Summary: The second part in a companion piece.  Tables are turned and Fai thinks a lot (OOC perhaps...).  Like the first, not a lot of action.  A few spoilers up to chapitre 50.

Disclaimer: All belongs to CLAMP.  Poor, angst-ridden fangirl that I am, can only dream about things that CLAMP doesn't disclose.  Like Fai and Kurogane.  So if you don't like that thought, don't hurt your brain.

Hope you enjoy.

Kurogane

I knew Kurogane hated me the most. He was strong, brave, and would have stayed to face his future. I ran away. It seemed to be a personal insult to him for some reason. I didn't let it get to me though. Syaoran-kun was a dear. He was so determined to save his princess's life that no matter what was said, he took it seriously; as if it may or may not help him in his quest. I liked Syaoran-kun immediately. The boy was absolutely steadfast and nothing got him down.

I sighed wistfully. His princess must be wonderful, to inspire such devotion. I had a feeling I would like the princess too when she awoke. I loved Mokona. He and I could play off of each other without end, much to Kuro-mii's chagrin. Even more to his displeasure that our antics were usually directed at him. I couldn't help teasing him though. Ashura-ou always told me that people expressed their feelings in different ways. He loved me and used me. But he insisted that it was still love. I'd started teasing Kuro-chan simply because he was the epitome of a gruff, and humorless man. But my teasing changed as we traveled; I now teased in order to express how I felt without the risk of being pummeled.

I saw Kuro-pii's resolve crumbling, even as he strove to bury it. He now hovered close to Sakura-chan's side whenever Syaoran-kun wasn't. He didn't yell at Mokona for hiding in his clothes as much. He actually looked out for Syaoran-kun. And...he didn't hate me. He saved me, in fact. At the kiishimu's place, I was caught completely off guard when that water changed shape to come in at the sides as well. It wasn't the nicest life-saving ever, but he didn't exactly have a lot of time to think.

That thought makes me smile. He saved me without a second's hesitation. I clung to the belief that if he really hated me, he wouldn't have saved me like that. But then he admitted to hating me when we were attacked in Outo Country. I heard him cry out for me as I got blasted into the ground. He proceeded to obliterate them in one fell swoop. It turned his sword into dust, his attack was so powerful. Then came the lecture.

It was spawned from fear. I could see it behind his angry, crimson eyes. He had been scared for someone for the first time in his life; and that made him angrier. I understood what he was saying. I surely was not living life as someone should. I was running away and hiding my own true nature away. The rational part of my brain realized this speech for what it was: a well-hidden plea for me to be myself instead of hiding behind a façade. But I'd been in pain and suffering from a little shock, so I took it at face value: he hated me the most.

Inside the bar, we had to wait for the owner to finish her song so that we could talk to her. She had a beautiful voice and sang an even more beautiful song. I wanted to be taken away and protected. Throughout my life I've never felt safe; even Ashura-ou who had said that he would take care of me. I suppose I was quite naive when I believed him. I'm sure Kuro-myuu hated me even more for that tidbit. I didn't even notice that he never responded.

Yet, I couldn't shake that hope that he really didn't. I don't remember too much about later that night, save for the fact I was incredibly drunk. I do remember being carried to my bed on Kurogane's shoulder. I'd felt quite helpless then, dangling in his arms. Arms that were built quite solidly and had more than likely destroyed a few lives or so in the past now held me gently against him. My sake-marinated brain pondered on how much of an oxymoron this man was. He was like a loaf of hearth-baked bread; crusty, tough, and hard on the outside, but inside, soft and tasty. Tasty? Oh I needed to sleep this off. I was comparing Kuro-wan-chan to bread.

I felt him move to put me down. But I didn't want to stop touching him yet.

"No!"

"Get the hell off me, dammit!" He tugged at my waist, but I'd latched onto his hakama with all the strength I had left. Which, being drunk, wasn't an awful lot.

He pried my hands off easily and slid me off his shoulder and onto my bed. My mind had pretty much given up and was now trying to sleep. I heard him turn to leave. But I wasn't done with him yet. I clutched suddenly at him, stopping him. He looked back at me, confused and apprehensive. My mind was clear now.

"Do you really hate me?"

He pondered the answer. Had I not known him as well as I did, I would have thought that he was actually deciding on how to tell me yes. But I knew that he was wondering whether or not to lie to me. He lies a lot. It's a defense mechanism, much like my smile. I know he's hiding something dark and cursed about himself, but I would never dream about pushing him to tell me; and he does the same for me.

"No."

I frowned. "But...before you said that you hated people like me the most..."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "No, you said that. I just didn't correct you. It's not that I hate you; I hate it when you aren't yourself. I have yet to see the real you. I can see whatever is left of it sometimes, but you crush it so quickly that I doubt it was even there."

The real me? But... "How do you know I'm not the real me?"

"I don't know," he said, reluctantly. "But I do. And...I want to know the real you."

Could I trust him that much? "Ashura-ou never wanted to know the real me..." I whispered. No one had after I had come under Ashura-ou's service. They assumed that my smiling, always laughing façade was the real me. It was to an extent. But it was very easy to use that part of myself to mask the pain I was in.

The Wanko team had gone to the Tower of Dwarves the next day, and I was left with Mokona and Sakura-chan. Mokona and I had a heart-to-heart toward the end of the day. He was right. I was lonely. I didn't want to be anymore; but I only wanted one person to keep me company. And I didn't think he would take too kindly to that. Even if we kept traveling, we might be nothing more than what we were now. I found myself pining for the touch of that brash and angry ninja.

I remember when we were fighting the kiishimu, I told him that I didn't want to die. I had done most everything in my mundane power to prevent it. But in the end, it was Kuro-chu who saved us. Even facing down Seishirou-san now, I couldn't bring myself to summon my powers. And Kuro-kun wasn't around to save me.

I wish I could have done something to reassure the others when I died and came back into that Amusement Park. I didn't want them to worry about me or anything. I knew Syaoran-kun would, because he cares about all of us. Mokona I knew was worried already. I'm sure Sakura-chan was still sleeping, so she wouldn't have to deal with it. I didn't know how Kuro-puu would react.

While I waited for the others, I met with Chitose-san, the owner of Fairy Park. We got to look in on what was happening within the game I had just come from. Syaoran-kun and Kurogane had just come back to our café. Mokona told them that I was gone. To say I was shocked, would be an understatement; Kuro-ko reacted so strongly to the news. And he asked the strangest question: was I eaten by the demon? I didn't know exactly what to make of that.

"There is something about him," Chitose-san observed. "Had you seen him before, you would think so as well."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Did you know that he needs no light in order to see?" She looked at me.

What? Everyone needed light to see. Unless of course...

"This is also the second time he has been concerned about demons consuming people," she told me. "But don't come to any conclusions on your own. I'm sure he will tell you when he is ready."

I didn't understand what she had meant, but I hoped that she was right about whatever it was. I had always felt the scales were tipped in his favor since he could so easily read my concealed emotions. Now I felt that I had gained some knowledge about him that I otherwise wouldn't have known. But before I could ponder it too long, I was out to fetch Syaoran-kun from his Dream Capsule.

The game malfunctioned after that and everyone was back in reality. Kuro-wan was in the middle of a fight with that Seishirou-san, looking as if he had to avenge lives. He saw me immediately though. It surprised me the amount of relief that I saw pass behind his eyes. Was he worried too? Then he saw Syaoran-kun and I knew that he'd come to care about all of us.

Mokona took us away from there, after that. We now found ourselves in a land of huge trees and warm weather. Syaoran took Sakura-chan and went to situate her on a flat part of the tree trunk; Mokona went with him. Kuro-tan and I were now alone. He practically radiated nervous energy.

"Something wrong, Kuro-chii?" I asked him.

He glared at me out of the corner of his eye and didn't say anything. Teasing Kuro-rin when he was being obstinate was always a good time.

"Being shy again, are we?" I grinned, poking his arm.

"Leave me alone," he muttered.

I knew he meant figuratively, as in 'stop talking to me, bastard,' but I decided to take it literally. If I played my cards right, I might be able to figure out if he actually did care about all of us. "But I don't think you really want to be alone," I said. "You've changed since we all first met."

"No, I haven't."

Yes, you have. "I see it. You'd like to think you hide it well enough, but I saw how you reacted when you saw Syaoran-kun and me. And I know why you're scared." I saw him frown deeply. "You've never actually cared for anyone before, have you?"

His eyes widened almost imperceptibly and his entire body went stiff. I moved from his side to stand in front of him, attempting to catch his eyes. "It's not bad, Kurogane." He looked away, but didn't move. I laid a hand on his elbow and with my other, cupped his jaw lightly, turning him back to me. I didn't take my hands away and met his tormented, confused eyes. "It's okay to care for people."

He jerked away and turned his back to me. "It is a weakness," I barely heard his voice.

I took his hand gently, my own voice scarcely above a whisper. "Everyone needs weaknesses then."

I've never felt that before" he said. "And I hated it."

"No one likes it when something bad happens to those they care for," I said, coming around him to look in his eyes again. "But it's worth it."

"How do you know?" I could hardly hear him.

"I've cared for people before," I said, looking away. I looked back into his eyes then. "I care for people now too." I closed my eyes and let my voice wander. "And love...loving someone is even better. It's like you're floating on air. It's a wonderful feeling. Even if the one you love uses you..."

I could feel his disbelieving stare on me. I'd let my mind wander too far though, and I couldn't look at him. I'd only been a tool to Ashura-ou. He'd said he loved me; he was the one who insisted that my magic be inhibited by that tattoo. He said I couldn't handle that much power. He said it was for my own good. It hurt so much to think about him; what happened between us.

A rough, calloused hand gently tilted my chin upward. Too surprised to think, I opened my eyes again, trying to see through the tears that had gathered. Kuro looked so gentle and concerned. I don't know how I came to the realization that it was Kuro I wanted to be with, but I knew for certain in that moment. I knew he would never hurt me.

"No one who actually cares for you would abuse you," he said almost hesitantly; like he wasn't quite convinced he knew what he was talking about. "You shouldn't hurt the ones you care for..."

Was I even worth it anymore? I had been so emotionally beaten that I was afraid to be myself, even around those I now trusted. I don't know how I managed to voice my uncertainty.

The corner of his mouth lifted in a soft smile. "It doesn't matter what's happened," he murmured. "It's behind us. You're worthy of anything." He brushed a hand lightly through my hair. His eyes looked too gentle to be real. I could still see his confusion over his emotions shadowed there, but he seemed confident that he was doing the right thing, even if he still didn't understand all of it yet.

I smiled at him without reserve. I hadn't felt like this in a very long time. He made me feel like I was special; something Ashura-ou had never done. He believed in me, and thought that I was worthy of anything. Even had I not fallen for Kuro a while back, I would have at that point. I didn't want him to leave me.

He leaned down toward me; I don't think he even realized he was doing it. My heart shuddered at the possibilities of this next moment. I tilted my head slightly and reached up for him, letting my eyes fall close. He was so close then. I could feel him as we moved closer together.

"Kurogane and Fai look like they get along well now!"

My eyes flew open and I reeled backward, searching for the source of the voice. I saw Kuro lunge backward to look, wide-eyed, around as well. We both saw Mokona then, sitting on a branch nearby. He was grinning with his usual cheer.

"Don't be scared! It's only Mokona!" He jumped from his perch to my shoulder.

I couldn't help but smile at him. "We were just startled, Mokona, that's all."

"What were you doing?"

"We were just discussing weaknesses," I said, looking over at Kuro. He gazed at me, eyes a sea of roiling emotions. Among the other emotions that played, hidden from all except me, was yearning. I noticed it since it had found expression on his face. He and I both knew that opportunities to be as we were rarely happened. And to have it interrupted was heart wrenching. We had been so intimate; we had grown closer in those last few moments than we had this entire trip so far. I had wanted it to last forever.

"Oh. Well, Syaoran is out looking around and I'm here to see if you wanted to see what was around as well," Mokona said, never noticing Kuro's and my silent exchange.

I felt my smile fall back into place. I had been exposed longer than I had been since just after I came into Ashura-ou's service. My defenses were up again. "Of course we would!"

As we stood to move into the surrounding trees, I saw Kuro steal a significant look at me. And I knew that I couldn't fool him anymore.