? No... not bleeding, crying...Crying?! Yes, these are tears. Composed of blood, the tears of a vampire, but they are still tears. I have not cried in so long. I had begun to think myself incapable.
"What have I done?" I don't know what to think. I'm so confused, so uncertain. For the first time in my life I am at a complete loss.
This is truly pathetic! All because of Raziel, I, the arrogant Kain, vampiric assassin, scourge of the circle of nine, Dark God and overlord of all Nosgoth, am reduced to a trembling, crying wreck!
"No! Damn it all, no! Damn this wretched world! Damn the fate that brought me to this! Damn that bastard Moebius! Damn it all five times over, to the deepest levels of Hell and back!" I shriek. I no longer care if anyone hears me, or what they will think if they do. "And damn you, Raziel! For making me feel this way! For awakening this wretched weakness! For making me fall in love with you!"
I stumble over to the bed and sit down, my head falling into my hands, my shoulders shaking. I am...sobbing! I am... What do I do now, without you? I have always seemed so strong, but I needed you, Raziel. I need you. And I was the one who dealt that fatal blow. You must hate me. I know this. It is necessary if we are to toss once again the coin of fate.
"And in the end we are the same," I muse, staring at my blood-stained hands. They are stained by my tears, and by his death. I pull the Reaver from its place against my back and stare into the unyielding metal, an inkling of the myriad possibilities of the future glowing distantly inside. But I cannot see it. All I can see is my own reflection, and I am disgusted by it. "We are the same, betrayed by those perceived to be our closest allies, thrice damned and finally imprisoned eternally in a never-ending cycle, an unending hell, at once both so much less and so much more than we once were." I swear I can feel the blade nearly recoiling from my touch. How strange that it should act this way? It is a supernatural blade, and has always had an extra-terrestrial feel to it, but it has never acted like this. I am aware that it has a sort of inert intelligence within, a soul of its own, but even though I am now the owner of the Reaver, I do not know its history entirely. Perhaps that is what I will learn as this new future unfolds.
Suddenly I am again overwhelmed by a wash of emotion, despair and hopelessness, blinding in its intensity. I collapse onto the bed weeping, for the second time this day, and only the second time in this entire un-life. I have not cried since I was a child, a human child, centuries ago. I did not cry when I discovered that my family perished in the plague. I did not cry when I was brutally murdered by the hands of puppet assassins. I did not cry when I discovered the true nature of my quest, beyond that of mere vengeance. I did not cry when I witnessed Vorador beheaded, his death unintentionally orchestrated by my very actions. I did not cry, even when I discovered the true depth of treachery and betrayal that was positioned against me, and the unyielding weight that had been placed entirely upon my shoulders. When I learned that the fate of all of Nosgoth, every living and unliving thing, depended on my decision, I raged and cursed, and screamed to the heavens the unfairness of it all, but I did not cry. I would not cry for anyone or anything before, not even myself, but I will cry for him. Only for him.
"Raziel..." his name comes out a choked whimper.
Finally I draw in a shaking breath, forcing myself to sit, and wiping the crimson tears from my eyes. I pause, staring at the bloodied tips of my claws in fascination and thought.
"Blood is life," I whispered, repeating the phrase that had been stated again and again by myself, and so many others. "Is it really?" I murmured, absently tracing my claws down the blade of the sword I still clutched possessively to my chest, painting crimson streaks down the flawless gleaming surface. As quickly as I create them, the streaks of blood disappear, devoured by the vampiric energy of the blade, this only serving to intensify its hunger. I know that blood alone can no longer satisfy the blade. It is no longer merely a tool, an instrument designed to drain the life blood from its enemies as was the original intention. Instead, it has been re-forged with a deeper hunger, the ability now to draw the true life force from its victims. And as the catalyst towards its new purpose, the blade has itself become alive, or perhaps it always was? Blood was not the life-force, only a servant to feed the body, the home and the prison of the true life force...the soul, the mixture of spiritual energy and the unique essence that makes each of us what we truly are. The sword has a soul, as do I, as does Raziel, and in this future that is to come, perhaps I will finally get to see the face of this soul, the soul of the Reaver.
Notes: Well here it is, the last chapter of this fic. We would like to apologize to Random Reader and Timespanned Soul for how this fic ended, it's just, we love angst and really couldn't think of another way for this to end. Sorry! But before you begin throwing things at us, it's not totally over yet. Yaoi Diva plans to write at least one Defiance vignette tied in to this fic so don't worry, you may yet get your happy ending!
There is also one more thing we are thinking of adding to this fic. For those in need of some comic relief we have a possible outtakes chapter to add. Yes our own fanfic outtakes, recording the bizarre, random escapades that inevitably occur when two yaoi fans co-author a fic! Maybe sort of a dumb idea, we don't know. What do you guys think?
Thank you all so much for reading! Please review and tell us what you thought!