Note: -italics- Dark's thoughts.
'italics' Daisuke's thoughts.
/italics/ Krad's thoughts.

-o-

Kirei...
Chapter 4: Chance.



Cold. Unbearable, desolating cold. There was nothing else but that freezing sensation of loneliness... emptiness. It was as if he'd lost his soul, Daisuke decided, his eyelids still closed over his eyes protectively. He didn't want to wake up, though he wasn't sure why. He somehow feared what could happen if he let his eyes open. Those painful feelings of emptiness could not be good; they had to have a meaning. Daisuke was afraid of waking up; somehow, lost in his nightmares, he felt more secure than he guessed he would be once the world became real. But then again... he needed to know why he was suddenly so cold. Maybe he'd been sleeping so much that he missed the change of seasons and it was already winter? Maybe he had had a fever? He didn't know the answers, which was exactly why he needed to wake up. Still, he was so scared...

Cold ironically wrapped him like a blanket, washing away the sorrow and all of those uncertainties. Everything was cold, as if it were snowing exclusively for him; so cold... he shivered unconsciously. He was so cold that the blackness blurring his vision had turned blue, light-blue just the same shade of the sky. Light, bright blue almost translucent, so pure and sincere. It was just like Krad's eyes...

A soft breeze started blowing; he could feel the ends of his hair being caressed by that sweet, innocent touch. The way the wind whispered his name in his ear, made all of his worries seem minimal. Somehow, the cold that had glued him to the spot on which he lay, the same cold that had immobilised him, now seemed nothing more than a faraway breeze. Instead, a warm feeling of content was settling in. Daisuke felt the sides of his lips curling upwards in a smile; he was happy.

But just as soon as that wonderful feeling of happiness had settled, another wave of sorrow washed it away, leaving the boy trembling and crying and feeling worse than he'd had when he woke up. He felt as if he had a strait-jacket of snow binding him to the surface on which his body rested. He could not move his limbs, the only thing he seemed to be in control of were his eyes and yet he did not want to open them. As if from a very long distance, he could hear the whispers of the wind telling him to wake up, begging for him to open his eyes. Those whispers... they echoed like the voice of the one he loved, Krad. In fact, Daisuke could now tell it was only one voice, low and soft as if caressing his eardrums; Krad's voice, pleading for him to meet him.

Daisuke opened his eyes, those crimson orbs wide like saucers with fear and desperation. He looked around, studying the room he was in, searching for Krad, but there was no one there; he was alone. Sighing, he slowly brought a hand up to his cheek to wipe away the tears. Everything was dark, like a black fog trying to fool him to get lost in its pits of endless misery. So dark... like Dark himself.

He now remembered. Dark had asked for his grandfather to help him, he wanted something, but Daisuke wasn't sure of what that was. He thought it had something to do with... yes, he now remembered clearly. He looked to his side; through the obscure blur, he could make out the shape of his inner self. Dark, the legendary phantom thief, lay peacefully by his side, resting in a body of his own. Daisuke noticed he was naked, like he himself was; he looked so vulnerable with his pale skin grazed only by the rays of moonlight slipping through the only window in the room. He was perfect, Daisuke noticed, as if he'd been sculpted by an artist. He could have easily passed as one of the Hikaris' works of art, Daisuke decided as he smiled.

The truth was that Daisuke loved his other self. He loved Dark dearly, just not in the same way he loved Krad. He had often wondered what it would feel like to simply kiss Dark through that mirror they used to talk between themselves. Still, the idea seemed so thrilled that he hadn't dared trying it. But the doubt and the uncertainty had always been there. He still wondered, especially now that he had the boy lying bare in front of him, how it would feel to kiss him.

Still, he was in love with someone else, he could not -and would not- risk that feeling for anything else. Daisuke walked away from Dark with a determined step and thinking of Krad. He was in love, but he had much to learn. He was resolute now, he was going to visit him and ask for answers. Then... then, he would simply think. And decisions would come later, once he had his thoughts organised.

'Yes,' he thought, 'that is what I'm going to do.'

-o-

There was a knock at the door. Krad twisted in his bed-sheets, grumbling to himself and feeling tired and almost unable to open his eyes. He was not used to feeling all of these strange sensations. He'd never needed sleep and now here he was, fighting the urge to cuddle into a ball and never wake up. Still, that annoying rapping went on and on -it seemed each time louder- until he finally let his eyes flutter open. He flung his legs over the side of the bed and got up, stretching his limbs as he walked barefoot to the door.

"Hello?" he asked in a hoarse voice, a voice that didn't seem to match the softness of his skin and the brightness of his blond hair. It seemed odd to hear such ugly noises coming from his throat, instead of the familiar feather-like chanting, usually so cold and neutral.

"Krad, I... need to talk to you."

The blond backed away from the door, involuntarily. He had no idea why the boy was there and what he needed to talk to him about, the only thing he seemed to notice was the increasing of his heartbeats' speed. Sure, he had previously decided to meet him, to tell him how he felt and maybe to ask him why he felt like that, but this situation was simply unexpected.

"In-- in a minute," he stuttered his reply as he staggered to his room to put on some clothes. It was a rather chilly day, so he picked a worn-out black wool sweater and a pair of black slacks. He was still barefoot and the floor felt cold under his feet, so he pulled out a pair of socks and put them on. Tying his hair up in a ponytail, he walked to the door and opened it, revealing the nervous features of one Daisuke Niwa.

"Good morning, Krad," he simply spoke. There wasn't much he could say at the time, after all. The blond replied with a nod and let him in. Daisuke couldn't help but notice he was entirely dressed in black. He could not remember ever having seen him wearing that colour, or any other colour but white and a bit of golden yellow. He looked so... human, as odd as that sounded. His hair messily falling down his shoulders in an untidy ponytail, his eyes swollen and half-lidded from sleep, even his cotton-clad feet looked different. He was simply unrecognisable, Daisuke decided, but equally beautiful. Maybe even more.

"I'm sorry about... the mess," Krad said not so brightly, trying his best to act as a regular human being.

"It's okay," Daisuke told him, "I didn't come to talk about that, anyway."

"And," Krad risked asking with hesitant tone, "what is it you want to talk about?"

Daisuke couldn't answer at once. Instead, he lowered his gaze to the floor and concentrated on a black stain on the carpet. There were so many things he'd like to discuss, actually. He had one thing in mind that overweighed the rest, but yet all those doubts, all those questions with no answers kept coming back to his mind. But he didn't have much time before Dark woke up... "I want you to tell me what happened to Satoshi," he said, Krad flinching when the name was spoken. "I want to know what happened and why."

The blond sighed, walking past Daisuke to sit on the living room's couch; the very same couch where they shared that breath-taking kiss that changed their lives completely. Daisuke followed him, sitting down as well; he was close enough to feel the other's warmth but remained distant enough not to pressure Krad. The blond hung his head back and stared at the ceiling; there was nothing fascinatingly interesting about it, but it was the most appealing thing at the time, it seemed. With his head still resting on the back of the couch, he turned to look at his beloved. "This is what happened," he said and told the redhead everything he knew, or at least understood, about Satoshi's decision.

Daisuke felt a pang of guilt for not having been able to return the boy's feelings and, indirectly, having caused so much pain. It seemed that, in a way, all that had happened had been his fault. But then again, he always blamed himself for whatever happened. This time, he thought things would be different; he'd stop blaming himself and start caring about himself. But given the circumstances, he had quite a lot of pondering to do. For one, there was his love for Krad. Apart from that, he had Dark to worry about; he'd never even imagined the kaitô was in love with him, yet now that he knew, he couldn't help but feel a little pity for him. After all, he knew well enough how horrible it was to love someone and not have those feelings returned.

"Niwa..." the blond addressed the boy without even meeting his gaze. "What are you thinking about?" He had a curious yet pained look on his face as he asked; Daisuke thought it probably had something to do with the uncertainty and insecurity he felt. He didn't know how he knew about it, but he could feel those sensations radiating off the boy.

"Actually, I was thinking about you." Krad turned to look at Daisuke as he spoke, blushing and trying to hide his face behind his loose red-coloured bangs. "You look... different." Krad looked at him puzzled and he explained, "for one, you haven't got your wings; I've never seen you without them. And your hair is different, shorter, I think; your eyes are different, too, they don't look cat-like anymore. Did something happen to you to make such drastic changes?"

"I--" Krad stuttered, "I thought you knew..."

Daisuke shook his head, he was truly clueless. The previous day, when he had found him lying unconscious in the altar, he hadn't listened to a single word he'd spoken nor seen him after transforming into Dark. Everything he knew was that Satoshi had died and now, after having been told the story, he understood it had been Satoshi's decision to kill himself. But the changes in Krad's appearance were evident and so, he felt the urge to ask about them. Still, Krad thought he knew; why would he know, did it have anything to do with him?

"I'm... a human."

Those simple words struck like a lightning bolt through his heart. Such a simple statement and yet he couldn't understand it. It was as if his brain refused to work; maybe it was his subconscious making fun of him. Whatever the reasons were, he had to ask for an explanation. Somehow, he couldn't imagine Krad, the angel-like demon, in the skin of an ordinary human.

Krad sat back on the couch and closed his eyes. His voice sounded calm though threatening to shatter any minute as he spoke. "As you probably know already, there are two ways of ending both the Niwa and the Hikari curses," Daisuke nodded. "Very well, um, our case is different from yours; to rid himself off the curse -that is to say, me- the tamer has to sacrifice himself, there is no other way. However," the blond paused to collect his thoughts. "The tamer has the option of making a ritual in which he sacrifices his body for the curse to possess. Of course, no one ever did something like this, even when they knew it was the only, definite way to defeat me, so to speak." Daisuke's brain still refused to work, making him look confused. Krad carried on with the last part of his explanation. "Once the curse possesses the body, he loses all of his powers, becoming a human and no longer a threat for anyone." Krad opened his honey-coloured eyes and finally met Daisuke's gaze. His eyes betrayed sincerity and sadness, the glassy-looking orbs a perfect picture of helplessness. "That is what I've become, a human. There is no longer a curse bonding me to the Hikaris, I've been freed."

"Satoshi..." Daisuke babbled to himself, letting Krad hear him. "Satoshi did this... why?"

"That is what I've been asking myself since yesterday. Why?"

The two of them remained silent, as they watched the afternoon sun settle in the horizon. They've been sitting in that couch for hours, Dark probably suspected about his departure. He had to go, yet he wished he could stay forever like this, simply listening to Krad speak. This mere sensation was all he needed to understand what he felt about the boy; he was truly in love. Looking back at Krad who had once again closed his eyes, he told him sincerely, "even though I loved Satoshi as a friend and I'm really hurt about his decision..." Krad opened his eyes and looked at him, anxiety evident on his face; he was curious to find out what the redhead had to say. "I'm glad you are now free."

The words fell like a blanket of hope on Krad's body, embracing him in warmth. For the first time in his long existence, someone was glad he was alive; he was no longer a curse, but a person. Daisuke told him what Satoshi would have; someone cared for him. His mood suddenly cracked and he shed tears of anguish for all the people he'd hurt through the years. He cried for all the beings that had borne his spirit and specially, he cried for Daisuke, whom he'd once tried to kill. The one he'd considered a threat and an unwanted burden was the one who now made him feel wanted and special. He was the one who had brought light to his monochromatic life. "Thank you," he said, unashamedly showing his tears to the boy.

Daisuke smiled, he nodded and stood up, ready to leave. He was already at the door when he turned on his back and marched up to where Krad was sitting. The blond backed away in apprehension as Daisuke leaned in to kiss him. Their lips touched briefly and as soft as silk, aggressive and loaded with their feelings of sadness and despair. Without saying a word and leaving Krad stunned beyond words, the redhead walked away from the apartment.

Krad touched his lips with his fingers, the faint taste of almonds vivid in his mind. Daisuke had kissed him, so that meant he loved him. Not only he cared about him, but he also loved him. It was overwhelming, Krad decided, to have so many revelations thrown at his face in only one day. Yet, as he tried to rid his mind of all thoughts, he found he couldn't stop thinking about it all. He couldn't even tear his fingers from the spot in which he'd been kissed. Such a short but sweet gift from the one he had fallen in love with was enough to make everything seem unimportant. Even Satoshi's death, though still an unhealed wound, seemed a distant echo when compared to this. If being a human meant to feel things so strongly and devotedly, he was glad he'd become one.

-o-

When Daisuke arrived home, he wasn't surprised to find a certain purple-haired boy standing by the door and looking worried. He briefly considered running away back to Krad's apartment, but dismissed the idea, thinking that would only make things worse. Sighing, he took each painful step to where Dark was, hoping he wouldn't be too angry with him. He wasn't sure why he cared whether or not Dark was angry; after all, he'd already decided to start caring about himself and not everyone else as he usually did. But then again, he didn't know whether Dark was angry or hurt; if it were the second option, he wasn't sure he'd be able to respond properly.

"You went to see him, didn't you?" Dark asked without even lifting his gaze from the floor. He looked calm, though he kept and edgy tone to his voice. Even though he tried to hide his face, Daisuke could see the tearstains on his pale cheeks, his perfect skin tainted with salty liquid. It seemed surreal to be seeing Dark Mousy crying; yet, he knew better than anyone that those tears were true and that they had a reason to flow.

Daisuke hadn't answered to his question, giving Dark all the information he needed. He had done what he did only for Daisuke, yet the boy hadn't noticed. He'd bared himself of his essence, given the boy his freedom but all for nothing. Daisuke only cared about Krad, while he was left with a feeling of regret and his hands empty; there would never be someone to hold him while he cried, he thought, since the only one he'd ever truly wanted was the one that would never love him back.

"I'm not going to interfere anymore," he told Daisuke bitterly. "However, I am going to ask you to give me a chance; you've already listened to what he had to say, it's only fair you listen to me as well." Daisuke nodded and did his best to refrain from running away in panic. Suddenly tired, he sat on the steps to his door, Dark following his moves and sitting next to him.

"I've already told you I love you," Dark started saying, "and I already told you what I think of him," Daisuke nodded. "You know me better than anyone else ever did, so there isn't much I can tell you. There is only one thing you don't know about me and I can only show it you. After that, you're free to make your decision; I'll never interfere again." Daisuke nodded again, curious as to what the kaitô wanted to show him. Apologising in a low, almost inaudible whisper, Dark closed the space between them and, doing what he does best, locked his lips with Daisuke's stealing a kiss from him.

'So... this is what he wanted to show me,' Daisuke thought while being kissed. 'I can tell by the sweetness of his touch that all of his feelings are true and that he never tried to hurt me. Everything he wanted from the beginning was to be with me and see me happy; but, of course, he wanted to be the one to make me happy. Still, my heart has been taken and even though he tastes of heaven itself, such blissful sensation I could lose myself in, I cannot let this happen. I have to make up my mind and he needs to know.'

Pulling apart, Daisuke licked his lips and tried to speak. But before he could utter a single word, Dark placed a finger on his lips and told him not to say anything. He held his gaze for a moment, before looking away and standing up. He rubbed his sleeve over his eyes to dry them off; he'd been crying again, Daisuke noticed. He stood up as well and gently placed an arm over Dark's shoulder in a soothing way. Dark pulled away from the touch and with a hurt, glassy stare, addressed the boy. "Tomorrow I'm going to steal the Oni to Tenshi painting," he said, "you can tell me about your decision then." With that, he headed for the door and opened it, leaving it ajar for Daisuke to enter the house as well.

-o-o-o- Ooooooh, what's going to happen? Only I know, but you'll find out eventually. This story is really short, next chapter's the last one. After that, there's an epilogue. And after that there's another fic. I love writing... I'm not really good at it, but I like it a lot. Ah, anyway... hey, I really hope you liked this and, as usual, I expect your reviews, okay? See you next week, ja ne!!

KageKitsune16: here you have it, more angsty crap for your enjoying pleasure
Staryday: I'm glad you liked that scene... I liked it too
Felicity Dream: ohhh... things happen... this is crazy...
Darkness Rising: the manga is the best thing I've ever read